“What is it, Harmony? I’m busy right now.” He looked at his watch. “I thought you had to leave the house so quick.”
Harmony saw that he was going to hold on to his grudge. That was okay, because she was still going to say what she felt like saying. “I’m about to leave now, I just wanted to apologize again for this morning and I wanted to assure you I will be more conscious of taking care of your physical needs.” She waited on him to say something. When she realized he wasn’t, she walked toward the door, looked back, and said, “You have a nice day too.”
The second Shareef heard the door closed, he went into the house to call his boy, King. He needed someone to talk to before he did something he knew he would regret.
He knew King would give him words of wisdom and understand because just last week, when King and Jewell was having it out, King needed someone to speak to and as usual he picked up the phone to call Shareef.
As Shareef was dialing King’s number, the doorbell rang and Shareef remembered that they had an appointment with a client that morning.
Shareef opened the door with his face all frowned up.
Of course, King noticed. “Damn, man, what’s got you looking all tight and shit?”
“It’s Harmony, man, she’s been acting all tight with the pussy and shit, keeping it hostage.”
King followed Shareef into the office as he continued his rant. “I don’t ask for much from her, as a matter of fact, she requires more of me than I do of her and I’m tired of her ass always talking about she’s tired or got too much on her mind to take care of my needs.”
“Damn, you’re real pissed behind this, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s driving me crazy. What if I was like all them other motherfuckers and went out and found some other chick to handle my business with. Now that would be fucked-up.”
Shareef sat down and started to put his papers in his briefcase. King sat down across from him.
“Is that what you’re thinking about doing, something you’ll regret?”
Shareef stood up and looked at King with all seriousness. “I don’t know if I’ll actually regret it.”
King knew what Shareef was getting at. “Man, sit your ass down, we need to talk this out.”
Shareef shoved the last of the papers in his briefcase and sat in the chair across from King. “What?”
“Are you thinking about cheating?”
When Shareef didn’t answer him, King knew he had his answer. “You know you’re bugging, right? That shit ain’t even you.”
“How do you know what’s me? Maybe I’ve changed.”
“You know just like I know, you’re a one-woman man. Your ass is too old, just like my ass is too old to be out here trying to play the field. What? You think you can go from, Hi, I’m Shareef that loves my wife to playa, playa at the drop of a dime?”
Shareef puffed up and said, “Yeah, actually I do. I get hit on every day.”
King laughed.
Irritated, Shareef wanted to know what the hell was so funny.
“It’s just that Jewell and I have gone through this too. I felt like because I took care of things at home and was a good father, I should be able to get the pussy whenever I wanted it. It just doesn’t work that way.”
“Why not?” Shareef knew he was being an ass.
“Are you giving her anything to be excited about? Are you doing anything to turn her on or are you thinking because you’re you that should be enough.”
Shareef didn’t respond.
“Brother, do you even bother to put on any smell good? When was the last time you called her just to tell her you miss her? When was the last time you two went on a date? When was the last time you two did something without the kids? Not only that, but what you need to think about is all the diseases and shit that’s out there and those women who won’t think twice about trapping a man.”
Shareef just sat there and looked stunned that King was dropping it so hard on him.
King continued, “Now don’t think I’m placing all the blame on you, but before you complain you need to check yourself first. Women are very complicated. We all know that, but you’ve got to remember that women have an abundance of hormones and they change daily, their needs and their wants.”
Shareef was silenced by all that King was saying.
“Look, man, I know your lady, I hear the conversations she and Jewell have about you. That girl loves your dirty, stinky-ass drawers. She worships the ground you walk on.”
This was one of the reasons Shareef knew he could talk to King because the boy was deep, he knew his shit. “I love you, man,” Shareef told him. “You always set my ass straight.”
“Yeah, and you always do the same for me. We pull each other up when necessary.”
“Yeah, and when I really think about it, I don’t want to make the same mistake many men have made before me by messing up a good thing. Just because Harmony ain’t feeling sexual right now, it doesn’t mean I have to be an asshole either.”
King playfully punched Shareef in the arm. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. Call her up, take her to dinner tonight.”
“You and Jewell are going to watch the kids?”
“Man, please, you better get a babysitter.”
Together they laughed.
“See man, you ain’t right,” Shareef told him.
CHAPTER TEN
BELLA
Bella was preaching up a storm in the pulpit. Once again she was on the topic of forgiveness. She knew her congregation probably wondered why she preached so often on this topic, was it her favorite or what?
She wondered how they would feel if they knew it was because she needed to forgive herself for the lustful thoughts she was consumed with.
Sometimes when she looked out into the congregation, she just knew some of the people were wondering how the hell she of all people became a minister. She knew she wasn’t the average-looking preacher, which to her was someone male, older, overweight, and stuffy.
Bella was just the opposite, female, young, in shape, and attractive. Maybe that was the appeal of her church, many people could relate to her because of her appearance. She looked like she could be their sister, aunt, girlfriend, or cousin.
She knew she was known as the hip preacher, the one in the area that teens and young adults could relate to. She’d been stopped plenty of times in the supermarket, mall, or when she went on walks by people, who said just as much.
“I hear your church is where it’s happening, I hear that a lot of young adults go to your church, I’m going to bring my son or daughter.” A couple of ministers had even asked her what was her secret. Bella didn’t mind catering to the young. However and whoever God wanted her to serve, she would.
As Bella wrapped up the sermon, she glanced through the congregation to acknowledge some of the familiar faces and guests. It was when her gaze hit the back of the church that Bella stopped mid-sentence. No, it couldn’t be.
Bella noticed a couple of members turning to see what or who had captured her attention, so she quickly got herself back together, rushing through the rest of the service, and through prayer. She tried to slow down but she couldn’t stop herself. She was relieved when only one person stood in front of the pulpit.
Focus, Bella, focus, she repeated to herself as she prayed for them. It took everything in her power not to allow her eyes to roam to the back of the church and see if he was still sitting there.
There was no way this could be happening. How did he find me? Oh God, please help me get through this meet and greet, so I can run to my office.
Bella was going into panic mode. She could not believe that her past was sitting in the pews. She’d recognize that face anywhere, even after all these years. Was it coincidence? She didn’t think so, coincidences were something that she just did not believe in. It couldn’t be God’s doing, he wouldn’t play this kind of trick on her. He just wouldn’t. If it wasn’t a coincidence and it wasn’t God, then what in the world
was Ramsey doing here?
Okay, don’t panic, there’s really no need to, he knows your history, you know his. People change, as do circumstances. It’s been over fifteen years.
If only she could get herself to believe those words, especially right now. The line of people that wanted to speak with her was moving along. Don’t let these people have a lot to say. Eventually Ramsey stood and got in line as well. He was looking at her the whole time, whenever he’d catch her eye, he’d smile.
What could he be smiling about? Does he think I’m glad to see him? Bella tried to avert her eyes but found that it was a challenge to do so. After every couple of people, she’d look up at him.
“Pastor Bella, if you have a moment I’d like to speak with you privately,” the next person in line requested. It was Brother James.
This was perfect, she’d have just a moment or two to speak with Ramsey. She’d find out what he wanted and why he was at her church and then she’d politely inform him that one of the brothers of the church wanted to speak with her.
Before she knew it Ramsey was standing in front of her. “Wow, isn’t this a surprise?” He greeted her with his arms outstretched, expecting a hug.
Bella wanted so bad to push past him but with some of the members still around, Bella gave him a church hug, the real quick, pat-on-the-back kind and asked, “What are you doing here?” There was no need to beat around the bush, after all he knew her way back when.
“Is that any way to greet an old friend?”
“You’re right. It’s not. It just seems odd that after all these years we run into one another again.”
Ramsey looked around the church. “Who would have thought you’d be preaching?”
“Well, you know what the Bible says, ‘With God all things are possible.’ ”
Ramsey stepped closer to Bella, so close that a few people took notice. “You still look good, Bella.”
Bella took a step back. “Ramsey, you need to tell me why you’re here so I can get on with my day.”
“Why do I have to be here for anything? Why couldn’t I just happen to be in the area? I had no idea I was stepping into your church.”
Bella didn’t believe a word he was saying, but she decided to let it go. “Well, it was nice seeing you.” She turned to walk away but Ramsey grabbed her arm.
“I’d like to see you again. Maybe catch up on one another.”
Brother James, who was nearby watching the interaction, sensed that something was up and came over toward them. He looked straight at Bella and asked, “Is there a problem, Pastor?”
Bella shook her head. “No, Brother James, this here is an old friend of mine.”
Brother James looked at Ramsey and they acknowledged one another with a head nod. Brother James then looked at Ramsey’s hand, which was still holding onto Bella’s arm.
Ramsey noticed the protectiveness of the look. Not wanting to cause a scene and whip this man’s ass in the Lord’s house, released her arm.
“I’m not here to start trouble, Bella.”
Brother James looked from one to another and wondered what the hell was going on.
“I really was in the area, passing through and heard about this church. I was just as shocked to see you on the pulpit as you were to see me.”
Before Ramsey could say anything more, Bella told him, “I can talk with you tomorrow, here at the church, 1:00 P.M. How’s that?”
Brother James had not moved from his spot.
“I’ll take what I can get.” Ramsey looked at Brother James, smirked, and left the church.
Bella watched him walk out and noticed that the few women who were left in the church were watching him as well. She could understand why. Even she had to admit, he had not lost his swagger, he was still handsome, just a few years older. He definitely did not look like the drug dealer she knew many years ago.
“Do you mind my asking you what that was all about?” Brother James asked.
“Huh?”
“Your visitor, I sensed something there, something that had you on edge.”
Bella touched his shoulder and told him, “Don’t worry about me, everything is fine. He’s someone I knew way back when.”
“You do know I’m here in whatever capacity you need me in,” he told her, while touching the hand that was on his shoulder.
Bella knew he was saying more than she wanted him to by letting her know he was there for her. She chose not to respond and removed her hand. “Let me see everyone out and we can meet in my office.”
About fifteen minutes later, he followed her into the office. “Have a seat,” Bella told him as she went and turned on the coffeepot that was in the corner on a table.
Brother James sat down on the sofa that was against the wall and followed her every move with his eyes.
Bella poured herself a cup of coffee. “Would you like a cup?” she offered.
“No, what I would like is your undivided attention,” he told her.
Sensing that he was about to confess something of a serious nature, Bella sat next to him on the sofa, but was careful to put some distance between them. “What’s going on? What’s bothering you?”
“I’d like to take you out.”
Bella almost choked on her coffee. “Huh?”
“I’d like to take you out.”
“Take me out where?” There was no way he was asking her for a date. Would he really be bold enough to do such a thing? Is this what he meant when he said he was available to her in any capacity?
“On a date, movies, dinner, whatever you’d like to do, I’d be willing to do, where you’d like to go, I’d be willing to go.”
Bella was actually at a lost for words, she looked everywhere but at him.
“I know this is awkward for you,” he continued, “but I’ve been holding my feelings for you in for quite some time. You’re a very attractive woman, Bella.”
When he said her first name without her pastoral title, she knew he was dead serious.
“We’re both single and although I attend your church, I don’t see what the harm would be in us dating.”
Of course he didn’t see what the harm would be, he was a man, it wouldn’t be his reputation on the line. Bella finally found her voice. “I don’t think us dating is a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“I’m your pastor.”
“And?”
“And it would be unethical.”
“Would it? Think about it, how many ministers marry women from their churches, think about how often we hear of pastors playing the field.”
She knew he was right, but he didn’t know her past and if he did, would he still be interested? Bella raised her eyebrow. “So are you saying I should marry you or that we should just play the field?”
“I’m not saying either.”
“And just because others feel comfortable doing that, it doesn’t mean I would.”
Brother James stood up. “I’m not asking you for an answer right now. I don’t want to put any pressure on you.” He walked around the couch until he was standing behind her, and leaned over and whispered into her ear, “Just think about it. I’ve seen you looking at me and the way I interpreted that look was one of curiosity and maybe wanting to get to know me better. I hope I’m not wrong.”
He was right, she had been watching him on what she thought was the down low. It obviously wasn’t that low because he caught her. No use denying it, instead, she told him, “I’ll do that, I’ll think about it.”
Brother James smiled and told her, “That’s all I’m asking.”
When he left the room, Bella dropped to her knees and prayed for strength. She knew that the devil was at work and trying to destroy her. He knew she was lonely and in need of companionship, he knew her body was in need of some loving. He knew that she was feeling weak and that he was trying to come on in and take her out.
Bella knew she needed to put her armor on and take heed to her message about spiritual warfare, because the
war was on and she was losing the battle.
But even with knowing this, she wanted to tell Brother James, Yes. Yes, I’ll go out with you.
After all, a date didn’t mean they were going to sleep together. Bella tried convincing herself that a friendly dinner and possibly a movie wouldn’t hurt a soul. It would only mean what she wanted it to mean.
Would it really? If that was the case, why was she thinking ahead, wondering what would happen if someone in the congregation saw them? If she said yes, would they and should they keep their date a secret? If they chose to keep it a secret and it was something they couldn’t do out in the open, she knew it was wrong.
Bella needed someone to talk this out with, someone that would not judge her. She knew she had the Lord and that he should be enough. But what she wanted was a real live person, what she wanted was a friend. Even in her hooker days, she didn’t have many.
Right now, her journal was her best friend, she could write whatever she wanted to, her needs, wants, desires, and fantasies. At least she had that release, but it wasn’t enough. It was getting tiresome and boring. She needed feedback. Maybe it was time for her to take the first step and befriend someone. The question is, who would it be? The only people she really knew were members of her congregation and the group of women that were associated with the Essence of Self Center.
When she thought about it, there was someone that seemed real cool, that didn’t treat her like she was God’s answer and that someone was Crystal. Yes, she and Elsie had a friendship but there was something about Crystal that stood out. Bella felt like they had some kind kindred spirit. I’ll call her and see if she would like to have lunch or something this week. Thinking about lunch reminded Bella of her unwanted and unexpected visitor, Ramsey. Whatever it was he wanted, she was sure to find out tomorrow.
Over the next three hours, Bella sat in her office, read the Bible, and prepared her teachings for Wednesday evening. By the time she left, the only thing on her mind was food. Food and Ramsey.
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