The Long Ride Home (Cowboys & Cowgirls)

by Danielle Lee Zwissler

Holton looked over at Elena, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked terrible.

  “What are you doing here?” Elena asked, a little drunk.

  “I came to see you.”

  “What about Beth Ann?” she asked, leaning on the counter. Holton reached over to help her stand up straight.

  “Beth Ann and I aren’t together. I don’t know why she was at my house, but I can prove that I wasn’t there with her when you called.”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “He was here about twenty minutes after you left for the movie,” Cheryl added. Elena’s eyes widened.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, which leads me to asking you where you’ve been for the past ten hours?”

  Elena started crying and she grabbed hold of Holton and held him tight. Holton held her in his arms and tried to soothe her. “I missed you, Elena.”

  “I missed you, too. I didn’t do anything, Holton.”

  “I know, Elena. Let’s get you into bed.”

  “Will you stay with me?” she asked softly. He could feel her trembling in his arms and he nodded.

  They walked up to the bedroom and Holton helped her into bed.

  “I’m really sorry, Holton,” Elena said, hiccupping.

  “Me, too. I don’t know why she was there. I just thought I would come up here and see you and…hell, I don’t know. I missed you. All I could do is think of you this week. You’ve never been far from my mind.”

  Elena cried harder. “What do you want to do?”

  “Just sleep,” Holton said, exhausted.

  Elena nodded and Holton crawled in beside her. Elena snuggled up beside him and he put his arm around her, cradling her to his side. Several times during the morning and afternoon he awoke to Elena’s voice. She talked in her sleep.

  When Elena woke up, she knew something had changed in her relationship with Holton. He was now sitting on the chair in her room next to her window. He was putting on his shoes and looking out at driveway and the parked cars.

  Elena stood up and walked over to where he was, startling him. “Sorry, I thought you heard me,” she said smiling.

  Holton shook his head and then looked back where he was. Sighing, he turned and looked directly at Elena and took her hands in his. “I can’t do this,” he said gruffly. “I thought I could, but I just can’t. I had no idea where you were last night and it scared me to death.”

  Elena’s eyes widened and she felt overwhelmed. She knew the tears were going to come full force. “I’m so sorry, Holton. I called you…she answered the phone.”

  “So you just went out with the first guy that was around?” Holton asked. He wasn’t yelling which made her feel even worse. He looked beaten.

  “No, it wasn’t like that. I just. I needed to get out of here.”

  “Elena, I’m just not meant for this kind of thing. I thought I could try it, because it was with you, but I was just fooling myself. You are too far away, and I, like you, don’t like sharing either. It really bothered me seeing you with him last night.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry!” Elena cried. “Don’t you get it, that’s how I felt when Beth Ann came over and when she answered your phone last night!”

  “And I’m sorry for that, really I am. I don’t know why she was over there, and I sure as hell don’t know how she got in to my house, but I don’t love her, Elena. I told you that already. I think if you really knew me the way you say you do, you’d know that I would never do that to you. I would never do what we did on the phone the other night and then switch partners so quickly. I have never done anything like that in my life.”

  “Me, neither. Holton, I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”

  Holton took a deep breath and turned his head toward the window. “I’m sorry.”

  “No!” Elena cried. “Don’t do this. Really, I’m sorry!”

  “I’m sorry, too. Listen, I’m not mad at you. It is what it is. You are too far away; I am neglecting things at home to come here to see you. It is way too difficult to just be with you. It shouldn’t be like that. I can’t concentrate on anything anymore.”

  “But…”

  Holton stood up; a tear ran down his face. Elena knew with just that one tear, he was done. She gulped.

  “One last kiss?” Elena pleaded.

  Holton turned toward her and pulled her into his arms, kissing her as if his life depended on it. By the time the kiss was through, Elena was trembling.

  “I love you,” Elena whispered.

  Holton closed his eyes to the pain and the last thought that went through his head before he opened the door to leave was that he loved her, too.

  Chapter 9

  The next week was awful for Holton. Everything that could go wrong did. First, the livestock auction—he didn’t get a decent price for his steers. He fell short on the bid for the new bull he wanted, and the woman that cooked for him for the past five years was now working somewhere else—for more money and less time.

  In short, he was nearly broke and hungry. His nights were even worse. They were filled with the last kiss from Elena and the tears in her eyes when he told her it was over. He hated himself; he hated his life.

  “You look like you just lost your best friend,” Joe Thomas said as he got out of his pickup truck and walked up to the front porch where Holton was sitting. There were four Adirondack chairs sitting in the middle of the bay window.

  “Nothing is going the way I planned it to.”

  “I take it last week was a bust with Elena?”

  “We broke up.”

  “Ouch, sorry, man. That has to suck.”

  “You have no idea. The auction didn’t go well, I didn’t get the bull and Lousie quit.”

  “Damn! When you lose, you really lose, don’t you?” Joe said, flinching at the look on Holton’s face.

  “I guess this would be a bad time to tell you that Mayor Wilkens moved up the date on the county fair.”

  Holton leaned his head back and hit it on the front of the house. “Fu…”

  “That’s just fantastic. Really, what else could go wrong?”

  “I know…so, what are you helping with this year?”

  “Other than showing our stock? Well, I have to help with building some of the displays and then I’m working with the 4h kids on the show.”

  “When is he planning on moving this thing up?”

  “It’s in less than two weeks.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, that’s one thing to keep my mind off Elena.”

  “Yeah, hard work always helps…that and beer.”

  “There’s never been a beer that I haven’t liked, that’s for sure. So, what are you doing here?”

  “Just came by to see if you wanted to get a beer, and of course to tell you about the fair change.”

  “Shit. I don’t know…I have a ton of stuff to do.”

  “What can I do to help? I could send over a few of my guys for a few days. I really don’t need them.”

  Holton looked over at Joe and half smiled. “You’re a good man, Joe. Thanks, but I have everything covered here, except dinner.”

  “Jenny can set an extra place,” Joe offered, but Holton declined.

  “It’s okay. I probably deserve to be alone anyway. That’s what I wanted, isn’t it?” Holton berated himself. He wiped his hand down his face in disgust and stood, hitting his cowboy hat against his thigh. “Well, I better get moving. I have a lot to do.”

  “It’s seven,” Joe stated. “What’s left for tonight?”

  “I’m going to go through the books. I must have made some mistake. And then I have to go over to Elena’s. Two of her Herefords got out last night. Some of the fence is looking bad. I need to patch it.”

  “Let me send one of my guys over,” Joe said, feeling sorry for Holton. “You don’t need to be over there at her place.”

  “She signed the land over to me before
she went back to school.”

  Joe’s eyes widened. “She just gave you her place?”

  “Yep,” Holton said. He had brown streaks under his eyes from lack of sleep.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Nothing I can do. She is too far away. She still has a year left of school, and I can’t keep tabs on her 24/7.”

  “Why would you want to?” Joe asked. “Do you want her to be up your butt all the time, too?”

  “No, it’s not that. She…I drove up there last Wednesday.”

  “Yeah, after I was up, I know.”

  “Well, I left at around two. Elena called me around four or five and Beth Ann answered the phone.”

  “Whose phone?”

  “Mine.”

  “How did she do that?”

  “She was in the house. She answered the home phone and Elena was told that Beth Ann and I were getting married. I could kill Beth Ann for that, but maybe it’s for the best.”

  “Are you kidding? It’s Elena we’re talking about. Elena is one of the nicest…wait a minute; Elena broke up with you over that? Hell, what time did you get to Sunnybrook? You can prove to her that you weren’t with Beth Ann.” Joe looked happy for a moment like he saved his and Elena’s relationship.

  “I proved it, but she went out with another guy. She also spent the night with the guy getting drunk. She came home the next morning; meanwhile, I was up all night worrying about her. It’s not worth it, Joe. I can’t tell you what I went through.”

  “I bet,” Joe said. “Shit, that’s terrible. All because of Beth Ann.”

  “No, all because she didn’t trust me. I’m not going to tell you about what we, Elena and I have done or been through, but she should have trusted us. When I got there and she was gone, well…let’s just say I learned my lesson. I’m not going through that again.”

  “Yeah, but here you are, going through that moment repeatedly.”

  “What are you talking about?” Holton asked, looking at Joe as if he were nuts.

  “You are going to play that moment through your head over and over. Dude, when are you going to man up and realize that you are in love with her?”

  “I am in love with her, damn it!” Holton yelled, feeling foolish for admitting it to Joe instead of Elena.

  “Well then what the hell are you doing here?”

  “I’m being the smart one. I told you once before that I don’t want to be that person. And look, here I am, being that person. I am in love with her, and now I have to worry about how she is, or who she’s with.”

  “Yeah, and you do see my point, right? You are going to do that anyway; so why torture yourself alone? Be with her!”

  “No,” Holton said, shaking his head. “She needs to finish school; she needs to get her head on straight and graduate. Maybe once she’s finished we can b…what am I saying? I don’t want this.”

  “Yes you do,” Joe said, laughing.

  “Shut up, Joe,” Holton mumbled.

  “Let’s go get drunk,” Joe said.

  “Fine, if that’s what it will take for you to shut up, I’m game.”

  ***

  “Elena, would you like to go out tonight?” Jonathon asked after her anthropology class. Elena frowned, wondering what class he had so close to hers. She would have to reroute.

  “No, I’m sorry, Jonathon. I have exams tomorrow, and I haven’t studied.”

  “Well, that’s perfect. I can help you study.”

  Elena sighed. “I have a lot of work to do, Jonathon.”

  “Listen, I know all about the old dude that you were dating, Cheryl told me. We’ll just study and maybe go out for a coffee.”

  Elena looked at him and frowned. “He’s not old.”

  “He’s eight years older than you. He’s ancient; besides, don’t you want to show him that you can make it on your own?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Well, you are acting pathetic. Nobody wants a pathetic woman.”

  “Well you don’t seem to have a problem with me,” Elena threw back. She was sick of everyone.

  “No, but that’s because I’m young and immature.” Jonathon smiled and wriggled his eyebrows.

  “You are ridiculous,” Elena said, laughing.

  “Come out with me, bring your books, and we’ll study our asses off.”

  Elena looked at him and he smiled a ridiculous goofy grin. “Okay, but I really do need to study,” she said and then they walked toward the student center together, discussing their study plans.

  ***

  “Holton Dade, I haven’t seen you in a long, long time,” the tall brunette bartender said. She picked up two tall glasses behind the counter and filled them with the frothy liquid.

  “Aw, Sarah Marie, how have you been?” Holton asked as Joe joined him at the bar.

  “I’ve been great. I see you are still hanging around with this moron,” she said, pointing to Joe.

  Joe smiled and winked at Sarah. “Sarah, when are you going to realize that we are the two most perfect people in the world for each other?”

  Sarah looked at Joe oddly and blushed as Holton laughed. “Wow, I had no idea what a Romeo Joe was,” Holton said as he looked from Sarah to Joe.

  “He’s always coming in here flirting with everyone with a skirt.”

  “You never wear a skirt and I always flirt with you, Sarah,” Joe said as he leaned forward on the bar. “And you always pour me my beer when you see me and have it ready.”

  “I do not!” she said and then looked down at her hand and passed both beers to Holton. Holton laughed as Joe grinned.

  “Holton, I’ll take that pale ale. She knows that’s for me.”

  “Joe, I swear I will beat that stupid grin off your face!”

  “Mmm… I think I’d like that way too much, but I welcome you to try anytime you feel like it.”

  Sarah’s eyes widened. “You stop it!”

  Joe grinned.

  “She is going to start poisoning that drink of yours if you don’t quit,” Holton mumbled to Joe. Joe laughed.

  “She knows I love her,” Joe said and then looked over to her and winked.

  Sarah’s face reddened and she went behind the double doors that led to the kitchen.

  “Man, you have her all flustered. You better stop,” Holton said and then took a drink of his beer. Joe kept watching the doors and didn’t comment.

  “What are you waiting for?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Wait a minute…why did we come here?” Holton asked Joe.

  “To get drunk, why?” Joe asked, still looking at the doors Sarah walked through.

  “I don’t think so…you really like her,” Holton said.

  “Yeah, of course I do. I love her,” Joe replied. Just then Sarah walked back through the doors. Her eyes looked red and splotchy.

  Joe took a deep breath and leaned in to the bar and motioned for her to come toward them.

  “Man, maybe you should just…”

  “What do you need, Joe?”

  “You,” Joe said quietly.

  “Stop it. I mean it, Joe!”

  “No, I won’t stop. I told you once before that I loved you. You would think by now you would stop torturing yourself and just give in.”

  “I don’t want you, Joe!” Sarah said.

  Holton flinched and thought about his last conversation with Elena. “Joe, maybe we should just go.”

  “No, man, we came here to help you. I’ll…I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah,” Joe said, making eye contact with Sarah. “I’ll live. It’s not like I have anything else to do. Everything I care about is in this room.”

  Sarah shook her head and walked to the other paying customers at the bar.

  “How long have you and Sarah been like this?” Holton asked quietly.

  Joe shook his head. “I’ve loved Sarah since we were kids. It’s just like you and Elena. I know what it feels like, Holton. T
hat’s why I stuck up for Elena. She’s felt for you like I feel for Sarah. It sucks when the other person doesn’t return it.” Joe looked down in disgust at his drink.

  “Wow. I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know.”

  “Yeah. She dated my brother for a while; try living with something like that! I got to see her every night while my brother cheated on her with Lacy Stevens. I didn’t say anything to her because I wanted to keep on seeing her. I was too shy to actually talk to her, but I got to eat dinner with her every night, watch movies with her on my parents’ couch, and a few times I was actually alone with her while she waited for my brother to come home. That was years ago. She’s still mad about all that. I tried to tell her, but she won’t listen. She thinks I’m just like my brother.”

  “You two couldn’t be more different,” Holton defended. “She has to know that.”

  “No, she doesn’t. I come in here, I talk to her, I tell her how I feel and she just laughs in my face. I’ve been thrown out a few times, too.”

  Holton flinched.

  “You sure do like to torture yourself,” Holton said, finishing up his beer. He pushed it forward and turned on the barstool toward Joe.

  “What can I say, I’m a masochist.” Joe smiled and tapped the bar with his empty glass. “Can we get another round, beautiful?”

  “Stop calling me that, and I’ll get you one last beer. You need to go home.”

  “I’ll go home when I see that you get to your car safely,” Joe said quietly. He leaned in and closed his eyes. “God you smell so good.”

  “Please, Joe, stop coming in here.”

  “I can’t. Don’t ask me to, Sarah.”

  “I’m dating Eric Johnson now. He’s not going to like you hanging around.”

  Joe felt like his stomach fell out from him. “Dating?”

  “Yeah,” Sarah said, smiling. “I’m happy, Joe.”

  Joe just stared at her and couldn’t form a sentence if he tried. Sarah, dating—Sarah happy without him.

  “Joe?” Sarah asked, looking concerned. “Joe?”

  Joe stood up and placed two bills on the counter in front of him. He looked at Holton and spoke loud enough for Sarah to hear. “There you go, Holton. You were right.”

  “What do you mean?” Holton asked.

  “You said that you didn’t want to know the feeling of loving someone and for them to die or for them to leave you. And then you said something about not knowing how to live without them, not knowing what you would do if something happened.”