Always Be a Wolf

by Mima

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  From the moment he opened his eyes, the room spun. For some reason, turning to his left seemed to slow down the disturbing merry-go-round in his bed but when accompanied by so many other unpleasant sensations, it was hardly much of an improvement. His eyes alone felt as though he had a beach full of sand in them while his throat was so dry that he feared a single glass of water would be overwhelming to the senses. Not that his stomach would welcome anything at that moment, as it angrily churned with even the slightest movement. He felt disgusting and disgusted with himself. It wasn’t like Chase to get drunk and the embarrassment over his behavior was nothing compared to how he felt when the sheets rustled, gently floating over his naked body.

  Blinking rapidly, Chase managed to focus his eyes on a nearby chair where the clothes from the previous day were neatly placed. Carefully folded pants and underwear, his shirt and jacket on a hanger, his wallet, and phone on the nearby dresser. There was no way he did that.

  Rubbing one hand over his face, Chase attempted to remember the previous night. Flickers of conversations and visions scattered through his brain, like a confusing dream that didn’t make sense the next morning. He vaguely recalled getting home. Hadn’t Diego helped him to his room? Did something happen between them? Would Diego take advantage of him in a vulnerable situation?

  Unfortunately, his memory wasn’t cooperating. Even his instincts were a little blurry that morning as he rose from his bed and slowly made his way into the shower. The hot water brought him little relief and in fact, he felt more nausea creep up as the steam surrounded him, his mind a million miles away. He finished and stepped back out of the shower, pulled on his robe and sat on the edge of the tub. His thoughts continued to roam back to the previous night but his recollection wasn’t improving and in fact, it seemed to fade even farther away.

  Finally, he stood up and started to get ready for work in a mechanical fashion. Knowing that the upset stomach wasn’t likely to settle anytime soon, he briefly considered taking something for it but changed his mind. Perhaps he deserved to suffer for drinking too much. The last thing he wanted was to end up like his mother and so many others in his former community, who used alcohol as a crutch. People like Luke Prince.

  Feeling apprehensive, Chase made his way toward the kitchen, the smell of brewing coffee met him at the door, causing his stomach to stir a little more before the wave of nausea passed. Diego wasn’t anywhere in sight and unsure of what else to do, Chase automatically wandered toward the lime tree and decided to move it out before the sun started to rise.

  It was as he pulled the awkward ceramic pot across the floor to the patio doors that something caught his eye. A small, round lime was growing on the tree. He almost hadn’t noticed the piece of fruit but it was definitely there. Diego had purchased this plant almost a year ago and this was its first lime.

  “Diego,” He called out excitedly. “You got to come see this!”

  Rushing from his bedroom, Diego’s eyes doubled in size when he saw Chase inspecting the tree and for a moment he froze before silently moving toward him.

  “I can explain,” Diego’s voice was full of apprehension as he approached, his dark eyes grew in size and he nervously inspected Chase’s face. “I didn’t know if I should say anything…”

  “What do you mean?” Chase immediately realized they weren’t talking about the same thing.

  Diego clamped his mouth shut and he glanced toward the plant, his face suddenly filling with excitement.

  “Oh my God!” He exclaimed, pouncing toward the miniature lime tree and carefully inspected the piece of fruit. “My first lime is here!”

  Chase stepped back and watched Diego diligently check the rest of the tree. He finally appeared satisfied and turned the side with the lime toward the window and carefully adjusting the plant. With a big smile on his face, he swung around and clapped his hands together.

  “It’s going to be a beautiful day!”

  As if he had a bolt of electricity run through him, Diego flew into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. It was as if the sudden appearance of that one lime revived him and gave Chase a reminder of the man he had been many months earlier when they first moved to Toronto. A certain spark that had faded was now back and yet, there was an unmistakable elephant in the room.

  “Diego, what were you going to say when you first came out of your room?” Chase asked as he slowly made his way into the kitchen. “You were going to explain something to me?”

  Diego abruptly swung around with a deadpan expression on his face. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You were going to say something,” Chase coaxed as he joined him in the kitchen. “Was it about last night.”

  “I wasn’t going to say anything about last night.”

  “Are you sure?” Chase asked as Diego turned his back to him and stirred some cream into his coffee.

  “Yes.”

  Chase hesitated for a moment, feeling another bout of nausea pass over him, he was about to ask again when Diego’s phone began to ring. Rushing away from Chase, his tone was quite serious when answering it and his words quickly jumped to Spanish.

  Feeling like absolute shit, Chase decided to have a cup of coffee and try to eat something. Finding a slice of cold pizza in the fridge, he nibbled on it and found it helped; until five minutes later when he rushed to his bathroom and threw it back up. He found some relief and once again returned to the kitchen and sipped on his coffee.

  Hearing Diego’s hands clap together, Chase turned around to see him return to the room, a look of satisfaction on his face.

  “It’s a good sign, this lime,” He insisted excitedly. “All good things will come our way. I just got off the phone with Jorge. He wants to meet me and Jolene this morning and has some ideas on the club. I guess he did research and wants to continue with the exclusivity and considering possible memberships and other exciting things. This is perfecto!”

  “When are you meeting?” Chase asked as if his thoughts were even in the present moment, rather than the night before and his desperate recollection of what did and didn’t happen.

  “Soon, he says, soon,” Diego rushed to his cup of coffee and took a long drink. “He wants us to meet him and of course, we will drop you off at his hotel to stay with Maria. She’s doing schoolwork this morning. We will be out for a breakfast meeting.”

  Chase pushed aside his concerns and decided instead to focus on the moment. His memories of the previous night would eventually return and he would deal with them at that time. Instead, he took a deep breath and followed Diego out the door.

  In the car, they didn’t have a chance to talk, as Diego was on the phone with Jolene, who was also in her car. Her voice loudly echoed through the Lexus, half in Spanish, half in English, they discussed what they wanted for the new venue and prepared for the meeting with Jorge. Feeling empty and depressed, Chase was only half listening.

  Pulled back into the conversation, he heard Jolene question how he was feeling today, followed by a loud shot of laughter.

  “He’s looking a little sick today,” Diego snickered. “He definitely isn’t feeling as good as he was last night.”

  Diego’s comment came across innocently enough but there was something about how he emphasized good that rattled Chase. Perhaps it was just his imagination. He remained tight-lipped as they arrived at the hotel.

  By the time they got to Hernandez’s door, Chase decided that nothing had happened between him and Diego. Clearly, there would’ve been an awkwardness between them if anything had, so he was just being paranoid. Perhaps he had removed his own clothes and threw them on the floor and Diego, being a neat freak, followed behind to pick them up and neatly fold and place them on the chair.

  Jorge answered the door and quickly ushered them inside, with his usual Hollywood smile. Maria sat on the couch, surrounded by book
s and papers, a laptop beside her, she was clearly unhappy doing schoolwork. Fortunately, Chase had brought his own laptop so he could also get some work done that morning.

  “I hear it was your birthday yesterday,” Jorge commented off the bat and pointed toward an array of pastries and breakfast food on a nearby table. “I invite you to help yourself to some food, unfortunately, I was not able to get a cake on such short notice.”

  “Oh, that’s fine,” Chase let out a laugh. “The last thing I want now is cake.”

  Jorge laughed and nodded. “Yes, I hear you three celebrated last night. Unfortunately, I was unable to make it.”

  “I could’ve gone,” Maria piped up as she reached for a small plate behind her, she nibbled on a strawberry tart. “I was free last evening.”

  “It was a grown up night,” Jorge reminded his daughter.

  “I’m a grown up.”

  “You are not a grown up.” His voice was flat and he returned his attention to Diego. “Shall we go? We don’t want to keep Jolene waiting.”

  “Let’s go,” Diego grabbed a pastry off the tray and the two headed toward the door. Jorge turned back momentarily to remind Maria to finish her school work before following Diego out of the room.

  “OH God, I’ve been doing school work since last night,” Maria complained after they left. “What good is any of this to me anyway?”

  “I would do it and get it out of the way,” Chase advised. “I always left my homework until the last-minute and then had to rush to catch up.”

  “I know but I get bored with it,” Maria insisted as she stood up from the couch. “I try to make papa happy and he likes if I have nice grades.”

  Chase nodded and a thought crossed his mind.

  “What about your mom?” Chase asked calmly as if it were nothing more than a casual question. “I bet she wants you to have good grades too?”

  Maria shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in a while.”

  “Oh, is she on vacation or something?”

  “No,” Maria calmly replied. “She disappeared.”

  Chase opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. A trickle of fear raced to his heart and he felt his mind racing.

  “But I think she is upset and avoiding us,” Maria continued as she reached into the tray of food for a piece of toast. “Papa and her had a bad argument one day and then she went away. I think probably because she was embarrassed and upset. Kind of like if I argue with papa and then hide in my room until I’m not mad at him anymore.”

  Although he appreciated her logic, Chase somehow felt that the reality wasn’t quite so innocent.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  It wasn’t the first time Chase wondered how his life had spun out of control. The last time it happened was in Hennessey when he was in a loveless marriage, working two jobs, having multiple affairs and somehow found himself in the underground porn industry. He hadn’t been happy and yet, it was as if he blindly went along with things until one day, he suddenly opened his eyes and looked around.

  It was that day once again. Rather than being a sheep as Diego often suggested, he had to learn to be a wolf. Unfortunately, it seemed almost impossible to shift gears. Much like being caught up in a strong current, he only knew how to allow the tide to sweep him away into an unforgiving ocean.

  It hit him as he sat across from an innocent child who believed that her mother had gone away over an embarrassing argument with Jorge Hernandez. It seemed unlikely that Maria would have any suspicions about her mother’s extended disappearance and he pitied the day when she recognized that her father was dangerous. It would be a huge blow to her current, loving perception of a man that she looked at with idealizing eyes. Perhaps it was his own naïvety toward life that Chase saw in Maria and he regretted the day it would be lost, just as his own had been.

  Where would he be that day? Chase feared the answer. Things were becoming more dangerous and yet, hadn’t there been many warnings he chose to ignore? His instincts, the little things Chase noticed over time and yet, he had chosen to turn a blind eye to everything. Accepting his new and loving familia was the trade-off for him. It was something he hadn’t had before and clearly, it was something that his heart craved above everything. Even if that meant getting caught up on the dark side.

  He often had wondered how young men found themselves caught up in the ‘gangster’ lifestyle of crime and violence. He no longer wondered. The only difference between him and someone in a street gang was that he dressed a little better, looked slightly less conspicuous to strangers but underneath it all, he was the same. Jorge, Diego, Jolene, hadn’t they all demonstrated that they weren’t beyond committing a violent act to get what they wanted? Didn’t they seek their own justice? Then again, weren’t their justifications resonating with him? Was the entire world corrupt?

  Rubbing his face with both hands, Chase suddenly felt completely exhausted and closed his eyes. Physically, mentally, he had nothing left to give. He wasn’t even able to rationalize this situation or comprehend what it meant to him. Technically, he didn’t ‘know’ anything for certain. Jolene and Diego had only openly revealed that drugs were sold at their parties. As for Jorge, other than seeing him threaten Deborah and shove her downstairs, he only had suspicions. Then there was Luke Prince.

  “Chase?” Maria was suddenly beside him, her hand placed on his shoulder as he abruptly opened his eyes. “Are you okay?”

  After hesitating for a moment, Chase took a deep breath and shook his head. “I can honestly say that I’m not sure.”

  She frowned, her huge chocolate eyes inspected his face before silently walking to the tray of food and bringing back the pot of coffee, lovingly filling his cup.

  “This will make you feel better,” She commented before returning it to the tray. “Chase, is it because you were drinking last night?”

  “Thank you,” He leaned forward in his chair, sitting the laptop on the table and reaching for the cup of coffee. “It’s in part because I had a bit too much to drink last night but I also didn’t sleep so well.”

  “I wish I knew yesterday that it was your birthday,” Maria returned to her place on the couch and pulled her legs beneath her. “I would’ve bought you a present!”

  “That’s fine, Maria,” Chase gently replied. “I don’t need any gifts but thank you, you’re very sweet.”

  “You’re my friend, Chase,” Maria confidently replied. “My one Canadian friend. I never had a Canadian friend before.”

  “No? Were you ever here before?”

  She shook her head no.

  “Mommy wouldn’t let me travel a lot just sometimes,” She continued. “Daddy thinks it’s a great opportunity to learn about other cultures and real world stuff.”

  Chase let out a short laugh as he scratched his chin, wishing he had shaved that morning. Maria tilted her head and watched him.

  “Do you agree?” She calmly asked. “Do you think I will learn more by traveling?”

  “I’m sure you will,” Chase nodded and took a drink of his coffee. “You’re a very perceptive young lady.”

  “Chase, do you think my father is a bad man?”

  The question couldn’t have been more unexpected and he struggled with keeping a stoic expression.

  “Of course not,” He said in an unconvincing voice. “I think your father loves you and would do anything to give you the best life possible.”

  “But do you think he’s a good person?” Maria asked as she pressed her lips together. “Mama used to say he was a bad man.”

  “Are your parents separated?” Chase calmly asked even though on the inside, he felt his heart racing. If he answered anything wrong, she could tell Hernandez and that was the last thing he wanted.

  “Yes, they broke up last year.”

  “When relationships don’t work,” Chase started slowly, carefully we
ighing each word. “Sometimes people say mean things about one another because they are angry. Your mother was probably the same.”

  “But my father isn’t a bad man,” Maria scrunched up her forehead and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I cried when she told me that and when I told papa, he was upset. I thought he was going to cry too.”

  “People sometimes say things to hurt one another,” Chase calmly tried to explain. “When my ex-wife and I broke up, we said some horrible things to and about one another. I’m sure it was the same with your parents.”

  “My papa, he never said anything bad about mama,” Maria spoke proudly. “He only said nice things about her to me, even when she was being so mean.”

  “Your father is a good man,” Chase managed to say the words with complete conviction, breaking eye contact and looking back into his coffee.

  “I don’t think she’s coming back,” Maria continued to speak and Chase felt a heaviness fill his limbs, his soul pulled down by the words. It broke his heart to hear because although she clearly favored her father, her instincts told her something was wrong that her mother had disappeared.

  Chase returned his gaze to Maria as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, his voice was soft yet strong when he replied, “I’m sure she will.”

  “She never left me before,” Maria sniffed and blinked back her tears. “What if she is gone forever like your son?”

  Instinctively, he crossed the room when the little girl started to cry. Sitting beside her, he pulled her into a hug and didn’t reply at first, unsure of what to say.

  “That’s different, Maria,” He slowly let go of her and looked into her eyes as she wiped the tears away. Reaching for a nearby tissue box, he pulled one out and handed it to her. “My son died. Your mother, she probably is just gone to see a friend or to do some traveling.”

  “She hasn’t called or texted,” Maria sniffed as she wiped her tears away. “She sent me a text from the airport and then went away. Daddy says he talked to her but I think he says that to make me feel better.”