by Nicole Conn
Peyton pulled Elena to her, moved her body atop Elena, kissing her thoroughly, aggressively, riding her, and suddenly stopped, grabbed her hand, pulled her up and propelled her to the edge of the pool.
Together they took the plunge.
*
After their swim, Peyton brought several different cartons of ice cream, along with a healthy piece of decadent chocolate cake Wave had dropped by earlier, along with some other nibbles she had grabbed on the way back to their picnic mattress, lit by numerous outside candles. The air was still balmy. They could have been in Hawaii, it was that warm, the shimmering mist above the pool heralding the mystical evening.
“It’s really shocking that you have never been with a woman before,” Peyton said between bites of decadent chocolate cake smothered in icecream.
Elena took one last bite. “I’m stuffed, filled up, overflowing,” she remarked to the moon. She stretched like a cat, found a comfortable spot half inside the curve of Peyton’s body, half slung upon the mattress.
“I…I had no idea people could make love over and over again,” Elena stated. “Or why they’d even want to. I just never got what the fuss was all about…why in the movies people were ‘doing it’ all day long…how boring, I thought—and now, it’s like sex is soooo much fun. It feels so good. I just don’t want to stop. Ever.”
Peyton leaned over, kissed her, spoon-fed her another bite.
“I thought I was full...” Elena smiled. “Do you think I ever will be?”
“I guess that depends…”
“On what…”
“Well, a lot of things, I still don’t know how you are able to be so sensually gifted. If I didn’t know better I would think you had been with women all your life.”
“Well you do know better.”
“It’s just that…truthfully, Elena…and you know I hate bringing up my past and the fact that I did go through a phase of fairly relentless serial monogamy.”
“Yes?” Elena cocked a tell-me-more eyebrow to Peyton.
“I guess you could simply call it dating, it’s just hroit’s that women feel so compelled to be monogamous that you make a relationship out of it, rather than just calling it what it is…which is, you meet, you date, you do it, it grows old, you go on.”
“Sounds like most of the relationships I know about.” Elena thought back to the few friends who had shared something approaching this kind of intimacy, and this story sounded very familiar.
“Yeah, only with lesbians it usually only lasts for six to eighteen months…you know, up until the time they hit lesbian ‘bed death.’”
“Oh, for goodness sake.”
“It’s true…it’s not in our DNA to procreate—to be driven to fuck as a means to survive. We’re programmed to nest and nurture. The nurturing we have down great—I mean we’re all flipping codependent. Our problem is, instead of just dating and having a good time, we insist on making it something more serious, or maybe we have to make it more serious because we simply don’t know how to do it in any other way…Whatever it is, I’ve done way too much of it. The point is, I love sex, I’ve had way more than my fair share of partners, and yet I have never been made love to by anyone, the way you make love to me.”
Elena smiled, gratified. “I hope so… you know I don’t really know what I’m doing—”
“Well, you do a damn good imitation then.”
“I love giving you pleasure…in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever known anything to be so absolutely gratifying. I love seeing you…when you come—see your eyes, full of joy…I just love your face, Peyton.”
Peyton glanced away, then started giggling. “And why the hell am I the shy one?”
“Yes, what kind of top are you anyway?” Elena teased.
They lay there a moment giggling, caressing one another.
“So do you…do you hate penises—or men, or—”
“No, I love men…and I have always had a healthy case of penis envy.” Peyton glanced at Elena. “Although I’ve never been much into penetration. What about you?”
“Well, Peyton, I’ve only had experience with one penis, one man. And, trust me, it has just never been something I’ve found any fondness for.”
“You sound like you’re talking about cashews or something.”
“I’m sure it sounds silly, and maybe I’m terribly unsophisticated, but it’s never been about the penis for me—I don’t enjoy it, I don’t think about it. It just is. Take it or leave it, only there happened to be one attached to the man I’m married to.”
Peyton shivered. Elena wrapped her arms about her, and her hand found Peyton’s. She touched the ornate blpenhe ornaue ring that Peyton’s mother had given to her.
“It’s beautiful. Whenever I see it, it just reminds me of you.”
“Does it?” Peyton slowly took the ring off, moving it from her finger, and took Elena’s hand, and gently pushed the exquisite sapphire onto the ring finger of Elena’s right hand.
“Peyton, you said your mother gave this to you.”
“She did. But I want you to have it.”
“I can’t.”
“Are you afraid you’d have to explain it?”
“No. It’s not that.” Elena knew she could easily say she had bought it for herself.
She was worried it was too precious for Peyton to part with. “It’s just it was from your mother and I don’t want you to regret—”
“If this reminds you of me…I want you to have it. Please. It will make me happy knowing when we can’t be together that I’m always a part of you.”
Elena turned to her then, gently pushed her to the mattress and slowly but very assuredly began to make love to Peyton again. Elena had found her way as a top and made love to Peyton now with such confidence and grace, beyond all expectation, taking Peyton in her arms, knowing her body now, devoted to pleasing every part of it, operating on instinct, loving her so tenderly, so exquisitely, so completely.
And now, Peyton was getting more used to being made love to, something she had never really felt before, not like this, not this absolutely enthralled concentration on pleasing her with every touch. The more Peyton allowed Elena to take the lead, the more assertive Elena became, kissing her deeply, thoroughly, finding her, feeling her wetness, teasing Peyton with it and then confidently and with full ownership thrusting her fingers into Peyton, fucking her as if she had done this her whole life, taking this woman who most assuredly belonged to her.
Peyton lay back, a high thin vibrato breaking from her throat as she lay, splayed out, utterly at Elena’s whim and desire, Elena thrusting her fingers further into Peyton, faster, Peyton succumbing to it in a way that felt real and natural and for the first time in her life, Peyton letting herself be taken, laid out, in total submission.
And for the first time in her life, Peyton felt the deliciousness of what it meant to be female.
*
It was very early morning. The sun was just beginning to rise and they still lay beside the pool cuddled beneath a comforter, feeling the fresh chill of a new day.
“I know you said you didn’t care for pene—well, for that.” Elena waited a tifna waitmoment, suddenly scared she had gone too far, because before they slept, as Peyton had come with Elena deep inside her, she had screamed into the pitch of night, and soon afterward began to sob, exhausted with what seemed to Elena perhaps like being relieved of a weighty burden. But then she had cried for some time, and Elena was not sure if she had read it right and had perhaps gone too far in her eagerness. Hell, she couldn’t hold back—something had taken over her and she had to have Peyton in that way, had to own her, mark her, make Peyton feel Elena’s entire being so inside of her that she could never let go. But when it was over Peyton seemed almost bereft and, except for her sobs, silent, falling asleep in Elena’s arms whimpering.
“Yes…” A trace of a smile lit Peyton’s face but something else, a sort of wisdom as if Peyton had learned a secret.
Elena held her closel
y as she said, “But you seem to like it…with me?”
“I like things with you I never thought were possible…I cannot…I can’t believe how opened up you make me…how much I allow myself to feel. Especially given our circumstances.”
Peyton sat up, then looked carefully at Elena. “Please don’t think I’m crazy.”
“What?” Elena asked.
“Well…I don’t really know how to tell you this…but sometimes, when we’re deep inside…well, being together, I almost feel like I’m in another place…another time, even. Like we have been together before. And I can’t even tell you how out there I think past lives are, and I didn’t even think I would ever consider believing in such improvable stuff, but when I’m with you, I often feel us in…a completely different way. And it’s like I know this other essence of who we are to one another as well as I know ourselves. But they aren’t us. They’re from a time before.”
It took a long moment, but when Elena finally glanced up at Peyton she was smiling. “So it isn’t just me? Because I feel that too…like there is something from before. It’s the strangest thing, but it doesn’t scare me.”
“Pheww.” Peyton then grinned. “Didn’t want you bolting for the door.”
Another silence, but this one was much heavier, weighted with many unspoken feelings.
“I know how difficult it is for you to trust, Peyton, but I will never take advantage of you. Never.”
*
“Good Moooorning.” Elena waltzed to Peyton, who sat waiting on the gazebo couch outside as if she were Donna Reed, presenting a fully prepared breakfast for her mate—toast, eggs, pancakes, a bowl of fruit and steaming hot coffee she had quickly whipped together while Peyton had showered.
It was a gorgeous morning, the sun just warming the earth, birds chirping sweetly in the background. It was an idyllic setting, Peyton th heg, Peytought as she sat, blown away by how beautifully Elena had set everything up and how well she attended every detail.
“Hell, I didn’t even know half this stuff existed in my kitchen!”
Peyton sat in her robe, hair still drying, and pulled Elena to her and kissed her, and Elena kissed her back ardently. Peyton pulled away. “Better not start—if we do, all this lovely food will go to waste…and I kind of need some fuel.”
“Eat, please.” Elena poured coffee, handed Peyton some toast and buttered a slice for herself.
Peyton’s phone rang. She checked her watch. “Wow. I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“Well, we didn’t get much sleep.” Elena grinned as she sipped her tea.
“Hello?” Peyton’s face blanched a bit as she rushed to say, “Uhmmm no, maybe a little later. Yeah, let me, uhmm, finish my swim and then we can go…”
A pause as Elena heard Wave’s raised voice in the background, apparently miffed about something.
“No, I didn’t forget…it’s just that time got away from me…yes, it did...” Then a longer pause followed by a surreptitious whisper. “Yeah...mmhmm... yep...okay ’bye.”
Peyton hung up, tried not to catch Elena’s eyes.
“I take it she realizes I’m here.”
Peyton nodded.
“She doesn’t like me, does she?”
“Really, it’s not you,” Peyton insisted. “I think it’s more about not trusting you. You know, being married and all.”
“If I cheat on my husband how can I possibly be honorable?”
Peyton did not respond. She looked down at the table, stiffened a bit. “Well, I suppose it does sort of beg the question...”
Peyton’s words floated out before them for some time, until Elena turned to her.
“What?”
“Well…like, do you make breakfast for him like this?”
“He doesn’t eat breakfast.” Elena smirked. “Anything else you’d like to know?”
“He doesn’t eat breakfast…but well, do you have coffee together? Discuss your day?”
“Not really. He usually runs, showers, grabs a coffee on his way to the church.”
Elena moved to hold Peyton’s hand, but Peyton removed it, assessed her. “So…what about you and…him.”
“It is what it is,” Elena stated flatly.
“I want to know.”
“Don’t, Peyton.” She remembered all those times in her bedroom calling Peyton, and feeling locked in a cage.
“Well…do you like it? Is it even mildly enjoyable?”
Elena refused to answer.
“So…” Peyton couldn’t stop herself. “Well, like what…what happens…how does he make his move?”
“Good God, Peyton.” Elena clearly had not planned on having this conversation.
“I asked you not—”
“Tell me?” Peyton asked and then more assertively, “I want to know.”
“Well...” Elena put down her toast, swallowed and leaned back. A sadness filled her eyes and Peyton felt immediately guilty. “We have date night on Saturdays.”
“You have sex every week?”
“Oh my God, no…every few Saturday nights he likes to take me to some fancy dinner. We sit there, eat. As I told you before, we talk very little, only discuss whatever happens to be going on with either Nash or the church, and we head home. That’s it. Why are we talking about this?”
“That’s it. Well that can’t be all there is to it. You have to have sex some time.”
Elena looked as if Peyton had slapped her.
“Every now and again he’ll let me know that we should…you know.”
“Does he say it?”
Elena closed her eyes.
But Peyton couldn’t let it go. “Well, like what, does he say, ‘dinner’s over, we’ve gotten the preliminaries out of the way, and now let’s fuck?’”
Elena’s jaw squared and she narrowed her eyes in displeasure, shot a warning glance at Peyton, but Peyton was too far into it now.
“No, he’ll just say something like, ‘why don’t we go to bed early’ or ‘let’s work on the baby.’”
“You’re kidding…and then what?”
“It is what it is. When it happens...which I’ve told you before is extremely rare.”
r “Come on. I want to know.”
“I don’t know what you’re hunting for here. Do you want to hear that he’s always considerate, always very good about taking care of my needs?”
Peyton’s body tensed. Now that she was hearing it, she really didn’t want to know after all.
“Look, Peyton, I wouldn’t be here if I was having great sex with my husband,” Elena exclaimed sadly. “I…we just have never connected in that way.”
“And then what, does he—”
“My God, you ask a lot of questions.”
“What?” Peyton’s voice was sharper than she wanted. She put out her hands as if to explain. “Well, I’m a woman.”
They sat awkwardly for a moment.
“I thought it would be easier for me to hear it was nothing…but it’s not.” Peyton leaned back from the table, suddenly exhausted. “Just thinking of you lying there…submissive…when you’re—well, the way you are…it’s so antithetical to how I see you.”
“Peyton, listen to me. Look at me.”
But Peyton’s face, her eyes, were impenetrable. Elena got up, moved to her, leaned down and gently but deliberately took Peyton’s face, kissed her fervently.
“Peyton…” Elena’s voice was quiet but firm, “there is nothing here with Barry…” She put her hand over Peyton’s heart. “Don’t you know that by now? It’s you. And only you.”
Peyton looked up into Elena’s eyes, feeling small and ridiculous.
“I love you…”
It had not been the first time Peyton had heard these words, but it was the first time she truly believed them.
Elena touched Peyton’s face gently, briefly. “I don’t want to fight, Peyton…I…I do have to tell you something, though.” Her voice was somber.
Peyton sighed. Now what?
; “We’re taking a trip...to Hawaii.” She continued before Peyton could explode, “It’s our annual vacation and I would have told you sooner, but I didn’t want it to put a damper on this time together. Our first night together.”
Peyton’s body grew stiff and ungiving.
“I…I knew it would upset you and I didn’t want you to worry about…about any of it.”
“You mean the fact that you’re going to be in romantic Hawaii with your husband?”
“I know…I… Peyton,” Elena replied soothingly, “nothing’s happened with Barry...he hasn’t touched me since we’ve been together. You know that right?”
Peyton nodded, staring out at the pool.
“God what was I thinking?” Peyton asked of herself and then, as if talking to anyone but Elena, “What in the hell was I thinking? Who could think?”
“Peyton—”
“At some point you’re going to have to...well, you are going to have to do it again.”
“But I’ve told you it’s nothing,” Elena snapped. “It means nothing.”
Peyton pulled her body away from Elena, sat looking squarely ahead, her eyes deadly serious. “No. It will make us mean nothing.”
Elena’s cell phone rang.
“Great,” Peyton hissed under her breath.
“It’s Barry.”
Peyton looked away.
Elena answered the phone, got up from the couch and walked toward the pool to remove herself to a respectable distance, but Peyton could still hear her. “Yes…when will you be home? Oh…you left early… Okay, yes… No. I’ll be home. I’ll see you then.”
Elena returned to Peyton “I’m so sorry, but I’ve got to…”
“Go,” Peyton finished for her. “Yeah.”
Elena slowly walked back to Peyton and leaned over the patio couch where she was sitting, her beautiful hair cascading down beside her. “Aren’t you at least going to kiss me goodbye?”
Peyton stared out for a very long moment, then turned to Elena. She grabbed her hand, touched Elena’s wedding ring, twirled it about, and then gave her a brief peck on the hand.
Elena watched, almost dazzled by hurt, but realized there was nothing else that could be done now. She was already running late.