Dandelions for Dinner (A Farm Fresh Romance Book 4)

by Valerie Comer

  Not that Allison had forgotten. Too many people stood within earshot, and that included her nephew. A sharp glance in his direction revealed Maddie tackling him. He shoved her aside, and she fell. A loud wail rose.

  “Finnley Daniel! I saw that. No pushing. Say you’re sorry to Maddie.”

  He slumped, his back still to her.

  “Maddie grabbed him first,” said Jo. “She instigated it.”

  “That doesn’t give him the right to push a smaller child.”

  Jo shook her head. “Maddie, tell Finnley sorry.”

  The toddler peered into his face. “Sowwy.”

  He twisted, turning his back to her.

  What on earth was Allison going to do with this child? She’d been losing her grip on her nephew ever since Brent had laid eyes on him. When had Brent figured out the relationship? All he wanted from her was access to his son. It wasn’t her he loved, no matter what he said. He was using her.

  She was done being used. Done having a specific purpose and then discarded. She’d done what her dad wanted and it had never been enough. Shame burned her face as she remembered what it was like to have that held over her every day. Never good enough. Never loved for herself. Always being used.

  No more. At least she’d eventually pulled free of her father and tried to rebuild herself. And with his death last year, she’d thought the bonds were shattered. It didn’t feel like it. They’d be part of her forever, pulling her down, pulling Finnley down.

  How had she thought she’d be a better parent than Lori? She had just as much baggage as her sister. Different baggage, but it was still there, like their father lived beyond his grave.

  “Allison?”

  She became aware of Jo’s gentle voice, of the tears blurring her own vision.

  Keanan pulled her into his arms. She stiffened and pushed away. He probably didn’t mean anything by it, but this wasn’t the time to find out.

  “I’m fine.” It didn’t sound like her voice, all scratchy and loud and defiant, but it was.

  “Allison, what time does Finnley go to bed? Because I’m coming over tonight. You need someone to share the burden.”

  “B-but Maddie…”

  “She goes to bed at eight. Her daddy will be home for her.” She raised her voice. “Right, Zach?”

  Zach gave a thumbs-up to Jo and a worried glance to Allison. Oh, man. It was bad enough letting another woman into her private space. What if Jo told Zach? She couldn’t stand him knowing. Or Noel, or Gabe, or Keanan. Was this what the farm team’s full disclosure meant to everyone?

  All her dirty laundry, hung out for everyone to inspect. To be horrified over. To shake their heads at what she’d done, what she’d allowed to happen. She’d been weak. She wasn’t anymore, and she didn’t want to remember.

  But she couldn’t keep the memories back. Not with all this stuff with Finnley and Lori and Brent crowding in. She’d been trying to manage on her own all her life.

  She met Jo’s concerned gaze. “He goes to bed at nine.”

  Jo nodded and reached for the next chicken. “I’ll be there.”

  Chapter 31

  Brent eyed Curtis as the truck turned southward for another weekend in Coeur d’Alene. After another week where he’d been unable to make headway with Allison. “What’s on your mind, man?”

  It wasn’t like Curtis to relinquish control of the other truck to Franco and request a ride with Brent instead. Could he hack the younger guy’s chatter all the way to the city? Or worse, his snipes against Allison?

  Curtis flexed his shoulders and glanced sideways at Brent. “Got a problem.”

  “Oh?”

  “You know I’ve been seeing Nya.”

  Not precisely news. “The waitress at The Sizzling Skillet.”

  Curtis nodded. “She’s, uh, pregnant.”

  Brent gripped the wheel and breathed a prayer for the right words. “Yours?”

  “Yeah. That’s what she says.” Curtis took a deep breath. “Probably true.”

  “What are you going to do?” The girl couldn’t be over twenty.

  “She said she’s getting an abortion. She can’t tell her parents.”

  The words stabbed Brent deep in the gut. Gina hadn’t even been able to tell him. Had her parents known? Probably not, at the time. He managed to keep his voice level. “Is that what you want?”

  Curtis grimaced. “I don’t know what I want. To erase everything, I guess.”

  “Abortion doesn’t erase things. Just sayin’.”

  “Seems like it would.”

  “It doesn’t. They try to tell you it will, but it doesn’t.” Please, God, give me words. “A woman is haunted all her life knowing she killed her baby.”

  “Embryo, dude. Not a baby.”

  “Oh, come on, Curtis. You’re a grownup.” Though that might be debatable. “You know where babies come from. Fertilized eggs turn into embryos that turn into babies. And there’s only one way eggs get fertilized.”

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  “Abortion isn’t the only option, you know. You could—”

  “I’m not marrying her. That’s so old-fashioned.”

  “With that attitude, you’re right.”

  Curtis’s jaw jutted out. “What do you mean?”

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right. You’re not doing the baby or Nya any favors getting married if you’re not committed to raising a family together. To staying together no matter what.”

  “Whew.”

  Silence reigned as they drove south. “Look, I know where you’re coming from on this.”

  Curtis chuckled. “Yeah, right.”

  “Really.”

  “Oh, Mr. Perfect is only an illusion?”

  Brent’s knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. “I’m not sure how you ever got that impression. I’m so not perfect.” But hadn’t he been doing his best to hide everything in his past that wasn’t? Still, flaunting it was stupid, to say nothing of humiliating.

  Here went humiliation.

  “I was pretty messed up in college. I barely attended enough class to get by. My life was full of alcohol and girls.”

  Curtis swung in the passenger seat to face him. “No way.”

  “I just found out the other day that I got one of my girlfriends pregnant and she had an abortion. She hated me but didn’t tell me. But then she found God—”

  “Don’t even start on the religious stuff.”

  “It’s part of the story.”

  Curtis crossed his arms. “Whatever.”

  “Gina found God and forgave me for what I’d done to her. After a while she met a great guy and they got married. Now she can’t get pregnant. The abortion messed up her insides.” Brent shot a glance at Curtis. “Do you want something like that on your conscience? Because it’s not that great a reality to live with.”

  “You said one of your girlfriends. How many did you have?”

  Yeah, he’d hoped Curtis would miss that. “Quite a few.”

  “You? I’d never have guessed.”

  “I’ve changed my ways, Curtis, but not before a lot of things happened I regret. Gina’s pregnancy and abortion was only one of them. I lived a very selfish life and it took some major stuff before God whacked me upside the head to get my attention.”

  “I said no religious talk.”

  “Look, you came to me for advice, and you’re stuck in this truck with me for another couple of hours while I give it. We’ve got a few things to cover here, like the realities of being a single parent, about the option of adoption, and about the fact that God cares what happens to you, Nya, and the baby. Feel free to ask questions, but we’re going in.”

  Maybe God had allowed him to run wild to the end of his rope so he could talk to guys like Curtis from a position of understanding.

  * * *

  “You were just a child trying to please your father.” Jo said over a cup of tea.

  Allison’s long hair shielded her from Jo’s gaze. “I should�
��ve known better.”

  “Listen to me. You’re not the only child in this world who’s been violated by a parent. It was not your fault.”

  “But—”

  “Allison.”

  She didn’t want to meet Jo’s gaze, but she did want to be free of this weight. She’d already told Jo more than she’d ever divulged to another human being other than her mother. Fat lot of good that had done.

  Stop making things up, Allison, and pretending they’re real.

  Yeah, stop being like Mom, who’d pretended her own ideals were reality. And if Mom wouldn’t believe her, who else would have? Only Lori, and she’d been trapped in the same nightmare until she ran away, leaving Allison to be the sole recipient.

  “You’ve never talked about this with anyone, have you.” Jo wasn’t asking a question.

  Allison shook her head. Even Chelsea had gotten the skimmed-over version the other day.

  “Have you thought of getting some counseling? Talking to someone who can help you break the bonds of the past? Because they’re like a forcefield on your shoulders, and you need rid of it, girl.”

  “You don’t understand,” Allison whispered. “It can’t be gotten rid of. It happened. I can’t undo that.” God only knew how hard she’d tried. Begged for relief.

  Jo surged to her feet and paced the small living room. “Have you met Pastor Ron’s wife, Wanda?”

  Allison blinked. “Um, I think so?”

  “She’s a trained counselor. She can help. May I call her for you?”

  “No.” The word shot out of Allison’s lips. “I’m sorry, Jo. I shouldn’t have told you all this. Promise me you won’t tell anyone else. I couldn’t hold my head up.”

  Jo knelt in front of Allison and grasped both her hands. “It’s not your burden to carry.”

  “Whose is it then?” Allison yanked her hands away and stood, putting the chair between them. “It’s me it happened to.”

  “Jesus.”

  The name hung in the air between them, almost visible. Allison stared at Jo.

  “Allison, you’re a Christian. You’ve accepted Jesus’ sacrifice on your behalf. But you have to claim it and live it. I don’t know how to help you with that, but Wanda does.”

  Part of her yearned for it. But she’d opened up to Jo, and Jo didn’t have answers, only the name of someone else she should talk to. What if Wanda didn’t have the answer, either, and referred her to someone else?

  “You don’t understand. I’ve prayed.”

  Man, she hated seeing sympathy in Jo’s eyes. “I’m sure you have, sweetie. But this freedom is worth pursuing.”

  Allison shook her head. “Did anything like this ever happen to you when you were a kid?”

  “No. My stepfather didn’t give me the time of day. I guess I can be thankful.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But he still nearly ruined me for marriage. He and my mother didn’t model anything I wanted.”

  “Men are idiots. They take and take and take.”

  “Women are idiots, too.”

  Allison narrowed her gaze at Jo.

  “Look, we don’t have to be victims. Men and women — we’re all human. We’re all tainted by sin. It’s got nothing to do with gender. We’ve all had different upbringings. Some were raised in solid homes where their parents loved and respected each other. Like Zach. You’ve seen Rosemary and Steve. Can you imagine either of them a victim? Can you imagine them unhappy in their marriage, even with Steve’s disability?”

  Allison shook her head. But if she’d had a decent upbringing, she’d be good to go, too.

  “Claire, Noel, me… we had messed-up lives as kids. Not the same as you, but there’s more than one brand of dysfunctional.” Jo leaned closer. “Jesus can heal them all.”

  What had Brent’s childhood been like? What caused him to live a wild life in college?

  If she forced herself to admit it, his lifestyle wasn’t that unusual. Lots of young people that age partied. Drank. Did drugs. Slept around. Why did she hate it so much in him?

  Because of Lori. Because she couldn’t think of kissing Brent without thinking about him kissing her sister. Living with her. Having sex with her.

  “Tell me why you can’t relax and get to know Brent. He seems like a great guy. He loves the Lord.”

  It was like Jo read her mind.

  “Is it only because of your childhood? Or is there something more with him?”

  Jo had no idea. A sob caught in Allison’s throat and she fought it down, turning away to hide the tears that threatened to overflow.

  “Allison? Tell me about Brent.”

  “Didn’t Gina tell everyone?” The bitterness in her voice surprised even Allison.

  “Gina?” Jo sounded perplexed. “Gina who?”

  That name should never have erupted from Allison’s mouth. She knew Jo well enough to know everything would come out now. Allison glanced toward Finnley’s bedroom door — closed — and took a deep breath.

  “Gina and Parker were here for Sierra’s wedding.”

  “Oh, right. I remember meeting them. They stayed over and came out to the farm for breakfast on Monday with a bunch of other people.”

  Allison squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.

  “Sh-she used to be Brent’s… girlfriend. She got p-pregnant and had an abortion.”

  “Oh, no.”

  “He didn’t know anything about it until Monday.” She peered at Jo from behind lowered lashes, waiting for the reaction.

  Jo’s eyebrows pulled together. “She and Parker came in the house talking about how good God is. That doesn’t sound—”

  “She said she’d been praying for him. That she forgave him.”

  “Well, that’s awesome then.” Jo looked at her again. “Isn’t it?”

  Allison bit her lip.

  “So there’s more. Keep going.”

  “Gina…” Allison swallowed hard. “She said she knew she wasn’t the only one. They talked about Denver. About when this happened.”

  “And…?” prompted Jo when Allison paused.

  “My sister was there then.”

  “Uh huuuh?”

  Did Allison have to spell everything out? She raised her jaw and faced Jo. “Brent is Finnley’s father.”

  Jo sank into the nearest chair. “No.”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “Did he tell you that? Or did you…” Jo fluttered her hands.

  “Make it up due to them looking alike? He told me. After the thing with Gina.”

  “Oh, man.”

  Allison couldn’t look at Jo while thoughts and emotions ran across her friend’s face. “Can I make you another cup of tea?”

  “Sure. Please.”

  Her hands trembled as she added water to the kettle and turned the element on.

  “That must’ve been a blow. All of it.”

  “You have no idea.”

  Jo laughed without humor. “I can imagine. But this isn’t the Brent we know today.”

  Allison pivoted. “What do you mean? Same guy.”

  “But he’s changed his ways. He’s a Christian now.”

  “It’s still him inside. Don’t you get it? He used women. He slept with my sister.”

  “Sweetie, when we come to God and ask Him to forgive us, does He do it?”

  Trick question, but there was only one right answer. Allison forced it out between clenched teeth. “Yes.”

  “We are not the same people after accepting God’s gift. How can we be? The Bible calls us new creations. Says the old is gone and everything is new.”

  If only that undid Brent and Lori. Finnley.

  The kettle boiled and Allison fixed the tea. She brought a cup to Jo and curled up in the other chair. “I wish I hadn’t said anything.”

  To Jo’s credit, she did not roll her eyes. “Why?”

  “Because…” Allison studied the tea in her cup. “Because now you know too much about me.”

  “You think it gives me power
over you? That I’d use it against you?”

  Allison swallowed hard and tried to still the trembling teacup.

  “Oh, sweetie. Never. God is big enough to deal with the pain in your past. He’s big enough to give Brent forgiveness and a new hope for the future, too.” Jo leaned forward in Allison’s peripheral. “He’s big enough to forgive your sister for what she’s done.”

  Forgive Lori? “But… Finnley…”

  “I know,” Jo said simply.

  “And Brent.” Even harder.

  Jo nodded. “God is bigger. More compassionate.”

  It didn’t take much to be more compassionate than she’d been. She could almost forgive Lori. After all, she understood the circumstances that started it all. But Brent… she’d almost trusted him.

  “Everyone has weeds in their lives, Allison. You have a crop of uncommonly stubborn burrs. The big burr got plucked when you came to faith in Jesus, but some of the little hooks stayed stuck inside you. It’s time to let Jesus remove those, too.”

  “But how?” The whispered words hung in the air before Allison realized they’d left her mouth.

  “I’ll pray with you. For you. But would you consent to talking to Wanda? She’ll know the right way to guide you to freedom.”

  Freedom. It sounded so impulsive. Like twirling in the sand. Like dancing to unheard music. Like a kite flying with no tether.

  Could she handle freedom? It might mean giving up control. Everything could blow up in her face.

  But what could be worse than reality? It might be worth the chance to let God do some weeding in her life. It might be painful, but life already was.

  I love you, my child. Let me take over.

  If she couldn’t trust God, there really was no hope.

  She met Jo’s gaze and nodded. “Okay. I’ll talk to her.”

  Chapter 32

  It wasn’t like Finnley to sleep so late in the morning, even on a Saturday with few plans. Hopefully he hadn’t stayed up listening to Allison and Jo talk in the other room. They’d really tried to keep their voices down so he wouldn’t overhear.

  What if he had, though? Allison eyed his closed bedroom door.

  Was it fair to keep the knowledge of who his father was from him? But he was barely four. It couldn’t matter to him yet. And besides, Brent should be the one to tell him if anyone did.