DoubleBind

by Sindra vin Yssel

  The instant attraction was unfamiliar. First the bartender, then this guy. What is it about these men? She had no doubt Karl was a dominant.

  “I said newbie, Karl. Down.”

  Karl grinned. “Hey, I’ve played with new people.”

  “Uh-huh.” Jannah turned to Meg. “Karl and Hart are like the black diamond slopes. Very good at what they do and decidedly not for beginners.”

  “And Hart,” Hart said drily, “is also very not available. No insult intended, Meg.”

  Vanessa put a hand on Hart’s knee and gave him a look of adoration. Who would want to come between that? “No insult taken. You look like you’re very happy with what you have.” She mulled what Jannah had said in her mind. Black diamond slope, huh? She wondered if Jannah meant that as a challenge. Besides, the idea of the black diamonds was that you worked your way up to them, which was absurd in this case. She wasn’t going to go through a string of men to get to get in practice for Karl.

  Karl was still looking at her and she looked back. Their gaze held for a long several seconds. Is he thinking what I’m thinking? She turned away, distracted, as a couple of people wearing fluffy white towels came in from outside and went by.

  Jannah was talking. “But they are excellent people to have looking out for you, especially when you’re new, because they are trustworthy and know their way around. So. Guys?”

  “Of course, Jannah,” said Hart.

  “Yes,” said Karl, smiling at Meg.

  Trustworthy and a black diamond. Safe, but thrilling. Jannah might as well be throwing me at him.

  “Mind if I have a seat?” asked Jannah, gesturing to the couch.

  “Not at all,” said Hart. “Vanessa, come sit in my lap so you can face our guests.” Jannah sat down and Vanessa followed directions.

  Karl gestured at the empty chair. “So, Meg, how long have you been interested in BDSM?”

  Twenty minutes didn’t seem like a great answer. Besides, interested? She’d been curious for a while. She sat down while considering her response. “A few years, since Jannah started telling me about some of the things she’s seen and done. But this is the first time I’ve come out to a place.”

  “And are you finding it interesting?” asked Karl.

  “Oh, very.”

  “What have you seen that interests you most?”

  “Have you introduced her to Garrett?” Hart asked Jannah. “I don’t think he has a date for the evening.”

  Meg’s ears perked up, but she tried not to show it. Besides, Karl had asked her a question. She wasn’t sure which man she was more interested in. “I guess the spanking, flogging, caning—I don’t know. What do people get out of it? And yet, it looks sexy as hell.” It was hard to talk and listen to Jannah’s conversation with Hart at the same time.

  “Some people like receiving the pain. It generates endorphins, which lead to a blissed out, almost drugged state and it’s a safe natural high, for one thing. And it focuses the easily distracted. Intensity, rather than pain per se, is attractive to some. The line between pain and pleasure is not all that distinct.”

  “So why would someone like doing the whipping?”

  “To give pleasure. To help a partner achieve that special state. Or…”

  “Or?”

  Karl grinned. “Some of us are just sick fucks and like it that way.”

  For a moment she wondered how he could say that with a smile. Then she remembered the time she’d overheard one of the board of directors calling her a bitch and feeling a perverse pride. “As long as you’re good at being a sick fuck, I guess that’s fine.”

  Karl’s grin broadened. “That I am, Meg. That I am.”

  She glanced over at Jannah and Jannah was giving her a dirty look. Meg sipped the last of her drink.

  “Would you like a refill, Meg?” asked Karl.

  She supposed if Karl got it, it wouldn’t count against her two-drink limit. How would Garrett know? But what the bartender had said made sense. She needed a clear head, even if more liquid courage was attractive. Especially if Karl was trying to get her drunk. “A diet cola please.”

  “Sure.” Karl grabbed her glass, got up and headed for the kitchen.

  Meg looked back at Jannah. “What?” Meg asked. “Do you have something going on with him?”

  “No, I do not have something going on with him. Did you not hear a single thing I said? Karl is a serious sadist. He gets off on pain scenes.”

  Meg smirked. Normally she was quite allergic to pain. But she’d sprained a few ankles on the slopes and always considered it to be worth it. Black diamond, indeed. “Might as well find out what it’s all about, right?”

  Jannah rolled her eyes. “Find out with someone else. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Garrett. He’s more your type, anyway.”

  Meg looked at her watch. It was half past ten. “I already talked to Garrett. I’ve got a date with him at midnight.” Okay, that was overstating it, but it might get Jannah off her case.

  “Oh. Fine. Why are you flirting with Karl, then?”

  “Because midnight is an hour and a half away and as you know, I’m a greedy bitch.” Meg grinned at her.

  Jannah threw up her hands. “Vanessa, could you talk sense into her?”

  Meg looked at Vanessa, who nodded and spent some time gathering her thoughts.

  “I think,” Vanessa said, “you should do whatever you want to do, Meg. Karl is a good man, but he does play very rough. Rougher than I’d like. But then, I thought the same about Master Hart.”

  Do what I want to do. Don’t I always? Meg resisted the temptation to give Jannah a bratty look. Jannah was only looking after her. She glanced over to the entrance, but Karl wasn’t there with the drinks yet. If she intercepted him, she could move the whole discussion out of Jannah’s earshot.

  “If you play with Karl, I guarantee you’re going to be sore someplace tomorrow morning,” said Jannah.

  Pretty much like skiing, thought Meg.

  Chapter Two

  Karl waited for the line to clear so he could chat with Garrett. The two were best friends, even though their approach to BDSM was poles apart. Once a lithe sub in a harem costume walked away with her gin and tonic, he leaned forward. “So, there’s a girl out there who interests me. I think you probably served her a scotch and soda earlier.”

  Garrett frowned. “Black sequin cocktail dress, beautiful cleavage?”

  “That’s the one.”

  “Ah. Meg. I figured I’d look for her when I get relieved at midnight. Give her a soft introduction to the world of BDSM.”

  “That,” said Karl, “doesn’t give me much time to play with her.”

  The two men locked gazes. Garrett chuckled. “So here we are, once again. We could fight over her.”

  “We could, but I don’t think that ends well. Tell you what—I’ll see if I can get her interested in a scene with me. But at midnight, she’s yours. We’ll see what kind of style she prefers.”

  “You’re going to scare her off, Karl. I think she’s basically vanilla.” Garrett turned to polish a glass.

  “All the more reason she should find out what BDSM is all about. She’s got something in her, Garrett. I don’t know if she’s ornery, or maybe she’s daring. But when Jannah warned her off me, it was like she’d thrown down a gauntlet.”

  “She seemed to know Jannah. Jannah warned her off you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Maybe Jannah knows her friend and knows what she needs.”

  That cut both ways. “Maybe Jannah knows her friend and knows how she’d react to a warning, too.” Karl smirked.

  “Anything is possible,” said Garrett. He had a good poker face and even Karl couldn’t tell whether he was annoyed or not. “I’ve got customers. Whatcha drinking?”

  “Water for me. A diet for Meg.” Karl couldn’t resist making it clear who the other drink was for to see if Garrett would react.

  Garrett poured the diet cola and handed Karl the glass. Then he fixe
d the water, pushing that across as well, without making eye contact. “Next?”

  Karl carried the drinks. Meg had made an impression on Garrett, clearly. He didn’t want to be much longer, in case she was drawing another Dom’s attention now. He worked his way through the gaggle at the door with a few excuse me’s and was surprised to see Meg rise and meet him halfway.

  She took her drink from him and leaned close. “So. Now what?” Beyond her, Jannah was shooting daggers at him, but he ignored that. Meg had moved the conversation out of Jannah’s earshot, which encouraged him to be direct.

  “You were interested in flogging,” Karl said. “Are you interested enough to experience it for yourself?”

  Meg hesitated. “I don’t know.”

  “Did Jannah explain safe words to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I like to play with a caution word, especially with someone experiencing for the first time. Yellow would mean I’m getting very close to your limit and it’s time to back off and reassess. Red would mean stop everything immediately to make sure you’re okay. Got it?”

  “Yellow and Red. Like traffic lights.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Easy.”

  “That’s the idea.”

  “And you’d really stop everything if I said red?”

  “I would. And you could ask Jannah, if you doubt me, as to whether I can be trusted.”

  Meg looked back at her friend, who still wasn’t exactly approving. But whatever Jannah thought of the idea of Karl and Meg playing, Jannah had been his friend for a long time. She wasn’t going to lie about him and she knew him well enough to vouch.

  “Ask her. Ask Hart. Ask the bartender if you like. I’ll go get my bag of toys. Oh and Meg—I intend to restrain you, as well.”

  “Restrain how?” Meg looked doubtful.

  “Usually I’d use some rope. But I’ve got some Velcro cuffs in my bag and they’re quick and easy to remove fast if you say red.”

  Meg shook her head. “I don’t like the idea of being tied up. It makes me helpless.”

  Karl nodded. He got that completely. At the same time, he intended to give Meg some intense sensations, and the natural tendency was to jerk away from them. The cuffs would give her something to pull against and stop her from accidentally twisting to make him hit some place he didn’t want to hit. “It’s a safety thing. I do understand and if you don’t want to be bound, we’ll work without it. But you want to experience, yes?”

  “Well, the flogging, anyway, yes.”

  Karl shrugged. “I guarantee you we’ll be able to go further with that if you’re restrained. But don’t trust me on that. Ask Jannah, if you like, or Hart. Or maybe better yet, a sub like Vanessa, who has been through it.” He knew the time was ticking on toward midnight and he hated wasting even a minute of it while Meg conducted a poll. But at the same time, Meg needed not only to be safe, but to feel safe. There would be no skimping on that. Nor was there any reason for her to take his word on anything. She didn’t know him. He was hoping to change that, soon.

  “I don’t know how much time I have, either.”

  Karl wondered if that meant she and Garrett had made an appointment and cursed himself for not asking. Maybe she simply had to leave early, in which case Garrett would be missing out. His first reaction was to smile, but that didn’t last long. He shouldn’t begrudge her time with someone else. She was new and learning. She’d be a better partner if she found out for herself what she liked. “We’ll make the best of what time we have. I’ll be right back with my bag. Meet me here, or I’ll come join you if you’re still talking to Hart and Jannah and Vanessa.”

  Meg nodded and glanced at her watch. “Sounds good.”

  * * * * *

  What am I getting myself into? Meg walked back to where Jannah was and sat down in the chair again. She was having second thoughts. She knew she had the fortitude to take pain, although she wasn’t sure she’d enjoy it. Still, doing it once to see, sure. But being tied up? Being helpless? That was another matter.

  “So what’s going on?” asked Jannah.

  “He’s getting his toys. Should I worry because he wants to tie me up? Or restrain me, he says. Velcro cuffs. Which don’t sound like they’d restrain much of anything.”

  “Oh, they work,” said Jannah. “And you should totally be worried, but not about that.”

  “What then? Will he really stop if I say red?”

  “He will stop if you say red. C’mon. Let’s talk to Garrett, the bartender. I bet he’ll be happy to give you a taste of BDSM and I can relieve him at the bar for a bit, although he’s way better at it than I am.”

  Meg chuckled. “I think I’m meeting him at midnight. Maybe. If he doesn’t stand me up.”

  Jannah rolled her eyes. “You’ve been here less than an hour and you’ve already arranged to play with two of the hottest Doms here. What’s your secret?” Jannah put up her hand and said, “Never mind, I know. Fantastic boobs and you’re fearless. Good for you.”

  “You could get dates with all the hottest Doms too, Jannah,” Hart interjected, “if that was what you wanted.”

  Jennah laughed.

  “It’s easier being restrained sometimes, Meg,” offered Vanessa. “You can let your mind wander when you don’t have to worry about how to hold your body. Here in my house, with a man like Karl and with all of us around, I don’t think you need to worry about being trapped. If you play with someone you’re not sure of, let us know and we’ll watch them.”

  My house. She didn’t even say our house, to indicate her and Hart. She owned all this. It put a new light on her relationship with Hart. She might be sitting there on his lap naked, but she had power of her own. That calmed Meg. She found the idea of being with a strong, dominant man intoxicating, but she didn’t want to give up her own power in the process. She had too much invested in being a strong woman for that.

  Karl came back, bag in hand. It could have been an ordinary but large canvas shopping bag. The fact that it had a riding crop sticking out of the top was a giveaway he wasn’t carrying groceries.

  “Well, here goes nothing,” Meg said, getting up.

  “I’ll be watching,” said Jannah, softly. But before Meg turned her head she caught sight of a smirk that again made her wonder if Jannah had been planning this all along. It had been Jannah who had headed to where Karl was sitting, Jannah who chose the term black diamond.

  “I’m going to play with you in one of the side rooms, if that’s okay,” said Karl. “The St. Andrew’s cross in the racquetball court is being used and that couple aren’t anywhere near done with their scene. Just because I built it doesn’t mean I get to kick people off. But there’s another in one of the little bedrooms here.”

  Uh-oh. Alarm bells went off in Meg’s head. “So we’re going to be alone in a room?”

  “We’re going to keep the door open. People will poke their head in now and then. I hope that’s not an issue for you. Have you ever been watched before?”

  “I get watched all the time,” said Meg. She was used to being the center of attention at work, but that probably wasn’t what he was talking about. She hadn’t thought about how she’d look, being flogged. She was curious about the sensation. “I suppose…this isn’t the sort of thing one does clothed, is it?”

  Karl laughed. He took her hand and started across the living room “Not usually. Not completely, anyway. I’ve flogged people in dresses before, but I’d be worried about the sequins.” He smiled at her. “Okay, I don’t care about the sequins. Seeing you undressed is part of the fun for me. But you can keep your underwear on, if it makes you feel better.”

  “It does, in fact, make me feel better.” Especially since she had put effort into finding sexy stuff.

  The room Karl led her to was about the size of a small bedroom and maybe that’s what it was intended to be. It was largely empty, however, except for a six-foot-high X-shaped cross not unlike the one she’d seen earlier when looking down at the r
acquetball court. That must be the one Karl called a St. Andrew’s. Next to the cross were a couple of wooden chairs, elegant but without the opulence of the velvet-covered sofa in the living room, with a table in between. Karl plopped his bag on one and started sorting out its contents onto the table.

  “Undress,” he said, “and face the X. Stretch out so your limbs are against the wood.”

  He said it with the tone of someone who was used to being obeyed. It made Meg want to rebel. Curiosity carried her through. She reached behind her to undo the zipper. It would have been easier to ask him to do it, but he was busy laying out things and she was interested in that, too. Three different floggers, each with black handles, but with different colored tails. Different thicknesses of leather, too, it looked like, with the blue one being the lightest, followed by the purple, then the red. Finally, he put a long thin riding crop next to the red one.

  He turned to her as her dress hit the floor and smiled, taking in the sight of her body with a full appreciative look. She wore a black bra with lace scalloping and a matching black thong. All her pink bits were covered and she supposed she wasn’t much more naked than she would be at the beach, except for her backside which he couldn’t even see at the moment. Still, it was underwear and he was frankly staring and the door was open, as promised. Anyone could walk in. Well, not anyone. A bunch of kinky perverts, some of whom are wearing less than I am. She stood up straight and let him look, the corners of her mouth slowly turning upward.

  “Very nice,” Karl said. “You have a beautiful body.” He partly turned, to tap the floggers and the crop in front of him. “We’ll work our way up and see what you can take. All I ask is you give it your best and if that’s just the blue flogger, then it’s the blue flogger.”

  “Don’t go easy on me,” said Meg. That might not be the brightest thing to say to a man I’ve been told is a sadist, but I don’t want him thinking I’m a wimp. “I want to experience it all, not walk out of here wondering.”