Falling Away

by Devon Ashley

  Half an hour later, I decided I’d better check in with Sophie, so I sought her out and found her mingling with a few of her guests. I waited for her to move on, and then she happily joined me for a break, grabbing a glass of blush wine to sip on.

  “How’s it going?” I asked.

  “Eh, could be better, could be worse.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Oh, Jenna. I love you to death, but you are so oblivious to what’s been going on right in front of you.”

  “What?” I asked, completely dumbfounded. Was this about me again? My hands went up in surrender. “I swear to God I’ve been behaving. See?” I asked, pointing to my face. “Real smiles. Not even having to fake them anymore.”

  “Yeah, honey. I know. You’re fine. Unfortunately, your current boy toy and your ex boy toy are finding this night a little more difficult.”

  “What do you mean?” She turned me to face Evan, who was leaning against the rollaway bar, staring across the room at…oh, I saw.

  “Let me give you the four-one-one of what’s gone down while your pretty little head was off in Evan-La-La-Land, okay? Evan’s had you pinned in one corner with you acting all snugly in his arms, while Robert’s been doing the same with Anne in the opposite corner. They’ve spent the past thirty minutes having a stare down anytime you and Anne weren’t preoccupying their lips. And let me tell you, I’m not a fan of seeing those two make out. Anne practically inhales his face and poor Robert just makes the art of kissing look painful.”

  I sighed a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Soph. I tried to avoid this. Robert and I were doing just fine until our dates entered the picture. If we had both just come solo, we never would’ve turned on one another.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m guilty in this mess too. Just do me a favor and keep them separated. Something’s brewing and I don’t want them blowing their tops during my reception.”

  “I’ll do my best,” I said as I aimed my feet for Evan. Maybe he felt my stare, ‘cause half way across the floor he gazed in my direction. That charming smile wasn’t gonna work on me this time.

  “You’re cute when you’re mad,” he evaded.

  I grabbed him and turned him around, ruining his line of sight with Robert. “Yeah? Guess why I’m mad right now?” His hand enveloped mine as our opposite arms reached behind and we began swaying in place. His face fell, mostly annoyed ‘cause he knew the gig was up. “Yeah,” I dragged out. “Sophie totally saw you guys. You promised you’d behave.”

  His eyes aimed down to connect with mine. “Well, he makes that difficult. He won’t stop watching you.”

  “You mean he won’t stop watching you. Leave me out of this.”

  He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You don’t get it, do you? Yes, I’m watching him. But I’m not the one he’s been looking at all night. Trust me. There’s a difference in the glare when his eyes meet with mine.”

  Boys. “Whatever. Look, now you’re blocking his view of me and you guys can’t glare at each other anymore. So can you just smile and focus on me now?”

  Easily persuaded, he leaned down to kiss me gently. I wrapped both my hands around his neck, and his trailed down my sides to connect behind my lower back. We swayed for awhile, even when the fast music played. After a while, I pulled free from the niche I buried my head in. “Can I go to the bathroom without worrying about you?”

  He eyed me sensually and bit at my lip playfully, giving me one last kiss that lasted several minutes. Don’t think I didn’t realize the aggressiveness of that kiss was more for someone else’s benefit than my own. Why did boys always have to mark their territory? I ended the kiss and taunted, “Would you prefer to just pee on me?”

  “If you think it would work better,” he quickly quipped.

  I pushed off him and headed to the bridal suite. After refreshing my hair and make-up, I returned a few minutes later. I was immediately snatched up by Sophie as she whipped past, trying not to draw too much attention as we crossed the ballroom. “Don’t tell me…”

  Yep. She was totally leading me towards the back where Robert and Evan were having a heated conversation. I saw a cranberry blur to my left equaling our pace, so Anne must had honed in on this too. Robert caught us coming, and mouthed a curse word, which made Evan turn our way and repeat the same word. I never knew for sure what was said ‘cause they were totally quiet by the time Sophie, Anne and I all showed up.

  Through gritted teeth, Sophie hushed firmly, “All of you. Hallway. Now.”

  No one dared to challenge the bride or risk the attention she was trying hard to avoid, not even Anne. I plastered on a fake smile to those we passed, my hand linked with Evan’s just to be sure he didn’t respond to the icy stares Robert was throwing back at us. Anne was doing the same thing, trying to push Robert towards the hall without incident. At least the girl wasn’t completely oblivious to what was taking place. Sophie led us to the end of the hallway, far from eavesdropping ears. At some point Jhett caught on, ‘cause he was suddenly pushing his way through us to stand close to Sophie.

  We stood there silently in an awkward circle, watching as Sophie took a few deep breaths to calm herself. I was literally feeling the quiver in my heels, afraid we had officially unleashed the Bridezilla from within. It just goes to show, even the calmest bride could be provoked when you screwed with her wedding.

  “Let me get this out straight off. If even one of you fucks with my wedding, I will kill you.” She turned towards me and Evan, “Evan, we haven’t had a chance to spend too much time together. I like you, but I will shred you to pieces with my fingernails.”

  “You,” she added with a little disgust towards Anne. “I won’t even wait for you to screw up this evening. I didn’t like you even before Jenna and Robert started dated, and I’ll kill you if I even see you after this little pow-wow.”

  Is it wrong my heart gave a triumphant cheer when Anne hid herself behind Robert a little more after that?

  “And you two!” My eyes widened as she kept pointing back and forth between me and Robert. “You were doing so well this weekend. Then your dates get here and it all goes to shit! You are here with him, and you are here with her. Stop baiting each other on. If you can’t play nice, don’t even look at one another the rest of the night. And you two especially,” –she pointed to Robert and Evan– “if I see even one more glare between you I will claw your freakin’ eyes out. Got it?”

  We all nodded silently. All except Anne I guess, whose face Sophie caught as she shuffled her way through our circle to exit. Anne redacted it the second she was caught. “And what the hell are you smiling about? Your date, your boyfriend, is so obsessed with what another woman is doing to even notice you’re here. Wake up!” she shouted in tune with slapping her hands together loudly.

  Laughter in my head. Unavoidable.

  Wait. Boyfriend? My jaw completely unhinged. What the fuck was he thinking? Even if he truly hated me, why the hell would he do that to himself? I didn’t care how much he pretended, there was no way he suddenly liked her. I turned to gage his reaction but he was avoiding my bewildered gaze at the moment.

  Sophie traipsed on, and Jhett took a few extended steps to catch up, carefully taking her hand to soothe her as they reentered the reception with smiles. He didn’t seem as upset as Sophie, but I’m sure there was some resentment in there somewhere for our behavior. Robert pulled out of the circle too, mumbling something to the effect of, “Fuck my life,” as he disappeared into the men’s restroom, leaving Anne to fend for herself. Of course she didn’t stay, but she didn’t leave without throwing me a contemptuous look first either, looking me up and down with disgust. It must’ve pissed her off to have Sophie tell the entire group he’d been ogling me all night. No wonder she’d spent the night looking like she wanted to shank me. I was so focused on her I didn’t even notice what Robert was doing.

  Now alone in the hall, my focus finally turned to Evan, who eyed me very carefully. “What?” I asked fearfully.
/>   “We need to talk.” Four words you never wanna hear from your boyfriend.

  Fuck-fuck-fuck. “Evan, now? Really?”

  “Oh, yeah. Want to go to our room?”

  “I’m the maid of honor. I can’t just disappear.”

  He shook his head in reluctant agreement. “Alright. But you know we’re going to have this talk the moment you come up later, right?”

  “Yeah.” Soooo looking forward to it, I whined internally.

  Hands buried in the pockets of his pants, he turned and disappeared around the fork in the hall, towards the lobby and main elevators. I groaned to myself and rubbed the ache that was forming in the back of my neck, forcing a smile as I reentered the reception.

  Surprise, surprise, I wasn’t feeling too jolly. But I put a smile on for Sophie and Jhett and happily conversed with their guests. And when Sophie pointed at me with that bouquet of flowers before turning backwards to toss it at the eligible women, I sidestepped several times to avoid getting stuck with that awful omen. Robert seemed to have the same thought when it came to Jhett flicking the garter. After that they cut into their cakes. With our duties finally on hold for awhile, I made my way to the bar, flirted with the bartender a bit, then convinced him to give the best man and maid of honor a much needed free beer.

  He eyed me suspiciously as I made my way across the floor, clearly making a beeline for our table. When I offered him the second beer, he hesitated at first. “Do they have anything stronger?”

  “Wine.”

  “Beer me then.” He accepted the iced bottle and I sat down beside him, immediately noticing we’d drawn the attention of our friends dancing on the wood checkerboard floor. They eyed us carefully, waiting for the tiniest misstep. “Happy twenty-first, by the way. Sorry I missed it.” He tipped his beer my way before taking a long swig. I wasn’t a huge beer fan, but tonight I was willing to drink anything.

  Guess Sophie was right. We did seem to do better when our dates weren’t around.

  I began pulling the label off the dark brown glass, getting a glimpse of the amber liquid sloshing around within. “So how long have you been with Anne?” I asked. He puffed a breath of air past his lips, debating what to say. “I’m just curious, is all.”

  My eyes met his when they finally turned my way. “Are we really going to have this conversation?”

  I shrugged. “Might as well. Not having it hasn’t done us any favors.”

  He downed the rest of his beer in several gulps and slammed it down on the white linen tablecloth. “I’m going to need something stiffer then. Let’s head to a real bar.”

  “We’re a little overdressed.”

  “I was referring to the one in the hotel. No one’s going to pay us any attention.”

  “What about Sophie and Jhett? We still have to do their toasts, and she’ll go ballistic if we’re late.”

  “We’ve got half an hour before that.” He rose and I followed, and I caught Sophie’s eyes widen when we headed toward the main doors together. Robert tapped his forearm (which didn’t even have a watch) and Jhett nodded, seeming to understand we’d be back in time. We walked silently to the bar, which was dim due to the late hour, but there were plenty of bodies throughout, mostly in pairs.

  There was an open round table for two available up front and I slid onto one of the barstools as Robert got himself a drink at the bar. I still had the majority of my beer, which I knew I’d probably never finish, so I passed when he offered to get me something. My hands were folded out in front of me as he sat, just inches from where he grasped onto his glass for dear life, both of us leaning slightly forward. He sipped at the drink and we stared, neither of us sure where to start.

  Okay, diving in head first. “So how’s school going for you?”

  Guess my predictable topic amused him, ‘cause he couldn’t resist a mild chuckle or two. “Same. You?”

  “Didn’t go last semester.”

  “Why not?”

  “Trying to save money and find a way to afford Rutgers.”

  He took a long sip. “So you got in then?”

  I knew better. That hesitation was ‘cause he always wanted me to stay and go to Yale. But it surprised me that he still seemed against it, in a way I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He got rid of me, so he shouldn’t really care anymore.

  Then it again, I shouldn’t care that he’s dating Anne. But for some reason, it still bugged me a little. Damn little green monster on my shoulder.

  I nodded my answer, and stared silently again, occasionally distracted by the way his finger popped the tiny beads of water trickling down the side of his rock glass, making them seemingly disappear before my eyes. “Still getting up for those damn five A.M. practices?”

  His head tilted and looked to me with the first natural grin I’d seen from him this weekend. It was irresistible, and I felt obliged to match it. “You always did hate those.”

  “What I hated was waking up cold and alone every morning.” Another long stare. His chocolate eyes were so dark in this room. “Why Anne?” I asked seriously.

  “So we’re back on this again?”

  “Seems so.”

  “Then why Evan?” he countered.

  “Because he wants me,” I blabbered before my brain could run its check-and-balance system for stopping that kind of remark.

  At first his face soured, but then it changed in a manner that read a long, drawn out okay…. “Well, I guess I could say the same thing about Anne.”

  He lifted his glass but I was quick to throw my hand on top of it. “Don’t. Stop,” I almost begged. “Is it just this weekend, or do you always drink this much?”

  “I drink more than I should, but this weekend has definitely called for more.”

  I’d agree to that. It had been a horrible roller coaster of emotions I wanna bury six feet under. “Why the sudden change? You were never like this before.”

  “I wasn’t legal before,” he deadpanned.

  “Bull shit. You had a fake ID and could’ve brought it home. The only time you ever drank was around your mom.”

  With a hint of bitterness, he said, “Well, my life isn’t as easy as it once was. The buzz helps.”

  I had forgotten my hand was still on his glass. I wrapped a more secure hold on it, overlapping my fingers with his. “Don’t drink anymore tonight. We may not be a couple anymore, and I probably don’t have the right to ask you, but I don’t like seeing you this way.”

  His bloodshot eyes deceived him, and I caught a brief flash of pain when I said those words. He released the glass a moment later and I pulled it away, handing it to the bus boy as he passed. We sat in silence for several minutes following that, our hands still stretched across the table, our fingertips on the verge of embracing much like the manner our eyes had already done.

  “I’m sorry I invited Anne,” he mumbled. I shrugged it off, taking a few swigs of beer, not wanting to drag out the stupid drama anymore. “I only did it because I knew you were dating Evan, and I figured he’d be here too.”

  “Jhett?” I assumed. It was the only thing that made sense since Sophie promised not to tell him. I had hopes she’d keep Jhett in line, but Robert was his best friend. I knew he’d tell him eventually.

  “No,” he answered, swaying his head sideways. He leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. “I came to see you a few months back, and I saw the two of you together.”

  My eyes averted to the table and my right hand moved to massage the tension in my neck. I was not gonna feel bad about this. “Robert, I’m not gonna apologize for moving on. I gave you enough time to come around. And when you gave me every freakin’ thing that could possibly remind you of me, I gave up.”

  “What are you talking about? Gave you everything?”

  I huffed. Was he seriously gonna play the dumb card? “Those fuckin’ boxes that contained our entire relationship. You might as well have stamped a big fuck you on the damn things.”

  Eyes pinching, his arms unf
olded as he leaned forward over the table and whispered harshly, “I did not give you everything. I gave you those things so you would keep thinking of me.”

  “I know the damn inventory of our lives,” I snapped. “You kept nothing.”

  Next thing I knew, he whipped out and activated his phone, then slid it across the table and into my hands like it was a freakin’ air hockey puck. The screen was filled with tiny icons of pictures.

  “Does that look like nothing to you? Do you see any fucking pictures of Anne on there? I wanted you back. I just wanted to make sure you realized what you lost before I let you back in.”

  I enlarged one of the pics and flipped through the album. I had forgotten he had taken a few pics over the years, but most of these looked like they were taken when I wasn’t even paying attention, or asleep.

  I didn’t like the way my insides were suddenly cringing with guilt. Guess that plan backfired on him, ‘cause I took the inventory pass-off as rejection. I carefully slid the phone back, intentionally avoiding his fingers during the exchange. I didn’t wanna look at him, partially ashamed for not reading his signs better. And I should have, right?

  I continued to avoid the gaze burning my skin, and would’ve loved the ability to burrow myself into a hole right then. But he wasn’t gonna left me off that easily. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  That I should run back to the safety of the wedding and end this before it goes to a level I may regret. I dipped my head and fingered the tiers of satin in my lap. Eventually my eyes rolled north. He was still, his arms draped over the table loosely, just waiting for me to say something. If I bit my lower lip any harder, I was gonna draw blood.