"Earlier tonight, when Lexi laughed out loud," he said, "I haven't heard her laugh like that since before it happened. It felt so good to hear it again."
There was a strange urge for me to reach out and grab his hand. For some reason, I found myself wanting to comfort him. Even though he wasn't there the night of the attack, he had suffered a great loss, too.
"She's been better the last few months. I think I owe a lot of that to you. She started to change once she started that class."
I sat there quietly and listened as he spoke. I didn’t know what I had done to earn Lexi's trust, but I was glad she felt like she had someone to talk to. I was glad I could be that person for her.
"It's one of the reasons I decided to come back to New York." He continued. "Before, it was too difficult to see her. It broke me every time I looked at her. A few months ago, when she called me, she sounded different. She sounded happy. She mentioned the class she was going to and the people she’d met." His eyes drifted to look out the window.
"I'm so sorry for what happened to your family." The words came out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. I just felt like I needed to say something.
His eyes glossed over like his mind went somewhere else for a minute. Guilt filled me; I regretted saying anything. I should have just kept my mouth shut and let him talk.
"I've been so closed off the last couple of years. I left her here, all alone. I thought I lost her."
"She's been doing really well." Before I could even think about what I was doing, my hand moved across the leather seat and grabbed his. It felt strong and warm. "You lost your family that night. It's understandable that you ran. I'd run, too." His head turned toward me, but his eyes were drawn down to our joined hands. My eyes quickly followed. I wasn’t sure why I had reached out to touch him. It wasn’t like me to touch someone I barely knew. I just wanted to try and ease some of the pain that he was so clearly feeling. It felt like the right move at the moment, and looking at my hand on top of his, it felt right now, too.
The car pulled to a stop in front of my building and I gently pulled my hand away, instantly missing his warmth.
"Thank you for the ride," I said, looking at him for only a second.
"Thank you for allowing me a much more peaceful night’s sleep." He smiled.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Emily." His voice was sad, distant.
After I was safely inside my apartment, I slammed the door behind me and locked it. I leaned up against the wall, sank down to the floor, and burst into tears. The tears came out in deep, heavy sobs. I hadn't allowed myself to cry since the night I left Vegas. I kept telling myself that crying was weak and I wasn't weak anymore, but the things I heard tonight were just too much.
An hour later, when I finally pulled myself up off the floor, I took a long shower, knowing there was no way I was going to be able to sleep right away. With the stuff Lexi had told me tonight, I wasn't sure I'd sleep at all. Instead, I made myself some tea and then sat on my bed with my laptop open. I swirled the bag of chamomile around in my cup, trying to resist the urge to look up the Alexander family on the computer. Do I really want to know more? Do I need that kind of horror in my life?
The cursor blinked on the search engine over and over until I finally had the courage to type the words, Alexander family, New York City.
Four beautiful faces popped up on my screen. Two of them looked familiar, Reed and Lexi, but even then, they looked different. In this picture, Reed and Lexi were smiling. They were happy. The right side of Lexi's face matched the left, no traces of scars from a fire. Her eyes were brighter and not full of the sadness that was accustomed to her eyes now. Reed's physical features hadn't changed much, but his eyes were colder now, missing something that, more than likely, he would never get back.
I could only look at the picture of the older man and woman for a split second. It hurt too much. Instead, my eyes scanned over the screen and I clicked on the article in the New York Times.
IT WASN'T my alarm clock that woke me up in the morning. It was the feeling of hands being wrapped around my neck, choking me. The harder I fought, the tighter the cold hands squeezed. It was as if I could feel the life being sucked out of me. I fought to open my eyes and when they finally popped opened, there was only darkness. My heart raced and I tried to focus. I tried to remember the moves I'd been taught in my self-defense classes.
"You're dead," Jake's voice rang loudly in my ears; his face finally came into view. He stood over me, his dark, soulless eyes looking down on me. He let go of my neck and I started taking in a few gasping breaths. His arm reared back and I saw his hand coming toward me, hard and fast. I was frozen in place. I couldn't fight back. I was weak and pathetic, just like he had told me so many times before. Just before his hand made contact with my face, my eyes popped open, for real this time.
Gasping for air, I flew up in bed, drenched in sweat. My eyes moved around the room as I desperately tried to prove to myself that I was at my apartment in New York, not in Vegas with Jake. The small, white lamp on my nightstand was glowing, allowing me to see my room clearly. It was still difficult for me to fall asleep in complete darkness. My eyes moved across my room, seeing my clothes from the day before slung across the chair in the corner and my makeup scattered across the dresser in front of me. Jake would’ve never allowed our room to look like this. He was too much of a control freak to let things not be in perfect order. When the realization finally hit me that I was safe and Jake was nowhere in sight, I fell back on my pillow and let out a long, shaky breath. It must have been the articles I read last night.
As I lay there, I stared at the ceiling. My eyes traced every crack and watermark above. It was something I did over the past few months when I couldn't sleep. I tried to forget about my nightmare and about Jake, but then my thoughts drifted to Lexi and her family and then finally how things felt between Reed and me last night. Did I make a mistake in grabbing his hand? Was it too much? It was just a small gesture meant to give him comfort, but there was no doubt I had felt the connection between us. Deep down, I knew whatever I was feeling was wrong. It wasn’t the right time for me to start having feelings like that for someone and especially not for someone like Reed. His life was complicated and way too public.
I knew I was already in too deep to totally back out now. Lexi had told me things that she hadn’t told anyone before. She trusted me.
My mind drifted back to the things I read in the New York Times. I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing it was a mistake to look up their story and an even bigger one to sit there and read about it for over an hour. However, once I got started, I couldn't stop. The stories on the Internet weren't nearly as descriptive as the story that Lexi told me, but the newspapers did speak more about the attackers, something Lexi had failed to mention.
According to the investigators, the attack on the Alexander family wasn't random, but they weren't targeted for any personal reason. They had been chosen because of their success and wealth. The investigators ruled that the motive was robbery and nothing more. If the Alexanders had just returned home a few minutes later, Lexi's parents would probably be alive and Lexi wouldn't have had the scars on her body, or the scars that lay beneath her skin's surface.
There were three attackers, and all of them were career criminals, but in all of their past robberies, they had never committed murder. The detectives believed that was even more reason to deem that the Alexanders just came home a few minutes too soon. After a two-week manhunt, the three men were finally found and arrested.
It made my stomach turn trying to imagine what Lexi had gone through those first couple weeks, knowing the men who killed her parents, and tried to kill her, were still out there.
According to the papers, there were three trials, one for each of the perpetrators. It was reported that the trials were long, graphic, and pure torture for Reed and Lexi, but the both of them sat through all of them, determined to see justice for their parents. All
three men were convicted and were now serving life sentences with no chance to see freedom ever again.
After tossing and turning for the rest of the morning, I knew there was no way in hell I was going back to sleep. I got ready for work, eager to get to the office, more determined than ever to make this event amazing for Lexi, and for Reed. I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted it to be beautiful.
"GOOD MORNING… er, maybe not," Isabel said after taking one look at me when I walked into the office. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."
I was hoping my concealer would cover the black circles and puffiness beneath my eyes, but I guessed I’d failed. Last night, I had cried more than I had in very long time, maybe ever. I supposed it was years and years of buildup, with the things that Lexi had told me finally being the last straw.
"I'm fine," I replied, giving her my best smile.
On the way back to my office, I tried to force my eyes open a little wider.
"What happened to you? You look like crap," Christine greeted me, assessing me from top to bottom as I walked toward my desk.
I expected nothing less from her.
Not feeling like dealing with her this morning, I ignored her and shoved my purse in the top drawer before falling down into my chair.
"Well, good morning to you, too. By the way, Sharon wants us in the conference room in ten. She'll be gone after lunch and she's ready to get this event going ASAP. There's a ton of work to be done and we're already behind. Here." She stood up and held out a piece of paper. "I've already started making a list of things we have to do, and I separated them by day. You should read over it and see if there's anything you’d like to add, but I think I've covered all the bases." She paused, waiting for a reply. My brain wasn't ready to function on full speed quite yet. I needed coffee and lots of it.
"If you're not up to doing this, just tell Sharon. I'm sure she'll let me handle the event by myself. I'm more than capable." Her voice was condescending.
Slowly, bringing my eyes up to meet hers, I gave her my best go-to-hell look. "I'm doing this event. I'll look over the list and add things if I see anything is missing," I snapped.
She huffed and rolled her eyes. Without another word, she sat back down and faced her computer. It wasn't my normal behavior to snap at someone, but with my lack of sleep, the nightmares and all the things I’d read about last night, I knew my nerves would be easily triggered. One thing was for sure; I was doing this event no matter what. I had to.
On the way to the meeting, I poured myself a large cup of coffee. The last thing I wanted to do was go in there not fully alert. Sharon had trusted me enough to give me this event and I didn't want to disappoint her. Most of all, I didn't want to disappoint Lexi or Reed.
By the end of the meeting, I was completely overwhelmed. Actually, that's an understatement. We had so much to do in such a little amount of time that I wasn't sure how we would get it all done. Sharon and Christine seemed calm, cool, and collected, so I tried my hardest to be that way as well.
The list that Christine had created had covered mostly everything, and Sharon split the responsibilities in half. Even then, I was still in way over my head. I tried not to let Sharon, and especially Christine, see how overwhelmed I was. I mean, Christine could probably complete everything on this list and have the event go off without a hitch, no problem. But me? I wasn't so sure.
So the moment the meeting ended, I spent the rest of the day on the Internet and the phone, trying to find out what venue locations were still available since the event was only a month away. An event like this would normally take months to plan, but Reed told Sharon that the date he and Lexi picked was a special one, and Sharon promised him that we would get it done.
Toward the end of the day, I had marked through most of the venues on my list as not available. So far, things were not looking good. Two venues were still available, one of which I think Lexi would love—the New York Botanical Gardens.
When I told Christine it was still available, she started to name off ideas left and right. They all sounded amazing, making me start to dislike her a little less. I knew no matter how much the two of us didn't get along, she wanted this to be just as beautiful as I did.
A little after seven p.m., I was almost ready to call it a day. There were just a few more things I wanted to check off my list before I left. I wasn't the only one working late either. Isabel and Christine were there, too. We were all going to have to pull together if we were going to get this event finished in time. Even though I was excited to be working on it, I was looking forward to getting off work, going home, and heading straight to bed.
Tomorrow I would be more rested and ready to go full speed. For the past few hours, I’d started to feel my eyes getting heavier by the second. It wasn't until Reed walked through the front door that they shot wide open.
I followed his every move from the entrance, my heart racing the entire time. I wondered what he was doing here, but then I figured he was here to see Sharon. Then I remembered she had left the office after lunch. I expected him to turn around and head back out the door fairly quickly when Isabel informed him of that.
Isabel smiled and swooned like she had with him yesterday. Then she did something that totally threw me off, something I wasn't expecting. She looked in my direction and smiled. It wasn't long before Reed followed her gaze and met my eyes as well.
"Uh-oh, you drank the Reed Alexander Kool-Aid. You look like all the other girls, like a deer stuck in headlights." Christine chuckled, apparently watching me watch him. "Don't say I didn't warn you. He has a reputation for breaking girls’ hearts… lots of them."
I tore my eyes away, embarrassed that I was caught staring—again. I was hoping to show Christine that I wasn't interested in him, but after a long second, I couldn't help looking back up. Christine could think whatever she wanted.
Isabel pointed down the hall, in our direction, and my heart started to beat more frantically. He was headed back toward our office. Our office!
"Oh shit," Christine said. "He's coming back here."
Even though I was panicking a little myself, I took a small amount of pleasure in seeing Christine squirm.
As he walked toward the office, his eyes remained locked with mine. He stopped in the doorway and Christine jumped out of her chair and hurried over to him, holding out her hand. Only then did his gaze break from mine.
"Mr. Alexander, it's such a pleasure to meet you. I'm Christine Morgan. I'll be coordinating the Black and White event with Emily."
His eyes moved back to me for a quick second, a ghost of a smile appearing on his face. "It's nice to meet you, Christine."
She nodded and giggled.
I was shocked by her reaction. I had to ask myself, Is this really happening? Is Ms. Grouchy having a swoon-worthy moment herself? It was just a few minutes ago that she was giving me the he's-nothing-but-a-playboy-heartbreaker speech.
"I'm actually here to see Emily." His eyes locked with mine again. I think my heart wound up in my throat because I couldn't breathe. He’s here to see me? I knew it wasn't the smartest thing, and I was pretty sure I'd end up with a broken heart one way or the other, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this moment. The scowl on Christine's face alone was priceless. Even though he probably just wanted to talk to me about Lexi or the event, it was still worth it.
"Oh." Christine's face fell. I folded my lips inward, hoping to hide my smile.
"Do you have a minute?" Reed asked me.
"Of course." I tried to act professional, especially in front of Christine. I could feel her eyes stabbing me in the back as I walked out of the office.
I led Reed down the hall and into the conference room. "What can I help you with?" I shut the door behind us, trying to keep my voice from wavering.
"So you and Christine are partners?" He leaned back against the conference table and crossed his arms. A warm energy buzzed around the room, causing me to become anxious. It was hard to look him in t
he eye. The intimate moment we shared last night was still fresh on my mind. Even though we were a few feet from one another, I could still feel the connection between us.
I cleared my throat and tried to remember the question he just asked me. "She has a lot of experience. It's a really big event and she's a great coordinator." I bit my lip to stop my rambling and then took a couple steps forward, gripping the back of a chair, squeezing it as I tried to swallow down the nervousness creeping up my throat.
Without another word, he propelled himself off the table and his eyes started to wander around the room.
"Sharon is gone. Did you need her for something?" I asked, getting more anxious being in here alone with him. My mind was spinning, still trying to figure out what he wanted from me.
He shook his head. "No, we spoke earlier. She told me she was going to be out of the office this afternoon. I actually came here to see you."
Heart hammering against chest, large lump in throat. What can he possibly want with me?
As he walked around, I couldn't help but take him in. He was dressed similar to what he wore last night at dinner: dark-washed jeans, brown boots, and a brown blazer over a white T-shirt that fit him perfectly. I found myself licking my lips. When I finally met his eyes again, I found him looking at me. Heat rushed to my cheeks. He caught me assessing him.
He continued to make his way around the room, stopping at the other end of the table, facing me as he gripped the back of a chair, just like I was gripping mine.
I figured I had about ten seconds before I was going to burst into flames. He didn't just have the power to bring girls to their knees with a smile; hell, he could do it with just a look.
"Is everything okay with Lexi?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from him. I studied my hands and how they gripped the leather chair in front of me. I needed to focus and think about something else besides him. "I tried to call her today, but she didn't answer. Talking about all of that last night must have been hard for her."
The Hardest Part Page 5