by Olivia Lynde
It's not the first time I've seen him surrounded by tools and components, holding a solder and bending over some piece of hardware with a look of utter focus on his beautiful face. But it's the first time that, watching him, I've found myself sinking into a roiling sea of melancholy and tenderness and so much love that I can barely withstand the waves breaking over me. God, how I've missed him! And how much more there would be to miss of him now, were I to lose him again.
He's looked up from his task, looked up at me as I'm just sitting there, watching him and missing him already and loving him until I'm crazy with it. And he's waiting for an answer, stupid!
I clear my throat and tease, "Why would you think I was staring at you? Arrogant much?" I hold up the book reclining on my legs. "I do have a test tomorrow for which I have to study." I almost pat myself on the back for my cunningly formulated reply—now that I'm spending so much time with Seth again, I'm definitely regaining my old skill at tweaking the truth without telling an outright lie that he would catch instantly—but then he says dryly:
"While you're studying so hard, maybe it'd be useful if you didn't hold the book upside down." I glance at my book and my cheeks turn neon-red. He grins. "Just sayin'."
He sets the solder down and comes to sit down beside me on the sofa, crowding me in. "Or maybe you could just talk to me," he tells me softly, grabbing my left hand and lacing our fingers. He leans in for a kiss. "Maybe I can help."
"Don't you have to finish your servo continuity thingy?"
His face fills with loving amusement. "It's a servo modification for continuous rotation, Sunny. And I'll finish it tomorrow."
Okay, Summer, you wretched coward, now's the time! Put up or shut up!
In as neutral a voice as I can manage over the trembling inside me, I tell him, "I was wondering what'll happen after you graduate. I mean, I've already figured that you'll be leaving Rockford. But will you ever come back?" Will you come back to see me if I'm still here?
He starts playing absently with my fingers, but his attention on me feels as keen as a sharpened blade. "For many years," he says, "I lived for the day, basically, when I could get the hell out of this town."
"But... why? This town was home to us."
He smiles sadly. "My home was you, Sunny. After you left and apparently betrayed me, I hated this town because everything here reminded me of you and of what I'd lost."
"But Seth, now that we know the truth about the past... I mean, you don't feel that way anymore, do you?"
"I don't. But I don't feel any particular attachment either. This town is just a random place for me now. Once I leave for college, I won't come back."
I wince at the unexpected blow. He's really never coming back? Not even to see me?
"That's why you didn't do anything about your apartment," I croak on a flash of insight. The neglected state of this place just hadn't fit Seth's inherent thoroughness. "I mean, you keep it clean and neat, but you haven't changed the faulty lock, haven't painted the walls, haven't repaired the broken furniture. In fact, I bet you haven't changed anything at all... Because this has always been just a passing stop for you, hasn't it? Until you finished school and could finally get away." He hadn't used his hard-earned money to make himself a home here, but to buy a car with which to leave forever.
He's watching me very intently. "You're right. This place is just where I crash and keep my stuff, and I didn't give enough of a shit to work on making it look better. Hell, I didn't even care enough to look for a better place to live in than this hellhole. Why waste the money? I decided long ago that my time here was temporary; I just had to be patient while I served my sentence. Sunny, I want a hell of a lot more from life than this small town can give me."
My heart is throbbing painfully. I inhale deeply, try to marshal my thoughts. Calm down, Summer. He's just saying that he doesn't want a small-town life, not that he's breaking up with you! Why on earth am I getting so upset at the idea that he'll be leaving Rockford behind? In truth, it's highly unlikely that I'll be here anyway.
Actually, I haven't the least clue where I'll be in a couple of months. Yes, I'll live with Seth until the end of the school year, or if I'm really lucky until he leaves for college before August, but after that it's anybody's guess what'll happen with me. Greg Anderson will hardly take me back—I pretty much cut all ties with him when I threw in my lot with Seth—and besides, I wouldn't want to live under the same roof as Jessica ever again.
So any way I look at it, after this summer I'll be cast adrift for one more year and a half, until I turn eighteen. After I'm no longer a ward of the State, however... I'll be able to do whatever I want, go wherever I decide. I could be with Seth if he agreed to wait for me. I need to learn more about his plans.
"What do you intend to do?" I ask him.
"For starters, I'll play college ball. Then I'll turn pro."
"You mean, get drafted into an NFL team?"
"Yes, ideally."
"Will that be difficult to accomplish?" I have complete faith that Seth can obtain whatever he decides. I just wonder what it will take for him to get where he wants to be.
His expression becomes very intense. "Yeah, it'll be difficult. But it's a worthwhile challenge, and after I make it, the money I'll earn, carefully managed, will set us up for life." Us? "I'll give you the world, Sunny," he adds gravely. Does that mean he'll wait for me when he leaves?
He leans down for another kiss me, and I immediately open my mouth to his. The taste and scent and feel of him addle my senses, and by the time he ends the kiss, my heart is almost bursting out of my chest with exhilaration.
Gruffly, I ask him, "For which college have you decided? Will and the others told me you've had a lot of scholarship offers."
He grins wickedly. "Ah, so you've been pumping people for information about me?"
I blush. "It sort of came up in the conversation."
His grin grows wider. "Don't worry, Sunny baby. I have lots of fans already, so I'll sign you up too, no problem."
I glare at him. He chuckles.
"Well?" I snap. "College?"
He keeps looking at me with a sparkle in his eyes, but his voice is very serious when he says, "It's true I've had many offers. But for my final decision I was considering just four offers that I thought looked best in terms of the team and the financial conditions."
"So from what universities were those offers?"
"Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio State, and Virginia Tech."
"You're considering Virginia Tech?" I choke out. "That's awfully far away!" And it's not like we can afford plane tickets to easily cross the distance. We'd never be able to see each other on weekends! Maybe not even on vacations!
He cocks his head searchingly. "Sunny, my final answer was due three weeks ago; I chose University of Michigan. But what are you even thinking? No matter where I go, you're coming with me. As long as that's settled, why should it matter where we go?" Then, with a note of bitterness: "It's not like we have ties to any one place, or family that we'd like to stay close to."
Oh my God, he wants me to go with him?! I can't believe it; all this time I've been worrying myself sick because of the unknown future, and meanwhile he was perfectly at ease, perfectly confident in his belief that I'd be going with him wherever he went! For crying out loud, he probably didn't even think to mention that little tidbit because he thought it needless to point out what, for him, was obvious: that we'd be staying together no matter what. Typical Seth.
And now I'm flying, elated... but then reality brings me crashing back to earth.
"Seth, I can't just pick up and go with you!" No matter how much I want to. "I'm a ward of the State."
"We'll apply for your emancipation. You're already sixteen. I emancipated myself when I was your age."
"But your case was different! You had an unstable parent, had been holding a job and supporting yourself for three years, and you were already a trained mechanic. I, on the other hand..." I shake my head. "No jud
ge will grant me emancipation! I still have one year of high school left and I don't have the means to support myself. Sure, I can always find a part-time job like the one I hold now, but given my age and lack of professional skills, the job can only be low-paying. I can't earn enough to be financially independent!"
"I'll support you," he says promptly.
I shoot him an incredulous look. "First, there's no way that will fly with any judge. Emancipating a minor because her collegiate boyfriend promises to support her? Yeah, right! Second, how would you even support me? Where would we live?"
His gaze turns enigmatic. "I'd get the money."
Okay, that's weird. How can he state that so confidently, as if it was the easiest thing to do in the world? I let it go for now. "Just your assurance alone won't cut it with a judge. The fact is you'll be in college, studying hard and training and playing football even harder. You won't even have time for a part-time job. And your full-ride scholarship may cover tuition, university fees, and room and board—but for you alone."
"Sunny, there's no 'me alone' anywhere in this scenario. It's the two of us—we're a unit. We'll just find a place to live together off-campus, and the money from my scholarship and grants should be enough to cover our basic living costs. For everything else, I'll get the money myself."
"How?"
His jaw clenches, and his expression remains frustratingly inscrutable. But his right and my left hands are still interlaced, and his thumb slides soothingly over my skin... back and forth.
After a long silence, I finally say, "It's a moot point anyway. As long as I'm still a ward of the State, I have to go where I'm sent; where I'd like to be doesn't come into it."
"Sunny... worst case scenario, we run away together."
I jolt in surprise. His hand tightens on me, but I don't even think of pulling it back. It's just that I don't relish the thought of becoming a fugitive. I still have my secondary education to finish, and I wouldn't be able to enroll for my Senior year without proper documentation.
Besides—"Doesn't the police look for teenage runaways?"
He frowns. "I read about that somewhere. Generally, the police won't pursue cases where the runaway is seventeen already. Michigan Law is muddled on that point. But you're sixteen, so... Fuck, I don't know."
Voice hoarse and heart throbbing at the blasphemy I'm about to utter, I say, "Maybe we could wait for each other?"
His eyes sharpen on my face with unbearable intensity. "You mean, separate now?"
"Just for a year, until I finish high school."
"Over my dead body." He tells it so calmly, so somberly, that it's worse than if he had shouted it. Because I know he means it.
"Seth..."
"If you can't come with me, then I'll go with you. Doesn't matter where."
Oh. My. God. "Let me be very clear, Seth: you giving up your scholarship,"—your one hard-earned chance for the brilliant future you deserve—"that'll happen over my dead body." Quietly, I add, "If there's no other way, I'll run away with you."
The tension cording his muscular body doesn't dissipate. "Sunny, if it comes to that, the police won't find you—I'll make sure of that. And U-M won't do in that case. We should leave the state."
It shatters me: that he cares so much about me, that he'd do all this for me. And it heals me and makes me so light with sheer happiness that I feel as if I could fly. But I don't want him to ever sacrifice anything on my account.
"Seth, didn't you say that your already communicated your final decision weeks ago? To the universities and the coaches and so on?"
His jaw clenches harder. "I didn't sign anything yet."
"But they have your verbal agreement."
"Yes. Sunny, you know my word's always been solid—but you're more important. The coaches of the four teams I told you about all wanted me very badly. If I contact one of the other three, say that I changed my mind—I won't be in breach of any signed contract, and that coach will take me, Sunny. So it's okay."
"Seth, your choice of college is a very important decision, and it will affect the rest of your life. You had your reasons for choosing University of Michigan in the first place. I don't want you to make another choice now because of me and come to regret it later."
He snorts. "Get real, Sunny! You figure in all decisions I make now. And I won't regret anything. Just tell me this: you want us to stay together?"
His voice has taken on a hesitant note. Sweet heavens, how can he still doubt how absolutely crazy I am about him? I would follow him to the ends of the earth!
"Seth, yes, of course I want us to stay together." Even the thought of not being with him one day tears my heart to shreds.
And all the tension still clinging to him like a dark cloud disappears just like that. He grins at me and squeezes my hand that he's still holding. His free hand slips under my T-shirt. When he starts to stroke the soft skin at my waist, I bite my lip to stop a moan.
He tells me huskily, "It's as simple as this: we want to stay together, so we'll do whatever it takes to make that happen. I won't regret my choice for college, Sunny, because wherever I'll be, I'll have you. And anyway, all those four offers I told you about are solid."
God, does he honestly expect me to continue carrying a rational conversation when he's touching my bare skin with those wicked, clever fingers?
"We don't have to make a final decision right now, do we?" My voice is hoarse with desire. He's caressing my lower back with slow, firm strokes, and his touch sends tendrils of sizzling electricity through my entire body. I bite my inner cheek to stop another moan, then somehow manage to whisper, "You'll think about it some more, and I will too."
His eyes narrow intently on my mouth. "Okay, Sunny. We'll talk some more later."
Our future is still as uncertain as ever since we haven't really settled anything with our conversation. Except... we have. We know we both want to stay together. And that we'll do anything for that. I'm happy and relieved and so, so happy.
Yet still, in a dark corner of my mind I can't help wondering if everything we can try and do to be together... will be enough to actually make it so.
Then his weight is on me and we start to kiss, and in no time at all I'm incapable of shaping even one coherent thought. Much less any fears.
Chapter 28
Next day, in Honors English, I ask Marcie, "Are Jessica and Elle friends?"
"Elle, the cheerleader captain?"
"I guess." There's only one Elle sitting at the popular table.
"Those two—friends? Oh my gosh, no way! They've been huge arch-rivals all through high school—always trying to one-up each other."
"So they're actually enemies?"
"Well, no. Not on the face of it, I mean. Like, after Andrea graduated last year—she used to be the cheerleader captain, and Jessica and Elle her co-captains—Jessica and Elle pretty much flipped out fighting over who made captain. Not real fighting, you know, just backstabbing and mudslinging and so on. But then when Jessica won, Elle congratulated her." She giggles. "I actually saw that, and it was so funny! Elle's face—it was like she'd sucked a rotten lemon."
"But now Elle's the captain?"
"Since this week," Marcie confirms with a wink. "But trust me, those two have never been buddies. Popularity, influence, the captaincy of the cheerleading squad... whatever you can think of, they've squabbled over it." Innocently, she adds, "Even your boyfriend." Then, with a frown: "Especially your boyfriend."
Ah. So when Seth chose me instead, those two crazies finally found a common enemy against whom to unite. I always did know I was a lucky girl. Oh, crap!
* * *
It's finally the end of the school day—and of the school week, thank goodness—and Seth's driving us home. His right hand, when he's not shifting gears, is on my left thigh, stroking me idly—and every once in a while it glides just a little bit higher, just enough to stir the cinders of desire low in my belly.
"You want to go to Joe's with me today?" he asks m
e huskily. O-kay, at least he's affected as well by what he's doing to me. Because really, he's making me crazy, and we're in the car for crying out loud! It's good that I have the seatbelt restraining me to my seat, or else I'd do something really crazy.
"Yes, I'd love to come with you," I answer him quietly. "I can bring a couple of my new books along so I'll have something with which to occupy myself."
"It was cool of Mrs. Stevens to lend you those books."
I smile. "She's a really nice person. Much like her niece, actually. I love working in her shop."
He pauses in his stroking. "You sure about that?"
I give him an exasperated look. "Yes, Seth. It's a book shop and I'm a total book worm, so it's a perfect fit." I don't really like to interact with people, especially strangers, but luckily I don't have to do it often. I just organize the books. Seth starts stroking me again.
My cell rings. I take it out of my bag and glance at the screen. "Oh, it's Dana. God, she was weird today! Don't you think so?" Twice she came looking for me between classes, looking as if she was nearly choking on something very important that she had to tell me. But then she just fell into step with me and Seth and wouldn't say a word. Later, at lunch, she was even weirder.
"I have to take this," I tell Seth.
"Don't!"
Huh? I look up at his profile and see that he's looking straight ahead very fixedly. His skin has turned pale beneath his tan. On my thigh, his hand lies awfully still.
Oh sweet mercy.
"I have to take this," I tell him again, very softly.
And I press accept on my cell. "Dana?"
"Oh for Christ's sake, Summer! Through how many hoops do I have to jump so that I can talk to you alone for two lousy minutes?! I mean, your Seth's worse than a guard dog!"
Seth's always been overprotective of me, true, but that's just who he is. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I'm annoyed by it, but always I accept it as coming with the territory of loving him. Besides, when his protectiveness really flies off the handle, I can usually push it back within acceptable boundaries. But not today. Today, he was really odd, not wanting to let me out of his sight for even one second outside of class. Jeez, we almost got into a fight when I had to go to the bathroom!