Down the Brink

by Lisa von Biela

  His cell door opened, the hinges squealing a warning. Gil stifled a gasp, his heart pounding. The door slammed shut, its clang as unforgiving as death. Heavy boots thumped on the cement floor of his cell, coming toward him, slowly, deliberately. Drawing out the fear and torment. Gil clamped his eyes shut, every muscle iron-taut as all the possibilities of what was going to happen ran through his mind.

  Without a word or a warning, a powerful hand gripped his upper arm and jerked him to his feet in one fluid motion. A guard, nearly a foot taller than him, glared down from behind a black ski mask. Gil struggled to break free, but the guard was too fast and too strong for him. He spun him around, ripped open his jumpsuit and yanked it down below his hips.

  Panicked, Gil tried to sidestep, but there was nowhere to go, no way to escape in the murky darkness. The jumpsuit hobbled his ankles and he crashed to the floor, panting. Before he could roll out of the way, the guard seized him by the shoulders and flung him face-down onto the bed. Everything was moving way too fast in way too little light.

  Gil fought to free himself, but the guard pinned him down and ground his face into the mattress with ruthless ease. Writhing and twisting, he tried to turn his head so he could get a full breath, stop the burning in his lungs. He struggled for air until a wave of dizziness washed away his strength.

  Lightheaded and weak, Gil felt the guard pushing his legs apart but could do nothing to stop him. All he could think of was trying to gulp some air—if he could only get the chance. Suddenly, Gil felt a searing pain like never before as the guard forced himself inside him.

  Something within him shut off, disconnected. He heard gasps and grunts. And screams. Whose were they? The room spun. He felt remote, separated from what was happening to him as he slowly suffocated through the pain and humiliation.

  Gil opened his eyes, found himself lying on the cement floor, cold and naked, like something discarded. The day lights had come on, and he was alone now in his cell. He had no idea how long he’d been lying there like that.

  Groaning, he pushed himself up to a sitting position. He was sore all over. Worse, he hurt inside. He glanced around, saw bloodstains on the mattress, some on the floor beside him. He felt wet where he shouldn’t be. He touched himself there, then stared at his trembling fingers. Blood. It wasn’t a bad dream. It really happened.

  It happened once. It would happen again. Only a matter of when—and how often. He clapped his hands over his face and sobbed. The night was no longer safe. As if it ever was.

  CHAPTER 36

  Second Wednesday in October, 2021

  Seco, Texas

  Aggie lingered in the bar’s parking lot, afraid to leave her car. Breathe in, breathe out. Deep, yogic breathing seemed like the only thing standing between her and a major panic attack.

  Gil would be coming home in just over two weeks. And that meant facing up to what she had to do, no matter what. Even though the last time she tried to break it off with Lennie, he terrorized and threatened her into letting him back into her life. This time she had to make it happen. Had to end it once and for all.

  It’s not like Lennie didn’t know this day would come. She made it clear from the start she had no intention of leaving Gil for him or anyone. Now they both had to face reality, that it was time—well past time, in fact—to end this.

  But after what happened last time, no way did she want to have this conversation at her home—or his, for that matter. His temper terrified her and she didn’t want to be alone with him, knowing full well she was going to piss him off. So she waited for Lennie to invite her to drinks after work at the bar just outside of town, where no one knew them. She’d be safer with people around, and she could leave when she needed to.

  She took one more deep breath. Time to go inside and get it over with.

  Trembling, she stood just inside the bar, scanning the tables in the subdued light. There he was, toward the back, his eyes glued to his cell. Probably playing that goddamned game again. Seemed if he wasn’t eating, drinking, or trying to seduce her, he was playing that damned MoonPop like his life depended on it. He was so addicted to it, he went into a horrific rage every time there was an update. For some reason, he was convinced the updates were a ploy to erase his ranking and make him start over, so he always cursed and yelled and refused to take them.

  Aggie made her way across the room with what she hoped looked like a confident, no-nonsense stride. If she could project it, maybe he’d feel it—even if she didn’t.

  Lennie looked up from his game and scowled. “You’re late. Where’ve you been?”

  She slid into the booth across from him. Great. He was already in a foul mood. Better not give him the upper hand from the get-go by backing down and apologizing. Not this time.

  She shrugged one shoulder. “I had something to finish up first.”

  He stuffed his cell into his pocket. “You could have at least called.”

  “What would you two like tonight?” A middle-aged blonde in too-tight jeans whisked a damp rag across the table, then set down two cardboard coasters bearing the bar’s logo.

  “Two Mojitos, please.”

  “Got it.” The server turned and headed for the bar.

  When he started with the mixed drinks on an empty stomach, Lennie either got belligerent—or horny. Better to get this over with before either happened.

  Aggie stared down at the table and bit her lip. “Lennie, we have to talk.”

  “About what?” He fixed her with a look just short of a glare.

  “You know what about. Gil’s getting out in only a couple of weeks.” She took a deep breath. “It’s time we…stop.”

  Lennie sat silent, his face coloring. His jaw muscles flexed and rippled. His hands clenched into fists, knuckles white. He hid them under the table when the server came to deliver their drinks.

  “Here you go. Enjoy!”

  He waited for her to move out of earshot, then hissed, “I thought we were back together. For good.” His lips formed a thin, red line. “I thought that was clear after last time.”

  Aggie’s heart pounded. “I never said that. I never said I would leave Gil. If you thought—”

  He leaned forward over the table and spoke through a clenched jaw. “Words aren’t everything. You said it with your body every time we were together. That’s no lie.”

  Aggie leaned back, desperate to be as far away from him as possible, as soon as possible. She shook her head. “No. I made a mistake by starting this in the first place, but you bullied me into getting back with you.” She stood, resting her hand on the seatback for support. “It’s time for this to stop. Now.”

  She turned and made for the door with the most dignified gait she could muster, given that her legs felt like rubber. With each step, she could feel Lennie’s glare boring into her back like a dagger.

  At least it was over and done.

  Aggie rested on her couch, feet up on the coffee table, a glass of wine in her hand. She hadn’t changed position in the last couple of hours. It took every bit of her energy just to try to sort through all the thoughts and emotions running through her head.

  She was relieved to finally end things with Lennie, though a part of her felt a sort of loss. She’d never been in love with him—nor had he been in love with her, if he’d only be truthful with himself. It had been a physical thing for them both. But for her, it was something more. Being with him helped stave off her terror of being alone in the house at night, the lingering damage from that home invasion when she was a kid. Without Gil, it hadn’t taken long for it to come back full-force.

  But he’d be home soon! She couldn’t wait to have him back, but at the same time, she was afraid of what he already knew or might figure out. She clenched her jaw. No matter what it took, she had to make sure Gil never confirmed whatever suspicions he already had. But…what small, subtle thing might eventually trip her up? Would there be something about her that he would notice?

  She took another sip of wine. At leas
t she had a little time left to prepare herself to have him home again. But what would it be like for him? Would prison have changed him in some way? How could it not?

  Aggie glanced at the clock. Eleven already. Maybe she should take a long, hot shower and go to bed. See if she could quit obsessing and get some sleep so she could face work in the morning.

  “Open up! I know you’re in there!” Lennie pounded on the front door.

  Aggie froze. He sounded drunker than she’d ever heard him. And dangerously angry. She held her tongue. Maybe he’d go away.

  “You bitch! Open up! I’ll burn the place down with you in it!” He kicked the door, shaking it in the frame.

  Aggie grabbed her cell off the coffee table, torn whether to call the police or not. She’d have to explain how they knew each other. But he might break in. And if he went that far…he might do anything. Like those men who murdered her parents.

  She punched 9-1-1 and clenched her eyes shut, trying to ignore Lennie’s shouting and the staccato pounding in her chest. She could still put the phone down without actually calling, if he’d just go away.

  Another hard kick to the door and she heard something crack. If he kept it up, he’d get in for sure. She hit Call.

  “What’s your emergency?” The dispatcher sounded matter-of-fact, like insanity was nothing new to her.

  “Someone’s trying to break in. He’s kicking the door—it’s starting to crack,” she whispered into the phone.

  “Is he armed, do you know?”

  “I don’t know. I’m alone here. I’m scared!”

  “We’ll send a car out right away. Give me your address and I’ll stay on the line until they get there.”

  Aggie gave her address and clung to the phone, trembling harder each time Lennie kicked the door and yelled. The door couldn’t last much longer. He’d shatter it and get in if he kept at it.

  After the longest few minutes of her life, a siren sounded in the distance.

  “They’re here now.”

  She hung up, ran to the front window and peered out from between the curtains, angling to see the doorstep. Lennie stood there in the glare of the porch light, hair wild, fists clenched, screaming, and bashing the door. Oblivious to the sound of the siren.

  The cop car pulled to the curb, tires squealing and lights flashing. Two uniformed cops got out and scrambled to the opposite side of the car. One of them shouted through a bullhorn.

  “Police! Put your hands up and turn around!”

  “Go away!” Lennie kept pounding and kicking.

  “Hands up, turn around…NOW!”

  “Fuck you!” Lennie reached for the waistband of his pants and pulled out a pistol.

  Aggie gasped and crouched lower. She had no idea he owned a gun.

  “Put the gun down! NOW!”

  “Fuck you, bitch!”

  Lennie swung the gun up, shoved the barrel deep inside his mouth so swiftly and unerringly it looked like a practiced move.

  And fired.

  Aggie screamed as Lennie’s head flew apart in a bloody explosion. His body collapsed on the front porch and the two cops came running, just as everything went dark.

  Aggie shuffled up to her front door in the early dawn light, eyes averted, trying not to remember what she saw happen there last night. Thank God they’d taken away the body and mostly cleaned it up while she was being questioned all night at the police station.

  She took one quick glance around as she slid her key into the lock. A few blood spatters remained here and there. Later. She couldn’t deal with anything more right now.

  She opened the door and trudged inside, as dead-weary as if she hadn’t slept in a month. She supposed she ought to be grateful to Lennie in a way. In a sick, sad way. The cops had no idea of the true nature of their relationship. Because of how Lennie killed himself—outside of her house, in full view of the cops—she was spared having to reveal much to satisfy them. She just told them she knew Lennie from work, and left it at that. He was obviously very drunk, unstable, and scared her. That’s all they needed to know.

  Case closed. Nothing left but to clean up a few more blood spatters. And to bury the whole truth somewhere deep inside, where Gil would never find it. And where she could try to forget it.

  Lennie was just a guy at work who must have developed a crush on her. One day he went over the edge. Who knew?

  It was even true…as far as it went.

  CHAPTER 37

  First Monday in November, 2021

  Elias, Texas

  Aggie cranked the wiper speed up as far as it would go. It didn’t help. The rain was coming down so fast and hard, it was as if someone had a firehose trained on her windshield. She slowed to a crawl and glanced in her side and rear-view mirrors. No good. Couldn’t see out any of the windows. Not at all. Could be someone right up her tailpipe and she’d have no clue. Pulling over had to be safer than creeping along, blind, in the traffic lane. Too bad she couldn’t see where the damned shoulder was.

  She bit her lip, braced herself in case she hit something, and pulled to the side of the road on nothing but faith. It worked. No sound of crumpling steel, just the rain and sleet pounding her car like it wanted to keep her from her final destination. Aggie leaned back in her seat and breathed for the first time in the last twenty minutes—at least it seemed like it. She pried her hands off the steering wheel and flexed her stiff fingers. As long as no one else decided to pull over in the same spot, she was okay for the time being.

  Goddamned storm was the last thing she needed today. Bad enough she’d been a bundle of nerves all this past week, struggling through her work days and barely sleeping or eating. She thought she’d allowed plenty of time to get to the prison. But the storm had slowed her way down, and now she’d be late to pick Gil up. Stupid not to have checked the weather last night.

  She wondered if Gil felt as conflicted about his release as she did. Of course she wanted him home. But what would it be like—especially after Lennie? She’d have to tell him about the suicide. Couldn’t let him find out about it some other way. She had her story ready. The same one she gave the cops. Lennie was a guy from work who developed a crush on her, and finally realized it was only one-way. Must have had some underlying mental issue to kill himself over it.

  Plausible enough. After all, it was good enough for the cops. But could Gil stumble over some other clue about the truth sometime? She thought she’d covered all her bases, but they had been seen in public now and then. Not by anyone she or Gil knew—at least, not as far as she recalled. But still. There was always that chance…especially if he already suspected something.

  And Gil. What was going through his mind right now? Six months may be short for a prison sentence, but it was still an awfully long time to be shut away like that. How had it changed him? Did he even know, on a conscious level? How long would it take him to start feeling normal again on the outside?

  And that’s why she’d been so stressed out. Scenarios. Possibilities. Implications. All swirling through her mind, all day long, all night long. Wearing her down, rendering her powerless to think straight. Aggie shook her head. No point in trying to guess what it would be like. It sounded trite, but she’d just have to take everything as it came and do her best. Nothing else she could do.

  The rain slacked off to a light patter, enough so she could finally see out the window. Nothing out there but rain-soaked, featureless desert. Where the hell had she pulled over? She checked the GPS. The prison wasn’t much farther. She glanced around, then pulled out and drove on down the lonely road. Thank God it was the last time she’d have to make the trip.

  About fifteen minutes later, she pulled up to the gate Gil had specified. And there he was, standing alone outside in the rain, scowling. His wet clothes clung to him. He’d lost weight, and he looked lonely and miserable. He trotted over to the car and flung himself in.

  Aggie wasn’t sure how she’d envisioned this moment, but it wasn’t like this.

  “Hi
.”

  “Hi.” He stared straight ahead at the dashboard, like he was blaming her for something already.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. Got caught in a downpour a little ways back. Couldn’t see to drive, had to pull over.”

  He ran a hand through his wet hair and leaned his elbow against the window frame. “S’all right. Let’s just get out of here.”

  “Would you like to drive?”

  “Can’t.” He looked away from her and let out a sigh. “License expired while I was in there. Don’t want to take any chances on getting picked up.”

  “Oh. Sure, okay.”

  Aggie shifted in her seat. Too bad about his license. She thought he would have wanted to drive so he could start to feel free again. And after the tough trip out, she wouldn’t have minded at least a stretch break before heading back, but he looked like he needed to distance himself from this place as fast as he possibly could. Couldn’t blame him for that. She turned the car around and headed back to the road.

  The rain picked up again a few miles on. Fairly heavy, but nothing like the burst she’d been caught in. Gil sat silent, staring out his window. He hadn’t uttered a word since they’d left the prison gate.

  “Gil?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I, um, thought you’d be happier to see me.”

  “I am happy to see you.”

  Sure doesn’t seem like it. Aggie decided not to press the point. “Good. I’m happy to see you. It’ll be so good to have you back home.”

  “It’ll be good to be back.”

  Maybe he was still mad she was late. She would have been, had she been in his shoes. He probably just needed some space and time to decompress. He’d only been out about an hour. Hardly enough time to undo whatever six months in there had done to him.

  She pulled into a gas station. “We probably have enough gas to get home, but I don’t want to take any chances. Do you want anything?”

  “No. I just want to get home, get out of these goddamned wet clothes, and take a hot shower. Maybe even take a nap in a real bed.”