Real Vampires Know Size Matters

by Gerry Bartlett

Page 35

 

  “Uh, no. ” I glanced at Rafe, who was fighting a grin. “I’d just as soon stay a secret from him. But it makes me wonder why you’re so determined to drag me up there. ”

  “Too many of the gods know about you already. The clock’s ticking on this secret coming out. I really want to be the one to tell him. Not have him find out from someone else. If I didn’t wield so much power, one of the men you met would have already tattled to him. ” Big dramatic slide as my mother collapsed on the leather seat. “You have no idea how tedious my life can be. ”

  “Not a recommendation for my ever venturing up there. I’ll do whatever I can to help you keep that secret. ” I saw that we were getting close to town. Ian lived in the boondocks because he liked his privacy.

  “So glad to hear you say that, darling. I may need you to be extra nice to one of the men I’m afraid wants to cause trouble for me. ” Mother perked up. “Oh, we’re almost there. ” She pulled out her compact and lipstick from a designer handbag. Tonight she was in a gray wool pencil skirt and white fuzzy sweater. She wore ropes of luminous freshwater pearls that set off the outfit perfectly. Her knee-high boots in gray suede made my mouth water.

  I’d dressed casually for Ian’s in black slacks and a black cashmere sweater. My vintage red leather jacket was my pop of color. I didn’t look bad, just not sophisticated like my mother did. She smiled as she stroked on red lipstick.

  “Gloriana, I can give you an outfit just like this one. Or at least replace those boots. You’ve scuffed the toe. ” She dropped the lipstick back into her purse. “Yes, I saw you kick that wall. I suppose you’ve inherited your grandfather’s temper. ”

  “No tricks now, Mother. Let’s just go see what you left for me in the back room. ” I already owed her too much. And she’d added the worry about Zeus. Rafe pulled the car around to the alley and we all got out. No sign of Mel or her zombies. Yay!

  “Really, darling. My tricks give me great pleasure. It’s my way of making up for my neglect, don’t you know?” She held my arm when I started to go inside. “Close your eyes, Gloriana. Valdez, would you come with me?” She smiled at him, turning on the charm. “I might need your help. ”

  “Glory, you okay back here?” He scanned the alley.

  “Sure. It seems fine. Go. I’ll scream if I need you. ”

  “Thank you, darling. ” My mother dragged him into the shop. “I can’t wait till you see my little surprise. ”

  I heard screaming and very unladylike curses. Doors opening and closing. “There she is. That Aggie person. I know it must be short for aggravation. Don’t let her slip out the front door, Valdez. ” My mother stuck her head out the back. “Stay there, Gloriana. There’s been a slight delay. ”

  “What’s Aggie done now?” I put my tote down on the ground. The book and computer inside made it heavy.

  “You really don’t want to know. I’m handling this. ” She grimaced, her eyes flashing. “How you have tolerated that cow in your home is beyond my understanding. ”

  “I’m kicking her out tonight. ” I smiled at the thought.

  “Good to know. And high time. Wait here. ” She darted back inside.

  I tapped my foot, hummed one of the songs I planned to sing and even tried out a few bars. The echo in the alley was pretty good and I was tempted to sing out loud. No, better not. This was going to be a surprise for that night and the fewer people who heard me ahead of time, the better. I sniffed the air, relieved that it still just smelled of the muffins cooking next door and the full Dumpster a few yards away. I leaned against the door. A scuffling noise, muffled shrieks and sobbing. Finally there was silence.

  The back door opened and Rafe waved me in. “All clear. Brace yourself. Your mother does know how to plan a surprise. ”

  Have I told you how I hate surprises?

  Twelve

  “What happened?” I picked up my tote and stepped inside. The bathroom door was closed and I sensed someone in there. Aggie. Interesting. My mother stood in front of a dress rack that had been wheeled in from the shop. She was beaming.

  “Voila!” She waved at the five dresses hanging on the rack.

  I gasped because they were so exquisite. One of the popular fashions from the fifties had been the smart cocktail dress. My mother had found five of the smartest. The first was a black velvet number with crystal beads in a floral design that ran from the heart-shaped bodice down to the ballet-length hem. I ran my hand over the material. It was deliciously soft. Silk velvet. I didn’t think they even made it anymore.

  “Mother!”

  “I love that one. You’d look stunning in it. But then the blue is perfect too. See? It has a little bolero jacket. And matching hat with a veil. Veils are so mysterious and sexy. ” My mother pulled the second dress out and held it up.

  “They are absolutely gorgeous. I can’t imagine where you found them. ” I ran my hands over a purple and gray floral print silk which had its own petticoat. The full skirt would swish when I walked.

  “It wasn’t easy, Gloriana. I raided the closets of some serious collectors. There is one in Barcelona who will die if she discovers that iridescent number is missing. ” She laughed. “Foolish woman. She’ll never know. She has all these amazing clothes in storage and never even looks at them. ”

  I pulled out the dress she was talking about. The fabric actually changed colors, from pink to red to coral, when the light hit it.

  “I saved the best for last, darling. What do you think?” She pulled one more dress from the rack. “This is the one I had to rescue from the clutches of that grasping creature currently shut inside the bathroom. ” My mother draped the dress over the worktable. “You’re a vampire, Gloriana. Don’t you think it’s time you put those fangs to work? Kill the bitch. Or at least suck out so much of her blood that she’s a prune, too ugly to step foot outside of these walls. ”

  “Mother! For wearing a dress?” I glanced at Rafe. He just stuck his hands in his pockets, not saying yea or nay. I had a feeling he wouldn’t stop me if I decided to go for it. “I don’t kill mortals. Not unless I’m defending myself. ”

  “Look at this dress and tell me you weren’t attacked. ” My mother slammed her fist on the table. “It was perfect and that, that thing had the nerve to come into your private quarters and put this on her disgusting body. It didn’t even fit her. So she pinned it. Pinned it! See the holes on the sides?” I swear my mother was going to stroke out. “I wanted to strike her dead but that might draw attention from someone upstairs. ” She sat down, her hands shaking as she straightened one of her ropes of pearls. “I swear, Gloriana, I am quite beside myself. ”

  “I can see that. ” I patted her shoulder then finally took a good look at the dress that had her so upset. This was the best of the lot. White velvet. Sticking holes in a vintage masterpiece like this was the equivalent of tossing paint thinner on a Picasso.

  “It’s beautiful, Mother. ” The full circle skirt was trimmed in—brace yourself—white fox. There was a fitted waist with a wide belt featuring a sparkling buckle. “Are they—”

  “Real diamonds?” My mother’s laugh bordered on hysteria. “Of course they are. This dress once belonged to a Scandinavian princess. She wore it to a winter solstice ball and then it was archived. I managed to get it from a museum storeroom. ” She fanned her face with a hanky. “Honestly, Gloriana, the idea of that creature putting it against her sallow scaly skin . . . Well, she must pay. And this isn’t the first time she’s abused your hospitality. Think it over. Are you really such a doormat that you’ll let her get away with this too?”

  Think it over. It didn’t take long. The list of abuses was pretty long: Aggie wasting all my hot water while she took endless baths. Aggie lounging around on my couch complaining because I hadn’t forked over enough of my hard-earned cash to buy her food I sure couldn’t eat. Aggie making mess after mess that she couldn’t be bothered to clean up, includin
g that disaster in Ian’s lab.

  I examined the beautiful white dress closely. If she’d managed to ruin this fabulous piece . . . Of course. Her favorite red lipstick smeared on the neckline.

  I stalked over to jerk open the bathroom door. Aggie sat on the closed toilet lid wearing only a bra, panties and her last pair of Manolos.

  “Come here. ” I could barely spit out the words.

  “What?” She tried to look innocent. “The dress was here. You said I could shop. I shopped. ”

  I grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the bathroom, ignoring her yelp of pain. “You’ve shopped here for the last time. ” I opened the back door and threw her into the alley. She stumbled but didn’t fall. “You will never come into my shop again. Never step a foot into my apartment again. Whatever shit you left there will be dropped into the alley later tonight. I don’t care where you sleep, where you live or if you live at all. ” I took a breath.

  “Whoa. Cool your jets, Glory. I made an honest mistake. ” Aggie looked past me at my mother. “Come on, lady. I didn’t mean anything by it. How was I to know it was a present for Glory?”

  “You have taken advantage of my daughter’s generous nature for the last time. She’s done with you. Don’t push your luck, Agony. If it were up to me, you’d be dead on the ground right now. ” My mother slipped her arm around my waist. “Take her down, Gloriana. She doesn’t deserve to live. ”

  Aggie backed up, shivering, tears running down her cheeks. “You can’t do this. I’m standing here in my underwear. It’s cold. ”

  “Who the hell cares? I sure don’t. ” I slammed the door in her face. My heart pounded. I really hoped I never saw her again. First my apartment, now my shop. Aggie acted like they were hers. Because I’d let her. I needed to reread some of my self-help books on assertiveness. My mother was right. Doormat. When had I turned into one? But I was sure of one thing. Aggie had wiped her feet on me for the last time.