A Lady in Attendance

by Rachel Fordham

  “No.” He shook his head. “No.”

  “No?” She lifted her head and looked at him. What was he trying to say?

  Once more he lifted his hand to her face, and then it fell to the bed. Anguish followed, tormenting her.

  “No!” she shrieked. “No! You can’t die.”

  “Hazel.” Ina was beside her. “Wake up, you’re dreaming.”

  Dreams and reality blurred together as she struggled to open her eyes. The hotel room came into focus, and Ina was beside her. But her dream, it’d been a replaying of that horrible night. It’d been so real, so vivid.

  “I’m sorry.” Hazel curled her legs tight against herself. “Going back to the house made me remember. And I have his journal in my bag. I’m afraid to read it. When I do, I might discover how he really felt about me.”

  “Perhaps he cared more than you knew. There might even be clues that will help us.” Ina covered a yawn.

  Hazel rubbed her arms. “I don’t expect to find any clues in his journal. He was too smart to leave important information lying around, and his journal was right in the desk drawer.” She blinked, hoping her eyes would adjust and she’d be able to see better in the dim room. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you weren’t alone.” Ina moved closer and patted Hazel’s arm. “What was it like? Being married. Living in that house.”

  “It was uncomfortable at first. I hated how we’d ended up together, and so did he. But with time we figured out how to get through the day side by side. He was a good man. I learned that much about him.” Hazel’s mind kept wandering back to the house, back to before. “I remember how much it hurt when he died. Oh, Ina, it hurt so bad.”

  Ina put an arm around her. “Shhh . . .”

  “I never even got to hear him tell me he loved me. I’ve always wondered if he did or if he still hated that our fathers had insisted we marry. I tried so hard to be a good wife. Not right away, but when the anger softened, I did. I came to care for him, and then he was gone.” She wiped at the tears that ran from her eyes. “It feels like a strange dream. I know I lived it, but it was so long ago. All that’s left is the pain and the questions and the guilt.”

  “He may have died anyway. You had no part in his going to the docks.” Ina soothed her in an almost motherly way. “Tell me something good about being married to him. Not just the regrets.”

  “Well . . . he had a wonderful laugh. I would go to great lengths to hear it. One day he laughed without me coaxing it from him, and I believed that we’d become friends.”

  “And did you laugh with him?”

  Had she laughed with him? “I’ve never thought about it, but I believe I smiled and laughed along with him.”

  “A home full of laughter does not sound like a life he would regret. He may not have said it, but don’t you believe he was happy?” Ina rubbed her friend’s back. “Surely he was not so good an actor that he could pretend such things day in and day out.”

  Hazel nodded. “I want to believe that, but . . .”

  “Your life is good now, and you’re doing what you can to sort out the past. With the good Lord’s mercy, a bright future can be ahead for you.” Ina patted her back. “I hope someday to have a home of laughter. Don’t regret that. That part at least is a happy chapter. It’s what we all yearn for.”

  “I’ve seen Duncan laugh and smile around you. And we all saw the moment of passion you shared before we left.” Hazel turned toward her friend. “I did not expect Duncan to be so bold.”

  “My heart raced for hours after that.” Ina clasped her hand to her heart. “It was the most romantic moment of my life. It was just a little kiss, but I could feel so much from it.” Like a schoolgirl, she asked, “What is your most romantic moment?”

  Hazel thought of all the stolen kisses, but those kisses no longer equated to romance. She thought of Nathaniel and her months of marriage that ended prematurely. “I believe it was when Gilbert walked across the barn floor with the red ear of corn in his hand. My heart stood still in that moment.”

  “Go back to sleep and think of Gilbert with his red ear of corn. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.” Ina curled back up on her side of the bed. Into the darkness she said, “I think Nathaniel would want you to be happy. I think he’d want you laughing again.”

  When Hazel settled back down, she closed her eyes and pictured Nathaniel’s smiling face as she drifted off to sleep. And for one brief moment, she was convinced she heard his laughter.

  “Duncan took the folder we found and went to speak to his friend the lawyer,” Gilbert said to Hazel over breakfast in the hotel’s dining room the next morning.

  “What did he find in it?”

  “Lists of officers, cargo lists, notes. Mostly dates and things Nathaniel had observed. The folder won’t put anyone behind bars by itself, but it will serve as evidence once we put a few more pieces together.” A man brought a plate and set it in front of Gilbert. He waited to eat until Hazel had a plate set in front of her. “Ina went along with him, and he has agreed to escort her while she shops afterward.”

  “They went shopping together?” Hazel raised a brow. “She didn’t mention it when she snuck off this morning. All she said was that it was early and I ought to keep sleeping.”

  “I saw her before they left. She said you had a rough night.”

  “I’m not prone to nightmares, but last night I kept seeing Nathaniel’s broken body.” She picked up her fork and knife and cut into the thick slice of ham on her plate. “I didn’t mean to get up so late. I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to be so strong.” He set down his fork and seemed to let his full attention rest on her. “Death in any form is unpleasant, but you lost someone you cared deeply for and in a terrible way. That’s the hardest of all.”

  “This was the first night I’ve seen his face so clearly in years. I can’t explain it exactly, but I could feel what it felt like to watch him die. It was terrifying, just as it was that night.”

  “I’m glad Ina was there.”

  “She’s a true friend.” Hazel smiled, feeling more comfortable now that the topic had shifted. “I can’t believe she’s gone shopping with Duncan.”

  “Would you not want to shop with a man?”

  “No, it’s not that. I’m just surprised that there are men who would want to go shopping with a woman. I’m glad though. Ina is very frugal but has her heart set on a new dress.”

  He buttered a biscuit. “I’d shop with a woman if I cared for her. It seems to me that if a man cares for a woman, then what matters to her would also matter to him. Maybe not in the same way it does to her, but he still would care.”

  “Hmm.” She looked skeptically at him. “But what if she loves embroidery or something dull like that? Would you take it up?”

  “I don’t know if I’d have a knack for it, but I could still find it important. I’d love what she creates, just like I’d hope she’d love my painting and my passion for it.” A crumb stuck to the bottom of his lip. He brushed at it with a napkin. “I believe genuine love can create genuine interest.”

  “I have no doubt many women would be genuinely interested in your painting, among other things.” Hazel smiled again. “Where’s Eddie?”

  “Eddie has gone to visit his old friends.”

  “His friends?” She raised an eyebrow, but let it go. There were more pressing matters than Eddie and his shenanigans. “What will you do today?”

  “This afternoon we will all be meeting to discuss what we’ve found and decide how to best use the rest of our time here. I thought this morning if you had no plans, we could go down to the docks and see if we can discover anything there. Catch a glimpse of the Sally Belle.”

  “The docks can be dangerous.”

  “We’ll go together, and it’s during the day. Duncan told me the Sally Belle is there now. She’s docked. It seems like the perfect chance.” He wiped his face with his napkin. “I know it’s been a long
time, but some crew members may be the same. Maybe what we are looking for is still there. It’s worth a try.”

  “Very well.” She pushed her plate away. “I’m finished.”

  Gilbert looked at her quizzically, then shoveled the rest of his breakfast into his mouth. Despite her insistence she pay for herself, Gilbert paid for breakfast, then offered his arm.

  “Where did you live? Before you were married,” he asked once they stepped out onto the street full of couples, working men, and children. Buffalo lacked the quiet serenity of Amherst, but it had its own bustling charm to be found in its constant movement. “Was your home close to here?”

  “Yes, it was near here. I’ve walked all these streets many times before.” She slowed and pointed. “See there, that house belonged to a girl just older than me, and the one next to it was owned by a prominent banker.” She pressed a hand to her heart. “I was homesick before, but now that I’m back, the desire to run home is so much stronger.” She sighed. “And then I recoil and wonder where I fit in this city and if I’ll ever be welcomed home again.”

  “I imagine those are all normal feelings. Wanting something and being afraid at the same time.”

  “There are good memories too. Every year when it first snowed, we would go outside and fill cups with fresh snow and then we’d stir in cream and sprinkle sugar on top and eat it.” She looked up at the sky, remembering the lacy flakes and the excitement they’d evoke. “Memories like that make my heart happy.”

  He grinned. “And when you have children, will you do the same?”

  “If I ever have children, I will. I’d like to take the good from my childhood and pass it on, and leave the bad behind. What about you? What will you do with your children? Do you have plans?”

  “I do now. I think I’ll help them eat sugar snow. I’ll also teach them to paint if they have a desire to learn, and I’ll find them a good teacher for the flute. Perhaps you can recommend one.” His eyes twinkled with mischief. How many quiet men had she overlooked, thinking they were dull when in truth they were simply more subtle?

  “I hear flute lessons are going for an extravagant price,” she responded. “It’s a shame, but even as a dentist, you’ll have a hard time affording them.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes.” She pulled her mouth into a playful frown. “Though it pains me to say so. The flute is a lovely instrument, and your home would be much happier filled with its sound. But it simply won’t be a possibility.”

  “There must be a way.” He put a hand on his chin and thought. “I suppose I must look for a wife who plays and could teach the youngsters. That would solve that problem of the extravagant fees. I think when the children were settled in their beds, I’d plead with her to play for me.” He stopped walking and asked in a voice that carried a hint of humor, “Do you know of any flute players who might be interested in a rather quiet dentist?”

  “Ha, you are hardly a quiet dentist.”

  Gilbert sighed. “Very well, do you know of any flute players who may be interested in a not-so-quiet dentist?”

  “I think Alberta might play.” Hazel struggled to keep a straight face. “Shall I inquire when she is in next?”

  “That will never do. I need one with red hair, and Alberta’s is not even a distant shade of red.”

  Hazel laughed out loud, bested by this man she’d once thought lacked a sense of humor. She broke stride and asked, “That seems an odd reason to reject a potential suitor. What difference does her hair make?”

  “It makes a great deal of difference.” Gilbert put a hand to his heart as he attempted a serious face. “My wife must have red hair. I could never even consider a woman with blonde or black hair. It would never do.”

  “Why?”

  He stepped closer, his body only inches from hers. The closeness unnerved her, excited her, and threatened to break her resolve. Remaining only friends with this man was the proper choice but certainly not the easy one.

  “I like the way red hair looks in the sunshine,” he said with a wink. “And if we are to go for walks on warm summer days together, then I’ll just have to find a wife with red hair.”

  “Oh.” Hazel’s voice squeaked from her like the sound of a mouse. She folded her arms across her chest to keep from wrapping them around Gilbert and telling him that her hair was nearly red and she played the flute and if he’d have her for a wife, they’d have a perfect life together. Foolish girl, she chided herself before pointing. “Down there. Do you see the large boat? That’s the Sally Belle.”

  He sighed before turning his eyes toward the rows of large ships. “What do Nathaniel’s parents use it for?”

  “They own that boat and several others. They run them up and down the Erie Canal and around the lakes. Crops, goods, I think they ship whatever people pay to have hauled.”

  “Why do you think Nathaniel mentioned it before his death?”

  “I’m not sure. But I believe something was being smuggled on the boat. It’s the only thing I can think of. Nathaniel was clever, but he was not cautious enough.” And she’d not protected him well enough. If they’d been happier, perhaps she could have begged him to stay home at night. But she’d hardly been in a position to make demands. “If only he’d been a little more guarded, things would be different.”

  “He sounds like a good man,” Gilbert said. “I’m sure you often wish it had gone differently.”

  “For Nathaniel’s sake, I wish he’d been more careful. I wish I could have stopped it.” She swallowed. This talking of what might have been was confounding. It was unfair to dwell on which path she’d rather walk, the one that led her to this moment or the one that could never be. Long-ago decisions had already dictated the outcome, and they could never be undone. “He should not have died the way he did. Of that I am most certain.”

  The sound of men yelling on the docks interrupted their conversation, pulling their attention away from each other and focusing it on the water. The Sally Belle swayed peacefully beside the commotion—a quiet onlooker. But was she an innocent bystander or did she have a secret?

  “Let’s get a closer look.” Gilbert led them toward the docks. “Maybe we can get onboard.”

  “No. It’s too dangerous.”

  “We’ll be discreet.”

  They walked near the massive ship, jumping when a man emerged carrying a load of rope. Hazel clung to Gilbert’s arm, stealing what strength she could from him. This was where Nathaniel came the night he died, where everything changed, she thought.

  “Do you work on that large ship?” Gilbert asked the man. “How is it? Traveling up and down the Erie Canal, I mean.”

  “I been sailing this same boat for years now. I don’t think much of it. It’s hardly the dangerous life of a sailor out to sea.” His long beard made it hard to read his expression, but his eyes seemed kind enough. “You two looking for something? If it’s a sailor you’re after, you won’t find many around here. We unloaded yesterday, so the men are off.” He looked at Hazel. “They’re just enjoying their time ashore.”

  “It’s not a sailor we’re after. We’re thinking of having goods shipped and thought coming to the docks was the right place to find a carrier.” Gilbert squeezed her hand as he lied. She’d never heard him tell an untruth, and though she knew he had good cause, she hated being the reason for it. “We’ve heard of the Sally Belle.”

  “What does she normally carry?” Hazel asked.

  “Whatever we’re told.” The man shifted the rope from one shoulder to the other. “If it can fit on the boat, we take it.”

  “Tell me, do you know the owner well? Is he an agreeable man?” she asked. Then she quickly added, “We’d prefer to work with an honest man.”

  “Don’t know him well myself, but he’s a hard worker, always keeping the schedule full. I’m sure he’d meet with you, but I don’t think he’s here today.”

  “Since we are here today, would it be much trouble for us to walk through the Sally Belle? I�
��ve always wanted to see the inside of a boat like her.” Hazel plastered a pretty smile on her face and feigned excitement. “If it’s not too much trouble, that is.”

  “Come along, we don’t want to bother him.” Gilbert tugged on her hand, turning her away from the boats. “He’s busy working.”

  “But I’ve wanted to for so long.” Hazel allowed a little pout to enter her voice. “You know I’ve wanted so badly to board a ship like this.”

  “It’s no trouble,” the man said. “I’ve got to deliver this load, but you can go aboard. Walk around, and I’ll be back shortly to answer your questions.”

  “That’d be lovely.” Hazel clasped her hands together and smiled at the sailor.

  Gilbert winked at her as they crossed the gangplank onto the ship. “We do make a good team.”

  “I never thought you’d be able to pull off a deception so well.” The boat was large, but not tall. The deck was covered with large shipping crates secured by lines they had to step around. “What are we looking for?”

  “Let’s try the captain’s quarters first.” Gilbert looked at both ends of the ship. “I think it must be that way.”

  “We can’t go in the captain’s quarters.”

  He pressed his fingers tightly around hers. “We have to go there first, and quickly, so we don’t get caught. There’s no good explanation for us being in there.”

  “It’s reckless,” she said but followed him down a narrow stairway.

  “Stay here and knock on the door if the man comes back and I’m not done. I want to look around and see if anything seems suspicious.”

  Hazel’s chest rose and fell, her breath coming sharp and quick. She pushed him toward the door. “I’ll watch out this window the whole time. Go quickly.”

  Gilbert ducked under the low doorway, leaving her to watch the docks. Her palms were damp from sweat despite the cold weather. She wiped them on her skirts, but it did little good.

  Searching the captain’s room didn’t make sense, and it was imprudent. She reached behind her and pounded on the door. If the captain were doing something illegal, he wouldn’t leave it out to be seen, and what would the man do to them if he caught them in the captain’s quarters? The risk was not worth it.