Pleasure Extraordinaire 1 (PURSUIT)

by Liv Bennett

  “Not a word,” I warn, raising my forefinger to stress my point.

  When we come back to our table, I find Bree and her friend giggling at Adam’s jokes. I turn and give Valerie a ‘what have I just told you?’ look.

  The servers come to take our drink orders and, when I ask for soda, Adam glances at me with an approving look in his eyes for the choice of my non-alcoholic drink and then goes back to entertaining the girls. Oh, Bree. I’m going to raise your salary for freeing me from Adam’s clutches even for a few hours. And, I’ll promote you if your little friend gets in the sack with him.

  In a couple of minutes, the servers place our drinks and entrees efficiently and disappear as soon as they come. I dig into the glazed duck leg with figs while enjoying the exchange between Nichole and Adam. Valerie not so much, I notice. Nichole manages to have her hand very close to Adam’s arm. Unable to mask my curiosity about her next move, I swallow a piece of fig and touch Valerie’s shoe with the tip of my boot to raise her attention to the happening.

  Nichole moves her hand very casually toward Adam, while laughing with body-racking laughter at Adam’s yet another joke. I’m about to burst with excitement and thrill, as though I’m watching a blockbuster in 3D. As soon as Nichole’s hand lands on Adam’s arm, though, he jerks away as if stung by a bee and pushes his chair back to stand up. His face a peculiar hue of purple, like the fig on my plate, he excuses himself to go talk to one of the employees. Employee, my ass. He dashes off directly toward the door.

  There goes the promotion for Bree. I exchange curious looks with Valerie and remember to swallow the piece of tender duck in my mouth. He’s playing the devoted and loyal around me. I bet money it’s all part of his scheme to get me.

  Nichole gapes after him with her mouth wide open and cannot bring herself to shut it even long after Adam’s gone. I’m surprised to find a tickling of compassion for her inside me. She has no way to know of Adam’s relentless pursuit of me.

  When Adam comes back, approximately ten minutes later, he avoids our table like the plague and socializes with the accounting team. Nichole eyes me briefly with shame written all over her face, before cocking her head down to her plate. I observe with amazement that she has yet to touch her dish. What an effect Adam has over women that they even neglect eating! Forget about Weightwatchers or Jenny Craig. There’s no better way than Adam to get those humps in shape.

  “So, Bree. The evening has been great so far,” Valerie says between the sips of her champagne. “I think you should go into event planning rather than waste your talent with organizing Taylor’s agenda.”

  “I’m happy with my job, and Taylor is the best boss ever,” Bree says with a cheery tone and grabs a scone off of the pastry tray.

  “Don’t feed her mind with nonsense.” I nudge Valerie’s ribcage, while stealing a glance at Adam. No matter how I detest his flirtations, I still find him the most interesting person in the room. Even though I can’t make out what he is speaking about with the people at his table; his demeanor, energy, and the power he radiates as he speaks make me want to switch tables to his. If only his intentions for me were of a more friendly nature. He’d make a great friend, I’m sure.

  While I’m vaguely listening to Valerie’s strong opinions about how Republicans are on the verge on ruining the country, a group of four young men with musical instruments enter the suite. I turn to Bree with a questioning look. Her face beams once she notices the group of men, and she stands up abruptly. I guess this is her only chance to break free from Valerie’s infamous political discussion.

  “Our musical guests have just arrived. I’d better attend to them,” she explains to Valerie.

  “I didn’t know we’d have live music,” I say, showing my discontent for not having been informed about it. After all, I’m paying for this evening, and I have every right to know what and who is on the menu.

  “Oh, but I mentioned them to you early this morning. Besides, the entire evening plan was sent to you together with the bill. Both in paper and electronically.”

  “Oh, my mistake, then. Sorry.” I gesture at her to go and see to the musicians. From their Michael-Bublé looks, I assume we’ll be listening to some jazz-pop classical tunes.

  Tapping my fingers on the table, I study the band members as they prepare their instruments and settle on the stage. When I see the guy whom I assume to be the singer nod his head to Bree, I start to stand up to introduce the band. However, Adam appears by the stage and grabs the microphone from the singer’s hand.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he begins.

  Adam

  From the corner of my eye, I see Taylor shifting in her chair. If she’s thinking she’ll just come up to the stage and make a dry announcement of the band, she’s completely wrong. I smile at her briefly, and wait for her to sit back in her chair, and then introduce the band. I recite what Bree told me about the band earlier in the evening and introduce the band members by their names.

  “What would a celebration be without hitting the dance floor? Unfortunately we’re thirty-two men against fifteen women. That says a lot about HR, doesn’t it?” People begin laughing; I wait for a few seconds before I go on. “As a solution, you ladies have to dance with at least two gentlemen, so we all can get a chance to shake it. I know you’re all shy and not intoxicated enough. So, I’m going to go ahead and do the first dance to open up the dance floor.”

  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know Taylor won’t say ‘yes’ to my dance invitation if I ask her nicely, so I have to impose it on her. Holding the microphone still close to my mouth, I raise my free hand toward her. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head as a reply. Only, she won’t be able to escape. I won’t let her.

  I can barely contain a laugh coming. “You’re part of the statistics.”

  “Pick someone else. I don’t want to be your first victim.” Her gaze is glued on the glass of soda in her hand, her fingers drumming around it. A nervous tick that I’ve grown accustomed to over the years. She doesn’t stand a chance, and she knows it. But, she won’t go down without a fight. That’s the Taylor I know and love.

  I start to walk toward her, taking each step in stride. She shakes her head several times and raises her hands, palms facing me. Wrong move. I reach for her hand and clutch it firmly. Nothing in the world can stop me from having this dance with her. Not even her. I pull her hand gently, but with resolute will, toward me and bow my head like the gentleman that I am.

  “Will you do me the honor?”

  Standing up ever so slowly, she casts those wicked, blue eyes of hers toward me, arresting me with their beauty. “Under one condition,” she whispers to my ear.

  She’d run miles away had she known the effect of her warm breath anywhere near my skin. The touch of her hair on my face fires a jolt of arousal in my groin, and I don’t know how much longer I can wait to have my way with her.

  “What is it?” Now it’s my turn to avoid her gaze, the heat of it so seductive I’m afraid I’ll just force my lips onto hers. Instead, I breathe in her perfume, J’adore by Dior. I bought a bottle of the cologne, as soon as I figured out the brand, just so I can have her smell anytime I want. Only, the scent in the bottle isn’t as intoxicating as it is on her skin.

  “You’ll dance with Valerie afterwards.” She glances down at Valerie, who is eating her desert, looking oblivious to our conversation.

  I nod briefly and lead her slowly to the dance floor, where everyone can see us. I’d rather have her only for me for our first dance ever, but for now it’ll have to do.

  “Let the dance begin.” I hand the microphone back to the singer. The first song is hand-picked by me; Sinatra’s I’ve got you under my skin and I’m dying to see Taylor’s response.

  Sliding my hand around her waist, I pull her closer to me. My hand spans across a little above the small of her back. My heart is racing with desire and the thrill of being so close to her, and I work on breathing slowly to keep the storm brewing inside me to
myself. My fingers draw circles across the thin fabric of her dress that leaves nothing to imagination about the smoothness of her skin underneath. Will I ever get to run my hands across her beautiful body without the interference of a dress?

  She takes extra care not to let her chest touch mine. What wouldn’t I give for that touch? I let my eyes trail down her body. Her breasts look larger under the dress, likely because she’s wearing a padded bra. I prefer the lacy ones that do nothing to hide her nipples when they harden. I bet they’re stiff now beneath the bra, just as the rest of her body is. With her soft hand in mine, I inhale her sweet smell again and watch her expression as the tune begins.

  A smile flickers across her plump lips, making me suck in a sharp breath. Her smiles are so few and far between, I can’t help but feel triumphant for lightening her mood, even for a little bit.

  Bending her head down, she looks up at me through her long lashes. “Did you pick this song?”

  I don’t answer her. What’s the point of saying ‘yes’ when the answer is crystal clear? I gently draw her closer and begin to sway with her to the music. She tenses more, even tries to pull back, but my grip is tight.

  When she finally relaxes, I start whispering the lyrics to her ear. I’ll be damned. She picks up the song where I stop and continues singing the lines softly, almost inaudibly. Why the sudden change of heart? I try to look into her eyes but she’s hanging her head, maybe to hide her emotions from me. Her voice is soft like velvet, soothing and warm. Like Christmas to my ears.

  At one point in the middle of the song, her voice cracks, her body begins shaking, and all I can hear are her silent sobs. I lead her in a circle, until I face the stage so her face is blocked by my torso from the audience, and slide a finger under her chin to tilt her face up. Her eyes are clouded with tears and unfocused with deep thoughts, as though a private piece of memory is playing in her head.

  Suddenly, it all comes crashing down to me. Who am I kidding? I am the one who doesn’t stand a chance. I can’t even beat a dead man in his grave. It’s true what everyone has been saying all these years. What she has been saying. Her coldness, the way she always tries to keep her distance, her constant refusals of my dinner invitations aren’t because she’s close-minded or afraid to give love another try. It’s because she can’t. I can continue this foolish game and run after her for years to come, yet it won’t change the fact. The simple, plain, but hurtful fact that her heart belongs with Jack, my best friend for life. She can never love me the way she loves him. She’ll never be mine like she’s given herself to him.

  Oh, god. Why did I fall in love with the one woman I can never have? What did I do to deserve such an excruciating pain?

  It’s all too much to bear. Her shaking body, her tears, the pain in her face. I want to shed tears with her, share her pain, and sooth mine, too, as if it were remotely possible.

  How I wish to be able to let her go and find another woman who can mend my heart and make it beat again. Does such a woman exist? Even Pat, my first love, couldn’t make me forget about Taylor. Actually I’m at the point where I don’t care about falling in love again. I’d settle for a woman who could at least get Taylor off my mind.

  I’d give everything for such a woman. Everything.

  “I think that’s enough for tonight,” Taylor says between her sobs, pulling me back to reality. The reality where not loving her is not an option, but loving her is a cross I have to carry along for the rest of my life. The reality where I can’t take my mind off of her even for a minute, let alone forgetting her completely.

  “Please, stay with me until the song ends. I need this,” I beg.

  She stares at me with those big, blue eyes glistening with tears and blinks her acceptance. I pull her close to me one last time, my eyes glued onto hers, lost in the impossible dream of one day, maybe… Who knows?

  Can I go on like this? Loving her while she swears a life-long commitment to a dead man?

  She looks as though she’ll collapse onto the floor any second. When the song ends, I walk her out to the restroom and then go back to the party. Fortunately, the dance floor is now full of people dancing and chattering the evening away. I don’t want to sit and deal with the colleagues, but I can handle one. So, I slowly step toward Valerie and hold my hand out to beckon her for a dance. She wipes off her mouth with her napkin and slides her hand into mine.

  It’s not the same with Valerie, although every time she’s around me she brings out her sweet side, rather than the usual cold treatment she gives to everyone else. She’s smart, witty, and pretty. Well, would be pretty if she tosses away those black specs and eases on the eye makeup.

  I don’t wrap my hand around her waist, just place it a little above her hip, and keep a clear distance between us.

  “Did she start crying?” Valerie asks, taking me off-guard.

  I nod apologetically.

  “Of course she did. I’ve got you under my skin was the opening song of her wedding reception. The first song she and Jack danced to as a married couple.”

  “Really?” I try to remember but I can’t. I was drunk for most of their wedding day, anyway. “How do you know? Were you at the wedding? I thought you and Taylor have known each other for only one and half years.

  “No, I wasn’t at her wedding. I’ve known her for two year and three months. She once showed me the video recordings of the ceremony. The two made an eye-catching couple, not to mention how deeply in love they looked.”

  I nod again, wondering where she’s heading at with this.

  “So, what’s your deal?” Valerie asks.

  “What do you mean?” She’s got me totally confused.

  “Do you love Taylor?”

  How dare she? I look at the couples dancing close to us to make sure they didn’t hear Valerie’s outrages question. “It’s none of your business.”

  “It wouldn’t be if you weren’t hurting her. She’s my friend. As much as I wish her to move on and get another man, your persistent advances are just pushing her back to where she was when she lost Jack. You don’t let her breathe. You’re around all the time, constantly demanding love and affection when she cannot even provide those feelings for herself.”

  With her lips pursed into a tight line and her scowl leveled at me, I can see how utterly she’s pissed off. Can she be right? Am I the reason why Taylor is still struggling? “I… I had no idea.”

  “You need to give her some space. You’ve been with her since the day after the funeral. It’s too much. Don’t you see you’re drowning her? She doesn’t need someone like you; a constant reminder of her dead husband. Why don’t you take a couple of months off from work? She’ll have room to breathe, and you’ll get an opportunity to think things through. You know what they say, ‘Out of sight out of mind.’”

  “I don’t know.” I wish she’d shown me the cold treatment rather than this irritating talk. I don’t want to go away and leave Taylor alone. Even if she may not love me back, she is my best friend’s wife. Well, she was. So, her well-being is my responsibility. I can’t just turn my back on her.

  “I’ll be here for her,” she adds as if she read my mind. “I had a sister who died in a traffic accident when she was seven. She’d be Taylor’s age had she lived. Since the day I met Taylor, I see her like my little sister. In spite of the turmoil she’s going through, she’s a very caring and understanding person. I truly want her to be happy, again. But, she can’t get there as long as you’re around. And, don’t worry about the company and the projects. Your help has been incredible, but the business is pretty standard from this point on.”

  At last the song finishes, and so does the torturous talk of Valerie. I thank her for the dance, without commenting on her absurd ideas, and walk her back to the table.

  So what, she knows Taylor for two years and three fucking months. I knew Jack for the majority of my life. I won’t leave his wife alone during the hardest times of her life.

  I snap up a glass of champagne
and toss it back. I wasn’t going to drink more than a glass, but Valerie’s preaching didn’t leave me another option.

  Taylor appears at the door; her eyes and cheeks are blood red. She was even smiling before I asked her for dance. But now, it’s like Jack’s funeral all over again.

  Shit? Is Valerie right? Am I drowning Taylor? She paces in front of me, without looking up at me, and goes to her table. I watch her idly as she murmurs something to Valerie and picks up her purse and scarf. Fuck, no! Is she leaving so early? It’s because of the song. The song I’ve chosen for our first dance.

  Even a blind man can see it. I’m drowning her.

  She waves goodbye at Valerie and Bree and strides back toward the door. I want to go down on my knees and ask for forgiveness until I see her smile again. I’ll even promise to let her go if that’s what she needs to be happy again.

  I run after her through the hallway but she’s nowhere to be seen. I hurry toward the elevators, hoping to find her there, without success. I call the elevator and wait an entire minute for it to arrive. I step into it and press the button for the lobby, hoping to catch Taylor before she leaves. As soon as the doors slide open at the lobby, I dash toward the exit door, my eyes scanning around. Where has she gone?

  “Have you seen a red Hyundai leaving?” I ask the doorman.

  “Yes, Mrs. Edelman’s Hyundai. She’s just left.”

  “Crap.” I motion to the valet to bring my car. She must be going to her apartment. I have to apologize to her and let her know I won’t be bothering her anymore. I’ve been blaming her for not moving on, but I think it’s me who has to listen to my own advice and move on.

  Taylor

  I’m driving fast, and my eyes are blurred with tears. I can’t believe a song could bring me to tears in a room full of people, especially after my eyes have been tear-free for almost three long years. I should feel happy about it, finally shaking off the emotional numbness that was eating at me for so long. I was even worried that my eyes had permanently lost the function of producing tears after crying nonstop for one full month after Jack’s death.