We Believe You: Survivors of Campus Sexual Assault Speak Out

by Annie E. Clark

  Amherst College

  Arizona State University

  Barnard College

  Bard College

  Berklee College of Music

  Bethany College (WV)

  Binghamton University

  BioHealth College

  Boston College

  Boston University

  Brandeis University

  Brown University

  Butte-Glenn Community College District

  California Institute of the Arts

  California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo

  Canisius College

  Carnegie Mellon University

  Catholic University of America

  Cedarville University

  Central Community College

  Chapman University

  Cisco Junior College

  Cleveland State University

  College of William and Mary

  Colorado State University

  Columbia College Chicago

  Columbia University

  Cornell University

  Corning Community College

  CUNY Hunter College

  Dartmouth College

  Davis and Elkins College

  Denison University

  Drake University

  Duke University

  Elizabethtown College

  Elmira College

  Emerson College

  Emory University

  Florida State University

  Franklin and Marshall College

  Frostburg State University

  Full Sail University

  George Washington University

  Glenville State College

  Grand Valley State University

  Grinnell College

  Guilford College

  Hamilton College (NY)

  Hampshire College

  Hanover College

  Harvard College

  Harvard University Law School

  Hobart and William Smith Colleges

  Idaho State University

  Indiana University–Bloomington

  Iowa State University

  James Madison University

  Johns Hopkins University

  Judson University

  Kansas State University

  Kentucky Wesleyan College

  Knox College

  Langston University

  Lincoln University

  Louisiana State University–System Office

  Marion Military Institute

  Marlboro College

  Massachusetts Institute of Technology

  Medical College of Wisconsin

  Michigan State University

  Minot State University

  Missouri University of Science and Technology

  Monmouth College

  Morehouse College

  Morgan State University

  New York University School of Medicine

  Northeastern University

  Northern New Mexico College

  Oberlin College

  Occidental College

  Oglethorpe University

  Ohio State University

  Oklahoma State University

  Pace University (NY)

  Pennsylvania State University

  Pitzer College

  Point Park University

  Pomona College

  Polytechnic Institute of New York University

  The Pratt Institute

  Princeton University

  Quincy College

  Regis University

  Saint Mary’s College of Maryland

  Saint Thomas Aquinas College

  Samuel Merritt University

  San Francisco State University

  San Jose Evergreen Community College

  Santa Clara University

  Sarah Lawrence College

  Seton Hall University

  Southern Illinois University–Carbondale

  Southern Methodist University

  Southwest Acupuncture College

  Spelman College

  St. Cloud State University

  St. John’s University

  Stanford University

  SUNY at Albany University

  SUNY at Binghamton

  SUNY at Stony Brook

  SUNY Buffalo State College

  SUNY College at Brockport

  SUNY College at Purchase

  Swarthmore College

  Temple University

  Texas A&M University

  Trinity University

  Tufts University

  Union College (NY)

  Universidad de Puerto Rico

  The University of Akron

  University of Alaska System of Higher Education

  University of California–Berkeley

  University of California–Davis

  University of California–Los Angeles

  University of California–San Francisco

  University of California–Santa Cruz

  University of Chicago

  University of Colorado at Boulder

  University of Colorado at Denver

  University of Connecticut

  University of Delaware

  University of Denver

  University of Hawaii at Manoa

  University of Houston

  University of Idaho

  University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

  University of Iowa

  University of Kansas

  University of Kentucky

  University of Massachusetts–Amherst

  University of Massachusetts–Dartmouth

  University of Miami

  University of Michigan–Ann Arbor

  University of Mississippi

  University of Montana at Missoula

  University of Nebraska at Kearney

  University of Nebraska–Lincoln

  University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

  University of Notre Dame

  University of Richmond

  University of Rochester

  University of San Diego

  University of South Florida

  University of Southern California

  University of Tennessee at Chattanooga

  University of Tennessee (Knoxville)

  The University of Texas–Pan American

  University of Virginia

  University of Washington

  University of Wisconsin–Madison

  University of Wisconsin–Whitewater

  Valparaiso University

  Valley Forge Military College

  Vanderbilt University

  Vincennes University

  Virginia Commonwealth University

  Virginia Military Institute

  Washburn University

  Washington and Lee University

  Washington State University

  Wesley College

  West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine

  Western New England University

  Western Washington University

  Westminster College (UT)

  Whitman College

  William Jewell College

  Wittenberg University

  Xavier University

  Yale University

  PART II

  HOW IT HAPPENED

  Things can change so fast in life. You can plan all you want but life can turn on you really fast.

  —Ariane Litalien

  From time to time, the flashbacks are so horrible that I can’t leave my bed. I feel his hands on me, I smell him on me; I have never had such vivid memories of anything else. Even though this would be hard, even if everything went my way, it was made harder than it needed to be. I implore people to listen to survivors. To know that no matter what gender you are, what sex you were assigned at birth, no matter any other demographic you may fit into, you can still be raped. And that all people, regardless of anything else, deserve to live a life without rape and deserve support if they are raped. Believe surviv
ors. Support survivors. Love survivors.

  —Princess Harmony, survivor who attended Temple University

  This section of the book is hard. Really hard. Our hearts are heavy with these stories of pain.

  But this section is important, because it’s real. These are our real experiences of sexual violence. Some assaults left obvious external injuries, while others of us had no visible scarring. Some of us were fully awake, yet unable to move. Some of us were unconscious, and unaware of the horror to which we would awaken.

  Some of us cannot yet quell our rage at our assailant. And some still blame ourselves.

  Our stories are as different as we are, but they share the same horrific moment in time. The thread of sexual assault has woven our lives together, and, for too many of us, a collective fabric is dyed with memories of unwanted, unsolicited, intrusive violence.

  For some, writing about the experience is cathartic. For others, to purposefully relive that time is yet another violation.

  Many still live in fear and cannot identify themselves for safety reasons, which is one reason some contributors are anonymous. There is power in putting our name to an experience, but the ability to be “out” also carries a privilege. Too many individuals, particularly those from marginalized communities, cannot or do not wish to speak out. No one should feel pressured to do so.

  There is no one right way to survive. No one should have to tell their full story to a throng of strangers to be believed. But here are the stories of some who have chosen to do so.

  This section contains snapshots that help to explain why many of our lives were derailed. We share these images with the hope that our stories will open readers to a variety of true narratives of how sexual assault happens. And we hope readers will understand that there is no hierarchy of pain.

  Every kind of survivor story is valid and every survivor deserves the kind of support that they want. We are entrusting you with stories of the moments in time when assailants invaded our bodies without our consent. We still sometimes have flashbacks of these moments, but we are going to be okay, and we know that we are not alone.

  Our Stories, continued

  ELISE SIEMERING

  It was April 30, 2010. That night, we were studying for exams together, me and this one guy, along with another guy. They were in the same fraternity. I was not in a sorority at the time. We all were just studying because we were in a communications class together.

  We all three met at the library; then we stopped by the assaulter’s place and he dropped his stuff off, and then he offered to take me back to my dorm room, which was not directly on campus. I had a suite, kind of an apartment-style room. We had to take the trolley back as it was kind of late, around eleven or twelve. Me being naïve, I was thinking, “Oh, he’s being a gentleman because it’s late.”

  We were hanging out, and all of a sudden, he tries to kiss me. I push him back. The next thing I knew, he pinned me down and assaulted me. He left at about four o’clock in the morning. I had an exam at nine a.m. Growing up with my mom as a social worker, she’d always been open and honest with us about drugs and sex. I have always been close to my mom. Still, I’m lying there thinking, “Holy crap, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna say anything? What would I say?”

  Marie was in the room next door, but she wasn’t aware of what was happening. The next morning I got up and went and took my exam. I was in extreme shock. I was on autopilot.

  He had raped me, and I had bruises on my neck and inner thigh and chest. He had said, “You’re gonna keep quiet and not tell anyone, and we’re gonna keep this between you and me.”

  On my way to my exam, I saw one of his friends. And this guy said, “Oh, hi, Elise, how are you?” and I said, “Oh, I’m fine.” He said, “Are you sure?” Because I had bruises on my neck. I said, “Oh, sure, I’m fine,” trying to brush it off.

  I didn’t know what to do, who to call. Freshman year, we didn’t have any kind of training.

  When I got back to my dorm, Marie was there. She was kind of upset because she thought I had been hooking up with someone. I had never had sex before. I was waiting for the special person. She was confused, saying, “Something doesn’t make sense.” He had texted after my exam, to make sure I wasn’t saying anything: “Have you talked? Have you said anything to anybody?” So basically I lost it in her room.

  When I came back after the exam, I took a shower. Neither of us knew what to do. I remember having to go to a store to get Plan B. He didn’t use a condom. Should we rip the sheets off my bed? Because there’s no way I’m going to sleep on these things anymore. After we did all that, his fraternity brother called to check up on me. I told him, and he was in shock. He said, “Elise, you need to report this. You need to go to an RA.” I said, “I’m not gonna do that.” I was concerned about what our friends would think, what his frat brothers would think, and I was afraid.

  Later that night, I went and talked to an RA, who knew the assaulter. I remember him saying, “Elise, it doesn’t really surprise me.” Which blew my mind. At that point, High Point hadn’t trained their RAs in what to do when a sexual assault happens.

  The RA, who was a pretty tall dude, said this guy, who had been a high school athlete, was always trying to overpower him in some way. He said, “And you’re not the first person to tell me you’ve had issues with this kid.”

  I couldn’t go back to my apartment. I stayed with some other girls. I didn’t sleep that night, didn’t eat.

  The RA said, “Elise, you need to call your mom.” And that was what I was dreading most. Even though we were close, I didn’t want to be that disappointment for her.

  At six in the morning the next day I called her and said, “Mom, don’t freak out, but two nights ago I was sexually assaulted.” She dropped everything and came running up there. On the way to High Point she called the rape crisis hotline to see what we needed to do. I completely lost it with her. She told me, “Elise, we need to go to the hospital and get you checked out and have a rape kit done, as they’re time-sensitive.” We were running out of time.

  Mom went with me to the head of Student Life, and that woman said to me, “Do you want me to inform him?” She said they had to get his side of the story also. She said, “Do you want us to wait until you’re off campus? Or we can call him right now.” I said, “I want to be off campus before you contact him.” I was scared of what was gonna happen. In those forty-eight hours, I had had people who knew him telling me I wasn’t the only one he’d gotten physical with. I was afraid. So, duh, of course I want them to wait.

  After multiple meetings with High Point people, they said, “You need to talk to the head of security and get a rape kit.” So Mom and I went to High Point Regional Hospital and got my rape kit done. That’s so invasive. I was like, “What the heck?” I was so drained; I had barely slept, barely eaten. Mom was thinking—her social worker side was thinking—“We need to call the police and report this.” Her mom side was thinking, “I need to take care of Elise and make sure she’s okay.” She kept asking me, “Do you want me to call the police?” I said, “No, Mom, the school will handle it.” The nurse asked, “Do you want us to call the police?” I said, “No, let’s just get this done.”

  * * *

  Mom was thinking—her social worker side was thinking—“We need to call the police and report this.” Her mom side was thinking, “I need to take care of Elise and make sure she’s okay.”

  * * *

  I remember the nurse saying to my mom, “Hey, Pam, can we step out a minute?” Because I had massive bruising on my inner thigh. She told Mom there was no doubt I had been sexually assaulted; she could tell by the bruising and the vaginal trauma. They gave me medicine for different sexually transmitted diseases, just in case. I remember saying, “I don’t wanna take this.” It made me sick.

  I stayed in a hotel with Mom. The next morning we talked to a guy in security, and he’s asking me questions, and I’m telling him about the bruising. He looks at me and lo
oks at Mom and says, “Well, it’s normal to have bruising when you have sex. It happens.”

  I remember looking at him and thinking, “What the hell are you saying to me?”

  Mom was furious. We went for my meeting with Student Life. They took my statement. Apparently he had already left campus to go home for the summer. High Point promised Mom and me that they would not let him return until he gave a statement, until they had talked to him.

  I remember driving away from school for the summer thinking, “It’s gonna be okay.”

  LAUREN

  The assault happened three weeks into my freshman year, on September 7, 2011. I was eighteen.

  Curry has this Facebook page that lists everyone’s contact information, so we could talk before actually getting to school. This kid I had never met asked for my number and I gave it to him. I gave my number to a lot of people in that Facebook group. He texted me that he wanted to hang out. I’ll call him A. I said I couldn’t, because I had class. And then class was canceled. It was a sociology class. Sometimes I think, if class hadn’t been canceled, maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t have happened.

  I met A at my dorm room at 11:30 a.m. I knew his name and that was about it. He locked my door, and before he started the assault, he asked if I was single. Maybe he thought that was my way of giving consent. He used force on me. Then he said, “Text me,” and left.

  My roommate walked in maybe ten minutes later. I was shaken up, and, honestly, had no clue what had just happened. I told her and she told me to tell someone. I went to my next class, a communications class, and then to lunch. I saw him at lunch and ran out and decided then to tell a resident adviser I was very close with (and still am today).

  * * *

  He used force on me. Then he said, “Text me,” and left.

  * * *

  I knew what had happened was wrong, but I didn’t know how to put it into words. I wasn’t okay. I was shaky. My roommate really helped, and so did my RA friend. She immediately called my community director (CD) and he told her to call a female CD so I could feel more comfortable. From there, they called a female public safety officer. Everyone spoke very calmly to me, as I was crying so hard during the whole investigation. They told me they had called the cops. When I spoke to them, the male officer was very to the point and didn’t give me much breathing space. The female officer understood my position and let me take my time. The male officer finally caught on that I needed to breathe, but he wasn’t so great at first.