I don’t know what everyone else is worried about at twenty-two years old… if I were to guess I’d say partying, drinking… sex perhaps.
For most people my age, I’d be willing to bet it isn’t the fear of having their heart taken out of their body and replaced with someone else’s.
But that’s what I worry about most in this very moment as the doctors, nurses, anaesthesiologists and surgeons all rush around me like headless chickens, prepping my body and talking to me about what’s going to happen next.
I don’t hear a single one of their words.
I don’t need or want an explanation.
I already know what happens now.
They’ll take out my old, broken and battered heart and give me a new one.
Somebody else’s old one.
I try not to think too hard about the fact that in order for me to live, someone else had to die.
I’ve officially been waiting months for a heart. Unofficially it’s been looming for my whole life… and now that one is finally here, I’m scared.
I wish I could talk to Lucy.
I wish that I could be like my best friend – that my biggest concern was whether or not the guy I’ve been dating is going to message me today or not, or whether the selfie I took a few days ago is going to get as many likes on Instagram as the last one did.
If she knew this was happening right now, which she will soon enough, all of that crap would be quickly forgotten, but for now, I wish I was like her… young, healthy and carefree.
I’ve had those superficial moments, they’ve been fleeting, but they’re there, and it’s not until now, in this very instant, that I realise how perfect it was to fall out with my best friend over something trivial, only to make up again two hours later, or how amazing it was for a boy that I liked to decide that he liked someone else, or how I’d give anything to be absolutely devastated because the top I wanted didn’t come in my size.
I’d give just about anything for those little moments to be my biggest concern right now.
All other people’s insignificant, little nothings are every one of my most treasured somethings, and in this moment, as I’m wheeled out of my room and off to the operating theatre, I hold them close.
Violet
I open my eyes and blink drowsily as I take in the small, dimly lit room of the intensive care unit.
I glance to the left and smile as I recognise my mother’s sleeping form, her neck propped up awkwardly in the armchair.
She’s going to have the worst stiff neck, but I wouldn’t have expected to find her anywhere other than right here next to me.
She never leaves me when I need her. She’s still wearing the same clothes as she was when they wheeled me into the operating theatre.
I don’t even know what day it is, or how long I’ve been out – I know I’ve been awake, but I can’t really recall what happened – it’s like the memory is covered in a thick haze.
It’s dark outside and I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. The pain thrumming through my body is too much and I know I need to ask for more pain relief.
I’m opening my mouth to let the nurse in the corner know that I’m awake when I catch a movement out of the corner of my eye and my gaze meets his.
He’s standing on the other side of the glass window, watching me intensely.
I’ve never met this man, but I know him right down to my bones. And as I stare into the blue depths of his soul, my new heart skips a beat for the very first time.
Thank you for reading My Heart Needs, I hope you enjoyed it.
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Please remember…
This book has been written using UK English and may contain euphemisms and slang words that form part of the New Zealand spoken word.
Please remember that the words are not misspelled. They are slang terms and form part of everyday, New Zealand vernacular.
I.e: I’m from New Zealand and sometimes we say weird things down here… please try and be cool about it.
Thanks again!
This is about what my heart wants, not what it needs for once, and all that my heart wants in this moment, is him.
Life and love don't always go hand in hand.
If you're lucky you might get both.
It's been three years since the transplant that saved Violet's life... three years since the man with the blue eyes disappeared from her sight but not her dreams.
Violet is living the life she never thought she'd get – while Rylan is merely surviving his.
Fate collides past and future together in a way neither thought possible, leaving them both questioning everything they thought they knew – and all that might be.
Romantic, surreal and heart-warming, My Heart Wants will make you believe there's something bigger out there for all of us.
Coming September 7th
Pre-order here:
US
UK
AU
CA
If you are interested in reading more about this condition or supporting a charity for those living with conditions such as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, please visit their websites below.
United States of America
United Kingdom
Australia
New Zealand
Love like Yours Series
Rushed – Book 1
Pierced – Book 2
Hunted – Book 3
Chased – Book 4
Rock Games Novels
Paper, Scissors, Rock: Vol. 1
Hide and Seek: Vol. 2
My Heart Duet
My Heart Needs
My Heart Wants
There are a lot of people to thank when it comes to this particular project.
I couldn’t have even begun to write this book without the help of Kate, the mother of the little girl whom inspired this duet.
Kate, thank you so much for being so open and helpful and for answering my many, many, strange questions without complaint.
I’ve learnt so much while writing this book – most of which is knowledge I’ve gained from you.
To Angela, for being so friendly and accommodating with answering questions and sharing a bit of your daughter’s precious life with me – I really appreciate you taking the time.
I’d like to take a minute to acknowledge all of the children, adults and families living with congenital heart defects. I’ve read so many stories about those of you whose lives conditions like this effect, and I’m in total awe of the things you’ve overcome.
Stacey, my editor, thanks for working so fast and doing such a great job, I really appreciate not only your work, but your support.
To my readers, thank you, I hope you enjoy reading Violet’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
This Is Me – Keala Settle
Praying - Kesha
Hurt Somebody – Noah Kahan & Julia Michaels
Fight Song – Rachel Platten
Who Says – Selena Gomez
Part Of Me – Katy Perry
Girl On Fire – Alicia Keys
Never Gonna Let You Down – Colbie Caillat
His Daughter – Molly Kate Kestner
Tell Me You Love Me – Demi Lovato
Photograph – Ed Sheeran
Most Girls – Hailee Steinfeld
The Only Reason – JP Cooper
I See Fire – Ed Sheeran
Wish U Were Here (Acoustic) – Cody Simpson
I’m A Mess – Ed Sheeran
Team – Noah Cyrus & MAX
Even My Dad Does Sometimes – Ed Sheeran
Skyscraper – Demi Lovato
What Now – Rihanna
Nothing to Regret – Robinson
God’s Plan – Drake
All The Ways To Say Goodbye – Mitch James
Supercut – Lorde
Lie – Shallou
Heartbeat Song – Kelly Clarkson
Girl’s Just Wanna Have Fun – Miley Cyrus
Listen – Beyonce
Mamma Knows Best – Jessie J
This Girl Is On Fire – Jessica Mears
Boom Clap – Lennon & Maisy
In My Blood – Shawn Mendes
Grateful – Rita Ora
Written in the Stars – The Script
Bubbly – Colbie Caillat
Flashlight (Sweet Life Remix) – Hailee Steinfeld
A Thousand Years – Christina Perri
Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
Better in Time – Leona Lewis
Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
I’ll Be There – Jess Glynne
Remind Me to Forget – Kygo & Miguel
Different – James TW
Think Before I Talk – Astrid S
High and Low – Sam Feldt & Joshua Radin
One Call Away – Charlie Puth
Fix You – Coldplay
How to Save a Life – The Fray
Scared to Be Lonely – Boyce Avenue
Chasing Pavement – Adele
You’ve Got The Love – Florence + The Machine
She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5
Barbie Girl – Aqua
S Club Party – S Club 7
NICOLE S. GOODIN is a romance author and mother of two from Taranaki in the North Island of New Zealand.
In mid-2015, she started to write about a group of characters who wouldn’t get out of her head. Her first book, Rushed, was published in mid-2016.
Nicole enjoys long walks on the beach, pillow fights and braiding her friends’ hair. She dislikes clichés, talking about herself in the third person, and people who don’t understand her sense of humour.
Please feel free to contact her either via her website, email, Instagram, Twitter or on her Facebook page, she would love to hear your feedback. If you’re feeling really game, you can even sign up for her newsletter HERE.
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Mr. January
Mr. February
Rock Games Novels
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Two for the show
Three to get ready
My Heart Needs (The Heart Duet Book 1) Page 14