I brought my hands to my face and sobbed into them, the movement racking my entire body. I felt Wolfe move away for a second and I thought he was going to leave me alone, but he returned a second later with a blanket from the hotel closet, draping the soft fabric across my shoulders and then sitting on the bed next to me, an arm around my waist.
He pulled me close but didn’t say a word. He just let me cry, let me use his shoulder to lean on, and comforted me. I took as much warmth from him as I could, letting myself feel for him for the first time in over a year. I wanted him, whether I was ready or not.
I slipped away from him, into the bathroom for a private moment, and then cleaned my face, washing the makeup off. I stared at myself in the mirror, seeing myself as more than just the girl who was used at a frat party – I was a strong, independent woman. A woman who was in control of herself, her life, and her destiny. I wasn’t going to let some asshole’s actions from over a year ago torment me for the rest of my life.
With my resolve strengthened, I decided to take what I wanted from Wolfe. One perfect night. I tucked my hair behind my ears and then undressed, letting all my clothes drop to the floor and stay there. I was ready for this. I opened the door and went back into the hotel room, finding Wolfe lounging on the bed, his back against the pillows. He was so hot, so amazing, all I wanted was to lose myself in him, in the pleasures I knew he could give me.
“Gabby?” he started, but then cut himself off when he saw I was naked. I watched as he took a deep breath, preparing to speak again.
But I didn’t want to talk. To shut him up, I walked over to the king-sized bed, hopped up on it, and then straddled him. I lowered my mouth to his and just let myself get lost in the sensations. I needed to remember what it felt like to be loved, not used and abused.
I was ready.
8
Wolfe
I was so hot for her, ready to return to our normal life, that I was willing to do whatever it took to get her under me. After her outburst, I was worried but kept quiet, knowing she needed a moment. When she came out of the bathroom, though, I knew she’d made up her mind about what she wanted from me, and I was more than ready to deliver.
I put my hands on her hips when she kissed me, determined to let her set the pace. She wasn’t as calm. Her fingers pulled at my hair, causing me to growl from beneath her. Just as I decided to take the next step, she tugged on my T-shirt. I sat forward a little so she could get it off. She tossed the shirt on the floor and then returned to me, kissing her way down my chest, not letting me enjoy her body at all.
When she got to my jeans, I couldn’t stop my hips from thrusting up at her. I thought of every mundane thing I could think of while she unzipped me to help me stay level-headed. Wrestling. Football. Brake pedals. Working out. Nothing worked, especially when she pulled me out of my jeans and wasted no time with caresses, choosing instead to engulf the head of my dick in her mouth.
I moaned, letting my fingers trail gently through her hair. She knew exactly what I liked, how fast I wanted it, and she brought me to the edge several times.
“Please, baby,” I begged.
She licked the tip. “Will you be able to go again? I don’t want to get left behind.”
“Of course I will,” I promised her, knowing that after a year of only masturbation, I would be able to get it up again in no time.
She smiled wickedly and resumed her motions, letting me come in her mouth, the sensation so amazing, my brain went blank.
When next I was aware of anything, Gabby was beside me, her fingers playing with the hair on my chest. I turned to her, not quite ready to go, but willing to give her the same pleasure she just gave me. I rolled on top of her, kissing her lips sweetly before trailing a line of kisses down her jaw. I licked a pert nipple for a moment before suckling it into my mouth. Her moan of pleasure was enough to keep me there all day, but I knew what we both wanted.
I continued downward, my tongue and teeth leaving tiny marks along her skin. When I reached the juncture between her thighs, she spread her legs farther, opening herself to me willingly. I kissed each of her thighs, taking my time and driving her wild. If her restlessness was any indication, I was doing a great job.
“Wolfe, please,” she begged me, her hands fisting in my hair.
I gave in to what she wanted, though only because it was what I wanted, too. Without denying either of us for another second, I leaned down to taste her. Her hips bucked against me and I wrapped my arms around her thighs to keep her somewhat still while I ravaged her with my mouth. My tongue swirled around her clit, bringing her to the brink with just one touch, her moan letting me know just how much she enjoyed it.
It wasn’t long before she was writhing beneath me and I was ready for round two. So I pulled away, certain that I could have stayed there all day tasting her. Instead, I kissed my way up her stomach. I put my weight on my fists as I rose up above her.
I wanted to say something, those three little words that meant the world, but the truth was, I was afraid to. She must have been afraid of me saying it, too, because she pulled my mouth to hers and kissed me. I couldn’t wait any longer and sheathed myself inside her. She was so tight, so wet, and sweeter than I ever remembered.
We came together just a few minutes later and I collapsed on top of her, knowing that this was the beginning of us getting back together.
* * * * *
When next I opened my eyes, it was dark, the days cut short by lack of sunlight. Gabby was tucked into my arms, her body curled delicately into mine. It was perfect, but I definitely needed the bathroom. I rolled away from her gently and closed the bathroom door behind me. I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment when I finished before looking at the counter.
There on the marble vanity was the letter Gabby read from Baker. I couldn’t stop myself from picking it up and glancing at the words. But I didn’t stop there.
Gabby, I’ve asked Baker to give this to you after I’m gone, when they set you and Wolfe up. I’m sure you miss me, but don’t be stupid. Give yourself one reckless night with Wolfe, a perfect night to enjoy each other one last time before you split up forever. Don’t let the past haunt you anymore. You’ve got to move forward. And don’t take life too seriously. You don’t make it out alive. Love you! –Rainey
I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading, anger bubbled up inside me and a rage I’d never known was unleashed. Still holding the letter, I threw open the door and made my way into the hotel room. Gabby was still sound asleep, but she was about to get a rude awakening.
I flipped on the light. “What the hell is this?”
“Wolfe?” Her eyes flickered open, reacting to the tone in my voice. “What’s going on?”
“You tell me.” I set the letter on the blanket.
“That wasn’t meant for you to see,” she sputtered, sitting up.
“Obviously. Just one last night romp, huh? Hope it was worth it.” I turned away from her, finding and then pulling on my boxers and jeans. I left the button undone while I searched for my shirt.
“No, Wolfe! That’s not what it was at all. Please, just listen to me.” She pulled at my arms, desperate to get me to hear her out.
I wouldn’t. I needed to get the hell out of that room so I could think. I picked up my Jeep keys and tossed them on the bed.
“Take the Jeep. I’ll take a cab back home,” I grit out, trying to keep my anger in check. She backed away from me, finally realizing that I wasn’t going to be swayed. She sat on the bed, pulling the sheet up over her breasts while I put on my shirt. My shoes were in the far corner, having been thrown there at some point during our several lovemaking sessions throughout the day.
My coat was on the arm of the desk chair. I shoved my arms into the sleeves before turning to face her again. “Do me a favor and leave the Jeep at Luke’s. We’ve only got ten days before the divorce is final. I’ll sign the papers and you can have whatever you want. Don’t contact me between now and then. It’s
been over for a long time, and I didn’t want to let go, but now I wish I agreed to everything last year. Then maybe I could have moved on and not been hanging on to the hope that a woman like you could change her mind. I don’t appreciate being used. Have a nice life, Gabby.”
Before she could reply, I turned away, leaving the room and my wife behind, finally realizing that it was over. I wasn’t going to hold on to her anymore.
9
Gabby
I stayed in the room for another hour, letting the tears fall, a seemingly endless waterfall. When I finally dried up, unable to shed another tear for the man I lost, I took a shower, letting the heat warm my ice-cold veins.
I was pissed off that Wolfe read my letter, but worried that he actually thought I only slept with him because of Rainey’s note. Granted, Rainey kind of pushed me in the right direction, as most best friends do, but I was the one who decided to take a chance on us again. It was what I truly wanted, and it took dealing with the events of the past year to make me see it. I wanted to stop running from him, to actually invest in our relationship, and put forth an effort instead of hiding.
I stayed too long under the steady stream of hot water, so much so that my skin wrinkled and pruned. I dried off with one of the plush white towels and then dressed in the same clothes I’d worn into the hotel earlier in the day. I ran my fingers through my hair, not bothering to give it a thorough brushing, and then pulled on my winter coat. The snow was falling beautifully outside, the air crisp and clean, something I never got tired of, unlike Wolfe, who complained about the chilly weather every winter.
I didn’t blame him, really, since he was from Florida and I was born and raised in Casper. He somehow managed to always keep warm in the snowy weather, though, which was more than I could say for me. I froze every year, regardless of how warm I dressed. As much as he complained about the weather, Wolfe never seemed to get cold, something I admired and hated at the same time.
It didn’t matter now, though, since I ruined everything. Being selfish for the past year finally caught up with me. Which meant I was stuck with dealing with being alone forever, because let’s be honest, where the hell would I find another man as caring, compassionate, and giving as Wolfe? They simply didn’t exist, I was sure.
The Jeep was cold when I started it and Wolfe was nowhere to be found, so I sat there for a moment, letting the heater work its magic and rubbing my hands together in the chilly air. I felt more alone than I had in a while, even though Wolfe and I had spent the last year separated. There was nothing I could say to convince him that it wasn’t what Rainey said in her letter that made me see the light and want to be with him again. The truth was: I needed him.
Wolfe completed my life, made me feel whole. He was the reason I’d survived the past year, whether he wanted to believe it or not. I always figured, in the back of my mind, that we would get back together, as soon as I stopped being afraid. But that fear was crippling, making me unsure of everything in the world around me. Add that to the fact that two people close to me had just died, and I was a mess.
A breakdown was well overdue, as well. I’d been strong too long, for Rainey, for Mallory; they were my best friends, but I was suddenly the one who needed the comfort I’d been dishing out in the last eight months.
I sighed, pulling the shifter in gear and getting on the road. The inn was already behind me, as well as the most amazing night I’d spent with Wolfe in all our years together. It had been wonderful, too. The way he showered me with attention, making sure I came with him instead of before or not at all. He’d always been passionate, but that day would be burned on my brain for all eternity.
I needed to talk to him. I pulled out my cell phone, found his name in my contacts list, and then pushed send. He had to answer; I had so much to say.
“What is it, Gabby?” he answered, his voice clipped and void of emotion.
I took a deep breath. “I think we should talk. You didn’t give me a chance to explain things.”
“There’s nothing to explain. You felt bad for me and were feeling emotional about Rainey. I completely understand, and don’t worry, I won’t hold any of it against you when we go to court next week.”
Court? “Wolfe, I don’t want to go to court,” I admitted.
“There’s no turning back at this point. We just have to sign the papers and make it official. My lawyer already called and I am signing them once I get back to town.”
I was stunned by his sudden change of heart. He really wanted to go through with the divorce, and I was stuck wanting to still be with him.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” he said, his voice strained. “Is there anything else?”
“No, I think that about covers it. Bye, Wolfe.”
He didn’t reply; instead, the line went dead. I tossed my cell in the cup holder, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over. I would not cry over him. Again.
* * * * *
It was dark when I pulled into Mallory’s driveway. She and Luke came outside, both smiling. When they saw I was the only one in the Jeep, they realized their plan had gone awry. I got out and walked up to the porch, more disheartened than ever.
“Where’s Wolfe?” Luke asked.
“At his house, I assume. I appreciate what you guys did for us, but it didn’t work.”
“Well, I’m going to run over and drop his Jeep off for him.” He walked over to the Jeep.
“Keys are in it,” I told him, hardly paying any attention as he started it up and then drove off. I was too busy trying not to cry.
Mallory met me on the steps. “Come inside,” she directed as she put an arm around my shoulders and led me into the house.
By the time she sat me down on the couch, tears flooded my eyes. I wiped them away angrily, pissed off that Wolfe’s rejection was getting to me that much. Wasn’t I the one who dumped him last year?
“Want some tea?” Mallory asked before sitting down.
I nodded and let the tears fall, wondering where I went wrong. Letting Wolfe find Rainey’s letter had been a bad decision, but even I knew I made a ton of mistakes before that. Like not telling anyone about the rape. I felt so shamed afterward, but the reality was, I didn’t do anything wrong. Granted, I didn’t the kind of closure women get who are able to prosecute their attackers, but not even that mattered at the moment. I had been willing to let everything go earlier in the day, but as I sat on Mallory’s couch, the faint scent of her father, Joe, still lingering, I knew that I was damaged, more broken than ever. It was as if my heart was a mirror that had been shattered into a million tiny pieces, left abandoned on the ground for anyone to step on.
When Mallory brought me a mug of tea, I decided right then to tell her about my problem, despite my fears.
I sipped the hot tea and then set my mug down. “I was raped.”
Mallory spit her tea all over the coffee table. “What?”
“It happened last year, before you came home, and it’s the reason I decided to separate from Wolfe.”
“I – I have no idea what to say,” Mallory said, her voice depleted. She grasped my hands in hers. “I’m so sorry, Gabby. I wish you had told me sooner.”
“I know. I wish I had, too. I don’t really want to go into details, but that’s what I’ve been hiding from everyone this past year.” I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Even though the bastard probably wouldn’t be brought to justice, it was a relief to share my burden with someone.
“You know I’m here for you. And we can talk as little or as much as you want about what happened,” Mallory said.
“I appreciate that, Mal. For now, I just want to forget it,” I replied.
“I know I’ve been a shitty friend these last few months, but I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done, for me and Luke, for Rainey and Baker – you’re basically the glue that has held us all together for so long. I know Rainey was so thankful
for you, too. Remember that night after she and Baker got back from their honeymoon?” Mallory smiled.
I nodded. As if I could forget.
After a week of being holed up at some inn up north, Rainey and Baker were back from their honeymoon, and Rainey called to say she wanted to meet up at the bar and dance the night away. She was feeling better these days, something I attributed to Baker, whose love kept her healthy.
When I got to the bar, Rainey and Mallory were at our usual table, both sipping water. I looked longingly at the bottle of Midori on the bar shelf, wondering if it would upset Rainey if I had a drink.
“Two Midori Sours,” Rainey ordered after I sat down and a waitress appeared. Mallory and I looked at her questioningly. “Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean you two should suffer. Besides, I’m naturally hilarious and you two need to loosen up.”
Mal and I laughed, knowing how right she was. When our drinks arrived, we tipped them up.
“Let’s jumpstart this party,” Rainey said a moment later, ordering Washington Apple shots next.
Mallory and I shared a worried look, but accepted the shots anyway. We toasted to Rainey and Baker, wishing them all the time and happiness in the world. We chugged the large shots and I shook my head afterward. They were delicious.
“How was the honeymoon?” Mallory asked with a giggle.
“Amazing. We went to this beautiful inn up in the mountains. All the rooms are suites with Jacuzzi hot tubs in them. It was absolutely perfect. We mostly just had sex, though,” she said with a smirk.
“You’re bad,” Mallory chastised her. “Poor Gabby here isn’t even getting any. You should just sleep with Wolfe again,” she said to me.
I froze up, but Rainey saved me from answering. “What does she need him for? She has toys.”
“I do not!” I exclaimed, far too loud. Several bar patrons turned toward us and I hung my head in shame. “I hate you both.”
Broken Series Page 34