Leather and Lace

by Jessie Evans

  “He won’t care,” Mia said. “He doesn’t care about the rules. That’s the reason he’s in jail in the first place, Sawyer. Please, I—”

  “Now, let’s all try to take a step back and calm down,” her father said. “The woman we talked to today said that Paul would be living in a halfway house, and be very closely monitored. He’ll only be allowed to be in the home, or at work, for the first few months. And the first time he’s not where he’s supposed to be, when he’s supposed to be there, he’s going back to jail. He knows that.”

  “They said he’s been doing better since he was released from the psychiatric ward,” her mother added. “He’s on medication for mental illness and the caseworker seemed to think it had really made a difference. She seemed to think he was on the road to rehabilitation.”

  A hysterical laugh bubbled up from Mia’s chest, where her heart was pounding against her ribs like a hammer. “I can’t believe this is really happening.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you all think this is going to be okay.”

  “We don’t, Mia,” Tulsi said gently. “I mean, I hope the caseworker’s right, but you’re smart to be concerned. And careful. I, for one, don’t think you should stay in your apartment for a while.”

  “That’s why she called me.” Bubba’s knee was bobbing up and down the way it did when he was really worried about something. “Tulsi can’t have you stay with her without putting Clem at risk, but there’s nobody at my place, but me, and I’m not afraid of this son of a bitch. You can come back and crash on my futon, and I’ll sleep in a sleeping bag in front of the front door.”

  Mia was having a hard time thinking clearly right now, but she knew she couldn’t stay at Bubba’s, either. Paul wouldn’t stop to sort out that she and Bubba were just friends, and wouldn’t care if he did. Back in grad school, he hadn’t cared how many times Mia swore there was nothing between her and a male friend but friendship, he still felt threatened. At first, Mia had been flattered that he loved her so much that he thought every man in the world was going to fall in love with her, too. But eventually she’d realized that Paul’s attempt to isolate her had been part of his need to control the object of his obsession, and had nothing to do with love.

  “I’m not scared of this guy, either,” Sawyer said. “I’ll move in tonight, and install a security system in your apartment tomorrow morning.”

  “Now, wait just a second,” Mia’s dad said, a hard edge creeping into his voice. “We’re capable of watching out for Mia. And honestly son, I’m not sure how I feel about you moving in with my little girl three weeks after you’ve started dating.”

  Mia took a breath, but before she could tell her dad now was not the time to explore his old-fashioned side, Sawyer said—

  “Respectfully, sir, I’m more concerned with keeping Mia safe than your feelings.”

  A scowl swept across her father’s face, but before the thunder building in his expression could start to roll, Mia stood up and held out her hands in the universal sign for “slow the hell down.”

  “I love everyone here, and I’m grateful I have so many people who have my back, but I’m going to have to make the decision that feels right for me.” She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, trying to look tougher than she felt. “And right now, I just need to take a walk, and think for a few minutes without so many voices weighing in.”

  “I’m coming with you,” Bubba said, standing up. “I won’t bother you, I’ll just—”

  “Thanks,” Mia said. “But I think Sawyer and I need to talk.” She turned to look down at Sawyer, but he was already standing by her side.

  “Lead on,” he said, his jaw tight. “A walk sounds good.”

  As Mia stepped off the porch, her father started to say something, but Gram shushed him before asking in an artificially chipper voice, “Who’s up for day old BBQ? I saw some brisket in the fridge that was crying out to be cut up and slapped on a roll.”

  Mia led Sawyer away from the house, along the dusty trail through the mesquite trees and down the hill toward the east side of the valley, where fifty acres were fenced off for private family use, and no hunting guests were allowed. Almost everything on the ranch was brown this time of year, except for these trees and the land at the bottom of the valley near the river. When she was a kid, Mia had loved to bring a book and her hammock back here, find a pair of trees, settle in for a long day of swaying in the breeze, and disappear into someone else’s adventure.

  Even back then, she hadn’t craved adventure for herself. She’d been happy with her life and her family and her home in Lonesome Point. She’d loved making people laugh and injecting some fun into the day-to-day routine, but she’d never craved drama or suspense in her own life. The fact that she was now on a list at the L.A. Victim’s Services office still seemed like a bad dream.

  But it wasn’t a dream, and it was time for her to make sure Sawyer knew the whole nasty story before he signed on for more than he was prepared to handle.

  “I don’t really know how to start, so I’m just going to jump in,” Mia said, keeping her eyes on the trail ahead, finding it easier to talk without looking at Sawyer directly. “I met Paul the summer in between my first and second years of graduate school. He worked part time as a docent at a museum I loved. I went almost every week, anyway, but once Paul caught my attention I made excuses to go more often. He was a good-looking guy, but it was more than that. It was just… It was intense between us, before we’d even said a word to each other. I know that sounds crazy, but the way he looked at me…it made me feel special. Like something more fascinating than art.”

  “You are more fascinating than art,” Sawyer said. “You’re alive. Changing and feeling and thinking and…being Mia. I’d rather look at you than a painting any day.”

  Mia winced, his romantic words almost painful to hear. She wished so badly that Sawyer had been the first man she’d ever fallen for. She wished she could hear a man say something sweet like that without thinking of how Paul had used his way with words to manipulate her, and make her doubt herself long after she should have trusted her gut and gotten as far away from him as she could.

  Mia sighed. “Thank you, but it’s still embarrassing. I was acting like a teenager who’d read too many vampire novels. But at the time it felt like I was caught up in this unstoppable thing. Like a rip tide, or gravity, or…a black hole.” She shook her head as she batted a low-hanging branch out of her way. “Knowing the way things ended, I’d like to say I sensed something was off from the beginning, but I didn’t. I loved feeling like the center of Paul’s universe, like the most beautiful, fascinating, sexy woman in the world. Even his jealousy made me feel special, at first…”

  Mia let the words drift away, not wanting to confess any more of this to Sawyer, but he needed to know how it all ended, not just how it began.

  “About three months in, I started to resent the way Paul got angry every time I went to hang out with my friends, but I ignored it. Things were still good when we were alone, so I started saying no to my friends, and spending more time with Paul.” Mia crossed her arms, heart beating faster as she neared the end of the story. “But the more time I gave him, the more he wanted. He was jealous of everything—my friends, my schoolwork, my job, even the time I spent talking to my family on the phone. Nine months in, I caught him checking up on me, following me to appointments I had written on my calendar to make sure I was going where I said I was going.”

  “Crazy,” Sawyer muttered beneath his breath.

  Mia nodded. “Deep down I knew he’d gone too far, but he twisted everything around. He convinced me that I was the reason he felt insecure, because I flirted without realizing it and dressed too provocatively and was too friendly with people I didn’t even know.”

  Sawyer grunted, making it clear what he thought of that.

  “Yeah, I know,” Mia said with a bitter laugh. “Looking back, I can’t believe I swallowed that load of crap, but at the time I’d cut myself off f
rom all my L.A. friends to be with Paul. He was all I had, and I didn’t want to admit how bad things had gotten. And I think a part of me knew that breaking up wasn’t going to be easy.” Mia twined a curl around her finger and tugged. “Around the time I caught him following me, I read a newspaper article about a woman whose husband had shot her when she tried to leave him. I remember thinking…that could be me. I mean, I only thought it for a second, but that should have been enough. I should have ended it right then, but I didn’t.”

  Sawyer’s arm went around her shoulders, offering support. His touch was always like that, a touch that gave pleasure and comfort. Now that she knew what it was like to be with a man like him, she couldn’t believe she had tolerated Paul’s clinging.

  “It wasn’t until a month later that everything blew up.” Mia took a deep breath, determined to finish this as quickly as possible. “I had tickets to a concert that I’d bought months before. I’d planned to go with two of my guy friends from my study group, but I knew Paul would freak if he found out. So I lied and said I was going to a girl’s night at my friend Kerry’s. When I got home from the concert, Paul was sitting in the dark in my apartment. He’d figured out where I’d gone, and was waiting to confront me.”

  Mia swallowed hard before forcing the rest out. “That was the first time he’d ever hit me, but when it happened, I wasn’t surprised. A part of me had seen it coming, and that made me hate myself as much as I hated him.”

  Sawyer stopped on the trail, so Mia did, too, but she didn’t turn to look at him.

  “The next day, I hired a lawyer and filed a restraining order, but it was too late,” she said, the words pouring out like a flood. “I’d let it go on too long, and Paul refused to accept that it was over. He kept calling and texting and following me, no matter how many times I told him I never wanted to see him again. Finally, I decided to go out on a date with this guy from work, hoping that seeing me with someone else would get through to Paul, but it only made him crazier.”

  Her heart beat fast in her throat and a cold sweat began to bead on her skin beneath her tee shirt. “He broke into my apartment one night while I was sleeping. I woke up with his hands around my neck. I fought him off, but if he’d been a little bigger, or I’d woken up a few seconds later…that would have been it. I would have been another dumb dead girl.”

  Sawyer captured her shoulders gently in his hands, turning her to face him. “But you know none of that was your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Mia shook her head, keeping her gaze on the opening in the trees behind Sawyer, where the trail opened up, granting a peek-a-boo view of the valley below. “But it was. I knew better. I wasn’t raised to be a victim. I was raised to respect myself and to know better than to think some guy obsessing over me was love. I just…” She shrugged before adding in a whisper. “It makes me feel ashamed.”

  Sawyer cupped her cheek in his hand. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You trusted someone, and they betrayed your trust in the worst way, but that isn’t your fault. You ended it, and tried to get your life back on track. The only one to blame here is the crazy bastard who hurt you.”

  Mia shifted her gaze, chest tightening when she saw the warmth in Sawyer’s eyes. “You don’t think I’m a pathetic idiot?”

  Sawyer’s hand slipped into her hair as he moved closer. “Does it look like I think you’re an idiot?”

  Mia shook her head, her heart still pounding, though she didn’t know if it was the story she’d finished telling, or the emotion on Sawyer’s face that was responsible. “No, you look like you care about me.”

  “I do,” he said, leaning down until his forehead rested against hers. “So much.”

  Mia pressed her lips together before she whispered, “I care about you, too, Sawyer, but I don’t trust myself. Logically, I know you’re nothing like Paul, and it’s fine for us to move in together, but another part of me is afraid I might make the same mistake again. That I’m going to rush in too fast, and fall too hard, and find myself in the middle of something awful.”

  Sawyer pulled back, gazing deep into her eyes. “I would never hurt you, Mia. Never.”

  “I know that,” she said. “I really do. But…” She shook her head as she stepped away, moving out of his arms. “But I can’t let you move in with me, even if I was one hundred percent sure it was the right thing for our relationship. Not with Paul out of jail.”

  “That’s exactly why I should move in,” Sawyer said. “Hopefully the guy has gotten help and will know better than to violate his parole, but just in case, you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

  “I don’t want you to move in because I need protection, either.” Mia crossed her arms over her chest. “I want you to move in because we care about each other and want to spend all our time together.”

  “I want that, too,” Sawyer said, frustration creeping into his voice. “And I do care about you, and want to spend all our time together. Hell, every second I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you, anyway. And I think… I really—” He shook his head as if to clear it. “I care about you. Let me be there for you. Let me show you that there isn’t anything to be afraid of.”

  Mia hesitated, but no matter how much she wanted to believe Sawyer, she couldn’t. There were things to be afraid of, so many things, the biggest of which was that Paul might hurt someone she loved. She was the one who had fallen for a sociopath. She deserved to suffer the fallout, but the thought that her parents or Tulsi or Bubba or Sawyer might be hurt trying to protect her was unthinkable.

  Because she loved them all, she had to handle this on her own.

  “I’m going to be making other arrangements. I’m sorry. I really am, Sawyer.”

  “Mia, wait,” he said, but she was already starting back toward the house.

  Her only regret, as she moved down the trail away from Sawyer, was that she’d never gotten to tell him that she loved him before she was forced to walk away.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  There was a tear in his beer.

  It was confirmed, Sawyer had become the living embodiment of a sad country song.

  The fact that the tear had come from being stabbed in the eye by a pool cue, when a well-lubricated Tulsi tried to make a trick shot at The Blue Saloon’s pool table, didn’t matter. It was a tear. It was in his beer. And he might as well be crying for his dear.

  All he’d done for the past four days was think about Mia, and worry about Mia, and text her every few hours to make sure she was still okay and assure her that he could be at her place in ten minutes if she needed him. He tried to walk a fine line between concerned and intrusive—after what she’d been through, Mia didn’t need another stalker—but he was worried. He hated feeling helpless to protect her, especially now that the danger was so very, fucking real.

  Paul had disappeared two days ago. He’d left his new job as a janitor at a gum company at four-thirty on Sunday afternoon, and never shown up at the halfway house for his five o’clock check-in. Victim’s Services had notified Mia right away and the LAPD had put out an APB for Paul’s arrest, but so far none of the police officers in Southern California had seen a man matching his description.

  Probably because he was on his way to Texas. The crazy bastard could be close by now, while Mia sat in her apartment alone, an easy target.

  “This is ridiculous,” Sawyer muttered, tossing the ice pack the bartender had given him for his eye onto the bar.

  “I’m so sorry,” Tulsi said for the thousandth time, leaning around Bubba, who was seated between them at the Blue Saloon’s bar. “I hardly ever drink. I seriously can’t handle my liquor. I shouldn’t be allowed to hold sharp objects after I’ve had whiskey. Or maybe ever.”

  It took Sawyer a moment to understand what had triggered the latest apology. When he did, he shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean you were ridiculous. My eye is fine. I was just…thinking about Mia. I hate sitting around like this.”

  “Me too,” Bubba agreed, taki
ng a long pull of his beer. “It’s ridiculous, and she’s being fucking stupid. Pardon my French.”

  “She’s trying to protect us.” Tulsi took a dainty sip of her drink, obviously trying to take it easy after the pool cue incident. “It’s admirable.”

  “But stupid,” Bubba said.

  “But stupid,” Tulsi agreed with a sigh. “And not even her parents are having any luck. Usually her dad can guilt Mia into anything, but last I heard, she was still refusing to stay at her parents’ house, or let them stay with her.”

  “A part of me wants to go over there and camp out on her doorstep, no matter what she has to say about it,” Sawyer said, balling his hand into a fist on top of the bar, hating how powerless he felt. “But then I’d be just like him.”

  “You wouldn’t be like him,” Tulsi said. “But I totally get what you mean. I’m tempted to show up at Mia’s and invite myself over for a sleepover, since Clem’s with my parents tonight anyway. I know Ned’s got a car doing extra patrols of the neighborhood, but Mia shouldn’t be alone. She should have someone there with her.”

  “Ned should have an officer at her place,” Bubba said, motioning to the bartender for another round. “I know the department is spread thin, but she’s his niece.”

  “His niece who knows the department is spread thin and doesn’t want to be the reason someone else doesn’t get help.” Tulsi took a larger swig of her beer. “I just hope Paul gets picked up soon. I can’t wait to know that man is back in jail where he belongs.”

  “I’ll drink to that.” Bubba lifted his fresh beer, and Tulsi and Sawyer clinked their half-empty glasses against his.

  Sawyer drank deeply, but his third beer wasn’t calming him down any more than his first. He needed to be with Mia. He wasn’t only worried; he was missing her. In three short weeks, they’d established a rhythm to their days, an easy, sexy, companionable rhythm that he missed now that she’d cut him out of her life.