The Hardest Part

by London, Heather

  "Should we call an ambulance?"

  Robbins had been staring at Reed. When I spoke, he then looked at me. "No. He wouldn't want to draw any more attention to himself right now. It would only make matters worse. It may be hard to believe, but I've seen him worse. He'll be fine."

  My heart squeezed. Worse? I've never seen anyone this drunk before in my life. Even living in Vegas, I’d seen many drunk people, but never completely incoherent.

  "Can you take it from here?" Robbins asked. When I glanced up at him, he was looking away from me and away from Reed.

  "Um, yeah, I think I've got it," I said around the large lump in my throat. I wasn’t sure why Robbins was in such a hurry to get out of here, but I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with seeing him like this in the past. The lump felt like it was growing larger each second. I had so many emotions going on inside me right now. I was confused, scared, nervous, sad, and angry. I didn't know quite what to feel. I just wanted him to wake up. I wanted him to be okay.

  Robbins exited the bathroom, leaving me alone with Reed. I let the water fill up until it covered most of his chest. Then I sat there, trying to think of what I was going to say to Lexi. I had to call, and soon. I knew how worried she was earlier, but now, I knew she would be even more so.

  A FEW hours passed before Reed even moved. Then it was another few minutes before he opened his eyes and leaned forward a little. I had drained the water from the tub a while ago and packed blankets in around him.

  When he finally began to look around, it took him a few seconds to spot me.

  “Emily?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

  “How are you feeling?” I swallowed hard. I was nervous at how he would react to seeing me there. He had clearly given Robbins orders to stay away and to not tell Lexi what was going on. He couldn’t be happy to see me there right now.

  He leaned his head back against the tub and groaned. “Not so good.”

  “Yeah, I bet not.”

  “What are you doing here?” His voice was curious, but not angry.

  “Lexi called me earlier. She was worried about you and asked me to stop by.”

  “Oh, man.” He shook his head and winced. “Have you called her yet? Does she know anything?”

  “No.” I didn’t want to call Lexi and tell her I found her brother passed out drunk on his balcony.

  “Good. I’ll call her in a little while. I don’t want her knowing about this, okay?” His right eye cracked open, and he glanced over at me.

  “She’s coming home from her trip early, probably tomorrow,” I told him. “She’s going to find out one way or the other.”

  He sighed and shook his head again. “I’ll talk to her. She needs to stay away for a few more days. The reporters left my place last night, but Peters and Warren said they’re still lingering over at hers.” He opened both eyes slightly and looked at me. “How about you? How are you?”

  Is he really asking me that right now?

  “I’m fine. I’m more concerned for you right now.”

  “Why? I’m fine. Great. Perfect.” He smiled but still looked tired.

  “Really? Because you look like shit,” I commented dryly.

  He laughed and then moaned again, grabbing his head. “Some aspirin would work wonders right now.”

  “Let me go see what I can find.” I got up and left him alone in the bathroom, hoping he didn’t stumble if he attempted to move out of the tub.

  As I made my way into the kitchen, I saw Robbins standing at the living room windows, gazing out at the city with a solemn expression. I had barely spoken a few words to the man, but my heart hurt looking at him. He looked upset, alone, and lost. I wondered what was going through his head right now but knew it wasn’t appropriate of me to ask him. “Reed’s awake,” I said, making my presence known.

  “That’s good.” Robbins nodded his head, continuing to stare out the window. He didn’t move from the time it took me to go into the kitchen, find the aspirin, and come back. He looked like a man that didn’t want to be disturbed.

  When I went back into Reed’s bathroom, I found the tub empty. Reed then came out from his closet in a fresh pair of jeans and a T-shirt in his hands, chest exposed. My eyes ran up the length of it, finally meeting his eyes. He was already looking at me.

  “Here.” I held the bottle of aspirin out for him before looking down, embarrassed that he caught me staring.

  He pulled the shirt over his head and then took the bottle.

  “What happened out there?” I jerked my head toward the balcony.

  “It doesn’t happen all the time. Actually, I think I’ve only been that drunk a couple times in my life. Last night and—and then a couple years ago.” He threw a couple aspirins in his mouth and swallowed. “I don’t even remember most of last night, but I remember being out on the balcony.”

  “You could have been hurt, or worse. You could have frozen out there overnight.”

  “Now you’re just being dramatic.” His voice was condescending as he rolled his eyes.

  “You were freezing and drunk and you could’ve—” My voice was stern.

  “I’m fine.” He cut me off, his voice flat. He narrowed his eyes on me before turning around to splash some water on his face.

  Why is he giving me attitude? I’m just trying to help him.

  “I’m glad you’re okay, but I think I’ll be going now. Just call Lexi. She’s been a nervous wreck.” I didn’t regret coming over and I was glad he was okay, but it was clearly time for me to go.

  He sighed as he ran a towel down his face. “Wait, Emily. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. I’m just mad at myself, okay?”

  “It’s fine. Just call Lexi.” I turned around and grabbed my purse, but before I could step out of the bathroom, he grabbed my arm.

  “Wait, don’t go. I was just being an ass. Please, just stay for a while.”

  My eyes focused on his hand on my arm. My whole body tensed. I could feel my body wanting to react, wanting to use the moves I’d learned in my self-defense classes. It took me a minute to remember I wasn’t being attacked and Reed wasn’t trying to hurt me.

  He let go, sensing something in me. “Emily, I’m so sorry.” He swallowed hard. “I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

  Swallowing hard, I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Just don’t go, please. Let me make you some breakfast,” he said.

  “Reed, I can’t. I have to get going.”

  “Please. Just breakfast.”

  “It’s noon.” I looked up at him.

  “Then I’ll make you some lunch.” He grinned coyly.

  I felt that familiar ache in my chest, the one I got whenever I was around him, creep its way up, making it hard to say no.

  “Only if you call your sister first.” I pulled out my cell phone and handed it to him.

  "I GUESS Robbins left." I looked around the apartment, taking my eyes away from Reed making me a sandwich.

  "Yeah, I guess so." He sounded defeated and maybe even a little ashamed.

  "He was pretty worried about you earlier."

  Reed swallowed hard. "I'm sure he was. I'll have to apologize to him later."

  "Has he worked for you long?"

  "As long as I can remember. He was a part of my dad's security team, so I've known him since I was just a kid. Actually, there aren't too many memories I have without him." He got a distant look on his face before continuing. "He really cares about me and Lexi. He took what happened a couple years ago really hard. He was supposed to be with us that night at dinner, but he had been sick with the flu and my dad gave him the night off. He puts a lot of blame on himself for the attack. He feels somewhat responsible."

  My heart ached for Robbins. "That's awful, but he has to know that wasn't his fault."

  "Yeah, I think he knows that now. It took him a year before he would even speak to me, though. I hired Peters and Warren for Lexi, but I only
wanted Robbins. He was the only person I trusted."

  "I'm glad he finally came around."

  He nodded and smiled. "Me, too. He's been working with me again for the past year, but I still see the guilt he suffers. I think it helps seeing me and Lexi doing well, and happy. So last night probably was tough on him. I'm sure I wasn’t very nice to him. I kind of remember telling him to get out of my room and leave me alone. God, I was such an ass." He shook his head and swallowed hard, clearly regretful.

  "I'm sure he'll understand."

  "Yeah. We'll see." He placed a plate down in front of me.

  "Thank you."

  "No, thank you. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come over. Even though it was quite embarrassing, I'm glad you're here." He came to sit beside me.

  We finished our lunch and then sat there at the kitchen bar, talking about the event, his work, and his time in London. I never knew exactly what he did and for some reason, I didn't feel it was appropriate to ask before. However, since I had found him drunk and passed out on his balcony, I felt like I could pretty much ask anything I wanted now.

  I found out that Reed was actually an investment banker, but when the attack happened on his family, he decided to take over his dad's company, which was the largest real estate investment firm in New York. The London office was fairly new when Reed took over and he really just used it as an excuse to get out of New York. He never once asked a question about my personal life. If he did ask anything about me, it was mainly centered on work.

  "I hope you didn't have anything you had to get done today," Reed said when there was finally a break in our conversation. "You just wasted the entire day on me."

  "I wouldn't call it wasted." I smiled. "But I really should be going. I have work in the morning."

  "Would you like to stay for dinner? I know the best Chinese in town."

  REED AND I had moved to the couch after dinner, talking for hours, mostly about random things like what movies we liked, our favorite foods, and memories of growing up. I enjoyed hearing about the memories with his parents and Lexi. Strangely, I even talked about my mom, telling him about all the times I sat backstage while she dressed for her shows in Vegas. He didn't ask me any questions; he just allowed me to talk openly. I was surprised with how easily the words came out. It had been years since I spoke about my mother.

  Tonight, not only was I seeing a side of myself I hadn't seen in a while, I was also seeing a totally different side of Reed Alexander. He wasn't the destroyed man who still felt guilt over his parents’ deaths and the attack on his sister. He wasn't the successful real estate investor that the city of New York knew him to be. He wasn’t the playboy/heartbreaker Christine had made him out to be. After a few hours of talking, it seemed like he was just a normal guy. He had normal likes and desires. He wanted normal things. He wanted to settle down and have a family.

  Our conversation drifted to the topic of music. Instead of telling me his favorite band or singer, he made his way across the room and pulled a CD off the shelf. That’s when things took a drastic, much more serious turn.

  "How about some Sinatra?" He turned back around to measure my reaction.

  "Sure." I nodded and smiled.

  He turned back and popped the CD into the stereo. "When I was younger, my mother used to play his music all day and night," he said, grabbing the remote and setting the music to play. "I have a lot of good memories with this music. I don’t think there was a bigger Sinatra fan than her, and now, I guess I am, too."

  He walked back toward me, but he didn't sit back down beside me. Instead, he stood in front of me and held out his hand. "Would you like to dance?"

  I wasn’t expecting that. My heart hammered as I looked up at his face and then back to his hand just a few inches away. Those feelings I had tried to keep bottled up, the feelings just being in his presence ignited in me, flared up again. I wanted to reach up and grab his hand, but I hesitated, not sure what that kind of contact would lead to.

  "It's just a dance, Emily, but you can tell me no if you don't want to."

  One simple word. No.

  As much as I wanted to say it, knowing it would keep things simple between us, I felt my resolve slipping. I felt myself wanting to be close to him. I felt myself wanting to be touched by him. Even though I knew I would be treading in dangerous waters, I was still a woman. I still had needs. I still wanted to be touched and loved.

  Looking at his hand again, I placed mine in his. He slowly pulled me up and wrapped his arms around my waist, eying me cautiously with every move he made.

  "Is this okay?" he asked when his hands rested on the small of my back.

  "Yes," I breathed out. His touch felt scorching, even against my shirt, awakening the embers inside me that had been buried as long as I could remember.

  "And this?" he asked, pulling me toward him. My breasts pushed against his chest.

  I nodded again, swallowing hard. My hands trembled as they slowly ran up his arms, finally locking around his neck.

  "Believe me. I won't try anything without asking you first. I've been told by Brandon to watch myself around you."

  I shook my head. "I think you're fine. I usually don't go around breaking people's noses."

  The left side of his mouth tugged upward. I returned his smile as he pulled me closer, watching me closely, waiting for me to give him any signal that this wasn't okay.

  Being this close to a man felt foreign to me. It had been a long time since I'd been touched by another man, besides Jake, and even longer since I actually wanted one to. With Jake, I cringed every time he would touch me. I would squeeze my eyes shut and just hope whatever he wanted to do to me would be over quick. But with Reed, right now, I wanted to get even closer. I never wanted the dance to end.

  Our dance was sweet and innocent. My racing heart started to relax. I rested my head on his shoulder as we swayed to the music. It wasn't until he kissed the top of my head and ran his lips across my forehead that I knew this innocent dance was going to be so much more.

  I pulled back slowly and he looked down on me.

  "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." His voice was soft but husky.

  "It's okay." I talked around the lump in my throat as I fought back tears. I wasn’t sure why I was flooded with the feeling like I wanted to cry, but at that moment, it was overwhelming. Maybe they were happy tears. Happy that I wanted to be touched again, happy that I liked being touched again. The current song was ending and I wondered what it would be like when we finally broke apart. Right now, I felt warm and safe in his arms. I wasn't ready for that feeling to end.

  "Would you like to keep dancing?" he asked, almost if he were reading my thoughts.

  "Yes," I answered quickly. I wanted to be in his arms all night.

  By the time the third song ended, I knew us breaking apart was inevitable, but I wasn't quite ready to let him go. He finally began to pull away from me. I could already feel the coldness where his arms were before. Our eyes locked together and my gaze dropped to his lips.

  "I really want to kiss you right now." His voice was so low I barely heard him. My eyes shot back up to meet his. It wasn't a question. He wasn't asking for my permission.

  He bent down, breathing softly, almost touching my lips. I could see the struggle in his eyes as he frantically searched mine. He was clearly waiting for me to pull back, but I wasn't going anywhere. Right now, I was living in the moment. I wasn't thinking of the problems this could cause for me. I wanted this. I wanted him.

  My eyes dropped to his mouth again and I reached up to press my lips to his.

  He brought his hands up and stroked my cheeks. Our kiss was the sweetest and most tender I'd ever had, but so full of emotion. My hunger for him grew inside me and I felt like I couldn't get enough of him. He tasted amazing, and I wanted more. The kiss grew deeper as my hands ran up his back and I pressed him harder against me.

  His hands moved down my ribs to rest on my hips and he pressed more into
me. Still keeping a firm grip, he backed me up slowly until my legs hit the couch. He eased me down on the couch before pulling back, his breaths shallow and fast. His body hovered over mine and I could see a struggle in his eyes. He wasn't sure if I really wanted this. Hell, I wasn't sure if I really wanted this. I mean, I wanted it; I just wasn't sure if I was ready for it. My mind was telling me no, but every other part of my body was screaming yes.

  "This doesn't have to happen tonight, Emily." He searched my eyes, his face serious. "We can take things slow. I don't want to push you to do anything you don't want to do."

  I closed my eyes for a moment, searching my mind for what I really wanted. My breaths were coming quick and ragged. The only thing I could think of was how much I wanted him, how much I wanted him to continue what he was doing.

  Before I knew what I was saying, the words were already coming out of my mouth. "I want you. I want this."

  He pressed his lips back to mine and words came through each kiss.

  "Just tell me when to stop," he breathed. "I don't want you to feel pressured into any of this."

  His words only made me hungrier for him. I ran my hands down his back, feeling every defined line. I pulled him closer, pressing him harder against me, letting my body do what it wanted, trying not to think too much about what I was doing. I lifted my hips to meet his, hinting at what I wanted.

  My mind was racing with what I was doing and I tried to push away the thoughts. I didn't want to think. I wanted to keep going. I just wanted to be in this moment and think of nothing else.

  Then, in the next second, I wanted to stop. I struggled with what I was getting myself into. Then my mind switched again. I wanted to keep doing what we were doing. I even wanted to go further.

  Instead of thinking anymore, I just allowed my body to do what it wanted. I would deal with everything else later.

  His lips broke from mine and then they were everywhere—my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. I gripped his hair and whimpered softly each time his lips touched my skin. Suddenly, he stopped and I was certain my heart did, too.