Only A Memory Away
Page 20
She started to speak, to tell him how devastated she would have been if she’d killed or permanently maimed him, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Never apologize for refusing to be a victim, okay? The case is closed.”
As she took a swallow of her coffee, she felt much relieved. Knowing that Judd didn’t bear a grudge against her, she was free now to ask him about his personal life, if there was any special woman waiting for him back home, but she realized she just didn’t feel up to it. And, she admitted, she was too afraid of what he might answer.
“Mr. Maxwell.” A uniformed deputy approached their table. “The sheriff would like to see you right away.”
Judd squeezed her shoulder briefly before leaving.
Late the next morning, Judd stood beside her at her uncle’s grave site. He was solemn and supportive during the service, taking her elbow to help her into the limousine, briefly putting a brotherly arm around her as the casket was lowered into the earth. But nothing in his speech or actions indicated he felt anything for her beyond compassion and a shared sense of grief at Ed’s untimely passing.
And that was when she began to become concerned. It had been easy to put her feelings and thoughts about Judd on hold early in the week. But as the weekend approached, when he hadn’t called or made any attempt to meet with her to discuss their relationship, she grew worried.
She didn’t know which motel he and the other FBI agents were staying in, and tracking him down through the personnel at the hall of justice might be difficult since he was on the run. But she was almost ready to make the call when the phone rang about dinnertime on Friday.
“Karen? This is Judd. I’m sorry I haven’t called you sooner, but I’ve been tied up.”
His frustrated sigh, or was it merely a tired one, came over the line.
“How’s my cockatiel?”
“He’s fine, though I think he misses you,” Karen said, trying to relax. “You’ll be glad to hear my cat finally showed up.”
“Oh, yeah?” He gave a chuckle that sounded forced, almost bored. “How are they getting along?”
The amusing story Karen had saved, of the tabby’s first, incredulous sighting of the bird, died in her throat. “They’re, ah, fine, just fine.”
“Listen, things are winding up here and I’ve got to report back to the field office in Los Angeles tomorrow. I wonder if I could stop by in a few hours.”
“Are you in Granite?” “Yes, I’ll try to be there by eight, if that’s convenient.”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
Karen hung up the phone. Her heart leaped at the thought of seeing Judd again—it seemed more like a week than two days since they’d last spoken. But it was hard to tell what his intentions were from what he’d said. In fact, he’d seemed more preoccupied than happy. Was his call going to be an obligatory visit to say goodbye before he left Silver Creek, for all intents and purposes, for good?
The very real possibility froze her. She sat down at the dining table, too numb with anxiety to think for a few minutes. She wished now she’d kept him on the phone longer, thought to ask what his intentions were. She had no idea how he felt about her since his memory had returned. Perhaps he’d been too embarrassed to tell her their romantic involvement had been a mistake. Perhaps he felt they were strangers to one another, and assumed she felt the same way. The only thing she had begun to feel fairly sure of was that he wasn’t married: he would have come out and told her if he was.
She had to talk things out with him, but how long would she have for conversation? Would he even come in for coffee if she asked, or would he be in too much of a hurry to get away and pack?
She felt unbearably jumpy and couldn’t stay seated. The next two hours promised to be torturously long.
Instinct led her to the kitchen. She hadn’t thought once all afternoon about food, but now she wanted to keep busy. She pulled hamburger and Italian sausage from the freezer, half an onion and a wrinkled bell pepper from the crisper. She began making spaghetti sauce.
Chopping the vegetables helped her calm down. She just couldn’t picture the “new” Judd as a stranger, much as anyone might tell her he was. She still felt in her bones she knew the man well.
True, he undoubtedly had a full, important life far away in a big city, a life she’d known nothing about until a few days ago. But her basic instincts about him had been proved correct. He wasn’t an aimless drifter. He was someone she’d subconsciously identified with, a man who felt connected with other human beings and responsible for their welfare in a very profound way. A man whose psyche had had to protect him from his own shattering guilt when he could not save the life of an innocent stranger. How Karen loved him for his humanity, his vulnerability. And how scared she was.
It would be an ironic tragedy, wouldn’t it, if she’d finally found the one man she could love and respect, only to lose him?
She should face the possibility that Judd might very well feel differently, that he might not see her fitting into the life he’d suddenly recovered. There was no denying that his haste to move to a motel and his complete absorption with his assignment were bad signs. From what she’d seen, Judd was incredibly dedicated to the Bureau, and any romantic relationship might be of less importance to him than his work. Perhaps the need he’d shown for her love and support had been only a temporary aberration, caused entirely by the strange circumstances he’d been thrown into.
As she stirred the sauce, she told herself she could be understanding about this. She could tell herself their affair had been a momentary thing and to not make a fuss. She could shake Judd’s hand and wish him well and quietly crawl away to nurse her broken heart. She could.
But she wasn’t going to! Karen slam-dunked an empty can into the recycling bin. She wasn’t going to let him go, and it didn’t matter if Judd Maxwell lived in Los Angeles or in Tombouctou, or if she could continue her social work career in Granite or had to give it up. She didn’t want to let Judd go without a fight, and she wasn’t going to!
It was a pity the only ingredients she had on hand were for a pasta dinner, but it was too late to run to the store for filet mignon. Karen wiped her hands on a towel and headed for the china cabinet to get out the damask tablecloth and the crystal.
JUDD CAUGHT HER by surprise. She’d intended to go change out of her sweats into a dress when the garlic bread got too close to the broiler, charred black, and she had to start over again with the other half of the loaf. She heard Judd’s car pull up outside and raced to light the candles and start some mood music on the tape player.
When he didn’t come in immediately, Karen got nervous. If he thought better of it and drove away, she’d never make it through the night.
Judd climbed out of the Impala as Karen came around the front of the car to greet him. “Hi,” she said.
He didn’t answer, and she strained to catch his expression in the shadows cast by the streetlight.
Karen’s throat constricted. Used to being assertive on behalf of others, she suddenly felt ill at ease exercising her own rights. This was going to be much harder than she’d thought! She knew she should reach out and touch his shoulder, say, Judd, we need to talk. But instead, she folded her arms tightly across her chest and said with forced cheeriness, “Have you had any dinner?”
“No. Yes. Actually I had something to eat before I left the city.”
An obvious lie. His stomach was probably rumbling from both hunger and a guilty desire to wrap things up with her and run. It was worse than she’d thought. What if he was living with another woman or engaged? How embarrassing. Why hadn’t she wised up the moment he moved out?
She followed him to the house, barely listening as he shared with her some annoying, though not serious, legal development in the Cohen case.
This was awful! Judd was going to feel like a heel when he saw the romantic atmosphere she’d prepared, and she was going to look like a lovesick fool. She wished she could run ahead, grab up the tablecloth with the fine
china and all and toss it out on the sunporch.
Judd strode ahead of her into the dimly lit living room, immediately spotted the flaming candelabra on the dining table, and said, “What’s all this?”
The ridiculous thought came to her she could tell him she was waiting for another date.
“I, well, I felt like cooking…” She rambled on like an utter idiot, saying she knew not what. His motionless back gave her a terrible, sick feeling in her stomach. If only the earth would open up!
“This is wonderful,” he said in a hushed tone. He stepped to the table, touched the white cloth and a gleaming fork with his fingertips. Karen came up beside him, and when he turned to her, she couldn’t tell if it was the flickering of the tapers or if moisture glistened in the corner of his eye. He inhaled deeply and asked, “What are you making?”
Karen twisted the hem of her sweatshirt. “It’s only spaghetti sauce. My grandmother’s recipe, though. It’s really good.”
Judd reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. She wanted to stare at the carpet, afraid her heart was in her eyes, but he softly spoke her name. She had to face him, had to try to divine what he was thinking.
The angular lines of his features were softened by the light, but she couldn’t mistake his sober, almost worried expression. A band around Karen’s chest squeezed the air from her lungs.
“Karen.” His gaze seemed to be searching her. “I realize this is harder for you than for me, because ever since we met, I’ve been able to get to know you and to learn about your background, while my life was a mystery to you, and even to myself, until last Sunday. But if you’re willing to take my word for it, I can assure you we’re more alike than you realize.”
The tightness in her chest eased, and a tingling began at the base of her spine. Did she dare to hope? She drank in the sensual curve of his mouth, the perfect whiteness of his teeth…She couldn’t help it. Every part of her wanted to reach up around his neck, stand on tiptoe and kiss him.
He continued, “I’ve been sick of southern California and the frequent traveling for some time, and the weeks I’ve spent here in Silver Creek have made me realize I want to stay. In fact, I had a long talk with the district attorney and the sheriff this afternoon, and they’ve offered me the job of managing their criminal investigations division…Darn it, Karen—” he slid his hands up her neck to cradle her cheeks “—it’s so incredible just to be with you again, you’re making me lose my train of thought.”
An indescribable feeling thrilled through her. “Lose it, then,” she breathed, and his mouth came down on hers, and their arms were around each other.
He was delicious and warm and strong and utterly wonderful. She yielded with joy as he pressed her upper body into his chest, wanting to give him more, never wanting to stop.
“My sweet woman.” He emitted a husky groan, kissed the side of her mouth, then her cheek. “I’m never going to get through this if you don’t have some mercy on me.”
Karen giggled and released her tight hold on him. His face was handsomely dark with passion. He reached inside his coat, pulled out a little box covered in white velvet. “What I’m trying to say is, Karen Thomas, I love you, and will you marry me?”
“Oh, Judd.” Karen laughed and the tears squeezed out. “You sounded so strange on the phone, and just now…I didn’t know what to think.”
Judd tried to look contrite, but the downward tug of his mouth had to compete with an urge to grin. The beam won, and he swept his arm behind her knees and picked her up.
“I know,” he said, carrying her to the sofa and setting her like a doll on his lap. “I’m sorry, I was simply a little nervous about seeing you. I wanted to talk to you, about us, the day after it all happened, but you had so much to deal with, it just didn’t seem right to load you down with one more thing. Then I started getting tugged in fifty directions by the Bureau and the D.A.’s office. Today I reached the point where I couldn’t stand being apart from you a minute longer. In fact, I would have been here sooner, but I had to make a stop on the way.” He raised the ring box in his left hand. “I walked around downtown Granite until I found a jewelry store that looked just right.”
Karen tore her gaze from the box and tried to conceal her girlish excitement. “They roll up the sidewalks at five. I’m surprised you found anyone open.”
“They weren’t. I got the phone number of the alarm company from the security sticker in the window and had them call the owner at home. He was a little reluctant to come down—until I explained what I wanted.”
Judd reached around Karen to raise the velvet lid.
Fire leaped out and dazzled Karen’s vision. A large central diamond was flanked by two slightly smaller diamonds, all in an exquisite filigree setting. It was the most elegant engagement ring she could imagine.
Judd spoke softly as they stared at it. “It was after I bought this that it struck me. I sat in my car thinking how the diamonds reminded me of you, how you’re so uniquely beautiful and strong and compassionate, a very rare and special woman.” He guided her head to his shoulder and began gently stroking her hair. “I started to worry I’d been too overconfident, that you might not grant me the greatest favor of my life. I must have looked as rattled as I felt when I drove up.”
He fell silent, his hands frozen, the ring still nestled in its box. After a few moments, she drew back to look at him. Why was he so sad? Why didn’t he put the ring on her finger?
He cleared his throat. “You still haven’t given me an answer, Miss Thomas.” His gaze met hers, filled with desperate hope. “Will you marry me?”
Karen blushed to the roots of her fiery hair. “Oh yes, Judd! Of course I will. A thousand times yes.”
He put the engagement band on her finger as tears of joy silently coursed down her cheeks. She modeled the ring, her eyes shifting in wonder from the diamonds, to his dear face and back and forth again. She almost couldn’t believe what was happening.
She hugged his neck. “This is such a wonderful moment, darling. I’ll never forget it.”
Judd squeezed her, fully prepared to never let her go. “I won’t forget it, either, sweetheart. And that’s a promise.”
eISBN: 978-14592-6174-7
ONLY A MEMORY AWAY
Copyright © 1998 by Leslie Carpentiers
All rights reserved Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.
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Table of Contents
Cover Page
Table of Contents
Excerpt
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Books by Madeline St. Claire
Dedication
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
&nbs
p; Chapter Sixteen
Copyright