“No. It was a battle for a long time. She wouldn’t stop using, wouldn’t stop drinking. We fought all the time. Especially after I moved in with her. I knew someone had to keep an eye on her though. Finally…” Roan looked up at Cam. “I thought I’d gotten through to her. She cleaned herself up for a while, or so she said. I suspected she had relapsed a couple of times, but I gave her a pass.” Like an idiot. “I thought she was back on the straight and narrow. I thought that was why she was being such a bitch.”
It had all been a lie. Cassie had never stopped using; she’d merely hidden it from him.
He didn’t want to go into details about Liam being born addicted to drugs. He’d been damn near murderous when he found out Liam had to be weaned off the drugs because Cassie had been feeding them to him throughout the pregnancy. It had been a horrific point in Roan’s life, watching that baby hooked to IVs while they pumped him full of something to mimic the toxic shit she’d been injecting into herself.
It was at that point Roan had told Cassie that he hated her. Hated her for what she’d done to Liam.
“I wish you would’ve said something,” Cam said, his voice low. “I know I should’ve tried to talk to you, but…”
Roan held Cam’s gaze. “I didn’t want anyone to have to endure Cassie’s wrath. And let me tell you, she was ferocious.”
She’d been brutal most of the time. Not that Roan had been much nicer to her.
“What do you need us to help with?” Gannon offered.
Roan shrugged. He hadn’t had time to think about any of that yet. “I’m gonna need some time off,” he told them.
“Absolutely. We’ll make sure it’s all covered,” Cam assured him. “And we’re here to help, too. I’m sure it won’t require much effort to learn how to change a diaper and prepare a bottle. Gannon’s working from home a lot more these days.” Cam offered a small smile. “You know, for the days you need a break.”
“Milly’s gonna go apeshit,” Gannon said, grinning. “You won’t be able to hold her back with a stick. So, you might as well agree to let her help, too.”
Roan smiled as he looked at his friends. Cam had always been there for him. Even when he’d thought he wasn’t, he had been. And Gannon… Despite Roan trying to sabotage Cam and Gannon’s relationship in the beginning, the man didn’t seem to hold a grudge. Roan was the one who’d managed to alienate himself from everyone. He knew he had to rely on them now. No way could he get through this by himself.
“Thanks for that.”
“And we’re not gonna let you push us away again,” Cam stated, his eyes reflecting the seriousness of his statement. “You never should’ve done it in the first place.”
Roan nodded. He knew that. Would he change what he’d done if he could? No, probably not. But Cam didn’t need to know that.
“When are you gonna tell Dare and Teague?” Cam inquired.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to do it soon, I guess.”
“They’ll want to help you, you know.”
Yep, he knew.
All this time, he’d been wishing he had their help, but he’d known how nasty Cassie could get, and he hadn’t wanted any of them enduring her wrath. Instead, he had isolated himself, making sure that he was there for his sister. And when Liam was born, Roan had done everything he could, but he’d found he stopped helping Cassie because he was more focused on taking care of Liam.
Not that he minded. In fact, in four short weeks, he’d fallen absolutely head over heels for the kid. So much so, that half the time he’d wished that Cassie wasn’t even there so he could raise the baby himself.
Now it looked as though he got his wish.
And that load of guilt nearly took his breath away.
CAM WAITED UNTIL HE AND Gannon got into bed before he asked the one question he hadn’t been able to ask Roan tonight.
“Did you see what happened between Roan and Seg?”
“Who’s Seg?” Gannon looked sincerely confused.
“The defenseman for the Arrows. Colton Seguine. The one who was talking to Roan when we went to meet the team?”
That seemed to clear the fog from Gannon’s eyes. “I saw them talking. Seemed completely innocent. Plus, Roan said they’d met at a bar, right?”
Cam shrugged, leaning back on the pillows. “That’s what he said, sure. But something was up with those two.”
“Up?”
“I’m wondering if they had a thing.”
“Why would you think that?” Gannon rolled closer, putting one leg over Cam’s legs, his arm across Cam’s chest.
“I don’t know. Roan looked ready to run when he was talking to him.”
“And that’s unusual how?”
“I don’t know. They clearly knew each other, but it seemed more intense than just a quick hi, how are ya at a sports bar. I find it funny that Roan never mentioned the fact that he was friends with a fucking hockey player.”
“By friends, you mean…?”
He shrugged again. Cam didn’t know what he meant. “I’m not sure, but I haven’t seen Roan act like that before. It was … weird, I guess. I don’t even know how to explain it. But I saw it.”
“Really?” Gannon pulled back to look at Cam. “In all the years you’ve known him, Roan’s never greeted another man casually?” Gannon laughed.
“There wasn’t anything casual about that.”
“Looked casual to me.”
“They were hiding something.” Cam wanted to know what it was, too. “Roan has never been the type of guy to date much. At least not that I’ve seen. I know he’s had some casual encounters, but he’s never brought anyone around.”
“So what you’re saying is you really don’t know what this guy is to Roan. If anything at all.”
“That’s what I’m saying.” He didn’t know. However, he got the sneaking suspicion that there was something going on between the two of them. Or perhaps it had in the past. Cam had watched Seguine. He didn’t know the man, but he’d seen something on his face.
“You should ask Roan about him.”
Yeah. Maybe. After everything settled, he might.
“Is that guy gay?” Gannon questioned.
“No idea.”
“I thought you were a hockey fanatic.”
“I am. But I’m interested in the game, not the love lives of the players.”
“You’re telling me that you never had a crush on one of those guys?” Gannon moved closer, his breath warm against Cam’s neck.
“I didn’t say that.”
“And to think, you married a gamer nerd with glasses,” Gannon teased, his lips gliding over Cam’s neck.
“That I did. A sexy”—Cam tilted his head a little—“gamer nerd … oh, hell yes…”
“With glasses,” Gannon added.
“Yes, with glasses. God, I love those damn glasses.” Okay, and now he sounded winded and he wasn’t even moving. Then again, Gannon did that to him. Even after the hell they’d gone through the past few hours, the man could still make him crazy with want.
And like every other night, Cam was going to allow Gannon to take his mind off the crazy shit taking place in the world. Even if just for a little while.
Four
Three days later…
ROAN WAS EXHAUSTED.
Liam had been unusually fussy for the past few days. He often wondered if the little boy realized his mother was gone. Or maybe he sensed all the mourning that was taking place. Then again, he might’ve picked up on the tension, because there was certainly an overabundance of that.
They had buried Cassie this morning, which had been far less stressful than Roan had originally anticipated. At least until they’d arrived at the funeral home. With so much help, putting it together had taken little effort. Cam and Gannon, Dare and his fiancé, Noah, Teague and Hudson, and even Milly and AJ had been front and center, helping him through it all without so much as a single question.
Well, no questions after he’d shocked the shit out
of everyone and introduced them to Liam. Rather than wait, Roan had gone to the marina the morning after they’d found Cassie. Figuring it was easier to rip the Band-Aid right off rather than drag it out, Roan had asked Cam to ensure Dare and Teague—the other partners in the marina—as well as Hudson, their mechanic, would be there.
Cam had delivered not only them but he’d managed to snag Noah, telling Roan that this was a family and if one of them was there for him, they all were.
Dare had pretended to have a heart attack, but he’d also been insistent that Liam call him My Favorite Uncle. Teague, who was doing so much better these days after his suicide attempt several months back, had kept a safe distance from the baby, but Roan could tell the guy had absolutely no experience with kids.
Big, bad Hudson Ballard—Teague’s other half—had wanted to instantly teach Liam how to fix a boat and had actually gotten into a silent argument—full-on jerky sign language included—with Noah about it. Noah, of course, insisted that Liam was going to grow up to be a firefighter.
Roan had felt so much relief that they’d accepted him and Liam, that they forgave him for being so secretive without so much as an accusing glare, he’d had to slip into Cam’s small office and fight off the tears he’d been overwhelmed by for the past few days.
Liam’s introduction to the vibrant and chipper Milly—Gannon’s administrative assistant/best friend—hadn’t come until this morning when she’d surprised him by showing up at Cam’s place before the funeral. When she offered to keep Liam, Roan found that he couldn’t refuse. Partly because Milly told him that he couldn’t refuse.
Because Roan knew his father and stepmother were not happy that Roan was Liam’s legal guardian, he had agreed, hoping to limit the drama at the funeral. It had worked, and now Daniel and Lydia were sitting in Cam’s living room, oohing and ahhing over their grandson while Roan let them spend time with him.
“Eva head back to Ohio already?” Cam asked, his voice low enough not to carry into the living room.
“Yeah.” His sister Eva had been at the funeral and the gravesite, but she was back on a plane to Ohio, where her husband and two kids were waiting for her safe return.
“Where were the husband and kids?” Cam leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest.
Roan cocked one eyebrow. “She said they didn’t need to be subjected to this.”
Cam grunted. Clearly he felt the same way Roan did. Eva was Cassie’s sister. Her family should’ve been there to support her and the rest of the family. Since Roan knew that Eva and Cassie had never been close, he sort of understood. He didn’t particularly like it, but he got it.
Cam turned, placing his hands on the counter, his gaze following Roan’s. “You cool?”
Roan nodded. As cool as he could be. Right now, he was fighting the urge to snatch Liam up and clutch him close to his chest to ensure no one tried to take him away. These were Liam’s grandparents, for chrissakes. It wasn’t like they would do anything to hurt Liam on purpose, and they all knew that taking the little boy from Roan right now wouldn’t be in anyone’s best interest.
“You should go in there.”
Yeah. Roan had been hoping to avoid that. He knew Lydia wanted to talk about Liam, and Roan would do pretty much anything to avoid that.
“Suck it up, buttercup,” Cam said, his tone teasing before sobering quickly. “We’re right here. You don’t have to fight this battle alone.”
Knowing Cam was behind him on this, Roan forced his feet to carry him into the living room.
“Roan,” Lydia prompted as soon as he appeared in front of her. She glanced down at Liam. “We were wondering what your intentions were for Liam.”
“Intentions?” Roan wasn’t catching on.
“Where will you be living? Who will you be living with?” Her eyes flicked up to him briefly. “That sort of thing.”
“Uh…” Roan’s hands fisted at his sides. “I’m looking for a place right now.”
Lydia lifted her head, her back straightening slightly. “Do you think it’s wise to raise Liam in a gay household?”
Well. She’d come right out with that one, hadn’t she?
Roan glanced between his father and stepmother. It was evident Daniel was trying to avoid the conversation altogether.
“I didn’t realize it was a problem.”
“It’s just…” Lydia glanced over at Daniel. “We believe it’s important that children grow up with a mother and a father.”
Hmm. Funny how Lydia continued to say “we,” yet Roan grew up in a house with a single father for part of his life.
“So is this a concern because I’m gay? I’m confused.”
Lydia squirmed. “I’m not saying it’s … wrong necessarily. But it’s not natural, Roan.” She still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “A child should have a mother and a father.”
Okay, so clearly she didn’t have the balls to say what she really meant. Her reference to “we” meant she was hiding behind his father, and the fact that she wouldn’t look at him meant she wasn’t all that confident in her defense.
At least that was how Roan saw it.
Roan believed that every child should grow up with loving parents—mom and dad, dad and dad, mom and mom, single mom, single dad, grandparents, it didn’t fucking matter. As long as the child was the most important thing, as long as they loved the child unconditionally, who really gave a shit about the sex of the parents or whether there were two parents in the household? But he couldn’t tell Lydia any of that. Arguing with her would only make things worse.
“Considering I’m single, I don’t see how that’ll be a problem.”
And it wasn’t a problem.
Not that he was worried about it. He had one priority. Liam. Nothing and no one else mattered.
Wanting to avoid any more of this bullshit, Roan turned toward the kitchen, catching Cam’s attention in the process.
He went right for the refrigerator, yanking it open and staring at the contents. He saw none of it, but the cool air did wonders for his overheated skin.
“You good?” Cam asked, passing him in the kitchen.
“Yeah.” Roan closed the refrigerator and turned to watch his father and stepmother. He half expected them to tuck Liam under their arm like a football and make a run for it.
“Gannon and I are gonna run to the store. You need anything?”
Roan shook his head. He turned to look at Cam. “We’ll be outta your hair soon, I promise.”
Cam looked shocked and maybe a little irritated. “Y’all aren’t in our hair. Gannon and I like having you here. I understand if you want your own place, but don’t think that we’re put out.”
“I was thinking about getting an apartment, but I think it’s best if I buy a house. Get Liam settled permanently. Put down roots, you know? I don’t like the idea of having to move him too many times.”
“Roan, you’re gonna be a great father. Liam’s extremely lucky to have you.”
Roan swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure why he needed to hear those words, but he had. One minute Liam had been his nephew, the next he’d was his son. Then again, from the moment that he first laid eyes on him, Roan had known that Liam would become the most important thing in his life. He had never expected to have children of his own. Sure, he’d hoped that one day he might have the opportunity, if and when…
Since thirty-four was just around the corner, Roan was starting to think there was more if and less when.
Regardless, he’d never gotten his hopes up.
“Thanks,” he said softly.
Liam started crying in the living room and Roan decided to help out the grandparents. By help, he meant send them on their way.
After the stress of the day, Roan finally managed to get Liam down around seven. He knew he’d be back up around nine for a bottle, but at least Roan would get a chance to grab some dinner while the house was quiet.
When he made it into the kitchen, he found Gannon pulling something out of the
oven.
“Perfect timing.” Gannon smiled at him over his shoulder. “I made lasagna. I’d hoped to time it right. Hungry?”
“Starving,” Roan admitted.
“Damn, it smells good in here,” Cam said, coming into the kitchen. “Want a beer?”
“Nah. Tea’s fine.” Roan grabbed plates and silverware while Gannon put the food on the table and Cam got the drinks.
It seemed as though it was going to be a quiet dinner with Roan being the third wheel, but he should’ve known that Cam wouldn’t be able to hold out for long.
“So, tell me more about Colton Seguine.”
Roan knew he didn’t mask his reaction to the request before Cam noticed. But the inquiry caught him off guard, and he stopped eating, fork halfway to his mouth.
“Okay, let me be a little more specific,” Cam stated. “I could tell that y’all are more than just friends who met in a bar.” Cam used air quotes and everything. “How good of friends are you?”
God, Roan wished they could talk about anything else. He’d spent so long isolating himself, holding back from his friends, it was as though he’d ingested truth serum and he couldn’t lie. He wanted to. Definitely. But he hated not being honest.
“I met him awhile back.” That didn’t seem to satisfy Cam, because he continued to stare at him expectantly. “What?”
“You met him and yet you never introduced me?”
Roan knew that Cam was a huge fan. Knew that he would’ve been beside himself to meet any of the Arrows players.
“I couldn’t,” he admitted before filling his mouth with food.
“Ahh.”
Roan tried to say, “Ahh, what?” but his mouth was too full. It came out sounding garbled.
Cam chuckled. “So it was one of those relationships.”
It took a minute, but Roan managed to swallow, then chased the lasagna with iced tea before answering. “There was no relationship.”
“No?”
Roan shook his head. “It was one night. Nothing more.”
“Oh.” Cam sounded disappointed.
Gannon picked up his glass, and Roan waited for him to speak. He could see the man’s question in his eyes. “So you were seeing him?”
Harmless (Pier 70 Book 4) Page 6