The Berenstain Bears Camp Crush

by Stan

  Mr. Grizzmeyer went over and reached out to shake hands. But the visitors were too busy picking burs and stickers off their snappy outfits to notice. When Mr. G. leaned over to help them pick off the burs, they swatted his hand away. Still trying to be polite, Mr. Grizzmeyer offered to take them on a tour of the camp. Instead of following him, they rudely turned and disappeared back into the underbrush, in the direction of the road.

  Mr. Grizzmeyer was furious. “Did you see that? Did you see that?” he snarled. “Bunch of snobs! Creeps! Weirdos from another planet! Boys, there are exceptions to every rule. Tell Bertha Broom to start warming up. And tell your tennis friends they’d better win those mixed doubles!” Then he went into his office and slammed the door so hard the building shook.

  Chapter 14

  It May Be a Quagmire, but It’s Our Quagmire

  By the next morning, word had spread that a group from Camp Sunshine had insulted Camp Grizzmeyer. The insult made everyone in camp more determined than ever to beat the pants off those snooty camps down the mountain.

  Mr. Grizzmeyer didn’t like bending his rule. But he felt he had improved his softball and tennis teams’ chances in the Games. Now he had to work on his sport: basketball. He had the beginnings of a team. Brother Bear was a first-rate point guard, and a couple of Big Bear City cubs looked good. But he had to find a big tough center. Without one, his team wouldn’t have a chance.

  Mrs. Grizzmeyer had a problem on her mind too: the musical show. It seemed to her that separating boys and girls in a musical show was even dumber than separating them on sports teams. And there wasn’t much time left to start putting the show together.

  But two things happened at breakfast one day that would help the Grizzmeyers solve their problems. First, somebody put fish heads in the cornflakes. Second, Ferdy Factual handed Mrs. Grizzmeyer a complete script for the musical show. He and Trudy had written it during the Saturday night dances.

  “E-E-EEK!” screamed Sister. “There’s something awful in the cornflakes!”

  “It’s fish heads,” said Babs.

  Mr. Grizzmeyer leaped up. “If the camper that did this prank comes forward,” he roared, “I might go easy. If the camper does not come forward, I’ll smash him like a bug!” Then he hit the table so hard it knocked over the cornflakes and more fish heads came out.

  When nobody came forward, Mr. Grizzmeyer stormed out of the mess hall in a fury.

  While the mess hall was still buzzing about the prank, Mrs. Grizzmeyer made a decision. If her husband could break the rules, she could too. She announced that show tryouts would start in the rec hall in half an hour. Boys and girls would be welcome.

  The tryouts got under way and went well. Brother, Bonnie, and the other campers were amazed at Ferdy and Trudy’s script.

  “I don’t know why you’re all so surprised,” said Ferdy. “It’s well established that musical talent and mathematical ability reside in the same portion of the brain.”

  “Precisely,” said Trudy. “There’s a good deal of well-founded research on this matter.”

  Meanwhile, Queenie was at the mike belting out one of the show’s songs while Mrs. Grizzmeyer pounded on the piano.

  Then, at lunch, a second prank happened. Someone put big round white stones in with the boiled potatoes. When Mr. Grizzmeyer tried to cut one, it jumped off his plate and fell to the floor with a loud KNOCK! Mr. G. didn’t jump up this time. He just got red in the face and glared.

  Chapter 15

  The Prankster Strikes Again—Big Time!

  Brother’s group was jogging to the mess hall for breakfast when they saw Mr. Grizzmeyer’s striped pajama bottoms flying at the top of the camp flagpole. The prankster had struck again.

  A furious Mr. G. was at the foot of the flagpole with some counselors. He was showing them something that looked like a hat. The counselors were trying hard to keep from laughing. Brother’s group and the other cubs weren’t even trying. They were doubled over, flopping around on the ground laughing. Even Counselor Mike, who had been in a bad mood lately, was laughing. Finally, Mr. Grizzmeyer dropped the hat and led the counselors into the woods.

  “Say,” said Queenie, “I’d know that hat anywhere. It’s Too-Tall’s!”

  Within seconds, Mr. Grizzmeyer and the counselors were dragging Too-Tall and the gang out of the woods.

  “I think he was just lonesome with nobody to beat up,” said Cousin Fred.

  “It’s so romantic,” said Queenie. “He must have missed me terribly. Hey, Too-Tall! How’d you get here?”

  “Bikes!” he called. “We left them in the woods with those other two bikes!”

  Other bikes? thought Brother. What other bikes? In spite of himself, Brother was glad to see Too-Tall and the gang. An idea was beginning to form in his mind.

  Brother walked over to the office, where Mr. Grizzmeyer had taken the pranksters. He knocked on the door. When Mr. Grizzmeyer stuck his head out, Brother said, “Sir, I just wanted to remind you that you’ve got a really good basketball center in your office. Not to mention two starting forwards and a shooting guard.”

  After a long pause, Mr. Grizzmeyer said, “So I do! So I do!”

  It didn’t take Mr. Grizzmeyer long to figure out how to bring Too-Tall and the gang into camp. He offered them a choice they could hardly refuse. Choice one: they would be turned over to the mountain police for trespassing, theft, and malicious mischief. Choice two: they could accept scholarships to Camp Grizzmeyer for the last few days of the season and play on the camp’s basketball team.

  Of course, Too-Tall chose the scholarships. Mr. Grizzmeyer called the cubs’ parents with the news. Then he assigned Too-Tall and the gang to Cabin 1 so they could be with their “friends.”

  Chapter 16

  Stunning News

  A couple of evenings later, Cousin Fred was giving out the day’s mail.

  “Here’s one for you, Barry,” he said. “Here’s one for Brother. And here’s one for . . . hmm. This one must have gotten in the wrong pile. It should have gone to the office. It’s for Mr. Mervyn Grizzmeyer . . . Junior?”

  “I’ll take it,” said Counselor Mike. “It’s something I’ve been expecting.”

  “Does that mean what I think it means?” gasped Fred.

  The big counselor sighed. “Yep. That’s what it means. I’m his son.”

  “Mr. Grizzmeyer’s your dad?”

  “He’s my dad. And I’m his son. And Mrs. G. is my mom. Mike’s a nickname.”

  The cubs were stunned. And before they could say anything, Mike hit them with an even bigger stunner.

  “This very important piece of mail just happens to be a marriage license,” he said, holding it up for them to see. “Margie and I are going to get married tonight. It’s all arranged with the local justice of the peace. Those two other bikes Too-Tall mentioned are Margie’s and mine.”

  “Mike, you’re grown and I’m just a cub,” said Brother. “But are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”

  “I feel really bad about my mom,” said Mike. “I’ve left her a note. As for my dad, I love him and I’m sure he loves me. But he’s dead set against Margie and me getting married. Says we’re too young, too immature. But, hey, enough said. As soon as it’s a little darker, I’m outta here, and Margie and I are on our bikes and down the mountain to that little old justice of the peace.”

  “But the All-Camp Games start tomorrow,” said Brother. “And what about bed check? It could be your dad checking tonight.”

  “I’m sorry to be missing the All-Camp Games,” said Mike. “But you’ll do fine. As for bed check . . .” He shined his flashlight on his cot, and . . . there was somebody in it! “It’s a bed dummy,” he said. “Made of straw and stuff.”

  “But what if Mr. G. does bed check and isn’t fooled?” said Cousin Fred.

  “Hey, relax,” said Mike. “There’s no way he can blame you. Dad’s tough, but he’s not unfair. Look, it’s been great knowing you guys. So wish me luck.”

>   The big counselor slipped his backpack on and went out into the night.

  “Good luck . . . ,” said the cubs. But Counselor Mike had already disappeared into the darkness.

  What Brother and the others feared most was exactly what happened. Mr. Grizzmeyer did do bed check that night, and he did catch on to the bed dummy. He might not have, except for some straw poking through the blanket. When he pulled back the covers and shined his flashlight on the bundle of straw and leaves, the cubs pretended even harder that they were sleeping. But instead of exploding with anger, Mike’s father sat on the edge of his son’s bed for a while. Then he left and walked slowly back down the road without even checking the other boys’ cabins.

  Chapter 17

  Hitchhikers

  By the next morning, word had spread that Mike and Margie had run off and gotten married. For most of the camp it was big news—for about ten minutes. That was because the really big news was the All-Camp Games. It wasn’t like that for the cubs from Bear Country School who were in Mike’s and Margie’s cabins. And, of course, it wasn’t like that for Mr. and Mrs. Grizzmeyer. Mr. Grizzmeyer was more sad and shaken than angry. Mrs. Grizzmeyer was more worried about Mr. G. than about Mike and Margie. Sure, she would have liked a big Bear Country wedding. But you can’t have everything. After all, she and Mr. Grizzmeyer had married young. Their marriage had worked out fine.

  But for most of the campers and counselors, the big news and excitement were about the All-Camp Games. And the old bus was part of that excitement. It had a bright new coat of yellow paint. In big letters on its side, it said “GRIZZMEYER—CAMP OF WINNERS!”

  “Okay, gang!” shouted Counselor Max. “We’ll show those Sunshiners and those other snooty camps! Into the bus!”

  Brother and Bonnie sat near the front of the bus, just behind Mrs. Grizzmeyer. Mr. Grizzmeyer was the driver.

  “Look!” shouted Brother as the bus rumbled down the mountain road. “Hitchhikers!”

  Just down the road were two hitchhikers standing at the side of the road—and they had bikes!

  “Stop the bus!” shouted Mrs. Grizzmeyer. “It’s Mike and Margie!”

  “Well, I don’t know,” grumbled her husband, not even slowing down.

  “Stop the bus, dear,” said Mrs. Grizzmeyer, quietly but firmly.

  Mr. G. stopped. Mike and Margie tied their bikes to the bus and got on.

  “Max,” called Mrs. Grizzmeyer. “Take over the driving. We have to talk. Mike, you sit with your father. I’ll sit with Margie.”

  “It’s like a soap opera,” said Queenie. “Only it’s real!” Bonnie shushed her.

  “I don’t see a wedding ring,” said Mrs. Grizzmeyer.

  “That’s because there was no wedding,” said Margie.

  “No wedding?” said Mr. Grizzmeyer. “But, but . . .”

  “Easy, Dad,” said Mike. “Margie will tell you all about it.”

  Mike and Margie traded seats. After a deep breath, Margie said, “It was like this. As we biked down the mountain, we were determined to get married. But when we got to the justice of the peace, the whole idea of running away began to worry me. I started thinking maybe we should tell our families first and get married later when they could be present. Now I’m not even sure about that . . . maybe we aren’t even mature enough to get married . . .”

  “Margie, dear,” said Mr. Grizzmeyer. “What you just told me proved I was wrong. You are mature enough to get married. Have you set a date yet?”

  “We were thinking of November,” said Margie. “You know, a sort of harvest moon wedding.”

  The busload of cubs had been listening in complete silence. Now they broke into a loud cheer.

  “That’ll be enough of that!” snapped Mervyn “Bullhorn” Grizzmeyer. “We’ve got the All-Camp Games to win. So save your cheering.”

  Chapter 18

  The All-Camp Games—At Last

  As the Grizzmeyer bus rolled into Camp Sunshine, it was clear that something big was happening. Buses were pulling into the parking lot. Flags were flying. Groups of campers were marching to and fro.

  There were four camps entered in the All-Camp Games: Camp Sunshine, Camp Blue Mountain, Camp Hilltop, and Camp Grizzmeyer. There were four events: softball, tennis, basketball, and the musical presentation. The All-Camp Games would be scored as follows: four points for a first-place finish, three for a second, two for a third, and one for a fourth. The camp with the most overall points would win the Games.

  There was a fanfare from the camp buglers, and the games were under way!

  At first it looked like the Grizzmeyer softballers were going to breeze. There was only one problem. Bertha Broom’s windmill pitch was so fast that the umpire couldn’t see it any better than the batters and called a few walks. One of those walks was on base when a Sunshine batter decided to just close his eyes and swing. He got lucky and connected. The result was an out-of-sight home run, and a 2-1 win for Camp Sunshine.

  Camp Grizzmeyer’s tennis team also looked like it was going to breeze—and it did. The other camps were no match for Bonnie, Queenie, and two hard-serving boys from Big Bear City.

  Camp Grizzmeyer’s basketball team went into the All-Camp Games with Brother at point guard, Too-Tall at center, and gang members Skuzz, Smirk, and Vinnie in support. They were clearly the most talented squad in the Games. But one of Too-Tall’s special talents—playing dirty—got him fouled out in all but one game. The basketball team finished in third place.

  After the first three events, Camp Sunshine was in the lead with nine points. Camp Grizzmeyer was second with seven points. The way it was working out, the musical show would make the difference in who won the All-Camp Games—snooty Camp Sunshine or rough-and-ready Camp Grizzmeyer.

  The Sunshine theater was jam-packed with campers and counselors from all four camps. Mr. Grizzmeyer’s mind was jam-packed—too jam-packed—with thoughts of all the confusing and surprising things that had been happening: Mike and Margie running off to get married, then coming back not married; putting boys and girls on the same teams; putting together a great basketball team and losing. Mr. Grizzmeyer was so deep in thought he hardly noticed that the musical shows were going on.

  Until, that is, the Camp Grizzmeyer show started. He knew right away he was going to hate it. It started with Babs Bruno coming onstage holding a sign. The sign said, “Camp Quagmire, We Love You! Words and Music by Ferdy Factual and Trudy Brunowitz.”

  Camp Quagmire, thought Mr. Grizzmeyer. Why, those rotten little cubs. Who do they think they are?

  A titter from the audience made him that much angrier. Mr. Brunini, conductor of the Bear Country Orchestra, was all smiles. He was there to judge the musical shows. Mr. Grizzmeyer folded his arms and sat back, ready to hate the show.

  But it didn’t quite work out that way.

  We love you, dear Camp Quagmire,

  the place where we are stuck.

  We love you, dear Camp Quagmire.

  We love your mire and muck.

  There’s a lovely lake at Quagmire,

  it said in the brochure.

  Where, unless you’re careful,

  you’ll catch fish without a lure.

  Fish so mean and ugly,

  with teeth down to their tails.

  But they are not so bad as

  those slimy water snails.

  We love you, dear Camp Quagmire,

  a camp just round the bend.

  We love you, dear Camp Quagmire,

  but please, please—let this summer end!

  It’s terrific at Camp Quagmire,

  you may be very sure.

  It’s super-great and up-to-date,

  it said in the brochure.

  With insects that could frighten

  the monster from Loch Ness.

  And consider, please, our mess hall,

  it really is a mess!

  We love you,

  dear Camp Quagmire,

  a place of joy and bliss,

&
nbsp; where each night

  we write our parents,

  “I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!”

  Now that our little number

  is very nearly done,

  we hope you’ll understand

  our jokes are all in fun.

  We’ve grown to love

  Camp Quag-Grizzmeyer.

  We hold it very dear.

  And so we all are planning

  to come back again next year!

  P.S., Mr. Grizzmeyer:

  Though we’re girls and boys,

  we’re cubs all of a feather.

  So we beg you, Mr. Grizzmeyer,

  let us get together.

  Mr. Grizzmeyer tried his very best to hate the show. But try as he might, he just couldn’t. It was so funny, so charming, and at the end so sweet, that he ended up loving it.

  So did Mr. Brunini. “Camp Quagmire, We Love You!” came in first, which made Camp Grizzmeyer the overall winner. It was the first time in history that a first-year camp had won the All-Camp Games.

  On the ride back to camp, the bus was filled with happy campers, happy counselors, and happy Grizzmeyers. When they arrived, Mr. G. called an all-camp meeting and announced that next summer things would be different. Separate boys’ and girls’ camps would be a thing of the past.

  And that evening, at the big Farewell Dance that marked the end of the camp season, there were no big bands, no country music, and no waltzes. As the whole camp, including Mr. and Mrs. Grizzmeyer, rocked to the beat of disc jockey Queenie McBear’s rock-’n’-roll tapes, everyone knew that Camp Grizzmeyer would never be the same.

  Excerpt from The Berenstain Bear Scouts and the Magic Crystal Caper

  • Chapter 1 •