The Hardest Part

by London, Heather

  "Well, we are just so pleased you like it, Mr. Alexander. It was a pleasure," Sharon said, smiling. Isabel was staring at him in a dreamy state, pretty much how she always stared at him when he was in front of her. Christine was grinning, but she wasn't staring just at Reed; she was looking between Reed and me, her mischievous smile growing by the second.

  "Now, if you ladies wouldn't mind, I would like to ask Emily to dance with me, if you can part with her for a moment." Reed's words turned my attention back to him.

  I was pretty sure my whole body just caught fire, or at least my face. It felt hot as I glanced at Reed before my eyes moved to Isabel, Christine, and finally Sharon. They were all smiling and staring at me now. Sharon gave me a wink.

  Before I set my glass of champagne back down, I took another drink, probably longer than I should have. When I finally set it down, Reed held his hand out for me to take.

  "You look absolutely amazing." His eyes ran down the length of me as we began to move to the music.

  "Thank you. And thank you for the dress. I should have said that a few weeks ago." I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. "I'm sorry it took so long to tell you."

  "I'm just glad you decided to keep it. I was afraid you would return it."

  "I thought about it." I licked my lips and raised my eyes to meet his.

  "Well, I'm glad you didn't." He smiled.

  We were quiet for the next few minutes. The longer I was wrapped up in his arms, the harder it was to deny how amazing it felt to be with him again. I knew now that no matter how much I had tried to tell myself this wasn't what I wanted, it was just a lie. I wanted to be with him. I just wasn't sure if I should.

  "Should I just come out and say it?" he leaned down and whispered, coming within an inch from my face. Our lips were practically touching.

  I tried to keep my breathing at a normal level. "Say what?" My voice sounded husky, unfamiliar, even to me.

  "Tell you that I want you. That I want to be with you. That it's been miserable these past few weeks without you." He paused, his eyes boring into mine. "Have you even been thinking of us? What you want? If you want to be with me? Or do you still need more time? I'll wait if you do. All you have to do is say the words." His grip around my waist tightened, pulling me closer to him.

  As hard as I tried, I couldn't keep myself calm. My breath came out shaky as I tried to find the words. What was I supposed to say? How would I tell him that I wanted to be with him but couldn't? Could I tell him that I'd been missing him over the past few weeks, too? That all I'd ever wanted was to love someone and be loved? Deep down, I knew this was what I wanted. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to allow my heart to love someone again, to open up and trust him.

  However, there was another part of me that knew the dangers of falling in love again and it wasn't just getting my heart broken. I felt like I could handle that sort of pain. I was more concerned with the thought of Reed getting hurt if Jake ever found me. What if I had to leave New York? What if I had to change my name again and start over? Would I be strong enough to leave him behind if it came down to it?

  "Can we go somewhere to talk?" he asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.

  "Right now?" I asked, noticing that we’d stopped dancing. We were standing in the middle of the dance floor, staring at one another while other couples danced around us.

  "I think we can step out for a few minutes." He glanced from my eyes down to my lips. "No one will miss us."

  Glancing around, I saw that everyone around us was busy in their own world.

  I nodded and then he took me by the hand, leading me off the dance floor and down a hall that finally emptied onto a patio.

  "Wow, it's beautiful out here," I exclaimed, leaning against a pillar and glancing up at the lights that were hanging from the trees; they casted a bright glow on the garden below. I could still hear the jazz band from inside.

  Wrapping my arms across my chest, I rubbed my bare arms. It was beautiful out here, but cold. Before I even had a chance to turn around and face him, Reed was wrapping his jacket around my shoulder.

  "Thank you." I turned my head and smiled up at him. The smile dropped from my face almost immediately. His face held nothing even resembling a smile. Actually, the seriousness of his face caused my heart to pound and my stomach to squeeze.

  "I have to ask you a few questions. Some things I just have to know."

  My heart hammered even harder. Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the pillar and wrapped his jacket around me tighter. I was afraid of what was about to come out of his mouth. He took a couple steps closer to me. Instead of turning away from him, I turned into him, feeling his arms wrap around my waist.

  "What happened to you?" he asked, and I cringed at his words. "What happened that made you so afraid and closed off? That made you feel like you couldn't trust someone or not allow yourself to be loved by someone?"

  My face was buried in his chest and I was thankful for that. The tears that stung my eyes were just moments from spilling over.

  "I can't talk about it." I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it."

  "I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I'll try my best to understand." His voice was soft and sweet. "I'm a patient man, but I don't want to wait around for you if you don't want to be with me." He paused for a moment and I held my breath, wondering what I was going to say in response. "Will you answer me something?" he asked before I had a chance to respond.

  I closed my eyes, knowing that if I saw his eyes, I would never be able to tell him I didn't want him. "Yes." I swallowed.

  "Do you want to be with me?"

  "Yes." The word leaked out as if I had no control. I couldn't deny what I really wanted, regardless if I was looking him in the eyes or not.

  He lifted my chin until my eyes met his. "Do you trust me?"

  I nodded, feeling the tears building from my chest.

  A smile slowly appeared on his lips. "Then I'm not going anywhere," he said, bending down and placing his lips on mine for a soft, quick kiss. "That's all I wanted to know. Everything else can wait."

  His lips hovered over mine until I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, causing his lips to connect with mine. His body pushed against mine and I was pressed harder into the pillar. He pulled back to look at me, his hand brushing my cheek. The heat of his skin against mine seemed to radiate through me, causing my whole body to tingle.

  I pulled him back down to me as he brought his arms more securely around my waist, pulling me toward him. My chest pressed firmly against his. I made a noise at the sensation when his lips parted and his tongue touched mine. That sound caused him to clutch me even tighter to him, coaxing even more sounds to come out of me.

  My mind was focused on the ways his lips were moving against mine and the firm grip he had on me, but somewhere in my blissful and totally lost-in-him mind, I knew we were moving. After only a few steps, we stopped and I heard the click of a door opening. I kept my eyes shut. Not wanting or caring where we were going.

  We began to move again. He was slowly pushing me forward. After a few more steps, we came to another stop. This time, I opened my eyes and saw that Reed was reaching behind me, trying to open another door, but it was locked. When his eyes opened, they connected with mine. Our breaths were both coming out fast and ragged. I glanced over his shoulder and saw another closed door. Pulling him with me, I walked across the hall to try the other door. This time, it opened.

  I walked into the room, pulling him with me. I could now see it was an empty office with a couple bookshelves and a nice, large desk. A window on the far right wall looked out over the garden we’d just been standing near. There was a low glow in the room from the lights that hung in the trees above the garden.

  When I glanced back at Reed, I saw him staring at me. Passion and desire filled his eyes. He ran his hands down my ribs to my hips and then effortlessly picked me up, gripping my upper thighs. He walked me over to the desk, sa
t me down, and slid me to the edge of it before standing between my open legs.

  He removed his jacket from around my shoulders and laid it flat on the desk behind me. Without even thinking of the consequences or caring if someone walked in on us, I pulled his shirt from his pants. I moved back up the top, starting to remove the bow tie, and then worked my way down each button.

  I didn’t know what I was doing exactly; my mind seemed to shut off at the moment. All logic and doubt vanished. There was only one thing I wanted right now. I would have to deal with the consequences of my decision later.

  When his shirt was finally open, I ran my hands along the length of his chest before moving to undo his pants. The entire time I had been undressing him, Reed hadn't spoken a word… until now that was.

  His hands wrapped around mine. "Emily, maybe we shouldn't do this. The last time we did this, it didn't end well. Maybe we should wait."

  I didn't want to wait. I couldn't wait another second. I wanted him. I needed him.

  He glanced down at me. I saw the desire he still had in his eyes. I knew he wanted me, too. He was just the stronger one between us to question what we were doing. Even though his hands still rested on mine, I continued to try to get into his pants. The struggle in his eyes was clear, but then, almost in an instant, the struggle left his eyes and a passion-filled hunger replaced it.

  His lips came down roughly on mine, his weight pushing me down to lie on the desk. I raised my left leg and wrapped it around his waist, pressing him harder into me. The long slit up the left side of my dress caused the silk fabric to fall away from my skin. I sighed and closed my eyes when his hand caressed my skin, realizing now how much I missed his touch.

  Suddenly, his hands were demanding and busy, moving everywhere. He scrunched up my dress and removed my underwear, leaving me fully exposed from the waist down. I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold draft in the office or the way his eyes raked down my body, but I shivered until he came back on top of me, covering me with warmth as his mouth explored my neck and chest.

  "Reed…" I moaned into his ear. I didn’t know how much longer I could wait for him. I'd beg for it if I had to.

  His kisses trailed back up my neck, hungrier than before. When he reached my mouth, I moaned again as I felt his tongue against my own. His hands gripped my thighs and squeezed down, causing an intense cry to escape my lips.

  "Reed… please," I moaned. This time it came out sounding more like begging.

  In a few swift movements, he removed the rest of his clothes and then pushed himself into me. I gasped at the rough entrance as I raised my hips to meet his. Each time he rocked into me, he plunged harder and deeper. He let out a moan of his own when I wrapped my legs around his back, allowing him even deeper inside of me.

  During those last few moments, my back arched off the desk and my breathing quickened as I felt pure ecstasy run through me. Reed stilled over me, breathing heavy. I wrapped my arms around him; his whole body was shaking.

  As I lay there, the reality of what we’d just done hit me. I didn't have any regrets or guilt like last time. I knew he was what I wanted. I wouldn't deny myself any longer. Too much time had passed, and I was ready to try to love again. To allow myself to be loved.

  "I FEEL like I could sleep for a week." Christine yawned as she laid her head down on her desk.

  I laughed. "Me, too, but it was beautiful. Reed and Lexi loved it. You should be proud. You did a great job."

  "We did a great job," she corrected me. "You aren't so bad after all." She gave me a smile.

  "Yeah, you're not so bad yourself." And she really wasn't. I felt like over the past month, the two of us could almost be considered friends. It was a nice change from her looking at me like she wanted to claw my eyes out all the time.

  "How about a drink to celebrate? After the press coverage we got, we are going to be swamped with customers. I think our lives are about to get crazy."

  "Can I take a rain check? I promised Lexi I would go to her place and help her pack." Lexi was going to spend the week at Brandon's family's house in New Jersey, something she was really nervous about.

  "Sure, but I'll hold you to it." She stood up and slung her purse over her shoulder. "Well, I guess I have a date with my TV and then my bed… again."

  After she left, I finished a few things at the office and then headed over to Lexi's. When she opened the door, she had a panicked look on her face.

  "I have nothing to wear." She turned around and stomped back to her room. "I bought new outfits for this week, but nothing looks right. What are you supposed to wear to meet your boyfriend’s parents? What am I going to do, Emily?" She looked at me with pure fear in her eyes.

  "First, you need to relax." I couldn't help but laugh at her.

  "It's not funny. I'm pretty sure I'm starting to fall in love with Brandon and I just want his family to like me," she said as she fell back on her bed. "If they don't like me, then it will never work."

  Shaking my head, I climbed up on her bed and sat beside her, wondering why she couldn't see how amazing she was. I wondered why she didn't see herself like everyone else saw her, as a beautiful person, inside and out.

  "If Brandon is introducing you to his family, then he must have the same feelings about you, don't you think?"

  She nodded.

  "See, you just need to relax. If Brandon feels that strongly about you, then his family will, too. They are going to love you," I said, hoping to boost her confidence.

  "I hope so. Brandon is the first guy I've dated in a long time and I just don't want to screw this up, you know. He's different from any guy I've ever dated and…" She stopped short and sat up. "Sorry, you probably think I'm being crazy and annoying."

  "No. You being nervous is pretty normal, I think. This is a big step for you guys. I think it would be strange if you weren't so nervous. It shows how much you care about him."

  "Thanks for being here. I don’t know how well this conversation would've gone with Reed. Oh, and speaking of, I almost forgot. I know you're not one to read the papers or magazines, and to be honest, they are mostly garbage, but this I think you need to see."

  She hopped off the bed, walked across the room, and picked up a magazine off her dresser. I hadn't even seen it yet, but my heart was already racing. This wasn't going to be good.

  "I think they ran it in every major magazine. Most of the time, I hate the pictures they take and I think it's such an invasion of privacy, but these pictures are actually really cute. I'm not sure I've ever seen you smile like this before." Lexi held the magazine out for me to see.

  My heart hammered even faster the second I got a good look at it. No. Please tell me this isn't happening. My mind raced. I didn't even remember anyone taking pictures. Could I have been that distracted with Reed or was the photographer just that good?

  I pulled the magazine from her grasp and stared at the numerous pictures of Reed and me. There was a close-up of us looking at one another, smiling. Another of us kissing against the column outside. One of us in an embrace inside the small room right before we… Oh God, please tell me they don't have pictures of that. An entire page dedicated just to us. Oh no. No. No. No. No. No. This is bad. Really, really bad.

  Before, when the paparazzi and reporters had taken pictures of me outside the restaurant, my face had been blocked out for the most part, but now, it was in clear view.

  "This one is definitely a framer." Lexi pointed to the one of Reed and me smiling and gazing into each other’s eyes. "At least you got one good thing out of all of this horrible press." She kept talking, but the loud ringing in my ears drowned her out. My eyes moved to the heading below the pictures—the one in large, bold lettering.

  REED ALEXANDER OFF THE MARKET! EMILY ANDERSON HAS HIS HEART!

  The moment I saw it, it felt like my chest had been hit with a sledge hammer. My stomach twisted into something horrible. I stared at the images of Reed and me again, more specifically the close-up that was captured the m
oment right after we kissed outside.

  I'd been so stupid and too relaxed, thinking I could live a normal life. Thinking I could actually have a real relationship with him. Eventually, things like this would get back to Jake. He'd come find me.

  "Emily, what's wrong? You look like you’re going to be sick."

  She had no idea how sick I wanted to be. Swallowing hard, I tried to push down the fear I could feel rising in my throat. I had to get out of here. I wasn't sure where I would go or what I would do, but I knew I couldn't stay here. I would have to run again. Can I do that? Can I leave New York and start over? Can I really run again? Do I really want to leave the life that I've created? Do I want to leave Lexi? Reed? No, but I have to go. If there was the smallest chance that Jake would see these pictures, then I had to leave. He would kill me for sure, but not only that; he would kill everyone I had come to care about. He would do it to punish me.

  "Emily." Lexi shook me gently. "You're starting to scare me."

  "I have to go," I finally said, shoving the magazine back into her hands.

  "Wait." Lexi reached out to stop me, but I hurried past her, walking as fast as I could toward the front door.

  The faster I got back to my apartment, packed a few clothes and left New York, the better. It was the only way. My mind was still spinning with all of the possibilities that could happen. What if he’s already here in New York? The pictures had been published for a few days. What if he’s waiting for me right now?

  When I reached the elevators at the end of the hall, Lexi caught up to me. "Geez, Emily, what is it?"

  My breaths were coming fast and heavy. "It's—I have to go, okay? Those pictures…" I gestured to the magazine that was still in her hands. "It's just… I thought if I was careful that it would be okay, but it's too dangerous." The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them. Her face shifted into a look of horror. Damn, I shouldn't have said anything. "Listen, Lexi, it's not a big deal. I just can't deal with all of this right now."