"Are you home for good or just visiting?" the short, gray-haired man asked.
"I'll be here for a while," was all he said.
I was just about to turn around when his eyes caught mine. I couldn't move or look away. He gave me a small smile and a quick nod before turning his attention back to the man in front of him.
"Emily." A cold hand landed on my arm.
I flinched and looked to my right. Lexi was standing there, smiling.
Exhaling loudly, I placed my hand over my heart. "Lexi," I said and swallowed hard. "You really need to stop sneaking up on me like that."
"Sorry, I'm terrible about that," she said and then glanced over her right shoulder, waving and smiling in the direction of none other than Reed Alexander himself. Lexi must’ve been another admirer, although she didn't seem like the type to flirt with a guy so blatantly. I knew how nervous she’d been talking to Brandon for the first time.
"Come on," she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me off the stool. "My brother's here."
She couldn't be talking about Mr. Alexander, could she? No. No way. Lexi's last name was Adams.
I glanced between Lexi and Reed, and my stomach squeezed. The resemblance between the two of them was clear.
"Wait." I stopped, causing her to turn and face me. "Reed Alexander is your brother?"
She nodded and smiled.
"But you're Lexi Adams."
"Yeah, I changed last names. There's an explanation for all of that—after dinner."
I looked back toward Reed and found him staring at me. Then something else began to make sense; it was all perfectly clear.
"It was you?" I looked back to Lexi. "You're the one who requested me for the Black and White event." I didn't phrase it as a question. I knew it was her.
"Yes." She had a guilty look on her face, but there was a wry smile there as well. "Are you mad? Please don't be mad," she pleaded.
Mad? No. Confused? Yes.
"But why?"
She shrugged innocently. "I knew you were stressing out about work. Reed and I have been talking about hosting the charity event again for a few months now. At first, I wasn't sure I was ready for it, but when I finally decided it was time, I wanted you to help organize it."
"Lexi, you didn't have to do that.”
"I wanted to do it. You've been a great friend to me. I wanted to do something to say thank you."
"I wish you would've asked me. I mean, there are much more qualified people who could do a better job." Christine's face popped into my head.
"This charity event was very important to my mother and me." She paused, closing her eyes. "It was very important to my family. I know you're going to be great."
"I don't know what to say," I said.
"Well, right now, just say you're ready to eat because I'm starving. We'll talk more after dinner."
Her eyes turned hopeful when she looked over my shoulder at someone behind me. Turning around, I saw who had made her smile so big—Brandon and Reed were talking near the entrance. Apparently, it was going to be the four of us. Funny, Lexi didn't mention any of this.
"Come on. I don't want to leave them alone together for too long." Lexi began to walk toward them while I followed her. As the two of us approached, the guys ended their conversation and Brandon's eyes met Lexi's as Reed's met mine.
"Emily, it's nice to see you again," Mr. Alexander said, smiling at me.
"Mr. Alexander." I felt my cheeks flush. This was awkward.
"Please call me Reed," he said. I nodded, quickly looking away from him and over to Brandon. This was the first time I’d seen him dressed in anything other than gym clothes. His blond hair was styled and slicked back, making his baby face and dimples on his cheeks stand out even more.
"Hey, Emily, have you been practicing the moves from last night?" Brandon moved around Lexi to give me a quick hug.
Please, please, don't bring up what happened in class yesterday, I pleaded in my head. Not in front of Mr. Alexander… er… Reed.
"Yeah, I think I've got them down." I smiled weakly.
"Chad's still recovering from that blow you gave him. It will be interesting to see who has the guts to partner up with you next week."
I winced, remembering the thrust move to his nose. "I'm really sorry about that."
"Don't be sorry. You did well." He sounded genuine.
I glanced back over to Reed to measure his reaction and noticed he was smiling curiously at me. "Should I be afraid of you?" he asked.
Great. He probably thinks I'm some sort of crazy person.
"Only if you really piss me off." The words flew out of my mouth.
Lexi and Brandon laughed out loud. Reed's eyes flew over to Lexi. The smile he wore faded as a look of peace spread over his face.
"Your table is ready, Mr. Alexander." The man from the host stand, the one that Reed had been talking to earlier, approached our group, breaking up the moment. He had no idea how thankful I was.
"Oh, I need to go pay for my wine," I said, totally having forgotten about it.
"I'll take care of it." Reed moved around me quickly and toward the bar. My eyes followed him. I saw Ben standing there staring at us. I gave him a small wave as I followed behind Lexi.
DINNER ALMOST seemed like an interview for Brandon. Reed was questioning him like a father would a boy that was interested in his daughter. Most of the questions were innocent and I would say that Brandon passed with flying colors, but the greatest part was how Lexi beamed the entire dinner. I'd never seen her so happy.
When the dinner was over, Brandon and Reed went to the bar for a drink, while Lexi invited me over to her condo, saying she wanted to talk to me about a few things. In the three months I had known her, she’d never invited me up to her place before now.
"Wow," I said, glancing around her condo. It was easily three times the size of my place. She lived on the twentieth floor, with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Manhattan. "This is nice. Really nice."
"Thanks," she said, stripping off her coat and hanging it in the front closet.
I walked to stand at the edge of the windows, taking in the view. It was beautiful. She came to stand beside me. I noticed she was holding the right side of her face with her hand, trying to cover her scars. It was something I noticed she did when she got uncomfortable or nervous.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah." She smiled. "And for the first time in a long time, I actually think that's the truth. Normally, when people ask me that, I just lie and tell them that so they'll leave me alone." She turned around, took a seat on the white couch, and pulled a bright-orange pillow onto her lap. "Do you know what happened to me? Or anything about my family?" She clutched the pillow to her chest as she looked up at me.
I shook my head. "No," I answered, my voice barely above a whisper.
She closed her eyes for a brief moment and then opened them, looking up at me.
"I'd like to tell you about it, if you want, but you're going to have to come over here and sit down first." She smiled softly.
I took a seat in the chair beside the couch and waited for her to begin.
"Well, I figured I owed you an explanation. I don't want you to be mad at me for going behind your back at work. I was really just trying to help you."
I shook my head. "I'm not mad. I'm more confused than anything else."
"There haven't been a lot of people who I've let get close to me over the last couple of years. It's mostly my fault. After the attack, I pushed away my friends and refused to leave my condo. I've tried really hard to get better, and I think I've come a long way, but there are some things that may come out tomorrow after we release a statement to the press about the Black and White event. I want to tell you everything before you read about it in the papers. I'm not sure how interesting it will be since the attack is old news now, but if anything is printed, I'd rather you hear it from me first."
"Okay," I said, not knowing if I was ready to hear what she had
to say.
She took in a deep breath and sat back farther into the couch, squeezing the orange pillow even tighter to her chest. "It's been two years. I know it's been forever and it should be easier to talk about, but it's still hard for me."
"You shouldn't feel bad about that. There are no time limits for things like this," I told her softly.
She nodded.
As she began her story, I clasped my hands tightly in my lap.
"Two years ago, my family and I went out to dinner. It was just my parents, Reed, and me. We were out celebrating my first day of my senior year at Columbia. After dinner, Reed went his own way while my parents and I went back home. I was planning on staying with them that night and then driving back to my dorm in the morning." She blinked a few times, almost as if she were trying to rid herself of the images that were starting to play in her head.
"Nothing was out of the ordinary. We pulled into the garage. We were all laughing—it had been a great night. If I could've chosen a last night with my parents, that night would've been it." She smiled for a small moment before continuing, "I remember hearing a strange noise coming from inside the house, but I didn't think much of it. My dad was the first one inside, my mom followed after him, and then me." She closed her eyes tight and swallowed hard.
"Everything after that… I only remember certain things. I remember hearing glass breaking. I remember seeing three men, all dressed in black. I remember gunshots, one after the other, loud popping noises that wouldn't stop, no matter how much I wanted them to. I remember my mother's screams, my screams. And I remember more gunshots. They seemed never ending." She opened her eyes and stared down at the floor, squeezing the pillow even harder against her chest, like her life depended on it.
"The craziest thing is I don't remember the pain, but I knew I’d been shot. I knew because I could see the blood on my clothes. I never saw my father, but my mother was beside me, facing me. Her eyes were frozen open, staring at me. I still can't get that image of her out of my head. I hate them for doing that to her, for ruining the last image of my mother."
My heart was pounding. I took in a large breath, not realizing I’d been holding it the last minute or so. I could see that Lexi was trembling. Moving to the couch to sit beside her, I put my arm around her until she stopped shaking. Even though, deep down, I wanted her to stop telling me, not knowing if I could hear anymore, I just couldn't. For some reason, she trusted me enough to tell me all of this, so I would do my best to sit here, comfort her, and listen.
"The smell of gasoline was so strong." She continued. "All I remember thinking was how bad I wanted to get up, get my parents, and get out of the house. I wanted to scream at my parents and tell them that we needed to run or we were going to die. I wanted to yell that these horrible men were going to kill us if we didn't do something. But I never said a word because I knew the men were still in the house. I could still hear their footsteps walking around us and then I could feel the liquid being poured on me. The smell of gasoline became overwhelming and I'm not sure how I kept myself from vomiting from the stench. I think I knew that my parents were dead and that if the men realized I was still alive, then they would make sure to kill me, too. Then I heard the sirens. I thought we were all going to be okay. I thought that me and my parents may actually get out of this alive." Her eyes closed again and her right hand held the right side of her face, the one that was covered in scars.
"Before I even smelled the smoke, I felt the burning on my skin and in my throat. I could see the flames all around me. That glimmer of hope I had only a few seconds before was gone. There wasn't a doubt in mind that I was about to die. But even in that darkest moment, I was still so thankful. I was thankful that Reed hadn't come home with us. I had actually begged him to come back with us and was actually mad when he said he couldn't because he had too much work to do at the office. God, I'm so thankful he didn't come with us," she choked out and then took in a gasping breath. "He's all I have left. If he had been there…" Her voice trailed off.
I sat there, completely broken, completely stunned, completely drained of any and all emotion. What she had just told me… I couldn't find the words. It was like I had lost my voice, lost all feeling in every part of my body, except my heart. My chest ached so bad that I could barely sit there for another second. I think I would've gotten up and ran out of the room if Lexi hadn't started talking again.
"I took my mom’s maiden name after it all happened. I just wanted to disappear and try to forget, but I couldn't. After taking off a semester of school so the wounds from the fire could heal, I tried to go back, but I only lasted five minutes on campus. The scars on the inside were still there, and the stares and whispers from other people were just too much. I don’t even know why I came back to New York, but I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. This is where I grew up. This is all I know.
“Reed asked me to come to London with him, but I knew he didn't want me to. I knew it was hard for him to see me. He felt guilty for not being there… for not saving me or our parents. It was hard for me to go on living until I knew the monsters who did this to me and who killed my parents were locked up, and even then, I struggled. I wasn’t sure how to go back to normal. Then I realized that life would never be normal again. I just had to find a new normal."
Feelings rushed through me like a raging river. I don't think I've ever felt so much anger, sadness, and complete and utter shock all at once.
"Lexi…" My voice was low, cautious. "That is—I'm—I'm so sorry that happened to you and your family." I wasn't sure what else to say to her.
She sniffed, blinked hard, and then looked at me. "I'm doing better now. I just wanted you to know. This charity event is something my mother and I worked on together every year. My mother was an orphan and this charity was a way for her to raise money and give back to make sure no kid went without." She swallowed hard. "I'm not ready to help in the planning part of it, but it's important that it continues." She exhaled and then took in a long, deep, steady breath. "Wow, that felt really good." Her lips stretched out into a thin line, almost as if she were trying to smile, yet couldn't.
The pain in my chest grew. "I know that must have been hard to talk about," I said finally.
"It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, and talking about it feels even better than I thought it would." She smiled softly.
The front door of her condo opened then. Reed and Brandon were laughing as they walked in. Any sadness that was left on Lexi's face was erased when she saw Brandon. I now understood why it was so difficult for her to trust again, to love again, to feel like she deserved to be loved.
She stood up and I quickly stood beside her. It wasn't easy for me to snap out of the sad fog I was in. What she had told me shook me to the core. As Lexi made her way across the room to Brandon, Reed’s eyes scanned my face; it was as if he knew something was wrong. As if he knew that she had told me everything.
"Are you guys up for a movie?" Lexi asked. "I've got popcorn."
"Um, I should be getting home," I said. "I have work tomorrow, but you guys have fun. I'll just catch a cab." I tried my best to attempt a smile.
"Actually, I should be going, too." Reed echoed my thoughts. My eyes cut to his.
Reed and Brandon shook hands while I walked over to Lexi and wrapped my arms around her for a hug. I squeezed harder than I probably should have; I just wanted to hold her and never let go. She hugged me back, and it took everything inside me to hold in a sob. I would have to save that for later when I was alone. The second I let her go, Reed moved in and wrapped his arms around her.
"I would like it if you kept Peters and Warren close the next few days. With the news of the charity event coming out tomorrow, I'm not certain how crazy things are going to get," Reed said in a low voice.
I assumed those were the names of The Hulk and Hercules—the two men who drove Lexi to and from our self-defense class.
"I will." She agreed. "I actually have extra security with B
randon around, and when Emily's around, you know." She turned to us and smiled.
I returned her smile before following Reed out the door.
"Can I give you a ride home?" he asked as we made our way to the elevators.
"No, I'm fine, but thank you." I could barely look at him. Every time I glanced in his direction, I was reminded of the things Lexi had told me, and it hurt too much. What he and his sister had been through… no one should have to go through something that horrific.
"It's late and it will make me sleep better tonight knowing you got home safely."
How could I resist that?
"Okay." I glanced over at him. "A ride would be nice."
A black SUV sat running in front of the building. Reed opened the back door and I climbed in before he followed after me.
"Brooklyn?" Reed asked.
"Yes, that's right." I wondered how he knew.
"Lexi told me." He smiled gently.
The driver and I exchanged a quick glance in the rearview mirror. "901 Routon Street."
I sat back in the seat and folded my hands into my lap, squeezing harder and harder with each second that passed. My eyes were focused out the window and my nerves grew with the lingering silence. Even though the silence was torture, for the life of me, I couldn’t think of a word to say.
"She told you, didn't she?" Reed finally asked in a gentle voice. I turned to look at him. "She told you about that night." He swallowed deeply, almost as if he were trying to push his emotions back down.
Not knowing what to say and afraid of what emotions were displaying on my face, I turned to look out the window again, watching the city lights blur by us.
"You're the first person she's told," he added.
I turned to him again, not really understanding what he meant by that.
"In two years since it happened … she hasn't spoken to anyone about it?" I asked, confused.
"She's talked to lots of people. The cops, therapists, me… but she hasn't been able to tell anyone the details of what really happened. It was too much for her."
My chest suddenly felt heavy, like I was now sharing this horrible burden with her. I couldn't blame her for not talking about. The things she told me… they were horrific. Then I wondered, why would she tell me? We've only known each other for a few months.
The Hardest Part Page 4