by Olivia Lynde
His chest, plastered to my body, seems to be laboring for breath as well, and his hand at my waist has slipped lower, molding my bottom and pressing me against his arousal.
"You're trying to give me a love bite?" His voice is so deep with need it's almost unrecognizable. "Want to mark me as yours?"
Startled, I stop suckling. I move my head slightly back, open my eyes, and true enough: I see a red hickey forming low on his throat.
I blink, raise my eyes to him. "I'm so sorry, Seth. I didn't realize what I was doing." I pause, mortified. "I have some concealer, so I can probably cover it up for you."
Oh my God, I'm such a dork! Why did I do that to him?!
He grins. "Nah, leave it. It's only fair that I carry your brand. I also marked you." I stare at him stupidly and his grin turns positively wicked. "Last night," he reminds me.
Okay... I gulp nervously. Last night was wild.
Sweet mercy, each time we make out it just gets more and more intense! And it makes me crazier and crazier for him, and I don't know how much longer I can take this without wanting more. Without wanting everything.
His hand goes to my neck and pulls at the high neckline of my T-shirt, probably searching for his handiwork. His eyes flare possessively, having apparently found the love bite he gave me last night. Lost in my own whirling thoughts, I hardly notice that he keeps playing with my neckline, keeps pulling at it. But abruptly his hand arrests its movement, and his face takes on a watchful look.
It takes me out of my distraction.
"What's wrong, Seth?"
His fingers slip below my T-shirt and come back out holding a silver chain segment.
I close my eyes, feel my cheeks reddening. He's found it.
I sense his fingers moving lower along the chain, releasing it gradually from under my T-shirt until they reach the heart medallion. My skin prickles with embarrassment. I keep my eyes closed, but when the silence goes on for too long, curiosity makes me lift my eyelids.
He's smiling his blinding, special smile down at me, his gaze jumping between my face and the heart necklace. My heart gives a joyful leap in response. I love to see him happy even if I do know that I'm in for some merciless teasing.
His smile dims slightly and he cocks his head to the side. "How come you were hiding this from me?"
He sounds truly perplexed, and I shake my head in exasperation. "Did you forget already how you used to tease me for never taking off your necklace? I sure didn't! And I wasn't in the mood for all the ribbing I'd get if you found out that I still wear your necklace." I sigh, accepting my fate, and add in thanks for his earlier smile: "I've never stopped wearing it, Seth, even after all these years."
His expression fills with tenderness. "Forgive me, Sunny? I know I teased you a lot about this, but honestly... I just wanted to deflect attention from myself."
"Uh... why?"
"So that you wouldn't think to ask why I gave you a heart necklace, of all things."
My barely calmed heartbeats start to come faster again. "Why did you give me a heart necklace, Seth?"
His eyes glow with possessive warmth. He raises a hand to my cheek and cradles it carefully. "The medallion stood in place for my heart."
Thrilled but bashful, I murmur, "So you gave me your heart enchained?"
His beautiful lips curl into a crooked grin.
"You were in love with me even then?"
He nods.
An infinite glow breaks out inside me, melting my bones, making my body flow into his. I smile at him weakly, then bury my face in his neck. "I didn't know."
"It's okay, you were very young and innocent." His voice is exquisitely affectionate.
Oh, Seth, if you love me this much, please don't leave me behind! Please talk to me about the future. Please tell me that you want me beyond the end of July.
I look up again. "I'm so sorry, Seth, that we lost so many years when we could have been together."
His eyes turn hard. "We're together now, that's all that matters." Then his gaze thaws again to liquid fire. "Thank you, Sunny, for wearing my necklace all this time."
I grin. "You're very welcome, lover."
"Now let's go get ready for school, okay?"
"Okay."
* * *
Seth is walking me to my first class of the day.
There's still a lot of staring and whispering following in our wake... but it's getting less. Less frequent, less obvious, less aggressive; just less. People have started to accept that Seth and I are, for now at least, a couple (even if Dana did inform me, with a huge—though not unsympathetic—smirk, that many are taking bets on how long it'll be until Seth dumps me). But in the interim, everyone's starting to get used to the sight of us walking together. God knows, they've been seeing it a lot these last few days: except for when I'm in class, Seth doesn't leave my side.
Also, I've become—to my great annoyance—somewhat of a celebrity: "the girl who caught Seth Lewis". In most everyone's eyes, I am, at this moment in time, the (undeserving) Princess of Former Anonymity to Seth's (must be temporarily insane but nevertheless continues to be the undisputed) King of Rockford High (as an aside: I nearly busted a gut laughing when I heard that Seth had been literally crowned king—at this year's Senior prom back in April).
And because I'm his girl, now everyone knows my name. Everyone is curious about me. And an overwhelming amount of people want to be my friend.
I don't take it personally, though. I know all of it (or at least 99% of it) is fake, and I know that if Seth were to turn his back on me tomorrow, I'd go back to obscurity in a flash. Most everyone would forget that I was once accepted by—and part of—the popular crowd. Or they'd do even worse.
As it's happened with Jessica.
At the same Senior prom at which Seth had been crowned king, she'd been the queen. No further than at the start of this very week, she was still the Queen Bee of Rockford High. Then Seth basically snapped his finger to make her gone—and she was instantly out in the cold. I've noticed that the entire popular group is backing Seth's decision; whether the individuals agreed because of personal conviction or peer pressure, it doesn't really matter I guess. Either way, Jessica is out: not a part of the popular group anymore, no longer allowed to sit at their table. They're not even talking to her anymore.
Now that word about this state of affairs has had time to spread in school, Jessica's fallen so far down the social ladder that she's redefined the very lowest of rock-bottoms. Essentially, she's at the mercy of Rockford High's general population—in other words, all the kids she apparently tormented during her tenure as the Queen Bee—and last I heard, they're not showing her a whole lot of mercy. Or any, really.
Seth made this happen, and he made it happen with a scary kind of meteoric swiftness. That's the kind of clout he has.
It's a bit daunting. It's a lot awing. And it's a whole lot satisfactory in this particular instance.
I realize this is the most effective punishment that could ever be handed to Jessica. Her social status, being one of the popular, untouchable school leaders, was everything to her. Without that she's finished here. Even her posse has abandoned her—they haven't been seen with her in public since she was banished, and they're most certainly not sitting with her at lunch. No, they're still sitting with Seth's other friends at the popular table. Obviously, her former followers won't side with Jessica at the risk of losing their own cushy positions.
Yes, it's frankly intimidating that Seth has the incredible social power and the sheer ruthlessness required to bring about this outcome. I am, however, very certain that Jessica got exactly what she deserved. And I am very happy that Seth was able to give it to her.
* * *
"Hey, Summer, wait up!"
I turn my head and see Elle hurrying to reach me. What the...? Elle?
I've gotten to know the popular crowd a little bit better over these last few days, and most of them seem like okay kids. Tracy and Susan I've even come to like. Trac
y is thoughtful and has a really good heart. And Susan says the most outrageous things; she's really the funniest person. Elle, on the other hand... She's like a perpetual thorn stuck in my side. She sharpens her claws on me whenever she gets the chance (not that I'm taking any of her crap lying down). But worst of all, she keeps throwing herself at Seth (not that he ever pays her the least attention). Still, she's so freaking annoying! And now she's smiling at me?
Having reached me, she falls into step with me and says, "Let's walk to the cafeteria together." Really, why so friendly all of a sudden?
I give her a suspicious look. "Okay."
"Seth's not giving you much breathing space, is he?" She rolls her eyes. "He's with you like the whole flipping time!"
This is the first occasion since that one other time on Monday when I'm on my own outside of class. And honestly, I already miss Seth.
"Actually Elle, I breathe just fine when I'm with him, thank you."
Her smile dims and her eyes narrow. "Then maybe it's poor Seth who needed a break." From you—the words aren't spoken aloud but are understood nevertheless.
"He's not on a break, he's in strength training with Coach Bohlen."
Her smile loses its rigidity. "Right, now I remember. That's what Carter said too just earlier."
She puts her hand on my arm to stop me. I freeze in my tracks and stare fixedly at the offending fingers until she sees fit to remove them from around my skin. When I gaze up at her afterward, her friendly expression seems to have cracked again around the edges.
"I need to make a quick stop in the bathroom," she tells me apologetically.
So who's stopping her? "Fine. I'll see you in—"
"Oh no, it'll really take just a second! You can come with me and fix your makeup."
I'm not wearing any makeup that I need to fix, just a dab of mascara and lip gloss.
I shrug. "Lead the way."
She turns left and I follow her toward the girls' bathroom nearby. She stops in front of the door and gestures for me to enter first. Of course.
I enter.
"Hello, Jessica," I greet the girl waiting inside. "Fancy meeting you here."
Elle enters behind me. "Jessica, you have exactly five minutes. I'll be outside." She exits.
I am now alone with Jessica.
Even with the thick makeup she has caked on her face, I can make out the puffiness around her eyes and the sallow tone of her skin. It's the first time I'm seeing her this week—she's kept a low profile since Monday and hasn't even set foot inside the cafeteria yet—and it's unmistakable that she's had a very bad few days.
She's staring at me in this really creepy way, and I can almost taste the bitter hate that's coming out of her in choking waves.
"You whore!" she snarls and curls her fingers as if wanting to claw me. "You filthy, dirty whore!"
Yeah, I'm the dirty whore, and she's what—Snow White? Pure as the driven snow.
"You whore, see what you've done now?" she spits out loathingly.
"I didn't do anything." That you didn't deserve.
"You took Seth from me!"
"He wasn't yours to ta—"
"You took him and brainwashed him and turned him against me! And now he's ruined my life!!"
I wince at the volume. "Oh, please! Ruined your life? It's just high school, just a popularity game. Grow up!"
She actually takes two threatening steps toward me.
I stand my ground and stop her in her tracks: "If you're thinking of laying even one fingertip on me, think again. Or this time I'll show you what 'ruin' really means." With all the rage I've got bottled inside me and with nothing to hold me back this time, I'll show her real battle.
Then Seth will show her too. She may think she doesn't have to fear me, but she knows she has to fear him. And, I realize, that is what actually stops her short of violence now.
Instead, she lets out this ear-splitting shriek, like the snarl of a rabid animal. "It's not just high school, you fucking dumb whore! It's Seth! It's everything! And it was the start of everything! And you've ruined it all!!"
"You've ruined it for yourself, Jess. You started this, you took from us! If you dish it, you should darn well be prepared to take it too!"
"Why couldn't you stay fucking gone? You dirty wh—"
"Yeah, yeah, I already heard that part. Well, I didn't stay gone. And your grubby little plot failed. And Seth's mine. Freaking get used to it!"
"If you think that Seth's yours," she says, suddenly eerily calm, "then you're more fucking stupid than I thought. He's with you now, but there's not a chance in hell you'll keep him."
"He loves me."
She laughs. "You don't have what it takes to hold a man like Seth."
"And what does it take to hold Seth? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you. Don't. Know. Since, obviously, he screwed you and then dumped you."
Her smile slips a little. "Yes, he's done a whole lot of screwing and dumping these past years. And a tiger never changes his spots."
"And yet he's asked me to move in with him," I tell her through numb lips.
"He's had five years to build up your image in his head." She gives me a disparaging look. "There's no way the reality of you can match the fantasy."
I don't quite manage to suppress my flinch. "So sweet of you to worry about us! But you do know that Seth and I are actually living together now, don't you?"
"So you'll bore him out of his skull that much sooner."
"He's not bored. He's not itching to leave. He's seen the real me, sees me every day—morning, day and night—and he's very happy."
"He can afford to play happy house with you for a few weeks—that's no skin off his back. You just spread his legs nicely for him, make it worth his while, and yeah, he'll stick with you maybe. Until he leaves for college, that is."
"Shut up now."
"Then it's bye, bye, Sunny!"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up! You don't know anything about Seth or about us or..."
She smiles. "I know he's leaving for college in just a few short weeks. And I know there's no way you're going with him."
I turn on my heels and leave her noxious presence. God, why didn't I just leave sooner? But no, I had to stay and hear her poison... and now that poison is corroding my soul.
Chapter 27
I knew from the start that my happiness with Seth had a deadline. And I thought I could live with that. Just grab all the happiness I could have with him, for as long as I could have it, with nothing held back. With my eyes willfully closed to the impermanence of it all. Just live like that—I thought I could do it.
Today, I discovered that I cannot.
The confrontation with Jessica really shook me up because, among her many dirty, barbed lies, there were just enough crumbs of truth to stir up and amplify my greatest fear: the fear that's never far from the surface of my thoughts even with all my effort to keep it buried. The fear that I'll lose Seth.
Jessica said that he's just playing house with me, that he's not really making a commitment—I'm just a momentary entertainment for him, just a last fling before he leaves for college, and the obvious deadline on our affair should stop me from hoping that I can ever have anything more from him.
Jessica's a lying bitch.
I doubted Seth once, when I left Rockford before and never heard back from him. And then we both had to live through five soul-rending years of feeling only half-alive, only half-whole. I will never doubt Seth again. He loves me, and there's no deadline on his love.
There's just a deadline on our time together.
A few times, just in passing, he said that he would always be with me now. And dear God, how I wish that were possible! But it's not whishes that shape reality—it's hard, cold facts. And the fact is that he's leaving this summer, and I... I'm not. My heart twitches in pain.
No matter how much we wish it were otherwise, in just a few weeks we'll have to separate again. He's eighteen and bound for college, and I'm only sixteen and
a ward of Michigan. Plus, I still have one more year of high school left—which I don't even know if I'll be attending in Rockford. If the Andersons set me loose, the foster care system could next send me anywhere in the state.
Oh God, I can't even imagine how I'll survive a separation from Seth! As powerful as our connection was in the past, over these past few days it's grown incredibly deeper. Seth and I aren't just best friends anymore, we're also lovers. Even setting aside how happy he makes me and that, by his side, I am able to rest at night—I've also come to crave his physical touch like a drug. I literally cannot imagine being torn from him now.
So I refused to imagine it, refused to think about it. Yes, at first Seth and I were busy just clearing up our unresolved past issues, so we couldn't talk about the concrete future yet. But afterward... we should have talked about it. But he didn't bring it up, and I was just too much of a coward to ask him.
So for days I've been living with this awful, looming deadline on my happiness.
But not anymore.
Living with uncertainty is just too painful, and it's just not worth it. Yes, living with the truth may turn out to be just as painful, or more. But at least I'll know where I stand with Seth. And maybe, just maybe, he'll tell me that our happiness doesn't have to end after all.
"Sunny, you've been staring at me for the last twenty minutes. Obviously that isn't helping whatever problem you've got on your mind, so just talk to me already."
It's late evening, we're at home. I'm sitting on the couch with my legs curled beneath me. He's sitting on the floor beside the couch, surrounded by screwdrivers and wire snippers and other assorted tools and electronic parts that I would be hard-pressed to identify by name. He's working on some mechanical project—not for school, he said when I asked, just something he wanted to try for himself. By which comment, added to his complete absorption as he immersed himself in his task, I gathered that his interest for all things mechanical—which he discovered when he was about eleven, I think—is still going strong. So not just cars then.