He should’ve gone through the house with a fine-toothed comb and thrown out any drugs she might’ve had. But he’d believed she’d stopped.
Or rather, he’d wanted to believe.
More importantly, he should’ve stayed home.
His chest expanded and heat encompassed his sinuses as the tears came in a rush.
The next thing he knew, Cam’s arms were around him and Roan was crying like a baby. He hated that he couldn’t hold it together. Cam had been close to Roan’s sister growing up and he probably felt the same sharp stab of pain that Roan felt.
“I need to call my dad,” Roan noted, pulling back and wiping his eyes.
“I’ll call him, Roan.” Cam’s voice was strong and steady. He was taking charge and Roan appreciated it. “I think you and the baby should come stay with us tonight.”
Roan nodded, a tear dripping off his cheek and onto his hand. Just this morning, he had given Cassie shit because she was being obnoxious and not in a good way. For the past five months, Roan had been living with her, sleeping on her couch, invading her space, attempting to force her to quit the drugs. Ever since she found out she was pregnant. He had tried to be there for her. Tried to help her through it. They’d fought every damn day over the same shit. She didn’t want him there; he didn’t want to be there. She hated him, he hated her more. It was a vicious cycle and though most of what he’d said wasn’t true, she had simply pushed him to his limits.
Rehabs had accepted her only to let her go because she refused treatment, becoming belligerent and disturbing the other patients. She hadn’t wanted help.
Not from him. Not from their father. Not from anyone.
And look where that left her.
Dead at twenty-nine. She wouldn’t even see her next birthday, only three weeks away.
His father and his stepmother were going to be devastated. And his sister Eva, too.
Or hell, maybe they wouldn’t. Not a one of them had lifted a finger to help Cassie. Not for months. At first, his stepmother had tried to help, but Lydia had grown tired of the effort it took to deal with Cassie. And that left Roan. He’d had no choice but to stick his nose where it didn’t belong because he hadn’t wanted…
This.
“Roan,” Cam said softly. “Let’s go pack some of Liam’s things.”
Cam’s firm grip registered on his arm and Roan managed to take a step. Then another. He was having a hard time processing all of the emotions. He was furious with Cassie for refusing help. She had insisted that she could do this on her own. Now that she had Liam, she had something to live for. Or so she’d told him.
He was heartbroken that he hadn’t been able to stop her. But worse than that, he was riddled with guilt. But he couldn’t deny the relief he felt. He knew he shouldn’t because it was selfish, but he had spent so long trying to help her, getting verbally abused—sometimes even physically abused—because of it. Cassie hadn’t been herself; the drugs had turned her into someone none of them recognized.
But now she was at peace. She wasn’t fighting the addiction any longer.
When Cam’s arms came around him again, Roan fought to keep it all in. He tried to break free of Cam’s hold, but he couldn’t, so he gave in and let his best friend reassure him that they would get through this.
Three
SEG WAS SITTING ON HIS couch, channel-surfing when he heard his phone buzz. He leaned over and grabbed it off the table, wishing like hell it was Roan responding to his text by calling to say yes, he would like to meet for a beer. Only that was wishful thinking and Seg knew that it wouldn’t be him. His luck had been all used up on the ice tonight.
He glanced at the screen.
Nope. Not Roan.
Mom.
She always called after a game and he’d been waiting for her.
“Hey, Ma.”
“Did you see that game tonight?” she asked excitedly. “It was beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!”
“I saw it,” he assured her, chuckling. “I was there.”
“I know you were, honey. And it was incredible. Marjorie’s jealous, let me tell you. She’s so proud of you, she wants a hockey son of her own.” His mother giggled. “She came over to watch it with me. I was jumping up and down, yelling like a crazy woman. I even spilled the popcorn. I thought she was going to need oxygen she was so shocked. You’d think she would be used to it by now.”
Seg knew his mother. She was extremely animated when it wasn’t related to hockey, and when it was… He imagined Marjorie, his mother’s best friend, was beside herself. That’s how Debra Seguine worked. She was overly proud of him—which made him pretty damn lucky.
“I don’t know if Marj’ll be coming around again for more games.” She sounded somewhat relieved, which made him laugh. Considering Marjorie had sat through plenty already, he seriously doubted that was the case.
“I take it that was the plan?”
“Of course not.” Her laugh was husky and sweet, and only a little mischievous.
“Ma, you’re bad.”
“Don’t I know it, honey. I got that from your father. Rest his soul. So, next game is on Monday, right?”
“Yes, ma’am. At home again. Then we’re on the road.”
“I’ll be rooting for you! You looked amazing out there, by the way. And don’t think I missed that assist. Best play ever.”
Her praise always made his heart swell. “Thanks, Ma.”
“So, how are things going otherwise? You know, your life off the ice?”
There were so many things he wanted to tell his mom. There’s this guy I met and I think I might actually be focused on something other than hockey. However, I only got to spend one night with him and that was more than a year ago, but I still can’t stop thinking about him. I saw him again tonight, and I want to hop in my truck and chase him down just so I can look at him, hear his voice. Of course, he couldn’t tell her that. He couldn’t tell anyone that. “Good. Now that the season’s underway, we’ll be busy.”
“That’s a good thing, right? But you’ve got to have time to date those supermodels. Are you still seeing that one girl?”
Seg knew his mother didn’t really care. She was asking to be nice. He’d told her long ago that his hockey career was the only thing that mattered. He’d also warned her not to believe everything she read or saw on television.
“Not seeing anyone right now,” he said because it was true. “She was just a friend, Ma.”
“That’s what you always say. You’re not getting any younger, Seggy.”
His cheeks heated at the nickname. While his friends and the rest of his family called him Seg, his mother had insisted on making the nickname “cute.”
“Last I checked, twenty-seven wasn’t exactly old,” he told her.
“Maybe not. But one of these days, you’ll wake up to find that you’re sixty.”
“I’m sure I’ll be happy at sixty.”
“I’m sure you will.” She chuckled. “I can take a hint. I won’t keep you. Had to make sure I told you how amazing you were tonight.”
“You always say that.”
“And you always are,” she said, sounding somewhat indignant.
“Thanks, Ma. I love you.”
“Love you too, Seggy. Talk to you later.”
Half an hour later, Seg was in bed, watching the highlights from all the games of the night. He should’ve been asleep or even out at the bar, but he wasn’t. He was sitting there on his bed, trying not to think about that one incredible night with Roan. All the things they’d done right here on his bed.
“Not tired yet?” Roan mumbled when Seg moved closer.
“Not even close.” Shit. At this point, Seg wasn’t sure he would ever sleep again. After what Roan had done to him in the shower… He’d be thinking about that for a long damn time.
“What’re you thinkin’ then? Round three?”
“Fuck yes,” Seg whispered, pressing his mouth to Roan’s as he moved over him. “Right now.�
��
Roan rolled onto his back, kissed him with such urgency, and Seg took that as agreement.
“Lift your legs up,” Seg instructed. “To your chest.”
“Condom,” Roan muttered.
“Already on.” While Roan had dozed beside him, Seg had kept his eyes on him, slowly stroking himself until he was hard.
Roan lifted his knees up, opening himself to Seg. After kissing Roan once more, deep and hard this time, he lifted up onto his knees, pressing his hands against the backs of Roan’s thighs.
He slid his lubed cock against Roan’s puckered hole, then used one hand to guide himself home. The heat of Roan’s ass strangled his dick as he pushed inside. Seg met Roan’s gaze, holding it while he rocked forward, going deeper, then pulling back. He continued the motion, inching in a little more each time. When he bottomed out, he retreated, then slammed home.
“Hard,” Roan insisted. “Use me. Fuck me hard.”
Damn. Why was that sexy as fuck?
Unable to resist, Seg pulled back, then slammed in again. He watched Roan’s face, captivated by the way his eyes rolled back, his mouth hung open.
“Oh, yeah... Faster.”
Seg drove his hips forward again and again.
“Harder.”
He gave Roan what he asked for.
Roan opened his eyes and met Seg’s gaze. “Deeper.”
Goddamn. If Roan kept that up, Seg was going to come again. Fuck.
He pounded Roan’s ass harder, faster, deeper, keeping his hands on the backs of Roan’s thighs, trying his best not to hurt him.
“So good. Fuck me… Yes … just like that.”
Roan groaned with every punishing thrust, and Seg never looked away from his face. He wasn’t sure what was happening here. This was supposed to be one night, but fuck if he didn’t already want a replay. Shit. He wanted to spend the rest of the week fucking Roan until he could get his fill.
He briefly wondered what Roan would think if he made the suggestion.
Seg hated that he never got the chance to ask Roan. That night, after he’d come harder than he ever had in his life, they’d both drifted off to sleep. When Seg woke the next morning, it’d been in an empty bed. Roan hadn’t left a note, and Seg had known he would never see him again.
It was stupid that he wanted another go at it. He should’ve been relieved that Roan had never said anything to anyone. Or at least he didn’t think he had. It should’ve made him happy to know that he didn’t have to worry about being outed. As it was, he’d spent the last year avoiding sexual relationships at all costs.
Oh, he had made sure to be photographed with women, but only women he considered friends. The ones who didn’t want anything from him. Not his dick. Not his money. Not his fame.
It had been one hell of a year. Lonely as fuck. And all he’d done was think about Roan. Wishing like hell he didn’t live in a world where he had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t.
BY THE TIME ROAN GOT Liam back to sleep, this time in Cam and Gannon’s guest room, where they’d set up the portable crib, he was emotionally drained. Although Cam had broken the devastating news to Roan’s father, he’d had to do his share of explaining when his father insisted on talking to him.
It’d been clear to everyone what had killed Cassie. Not only because of the needle that had been hanging from her arm either. Based on her skinny, malnourished body, it was also evident that this wasn’t a one-time thing, despite the fact his sister had promised him she wasn’t using.
Roan had believed her for the most part. Since she’d stopped going out, he’d thought she’d given up the drugs. He should’ve known. He should’ve realized that she’d started again. Perhaps he would have if he hadn’t been so busy taking care of Liam.
Admittedly, he’d turned a blind eye, not wanting to know for sure. It had been easier than dealing with her shit. Although his father had asked for details, he hadn’t seemed all that interested. In fact, now that Roan thought about it, he’d seem more interested in how Liam was than the fact that his own daughter was dead.
She was in a better place now. That’s what Eva and Lydia had said when they’d learned the news. His sister and stepmother had been upset, but Roan was sure he’d heard a hint of relief in their tear-laced voices.
Yes. Relief.
That horrible guilt grabbed hold of him again, and Roan had to sit down. He hated himself for feeling that Cassie really was in a better place, but he couldn’t help it. She had been spiraling out of control… He had tried to pretend that she was getting better, but he’d known that wasn’t true. It was the very reason he had put his entire life on hold. He had needed to make sure that Liam was taken care of. Of course, Cassie saw that as interference, and they’d been butting heads for so long that he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
For fuck’s sake. He was not supposed to be thinking like that.
Strangely enough, his father and stepmother were more worried about Liam, but not in the way Roan would’ve expected. He’d detected a hint of concern from Lydia that Liam was now being raised by a gay man. It stood out to him because neither his father nor his stepmother had ever seemed concerned with him being gay.
Roan could do nothing but assure them that he would be taking care of him. He and Cassie had agreed that if something happened to her, Roan would raise Liam. She had been adamant that their father not take Liam. That relationship had long ago deteriorated, so Roan understood where she was coming from.
When Cassie asked if he’d be Liam’s legal guardian, Roan probably should’ve protested some, forced her to take responsibility, to be a mother. According to her, it was to protect him so the state couldn’t take him. Cassie had been aware of her issues, even if she’d had no desire to change.
It had been the only rational thing Cassie had come up with in years. So, Roan hadn’t argued, but then again, he’d practically been raising Liam since the day he was born.
When his father tried to insist that Roan bring Liam to their house, he’d refused. At one point, he had even raised his voice. No way was he taking Liam anywhere. Not right now. It was bad enough that he’d had to take the baby away from the home he was familiar with, but Roan refused to stay in that shithole even one minute longer.
A light knock sounded on the bedroom door, and Roan pushed to his feet, checking on Liam one more time. He grabbed the baby monitor and turned it on, then went to the door.
“Hey,” Cam said softly. “How’s he doin’?”
“He’s asleep,” Roan told him as he pulled the door closed.
“You wanna talk?”
Not really, but Roan knew that Cam and Gannon deserved some answers. They were opening their home to him—albeit temporarily—and he felt they should know what was going on.
Roan followed Cam into the kitchen. Gannon was sitting at the table with three mugs.
“Decaf,” Gannon said, nodding to one of the cups.
“Thanks.”
His legs seemed to go out from under him as he took a seat. He was exhausted, but he ignored it. That was what he’d been doing for so long now.
Before Roan could say anything, Cam spoke up. “I need to apologize.”
Roan met his eyes, but he couldn’t hide his frown. Apologize? For what?
Cam glanced at Gannon quickly, then back to Roan. “I know I haven’t been a good friend for … a while now.” His head tilted in the direction of the bedrooms. “I didn’t even know… I should have known. I should’ve offered to help you. It’s clear you didn’t trust me enough to tell me—”
“That’s not true,” Roan argued, his tone reflecting his guilt. “This didn’t have anything to do with trust.” It really hadn’t.
Cam didn’t seem convinced. “I know that since I met Gannon, I’ve been a little … preoccupied. You deserved better than that from me.”
Roan cleared his throat. Although he’d known Cam was taking the guilt on himself all these months, believing he was the reason Roan
was keeping his distance, Roan hadn’t bothered to correct him.
“This isn’t on you.” He watched Cam, then briefly glanced at Gannon. “Or you. This is all my doing. Cassie’s been…” God, how did he say it? “She’s been fucked up for a long time. I didn’t want to deal with it, but someone had to. I knew she needed me, even if she hated me.”
“She didn’t hate you,” Cam debated.
Roan laughed without mirth. “Oh, she hated me. With a passion that rivaled all.” That was the truth. Cassie had hated everyone, but especially him since he refused to leave her alone. “She wasn’t nice, and I didn’t want anyone to have to deal with that shit. It was hard enough for me.”
“But she made you Liam’s legal guardian,” Gannon noted, a question in his eyes.
“She did. But I think that was because she didn’t want the state to take him. Plus, she couldn’t financially support him.” Nor had she made an effort to try.
“Do you know who the father is?” Cam questioned.
“No. Cassie had no idea.” Roan hated this story, but he couldn’t keep it quiet any longer. “She’d been having sex for money. That was how she would get her next fix. She said it could’ve been any number of guys.” He glanced at the table. “Honestly, I think Liam’s better off without whoever it is. I figure Liam’s father is a dealer or something.”
“Is Liam doing okay?” Gannon asked. “I assume he had some issues at birth.”
Roan nodded, sliding his fingers down the coffee mug. “Yeah. He did. But he’s a fighter. She found out she was pregnant when she was five months along.”
“That explains where you’ve been all these months,” Cam noted, his tone harder than before.
“Someone had to try to help her get clean,” Roan told him. “Since my father and Lydia refused to help before she got pregnant, she made me swear not to tell them.”
“They didn’t know?” Cam looked appalled.
“They never saw her. Not once did they stop by to visit and they rarely called.” That wasn’t unusual though. His father and stepmother lived in their own little world.
“So you found out she was pregnant and then what? Did she quit using?”
Harmless (Pier 70 Book 4) Page 5