She then sat in the guest area and meditated for fifteen minutes in the silence of the room, bringing positive and peaceful energy to the space. Afterward, she went into her office and sat behind her scroll-carved mahogany desk, the most expensive item in the center. It was an antique that still had its original knobs. She saw it on a recent trip to Los Angeles. She shipped it to herself as a gift. It was a celebration of a new beginning.
Elsie pulled the day’s schedule out of her desk and went over it. She thought about what she would say to the press, how she would thank her supporters and the board members for assisting her. Anything else she had to say, she’d flow naturally. She didn’t want to sound rehearsed in her responses.
As Elsie looked over her paperwork, she heard the front office door open and the sound of footsteps.
Elsie moved from behind her desk and went to see who it was when she heard, “Elsie!”
It was Crystal. Elsie met her in the small hallway.
“Hey girl,” Crystal reached out for a hug.
“You’re early,” Elsie told her as she hugged her back.
Crystal glanced at her watch. “Only by thirty minutes. I thought I’d come see if you needed any help.”
“Actually, I do. The caterers will be here soon, you can show them to the conference room and—”
Crystal cut her off. “Look at you, hiring caterers, having a press conference, I’m so proud of you.”
Elsie waved the compliment off. “Girl, please, had you not helped me get it together and agreed to be the board president, I don’t know what I would have done.”
Crystal smiled and replied, “You would have done just what you’re doing, your damn thing.”
Elsie wasn’t too sure about that; after her breakup with Summer, she surprised herself by going into a depression. If Crystal hadn’t been there to talk her through it and had she not invited her to church, Elsie didn’t know what the outcome would have been.
Elsie thought about the day she was in her office with the door locked. For weeks she had been feeling listless, she didn’t feel like doing anything, much less coming to work representing people in the court of law. Law wasn’t in her spirit; she was so ready to get out of that field of work. She questioned how she could continue being a lawyer, representing others when she was barely representing her true self.
Elsie was putting up a front on a daily basis. It was taking everything in her power to come into the office.
On top of being lonely, the one escape she thought she had, which was her work, was becoming a burden. At night her mind was always racing, thinking of what she could or should be doing with her life and on top of everything else, she wasn’t sleeping well.
One day while sitting in her office with the door locked and her head down, there was a knock on her door.
“It’s Crystal, let me in.”
Not wanting to be rude, Elsie let her in.
Crystal knew that Elsie wasn’t one to shut herself in, to not give anyone access. Out of all the women in the office, Elsie was the one you could count on, the one that had your back, the peacemaker when someone started to get on your nerves. Crystal was concerned and wanted to know what the hell was going on.
“May I take a seat?” Crystal asked.
“Of course,” Elsie told her.
Crystal sat in the love seat Elsie had in her office. Crystal and Susan thought Elsie had lost it when the love seat was delivered. They wondered why she was putting a love seat in her office and not a regular table, with four chairs for clients to sit at. When they asked her, Elsie told them she wanted her clients to feel comfortable. “As their attorney, they need to feel free and trust me, to be able to open up and by them being comfortable, it will allow them to do so.”
“So, you want to be a psychological attorney?” Susan joked.
As it turned out, Elsie’s idea was a great one and her clients referred others because they felt like not only did Elsie represent them, but that she genuinely cared.
Crystal and Susan followed her lead and made their offices more comfortable and welcoming.
“So,” Crystal started as she relaxed into the comfort of the love seat, “what’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You seem detached, like you have a lot on your mind, like you’re not at peace.”
That was all it took for Elsie to break down. Prior to that moment, Elsie had not realized she’d been holding so much in.
Was that all it took, for someone to ask how she was doing for her to fall apart? Normally she was the caretaker, the one asking how the other was doing.
“Girl, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. All I know is that I’m tired, that I am mentally drained and I feel like something is missing from my life.”
“Well, you are single, maybe you miss having a companion,” Crystal suggested.
Elsie shook her head. “No it’s not that, it’s deeper than that. What I’m feeling is not about being relationship-free. I mean, yeah, I get lonely but I can find things to do to occupy my time and fill the space. It’s more like an inner sadness. I feel like I’m searching for something and just don’t know what it is and for some reason I can’t figure it out.”
Crystal could relate, she knew what Elsie was talking about because she’d been there herself and the thing that got her through or should she say the place, was church. The turning point for her was not religion but getting in touch with her spirituality.
“Remember when I came back from visiting Mom?” Crystal asked.
“How can I forget? You were an emotional wreck.”
“Yeah girl, you don’t know the half of it.” Crystal had went to see her mother, something she hadn’t done in quite some time only to find out that her mother had cancer, which thank God was now in remission. On top of that, her mother had married the stepfather of the boy that raped her when she was in high school. Do you want to talk about a shock to the system?
“Well, what got me through,” Crystal went on to say, “was God.”
The last thing Elsie was in the mood to hear about was religion. She did not feel like being preached to.
As though Crystal could read her mind, she told her, “Now don’t think I’m going to sit here and preach to you, that’s not who I am. That’s not what this is about at all, but what I am going to do is quote a Bible verse, ‘If God is for us, who can be against us?’ ”
Elsie looked at her like that’s suppose to move me, that’s suppose to make me feel better?
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Crystal asked.
“Because you’re really sitting here quoting scripture to me like I’m just suppose to get it.” Elsie wasn’t a religious person nor was she a spiritual person. She had to admit that she just kind of existed.
Church was never really an option for her, she wasn’t raised in church and she didn’t attend now. Occasionally, she would turn on the television and catch a sermon. Every now and then, she’d surprise herself by being moved by something that was said. Sometimes she even found herself sitting down on the edge of her bed and listening to the whole message.
“I’m not really into religion,” Elsie told Crystal. “I hear too much about pastors messing around, having babies by members of their congregation, women hating on one another and talking about each other behind their backs. I’m sure you’ve heard the same stories. Haven’t you?”
“I have,” Crystal admitted, “but I don’t go to church for the people, I go for the message.”
Elsie didn’t have a response for that.
“You do believe in God, don’t you?” Crystal asked.
“Of course,” Elsie responded. She didn’t tell Crystal that there were times when she wondered about his existence. There was so much evil, destruction, and craziness in the world, that she wondered how can someone that’s suppose to be the supreme being, the embodiment of all great things, the one who represents love, exist at all.
Was she alone in wo
ndering if God was a physical being, a spiritual being, or was he just someone that was a figment of someone’s imagination, made up and passed along through word of mouth? Was the Bible fiction or did all that it say really exist? How many hands had it passed through, how many people had tampered with it?
Eventually, Elsie had to accept that she’d never have an answer to her questions. So, instead of doubting, she choose to accept and believe.
It was better to live on hope and faith, to live as if there was a heaven and hell, than not. The way Elsie figured it is, she knew the basic rule of the Bible, which she interpreted as “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and Elsie prided herself on being kind and respectful to all.
“You don’t go to church to pay attention to what’s going on around you. You don’t go to church for the people, you go for the word, you go to feel peace in your spirit, you go for yourself,” Crystal told her. “I know, that’s why I go and it’s helped me through some moments that I otherwise would not have been able to get through.”
By the time Crystal left Elsie’s office, Elsie had promised her she would go to church with her on family and friends day.
It seemed like that day came sooner rather than later. When it arrived, Elsie wanted to call Crystal and pull out. She wanted to renege on her acceptance of the invite but she didn’t and today, she could honestly say she was glad she didn’t, because it was the day her life changed. It was the day she received some clarity on the path she was supposed to be taking.
So, for Crystal to be sitting next to her on the day she was opening the center, telling Elsie how proud she was, didn’t make any sense to Elsie. What made better sense was for Elsie to tell Crystal how much she appreciated her for being there when she needed her the most.
When she told Crystal this, Crystal waved her off. “Girl, that’s what friends are for.”
Crystal was right; that is what friends are for, to pull each other up and to listen without judgment.
It was at that moment the phone on Elsie’s desk rang.
“The first ring of the day,” she said as she picked up the phone. “The Essence of Self Center, how may I help you?”
Crystal stood up and mouthed, “I’m going to look around.”
On the other end of the phone was Susan. “I’m parking my car and I’m on my way up.”
“I’ll be waiting.” Elsie hung up the phone and walked out of her office to find Crystal showing the caterers the way to the conference room.
Elsie went to greet Susan, only to find the reporters and the photographer trailing behind her.
“I bring with me the press,” Susan said by way of greeting.
After the reporters left and everyone ate, Elsie, Crystal, Susan, Jewell, Bella, and Faith were in the conference room for the center’s first official meeting.
“Have you found a receptionist yet?” Jewell asked Elsie.
“I called a temp agency and asked them to send me someone that can answer phones and do secretarial work until I have a chance to do interviews.”
“Well, my cousin is going to call you about the position.”
“Is she dependable?”
“Of course, she’s family.”
“Not that that means much,” Susan joked.
“Ha! Ha! Ha!” Jewell said. “I love you too.”
“Well, tell her to come by here tomorrow and I’ll interview her,” Elsie offered.
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
What Jewell hoped was not only would her cousin Harmony get the job but maybe working here and being around positive people would assist her in her growth.
“You’re welcome,” Elsie responded.
She looked at all the women around the table and thanked them individually. Each of them brought something to the center that she alone could not provide.
Faith would counsel.
Bella would uplift.
Crystal and Susan would be there for administrative support as board members.
Elsie felt good about her new family, her family in spirit.
CHAPTER THREE
HARMONY
Dear Journal,
I don’t know what the hell I was thinking having all these damn kids, this shit is hard as hell, even with a man. If I had it to do all over again, I would have been on like three birth controls, the pill, condoms, and the sponge. I know people say you shouldn’t live with regrets, but I do. Am I wrong?
Am I the only one that gets tired of her kids ? Am I the only one that wants to up and disappear? It’s not that they’re disruptive or disobedient. Because believe me, I know some people with some badass kids that need to be knocked upside the head.
It’s just that motherhood is all-consuming. It’s like your life is no longer your own, you have to be concerned with another person all day, every day and you no longer exist as an individual.
I know, I know, I made the decision to have my babies, but damn, can a sister get a break ?
Your homegirl, Harmony
As usual, Harmony was running late but it was hard to be on time when you have three kids. Her boss never took that shit into consideration. The last time she came to work late, he called her into the office, slammed the door behind her, and told her if she was late one more time, it was a wrap. He was going to fire her ass and she knew he meant it. Harmony couldn’t think of anything to say to make him change his mind because in a way, she was hoping he did just that. She was tired of her job and tired of being under his perverted-ass supervision.
When she glanced at the clock, Harmony cringed; damn, she was already more than forty minutes late, by the time she walked through the door, she’d be more than an hour and a half late.
Shit, she didn’t know why she was even going in. Maybe she should bite the bullet, accept the inevitable, call out, and deal with being fired.
As she was thinking these thoughts, her phone rang. Shareef had taken the kids to school and she was home alone. Normally, when she was trying to get ready for work she’d let it ring, because she knew once she started talking, it was no telling how long before she hung up.
Harmony looked at the phone; should she answer it, risk having a conversation, and risk losing her job?
Yes, she should because the truth was her mind was made up, that half-ass job could kiss her ass. Yes, she needed the money, but on the real, she was tired of putting up with her boss’s bullshit and harassment.
She knew he wanted to sleep with her because of things he would say, sexual innuendos and whatnot. Just last week he tried to brush up against her. She’d already made up her mind if he did that shit one more time, either she was going to beat his ass or worse, let Shareef know and then he’d get the real beat down.
Harmony walked over to the caller ID and saw that it was her cousin, Jewell.
She picked up the phone. “What’s up, ho?”
Jewell laughed. “You’re the ho. What are you doing at home anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“If you know I’m suppose to be at work, why the hell are you calling me?”
“Because I know you and your late ass.”
Harmony laughed. She couldn’t respond because Jewell spoke only the truth. “So what’s up?”
“I know you’ve been looking for a new job and I just might have an opportunity for you.”
“For real?” Harmony felt the anticipation rising. She hoped Jewell wasn’t playing her, but then again, her cousin would never do that.
“Yes, for real.”
“You know I love you, right.”
“Yeah, yeah. I just figured since you’re ready to move on and up, whatever I can do to help, I will. We both know that working at a cabstand isn’t going to get you anywhere near where you want to be.”
Jewell was right, working at a cabstand just wasn’t the move anymore. She needed to be an example for her kids and one of the ways of doing so would be to get a more professional job.
“So where is it?” Harmony wanted to know.
“Elsie is starting a—”
Harmony cut Jewell off. “Ain’t that the gay chick you used to work for?”
“She’s my friend.”
“And?”
“You know what, never mind about the job, you’re not ready yet, if you’re going to have that attitude, maybe they’re better off hiring someone else.”
The last thing Harmony wanted Jewell to do was hang up. She needed this opportunity.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That was ignorant. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Dang,” Jewell joked. “I always have to bring a bitch up, don’t I?”
Harmony knew Jewell was half-joking and half-serious with that comment. She was always helping her mature. Although Jewell was her older cousin, she acted more like a sister. She did a lot for her, when they were younger and as they got older. She was her best friend, her rock, her support, and her kids’ godmother.
Harmony used to feel like there was nothing she could do for Jewell to compensate for her love.
“I’m not there for you to get something in return, I’m there for you because we’re family,” Jewell would tell her.
Harmony still wanted to return the favors and when Jewell finally came to her a year ago for advice, she was more than happy to give it.
Even though it was relationship advice she was asking, something Harmony really wasn’t qualified to give, she did it the best way she knew how, by being honest, raw, and straight to the point.
Jewell was torn between two men: her baby’s daddy and a white man, Evan, who treated her like a queen. After thinking about and talking about it constantly, Jewell ended up staying with King, her son’s father, because to her, it was the right thing to do. Plus, she still loved him and for her son Tyson, keeping her family together was worth it.
“What’s the job? Is it at the law firm?” Harmony hoped not, because she didn’t feel ready for that, it was over her head.
“Would it matter if it was?” Jewell asked. She knew why Harmony asked. “You never give yourself any credit. You’re smart, Harmony, if you don’t believe it, no one else will.”
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