Always Be a Wolf

by Mima

  Taking out his phone, he glanced at it briefly and considered sending Diego a text that he was going to grab a cab home but then again, was he not giving this place enough of a chance?

  “Chase?” He heard his name and turned to look at a woman who looked slightly familiar and it took a moment for him to recognize Deborah. Deborah?

  Although there were small fragments of his coworker, without the dark framed glasses and boring, bland office attire that made her look unappealing, she was a whole other woman. Her dark hair hung loose, gently caressing her shoulders that were barely covered with any material, her cherry red dress reaching above her knees and hugging every curve, highlighting her thin frame. As the alcohol kicked in, he couldn’t help but feel a shot of desire as he remembered her recent hookup with the delivery guy, followed by the confession that she was a sex addict. Was that why she was at this party? Was she looking for someone to take on her strong desires?

  “Deborah? What are you doing here?” Chase asked casually even though yearning was building up inside of him as she stood extremely close to him, her scent filling his lungs.

  “I could ask you the same,” She commented, her hand suddenly touched his arm, although briefly, the flicker of her finger sent a wave of sensations through his body as he quickly glanced around the room.

  “I was here with Diego,” He replied evenly, “And Jesse but…they disappeared.”

  “Do you really want to know where they are?” She spoke directly into his ear, her hot breath sending a shot of arousal right to his groin. “They are on the other side of the room snorting coke with some guys. I saw him. He told me you were here.”

  “What?” Chase asked, feeling completely shocked and immediately after, completely naïve. “Are you kidding me?”

  Deborah shook her head no, her chocolate eyes staring into his. “Maybe you need a ride home?”

  The insinuation was there. He didn’t hesitate to say yes. It didn’t matter that they worked together. It didn’t matter that he normally wasn’t at all attracted to her. It didn’t matter that he was leaving Diego at the party without telling him. These were all secondary thoughts as they rushed out of the building and to her car. Sitting on the passenger side, he was surprised when she glanced around the parking lot before leaning inside the open door, her lips abruptly grasping his as her fingers reached for the zipper of his pants. Within seconds, her hands were inside his boxers and working the kind of magic that only a woman with some experience could do. The next thing he knew, a condom was tightly clamped to his dick, the door shut and she was sitting facing him.

  Deborah barely had her eyes closed as she leaned into him, her hot breath touched his face as she moved him inside her and let out a soft moan and he gasped in pleasure as she moved on top of him, the sound of muffled music from the nightclub could be heard from outside the walls. She started off slow but quickly picked up the pace as he reached out and held on to her hips, feeling lost in strong desires as she began to make more noise and wiggle around almost driving him around the bend as she let out a loud moan and gasped as she roughly bounced on his lap causing waves of pleasure to shoot through his groin.

  It had been a long time. Way too long, he realized as their encounter ended.

  “I always wanted to do that,” she whispered in his ear. “Now, where do you live?”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  It didn’t end in the car. Chase was relieved that Diego didn’t return until Sunday evening since Deborah didn’t leave until early that afternoon. Sleep was infrequent but sex appeared to be her main priority, their conversation limited to her asking if the condo was ‘his place’ and if he had more condoms. At the time, high on pleasure, Chase didn’t think about the fact that her focus was only on sex. However later, after she left, the entire night seemed surreal and strange. He wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing her at work the next day.

  The weekend left him feeling drained and unsettled. His fling with Deborah felt like the symptom of a bigger problem, a sign that his life was quickly sliding off track and into a territory that wasn’t quite right. The longer he lived with Diego, the more he felt as though he no longer knew himself. Then again, was that a bad thing? Personal evolution was something to strive toward but how did you know if it was a more authentic you or the results of someone else’s design? How much influence did the Silvas have on his life?

  The truth was it was loyalty. His connection to Diego was strong and in essence didn’t allow him much room to move. In many ways, when Diego insisted that he and Jolene were his family now, it was true. Barely in contact with his relatives, Chase felt as though his past was long out of sight. His own mother hadn’t been in contact with him in months, his sister occasionally sent him a text but that was about it. Even his aunt Maureen did little more than send him an occasional email.

  The most distressing relationship was the one he had with his three sons. Although they still talked to him on Skype, it reminded him of the obligatory conversations, as if they would rather be doing almost anything else. Although he attempted to act normal and upbeat, Chase felt his heart breaking with each conversation. He could see it in their dismissive eyes; he wasn’t their father anymore. It was clear that his ex-wife was making every attempt to keep the children in contact with him but it was a battle of wills; three energetic children against one woman was never a fair fight. She would make excuses, apologize and genuinely show regret when her attempts appeared futile but the reality was always there; he just wasn’t ready to face it yet. He was another one of those fathers but for the first time, he understood how it was sometimes easier to distance yourself, especially when the children didn’t appear to need you any longer.

  Sunday was no different.

  “I’m sorry, Chase,” Audrey spoke gently from the other end of the line. “Albert took the twins to the park and Leland is at your mom’s house.”

  A double sense of dread filled him; not only would he not get the opportunity to speak to his kids, he didn’t like the fact that any of them were spending time alone with his mother. Although she had been a thoughtful and nurturing mother during his childhood, she had also been abusive; her temperament often complicated by what he believed were some serious emotional issues. However, since Audrey worked in the mental health field, his own concerns were often brushed off as being exaggerated. It was as if what had happened to him growing up was inconsequential and sometimes, Chase wondered if Audrey thought he was only making it up.

  “And I know what you’re thinking,” Audrey continued on the other end of the line in a soft voice. “But I think your mother is great with the kids, trust me, I’ve been watching her all these years. She would sacrifice her own life for theirs, so you needn’t worry. Leland loves his time with grandma.”

  Deciding it wasn’t a fight he wanted to have that day, he instead asked how the children were doing, listened to a few short stories, glimpses into what he was missing now that he moved out; some of it pulled at his heartstrings while at the same time, he remembered the hell of living with Audrey and the misery they provoked in one another. She was a whole other person since he left; much happier, their relationship better than he would’ve ever expected but at the same time, Chase often wondered what it would be like if he was still in Hennessey and available to his children in person.

  Then again, he knew there was nothing for him in that dead-end town. He would feel like a stranger if he returned. He wasn’t the Chase Jacobs he was in those days. Unfortunately, he didn’t know who he was at this point. His identity limited to employee, friend to Diego and little else. Even his boxing was starting to disappear even though he continued to work out at the gym, his passion for everything seemed to fade away.

  Diego, however, had enough passion for the entire building. Always full of energy and light, he eventually returned to the condo later that day, looking no worse for wear considering he probably had no sleep. His clothe
s wrinkled, his jacket in hand, he waltzed in as Chase lay on the couch, feeling heavy and drained at the same time.

  “Amigo!! What are you doing lying around on the couch?” Diego asked with a shot of enthusiasm in his voice as he approached Chase, his eyes scanning over his body. “Didn’t you get enough sleep last night?”

  With that, he let out a loud burst of laughter as he headed toward the kitchen and proceeded to make coffee. Chase didn’t reply, wondering if that was a sign that he somehow knew about his night with Deborah, something he didn’t want to talk about. His thoughts were still on his earlier conversation with Audrey and the general depression that was creeping in.

  “Hey, great party last night,” Diego continued as he hit the button on the coffee maker and turned around to refocus on Chase. “I think I slept like three hours today.”

  Although he was curious where he had been, he didn’t ask. Chase suspected Diego had many affairs but didn’t want to know the details and certainly didn’t want to open the pandora’s box about his own sorted evening. Instead, he sat up on the couch and yawned.

  “Yeah, it was a long night,” Chase added as he heard Diego rush by, whistling as he walked toward his bedroom. Looking around, deciding that he didn’t want to deal with much more that day, Chase decided to go into his own room and take a nap. But sleep was difficult and he quickly regretted not washing his sheets after his fling with Deborah the night before but to do so at that point, would only manage to grab Diego’s attention and Chase wasn’t in the mood for a question and answer period. Besides, he just wanted to sleep, blocking his mind of everything that haunted him.

  The next day wasn’t much better. Seeing Deborah at work was awkward and Diego’s words about ‘not fucking’ coworkers haunted him, especially when the group gathered in the board room for an impromptu meeting that including a celebratory drink over the ‘huge success’ of their first party for gay men. Although the parties for women had always been their trademark, the fact that they were launching into a whole new area would double business and even a modest Benjamin seemed encouraged about this latest move. Everyone was happy. Everyone was drinking. Chase instead enjoyed some coffee and tried to avoid conversation with Deborah, who acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary between them. To Chase’s relief, she offered little more than a quaint smile and eyebrow flash when he first passed her that morning. Clearly, this wasn’t her first time doing something like this so maybe she was better at concealing it.

  In fact, only Gracie talked to him during their little party that morning; Diego was chatting with Benjamin about numbers, while Jolene and Sylvana had a passionate discussion about cosmetics sold at the local department store, Deborah quietly sat and took it all in while Beverly ducked out of the room shortly after the celebration started and went back to her desk. It was, overall, a strange vibe in the room.

  While Gracie rattled on about her birthday weekend that had just passed, nearby, Jolene’s loud voice seemed to override everybody else.

  “He says, ‘don’t you think you are worth it?’ as if the makeup is so valuable and I’m just this pathetic immigrant that will take anything,” Jolene sharply remarked as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Like I’m all sad and lonely, you know? And I look at him and say, ‘I am worth it but is it worth me?” With that she let out a loud laugh which was infectious, as Sylvana followed suit, glancing at Chase and Gracie, who did the same.

  “He did not know what to say to that,” Jolene continued, this time directing her comment to Chase who had witnessed her confront many people in the past and wasn’t surprised by her abrupt comment.

  “My sister,” Diego started, suddenly alerted to the conversation, “Always so polite.”

  “Hey, I do not like how men talk to women as if we are all sad and lonely if we aren’t married, like that cosmetic person at the mall talk to me,” Jolene said and made a face. “Nobody ever talks to a man that way. Chase, am I right?”

  “What?”

  “Do you have people talk to you like you’re lonely, sitting home on Saturday night, waiting for the phone to ring?” Jolene prompted, tapping her fingers on the boardroom table. “No, of course not. No one says that to a man.”

  “He wasn’t sad and lonely this weekend,” Diego piped up and gave a smug smile and quickly covered it up. “We were working really late then we went to a party.”

  Chase purposely didn’t look in Deborah’s direction.

  “How late were you?” Jolene asked and glanced from Chase to Diego. “That is a good sign if no one wanted to leave.”

  “After 4.”

  “We have to be careful. We cannot serve liquor after 2,” Jolene reminded him.

  “Oh, I know,” Diego shared an indulgent smile with Chase. “Who would do that?”

  “We have to be careful,” Jolene reminded him. “We already have some religious groups watching us closely. We do not want to give them a reason to make our lives difficult.”

  “The religious should worry about what they’re going to wear to church on Sunday, not what we’re doing,” Diego said with a shrug. “Who cares? We aren’t hurting anyone?”

  “You know that is not how these religious people work,” Jolene reminded him. “They’re all about telling everybody else how to live.” She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath and slowly rose from her chair. “Anyway, I should get back to work now.”

  “You know, we could get involved in a charity,” Sylvana suggested, her eyes on Jolene. “It would look good for the company and it would show we are giving back to the community.”

  “Oh, I like that,” Diego said and let out a laugh, pointing toward Sylvana as Jolene nodded. “This one, always got a plan.”

  “It’s my job,” Sylvana spoke with confidence and stood up. “I’ll give it some thought and meet with Beverly later to discuss some ideas.”

  “Perfecto!” Diego said and leaned back in his chair while everyone else seemed to follow Jolene’s lead as she headed toward the door. Chase and Diego were the only people left.

  The door now closed and everyone was gone, Diego smiled and poured himself another glass of champagne.

  “So, that freak on a leash, Deborah, did she seduce you or what?”

  The question threw him off guard. He had expected it on Sunday, in the car that morning or even later during their lunch break, but not at that point in the morning. In fact, Chase was hoping the weekend was water under the bridge but he should’ve known better. “What?”

  “She was looking for you with those horny eyes on Saturday night…er….Sunday morning, I figured she was probably looking for her fix,” Diego snickered and sunk the drink. “Is that how sex addiction works? Maybe this could work out for the two of you. She seems uncommitted and that’s what you want, no?”

  His accent was creeping in which meant he was upset.

  “I don’t know, Diego,” Chase spoke honestly. “I would rather keep my distance from Deborah.”

  “Remember what I told you about people fucking coworkers, it’s never a good thing,” Diego sent him warning glances that seemed to be a direct order and not a suggestion. Since Chase was hardly interested in pursuing anything more with Deborah, it wouldn’t be difficult to agree with him.

  “You’re right,” Chase replied and silently wondered how Diego figured it out. Did he see them leave together? “I certainly have no intentions of hooking up with her again.”

  But things were about to get much more complicated.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  They arrived at the restaurant before the dinner rush and as usual, Diego insisted they sit at the back of the room. Originally Chase assumed this choice had to do with private meetings that they were having about their business but now, it kind of made him curious. In fact, many things about Diego were making him suspicious and although he would never say it out loud, Chase was forming a mental list that cr
eated a sinister profile when put together. It was the little things along with the bigger events - like hitting someone with a baseball bat in the condo - that were making him feel as if he were missing a piece of the puzzle.

  “Jolene, she will be here soon,” Diego commented as they opened their menus and Chase felt his stomach rumble as the smell of barbecue filled the air. The restaurant specialized in food that supposedly tasted the same as what you would grill at home which immediately brought back memories from Chase’s childhood, when his father would barbecue on the weekends. Perhaps, he considered, that was what the restaurant was really about; the association more than the food itself.

  “I think she went to get her hair done or something?” Chase commented and quickly decided on what to order. He noted that Diego was making a face as he went through the menu as if he wasn’t fully happy with the selections.

  “I dunno, some kind of lady beauty thing,” Diego replied and held the menu back and squinted. “I think I’ll be like you and have chicken for a change. The ribs, they sure look good in the picture but too messy when you’re wearing a suit.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” Chase agreed with a quick laugh as he pushed the menu aside and sat back in the booth. “Actually, I think I might get a steak. It’s been a long week.”

  After the waitress came and got their drink orders, Diego brought up the very topic that Chase had hoped he wouldn’t.

  “So what was that about? Back at the office?” He referred to a conversation Deborah had pulled Chase into just as they were about to leave for the weekend. Although Diego pretended to not notice, it was pretty clear that he had.