The Hardest Part

by London, Heather

  I nodded.

  "But don't worry. I'll be back in time for the Black and White event." He gave me another smile. My eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. I couldn't control them as they drew down to his mouth and that dazzling, sexy smile.

  Oh, man, what is he trying to do to me? That smile was even sexier than the one from a minute ago. My heart sped up to a rapid beat. From the look on his face, he knew exactly what he was doing to me.

  "Are you guys hungry?" Lexi asked, snapping me out of my locked stare on her brother’s lips.

  "I'm starving, actually," Reed answered, still looking at me and still smiling.

  "Um, I think I'm going to pass on dinner," I said, finally looking away from him and over to Lexi.

  "No, you can't. I owe you dinner. It's the least I can do after all the torturous dress shopping I put you through today."

  "It wasn't torture. It was actually a lot of fun." And that was the truth. Today had been great.

  "Please come to dinner," Lexi begged me. "Reed will be a third wheel with just Brandon and me."

  I gave a sideways glance to Reed. The smile on his face had disappeared. "It's just dinner, Emily, but if you don't want to go, I can have Robbins take you home," he said, his face serious, his hazel eyes searing into me.

  I wasn’t sure how long the two of us stood there staring at one another. It was only when Lexi cleared her throat that I finally snapped out of his spell.

  "So are we ready to go?" she asked with a cheesy grin on her face.

  I didn't even have a chance to respond before Reed and Lexi started to walk out of the store. Still in somewhat of a trance, I quietly followed them out.

  WE WALKED out of the restaurant with Brandon leading the group. Lexi followed him, then me, and finally Reed.

  "So Brandon's going to walk me home. Reed, do you mind giving Emily a ride?" She gave me a small grin and then a wink. What was that for? Does she know what happened between us or is she wanting something to happen between us?

  I started to speak up, but Reed cut me off before I could get any words out. "Of course."

  Reed gave Lexi a hug and then shook hands with Brandon before I hugged them both good-bye. There was no point in arguing and telling Reed I could find my own way home, especially in front of Lexi. She would insist on making sure I got home safely, and from past experience, I knew Reed would, too.

  Besides, there wasn't anything wrong with getting a ride from a friend, right? I knew if I wanted to remain friends with Lexi, then I couldn't allow what happened between Reed and me to get between us. I was going to have to get used to being around him. Lexi and Reed were close and, from what I could tell, they always would be. They really only had each other.

  A black suburban was sitting a few feet away from us. Reed opened the back door and I climbed in.

  "Did you enjoy dinner?" Reed asked when the car started moving.

  "Yes, it was nice. Thank you." Reed insisted on paying for everyone's dinner tonight.

  "It was nice of you to go with Lexi today. I wasn't sure she was going to get through the day, and she probably wouldn't have without you."

  "I'm glad I went. I actually had a lot of fun."

  "But you didn't find a dress you liked?" he asked.

  "Not really."

  He nodded and then turned to look out the window. The tension in the air was thick and it, along with the growing lump in my throat, made it difficult to swallow.

  I was beginning to think that being friends with Reed wasn't going to be easy… not when he was making my body feel like it was on fire with just one look. Not when I spent the entire dinner trying not to think about the night we shared last weekend. Now, sitting beside him, close enough to touch, it was pure torture. My body ached to touch him, to be touched by him. I didn't know how I would make it through the drive to my apartment.

  When we pulled onto my street, I scooted closer to the door, ready to jump out of the car the moment it stopped. The last few seconds were the worst. My chest was getting tighter and I knew I needed fresh air, quick.

  Finally, the car came to a stop and I pushed my door open, welcoming the cold air. Taking in a deep breath, feeling the air hit my lungs, I was able to snap myself back into the present moment, not lost in the fantasizing reverie.

  After catching my breath, I turned around to tell Reed goodnight but found the backseat empty.

  "I was going to walk you to your door." He was behind me, his voice soft and deep. Why did he have to be so sweet and charming?

  Turning back around, I looked up at him through my eyelashes and then quickly looked away and started toward my apartment. The quicker I could get inside, the better.

  We approached my door, where I put the key in my lock and then stopped. Leaving the key where it was, I turned around to face him, leaning against the door for support. "Reed, I want us to be friends. I want us to be able to hang out and not have this awkwardness between us." I’m not sure why, but at that moment, I felt like that needed to be said. I wanted him to know where I stood. Even though deep down, I was crying out that I wanted more, I knew that being friends was the only option.

  "You call it awkwardness but I think it’s something else.” He tried to hide his smile but failed. “Is this what you really want? Friends?" He pulled me against him, taking me by surprise. As he studied my face, I felt the intensity of his gaze. I couldn't find my voice. It was lost somewhere inside me, along with all the other feelings that were swirling deep down inside me—the feelings I’d been fighting the entire dinner and ride home. Being this close to him, it was hard to concentrate on anything except for how his body felt against mine.

  I felt my eyes drifting downward to his lips. I only stared at them for a split second before raising them again to meet his gaze.

  "Emily, I've tried to give you your space this week. I've been patient, hoping you would realize you feel the same way I feel about you. I don't want to just be friends with you, but if that's how you feel…" His voice drifted as he searched my eyes. I wasn't sure what he was expecting or hoping to see. I also wasn't sure what my eyes were telling him right now. "I just want to know how you really feel."

  "I-I don't know… not right now at least," I mumbled, glancing to his lips again. Eyes, Emily. Look at his eyes. Damn, that didn't help me much either. Instantly, I was aware of how dangerous our closeness was to each other. I could feel my resolve slipping again. He bent down and softly brushed his lips against mine. My eyes closed and a small moan escaped my lips as they parted. Damn, this wasn't going to end well.

  "Tell me what you want," he whispered softly. "If you just want us to be friends, I'll respect that. I just want to hear you say the words."

  "Reed." I breathed, almost telling him I wanted him—right here, right now—but I was able to come to my senses. Forcing my eyes open, I gently pushed him away from me. "I can't do this. Not right now."

  His eyebrows furrowed. I wanted to pull his lips back to mine, anything to erase that look of pain on his face.

  "I don't know what I want right now." I continued to gather myself.

  "So just friends for now, then?" he asked.

  I nodded. "For now. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it's the best answer I can give."

  "So you need more time and I need to be more patient?" he asked. The pain he wore vanished and a tiny smile appeared on his lips, causing the ache in my heart to ease a little. "Or maybe I should be more persistent?"

  My heart squeezed at his words. Did I want him to be more persistent? Or did I want him to honor my request and give me some space to figure out what I really wanted? My mind seemed to be torn on that decision as well.

  His smile grew and he leaned in and kissed my forehead briefly. "Goodnight, Emily."

  Then he turned to walk away from me.

  JAKE

  I SAT alone in the living room of the dark penthouse. I’d pulled all the curtains closed, not wanting to see the bright lights of the city tonight. Not wanting
to see anything for that matter. All I wanted was to sit here and drink until I passed out. It was the only way I’d been able to sleep the past few weeks.

  After taking another long sip of bourbon, I set the glass down on the end table next to me and closed my eyes. Even though I didn’t want to think of her, she was all I saw. My heart ached as I thought about how long it had been since I’d seen her face. Since I’d smelled her sweet scent. Since I’d felt the control and peace I had when she was around.

  Ever since Emily’s been gone, my whole world has been turned upside down. I wasn’t the person I was before. I couldn’t think, sleep or eat. I hadn’t been myself or been able to do my job. I looked like a complete fool in front of my men. They came to me, wanting answers or for me to give them some sort of direction, but I didn’t have anything to say to them. She occupied all my thoughts. I was completely lost without her.

  When I first found out she was missing, I was furious. I was furious at myself for letting her out of my sight. I was furious at Mike for letting her get away. I was furious at her for wanting to leave me. Now, after I had time to think about it, I knew the mistakes I made with her. I knew I told her that I would change, that I would get better. I knew I lied.

  The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of seeing her again, knowing that I would see her again. I wasn’t sure how long it would take or what I would have to do, but the day would come when I saw her face again.

  Still, after all the pain and worry, and as much as I wanted her back, I was still not sure I could forgive her completely. I wasn’t sure I could bring her back to Vegas and not punish her for what she did. She needed to know the pain she put me through. She needed to know about the embarrassment she caused me with my men. The late nights. The wondering where she was. The worry. The heartache. She needed to know that she couldn’t do this to me again. And after I showed her and made her see, I would promise to never to hurt her ever again, and I would keep that promise... or I would try my hardest to keep it.

  A knock on my office door caused my thoughts to dissolve. I opened my eyes as the door opened. The light from the hallway spilled into the dark living room. Without even turning to look, I knew who it was. He’d been avoiding me the past few weeks, but I’d asked Rico to tell him to come see me.

  As much as I didn’t want to believe it, I thought Mike knew more than what he was telling me. Much more. For the past few weeks, I had most of my men looking for Emily, but there was only one I really trusted in finding her. The same man who was supposed to be watching her that night... the same one who let her get away. Mike had skills. He had training. That’s why he was the most trusted man on my security team. That’s why I trusted him with my life. He knew this building well. He could get in and out of it without anyone seeing him... and get someone else out of it as well. Everything just pointed to him. It made too much sense. He had to have been the one who helped her get away. I know over the past couple years that he and Emily had grown close. Maybe he chose her over me.

  “Rico said you wanted to see me.” Mike’s voice was flat, distant.

  “Do you have any news for me?” I asked, not turning to meet his eyes. It was still too hard to look at him without wanting to kill him. Even though I had my own ideas on what happened that night, I still didn’t want to believe it was true. I didn’t want to believe my oldest friend, my most trusted confidant, would betray me like that.

  “No, there haven’t been any new developments. The private detective I hired hasn’t found anything yet. So far, we’ve come up with a lot of dead ends.”

  I nodded, but still didn’t turn in his direction. The feeling in my gut, the feeling that I knew he was somehow involved with Emily’s disappearance, was still with me, but now, it was even stronger. My suspicion seemed to grow every time I saw him. Gritting my teeth, I kept my thoughts to myself. Before I did anything to him, I wanted to know for sure.

  “Is there anything else you need from me before I head out?” he asked and I finally turned to look at him. He stood in the doorway and I could barely see his face through the darkness, but I could see right through his distant demeanor. Our relationship had been strained for the past year or so, but it had only gotten worse over the last few weeks, or since Emily’s been gone.

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  Without another word, the door closed and the room became completely dark again.

  EMILY

  I FELT restless and got little to no sleep for the rest of the weekend. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured Reed. I pictured kissing him. I pictured him kissing me. I pictured him moving against me. I pictured his hands on me, my hands on him. The only way to make images stop would be to open my eyes, so I ended up watching a lot of TV, doing lots of laundry and cleaning—anything to get my mind off him.

  When Monday morning came, I was excited to get to work. I knew with the event only a couple weeks away now, things were going to be really busy. I was excited about that, knowing it would help keep my mind off Reed.

  Christine was already sitting at her desk when I got back to our office. She looked like crap, and that was putting it nicely. She had on no makeup, her hair was in a messy bun held up by two pens, and she was wearing black leggings and an oversized sweater. This was very non-Christine. Usually, her hair was curled, her makeup was perfect, and she dressed like she just stepped out a magazine.

  "Hey, are you feeling okay?" I asked her as I pulled off my coat and slung it across my chair.

  "Yeah." She turned to smile at me. "I'm great actually. I feel so much better about this event. I spent all weekend up here, going over everything and making sure we had everything covered, and for the things we still need to do. I made a list." She handed me a piece of paper—make that papers.

  "You worked all weekend?" I glanced from the list to her face.

  "Yep. I mean, I went home to eat, sleep, and shower, but for the most part, I was up here. I don't mind. I love this stuff and I want it to be perfect."

  As I stood there looking at the girl in front of me, realizing she had sacrificed her entire weekend, it made me wonder how I ever hated her. Then I remembered—she was a total bitch to me for no reason. For the past couple of weeks, though, she had been great and more than anything, she was working her ass off to make this event great. That reason alone was enough for me to forgive all the crap she had done to me.

  "So what should I start with?" I asked.

  "You take page one and two. I'll start on the rest. They're really just small things, probably things we've already done, but I just want to make sure."

  "Will do." I smiled and ripped the first two pages off and handed the rest back to her.

  I got busy working my way down the list, and before I knew it, it was already lunchtime. Good news, I’d only thought about Reed maybe a hundred times during the last few hours. Bad news, it wasn't going to be as easy as I thought to get him out of my head.

  Isabel poked her head into our office. She had a huge smile on her face, looking really excited. "You have a delivery, Emily." Her voice matched the expression on her face, high with excitement.

  "Did you have something delivered to me for the event?" I looked over to Christine.

  She shook her head. "No, I usually just address the packages to the company."

  My heart started beating rapidly and I wasn't even sure why. In the darkest corner of my mind, I always thought of Jake at times like this. I could see him sending me something, letting me know in a subtle way that he had found me.

  Following Isabel into the front lobby area, I saw a familiar woman. She was the sales lady working at the dress store that Lexi and I had visited this weekend.

  "Hi, are you Emily Anderson?" she asked, smiling at me.

  "Yes, that's me."

  My whole body buzzed as she handed me the long, navy-blue dress that I had tried on, hung inside a clear garment bag. For a long moment, I just stared at it in her hands. Finally, I reached out and grabbed it.

&nbs
p; "What is this?" Of course I knew what it was—it was a dress. I just wasn't sure why this lady was standing here and why she had just handed me a twenty-three-hundred-dollar dress.

  "Mr. Alexander wanted me to deliver it to you personally. He also asked me to give you this." She handed me a card. I took it, feeling as though my legs were about to give out beneath me.

  "Thank you?" It came out sounding more like a question, but again, I was at a loss for what to say.

  After the woman left, I turned around to find both Christine and Isabel staring at me.

  "What was that all about?" Christine asked, mouth gaping.

  "Um, I think Reed Alexander just bought Emily a gorgeous gown and had it delivered to her work. Wow, that is so romantic. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?" Isabel asked, looking at me all dreamy, like she was witnessing some fairytale play out in front of her.

  Swallowing hard, I looked at the dress and envelope in my hand, still not believing this was happening. Didn't I tell him I needed some time, more space? Yes, I am pretty sure I made that clear. Then I remembered the small grin he had on his face when he said those words… What was it? Something about being more persistent?

  "I'm going to go hang this up." I walked past them and started making my way back to the office. I could hear them whispering the entire way.

  After hanging the dress on the back of my door, I sat in my chair and slowly opened the envelope. I pulled out a single card with the initials R.M.A. printed on the top.

  You looked gorgeous in this dress. It would be a shame not to see you in it again. - Reed

  My throat felt tight as I stared at his words. He had bought me the dress and had it delivered to my work. What part of this is giving me space? I said I needed that, right? I asked myself again.

  Glancing up, I looked at the dress hanging from the door and couldn't control the smile that spread across my face. I really did love the dress. It was beautiful and I felt beautiful in it. Then, the smile dropped from my face as quickly as it appeared. The dress was too much. I couldn't accept it. I would have to return it or give it back to Reed so he could return it.