Turn Back Time (The Full Circle Series Book 1)

by Annette G. Anders

  “Baby, I’m serious. You’re poking the dragon.” His voice was low and breathless.

  “Why, don’t you want me?” Stella asked innocently and stretched up to kiss him. Her firm breasts, covered only by her silky nightgown, rubbed against the side of his body. She pressed herself closer to him and began to circle her hips in slow moves.

  “I believe…you’re holding…the answer…in…your hand.”

  With one hand, he pulled the nightgown up and over her head and reached for his boxers, but she maintained her firm grip on his erection. With every move he made in his struggle to shed his boxers, he slid up and down inside her fist.

  Stella let go of him and reached for her panties.

  “Oh, no, let me…” he whispered and pushed them down, then shed his own underwear. He flipped her on her back and settled between her legs. “Baby, I wanted to take this slow, but I can’t wait. We’ll play more next time.”

  “Stop talking and do it.” She was trembling all over and was about to come simply thinking about him, but it wasn’t what she wanted.

  His erection nudged her opening, seeking entrance, and she reached for him when he abruptly stopped.

  He held himself up on one forearm and muttered, “Shit, I can’t believe it.”

  Panting hard, hovering no more than an inch over her body, he dropped his forehead to hers.

  “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

  “Condoms…” he gritted through clenched teeth.

  “I’m still on the pill. And you said there was no one.” She slid one leg around his waist and urged him on. “Please, I need you now.”

  “Baby, you’re killing me.” He entered her with one deep thrust, pushing in farther until he was fully buried. Then he withdrew, so slow it was agonizing, before sliding into her again. Stella clenched around him, arched her back, and whimpered, “David! Please!”

  He pulled out again, letting his swollen tip rest against her throbbing entrance. With one hand he lifted her toward him, thrust in hard again, and started to move faster. In and out, in and out. Stella groped for a pillow to smother the sounds she was making. She wasn’t a screamer, but she rewarded his lovemaking with a multitude of sexy noises.

  “Don’t hide from me, baby. Look at me when you’re coming,” he commanded and massaged her swollen spot. “Come for me—now.” He added pressure.

  She dropped the pillow and, with her eyes fastened on his, came with his next thrust. Her body shook and trembled, and her powerful, vise-like tightening around him pushed him over the top, too.

  They kissed and cried while they rode out their climaxes, still connected in the most intimate way. Her arms circled around his neck, pulling him close, and she wrapped her other leg around his waist.

  “Oh, baby, what are doing to me?” He kissed her some more. With each stroke of his tongue, he created new pleasures inside her. She could feel him staying hard, and it didn’t take long until he began to move again, taking his time entering and withdrawing, teasing and touching her until they both climaxed for the second time.

  “I think I need another bath,” she said, after her breathing returned to normal.

  “I’ll join you. Even if you want to use lavender salts.” He brushed a strand of sweaty hair off her face.

  “No, I saw there’s also a rose-scented bubble bath,” Stella giggled.

  When she relaxed in the bathtub, David walked in with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. “I couldn’t drink before the show, but I think now is a good time to pop the cork. Would you like some?”

  “Yes, please. You’re spoiling me, love. Roses, bubble bath, champagne…”

  “You deserve it, baby, all this, and so much more.” He sat across from her in the large tub and touched his glass to hers. “To you, my angel.”

  “I never stopped loving you, David. Not for one single minute.” She turned around and leaned against his chest, closed her eyes, and relaxed while he stroked her hair and kissed her head. Before the water turned cool, they dried off and took the bottle and glasses back into the bedroom, where they sat in bed and snuggled together. No words were needed. They were both sated and happy.

  Stella knew she could never love another man.

  CHAPTER 39

  Stella—September 2018

  O

  n Thursday evening, Stella and David walked hand in hand through the streets of London until he stopped in front of the Theatre Royal Haymarket. It was directly across the street from Her Majesty’s Theater, where he was onstage five days a week.

  She had joined him on Sunday evening and watched him as The Phantom. No matter how many times she attended a show, she’d never tire of the music. On Monday, his day off, they visited Oxford, where they toured the Old Bodleian Library and had fish and chips for lunch at Turf Tavern. On Tuesday and Wednesday, they spent time sightseeing in London before his evening performances, and on Thursday he had an afternoon performance. David came home with barely enough time to eat a simple dinner of sandwiches and salads before they left for the evening show.

  “We’ll be able to sit in the theater like other people and relax. What are we going to see? You’ve been mum about it all week.” She looked up at the facade of the theater.

  “I don’t know if I can behave once we’re in the auditorium. I’m used to being on the other side of the curtain. What if I feel frisky in the middle of the play?” He raised his eyebrows and melted her heart with his mischievous grin.

  “Then you’ll behave like a good boy. You can’t complain about a lack of...umm...activity this week,” she said and blushed. Their need to be intimate and to pleasure each other was almost as strong as their need to talk or laugh together.

  “I can’t promise not to touch you, baby.”

  “You can hold my hand. But only if I get a glass of champagne during intermission.”

  “If I get you one before the show starts, and one during intermission, what’s my reward?”

  “Find out.” She winked at him. “Let’s go in. Now tell me, what are they playing?”

  “Look for yourself.” He turned her around—and she cracked up.

  “Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Seriously? I love it. Growing up, I watched the movie all the time and wanted to be like Audrey Hepburn. I can’t believe I haven’t noticed this before.”

  “Maybe because you only had eyes for me?” he teased her. “Why did you want to be like her?”

  “Because she seemed to be genuinely nice, and a good person. And she was cute.”

  “Then your wish came true, because I don’t know anyone who’s nicer or more caring than you.” He kissed her tenderly. “Or any cuter.”

  “You’re biased, you’re my boyfriend.” She rolled her eyes, but grinned.

  “I sure am your boyfriend, and I know what a lucky man I am.” He kissed her again and pulled on her hand. “Let’s get you your first glass of champagne.”

  After the show, while they slowly walked back to the apartment, Stella chuckled. “Seeing Holly Golightly and the cat made me think of Paris. On our second day, we saw so many newlywed couples posing for photos, and Naomi and I joked about how we should move in together with a house full of cats because there were no husbands on the horizon for either of us.”

  As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished to take them back. She didn’t want to sound whiny. David squeezed her hand but didn’t say anything.

  Back at the apartment, he opened a bottle of wine and they sat in front of the windows. The door to the balcony was open, and mild September air drifted inside. Even at this late hour, the sounds of big city traffic intermingled with various voices from the street below.

  He pulled her feet closer and massaged them. “What do you want to do tomorrow?”

  “Can we visit Canterbury Cathedral and the White Cliffs of Dover? It’s too late to book a guided tour from London, and they take up the whole day anyway. If we do it on our own, we can skip a few stops an
d plan the day the way we want it.”

  “It sounds like fun. I haven’t been to either place.” He typed something on his phone. “The first train leaves London at five, but I’d prefer one a little bit later. We can try to catch the one at 7:30, which will take only an hour to take us to Dover.”

  “Perfect. We’d better not stay up till the wee hours, then. But I want to finish this glass of wine.”

  “You could finish it in bed…” he suggested. “We don’t need to sleep right away, do we?”

  “I guess we can talk for a few more minutes. Wanna share ghost stories?” She batted her eyelashes at him.

  “Sure. Have you heard about the one-eyed monster who comes out at night and feasts on cat ladies?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

  “You are bad, Mr. Danvers, truly naughty. What am I going to do with you?” She pretended to think, tapping her finger on her chin. “Hmm. Maybe the cat lady needs to sleep in the other bedroom?”

  “The cat lady can’t hide from the monster. It’s a very determined monster. And maybe the monster and the cat lady will fall in love and live happily ever after.”

  “I guess we’ll find out,” she nodded. “I’m going to bed. Feel free to bring the wine, love. And the one-eyed monster.”

  Strolling along the narrow chalky path atop the steep white cliffs, Stella watched the waves rolling onto the beach far below her. They are more ripples than waves, she thought. How would the scenery change in a fast-approaching winter storm when the waves were high and battered the famous rock formation?

  The past few days had been the happiest of her life. Like the grass covering the top of the cliffs moved in the breeze, she just went with the flow around David’s schedule.

  But she also got a glimpse of a life which wasn’t real—with him coming home to her, day after day. She could feel tears sting her eyelids and tried to blink them away.

  She turned her face into the mild breeze. Maybe she could pretend the wind made her eyes water. It would be nine weeks until he was finished in London and came to Philadelphia.

  Nine long weeks.

  Sixty-three days without him.

  And then he would leave again to visit his family in Chicago before spending most of December and part of January in Philadelphia. Then Paris. But what would come after France? Would he be farther away than ever?

  His stint in Europe had broken them once. In his letter last year, he mentioned the possibility of going to Australia. If he went there, she’d have no way of seeing him at all.

  Every time he visited her from some distant location, her delight was tempered by knowing he’d be leaving again. She knew what time his plane was departing before the plane bringing him to her had landed. The goodbyes had gotten more and more difficult for her.

  And here she was now…

  Knowing the next goodbye was inevitable was becoming unbearable.

  The tears she tried so hard to hold back started rolling down her cheeks. She bit down on her lower lip. She couldn’t do it. There was no other way, no matter how happy they were at this moment.

  This wasn’t working. She had to let David go.

  It was time to say goodbye.

  She couldn’t imagine life without him. But after a week full of passion and closeness, a few minutes on FaceTime would never again be enough. She’d break his heart, and hers along with his, but there was no other way.

  “Stella, what’s going on? Why are you crying, love?” He sat down on a bench overlooking the English Channel and pulled her with him.

  The sun smiled down from a deep blue sky and only a handful of clouds were visible on the horizon.

  But appearances were deceptive. Deep inside her, a storm was brewing. She hid her face in her hands and sobbed.

  “Baby, what’s the matter?” His mouth was close to her ear.

  Stella looked at him through a veil of tears. She couldn’t say a word.

  “You’re scaring me. Talk to me! Please.” Panic replaced confusion on his face, and it killed her to see him in such pain.

  Is this how he felt last year? Is this what he was going through when he wrote his letter? Did he hate himself as much as I’m hating myself right now? Did he feel as helpless as I do?

  “David, I don’t know how to say this.” She took a deep breath. “What we have is so special to me. But I can’t…”

  “No!” he cried. He didn’t let her finish, wrapping his arms around her and stifling her words with a branding kiss. It was rough and left no doubt about his sincerity. “Don’t even think about it!”

  “What do you mean?” she asked while wiping her tears away. “You don’t know what I was going to say.”

  “Oh, yes, I do. Because I recognize the look on your face. I know uncertainty when I see it. You’re struggling with your emotions, and you’re afraid. Don’t let your doubts win. Your head is misleading you. You think you can lessen the pain if you inflict it yourself. But it hurts as much, if not more—believe me. Listen to your heart. Don’t make the same mistake I made.”

  Deep inside, she knew he was right. And she knew she loved him more than anything in this world. So why had her fears reared their ugly heads now? Was this the culmination of the events in Paris and this week? Did she have more insecurities than she realized? Stella’s mind was spinning.

  She got up and walked a few steps back and forth, trying to take a few deep breaths to ground herself. It didn’t work. Her tears began to roll down her face again, and this time she didn’t stop them. Maybe they’d cleanse her from the inside out.

  She turned to face him. “But how are we going to make this work? We didn’t manage it the first time. What if the same thing happens again? I can’t go through it another time.”

  “Listen to me, love. I want to tell you something. This week…” He took her hand and guided her onto the bench again, then wiped away her tears.

  “This week was wonderful. It was beyond amazing,” she said and tried to smile at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes and her lips trembled.

  Then she continued in a shaky voice, “But I want more than only a few scattered days. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want you all the time, David. I’m an ordinary girl hoping to live the old-fashioned American dream.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. “And I want to have your babies…”

  There, she said it. She confessed one of her most secret wishes.

  He untangled her arms and took her hands in his. “Baby, you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say is, this week showed me that I can’t continue this life on the road. I want what you want. With you! I want the white picket fence and children. A dog and a minivan.” He chuckled. “Well, maybe I’ll draw the line at the minivan.”

  He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a slim velvet box.

  “I had this made before you arrived in London.” He showed the open box to her. “I call it the Little Dipper pendant. Each diamond represents one of the seven stars in the constellation. You’ve been my North Star since we met, and you always will be. Please, Stella, believe in us. Don’t give up on us.”

  He pulled the delicate white-gold chain out and presented it to her. “Will you wear it and think of me?”

  “But…what…” she stammered.

  “It’s a promise to you, my love. I’ll fulfill my obligations here and in Paris in the spring. But trust me. When I meet with Aaron in November, we will come up with a strategy for my future career path without all this traveling. Right now I don’t know what comes next, but I want you to be part of it—if you want to be with me.”

  His eyes begged her not to turn him down and his mouth quivered. “We’ll find a way to make this work together.”

  A middle-aged couple passed them, and the man asked, “What did she say, son?”

  Without taking his eyes off Stella he replied, “Nothing yet.”

  “I love it. Thank you so much.” She cried and laughed at the same time. A weight fell o
ff her shoulders. She believed him.

  After watching the couple walk away, she looked back at David and said, “I lost you once. I’m not losing you again.”

  A few hours later, while strolling through the cobblestone streets of Canterbury toward the old Cathedral, Stella said, “Baby, are—” she cleared her throat. “Are you mad at me because I decided to break it off with you?”

  He stopped walking and wrapped his arms around her. “How can I be mad at you, love? Your worries are natural. But we need to talk about these things with each other. You know, I had an interesting thought the other day.

  “We wear so many different masks throughout our lives, it’s easy to hide behind them. We disguise our fears with anger. We fake laughter when we want to cry. But worst is the shield of ambition. In our yearning for success, we’re often denying ourselves the one thing we really want. Don’t get me wrong. You know I love my work, but it means nothing without you. From now on, I’m fighting for what I want. And I want you, Stella, because without you, my life is empty.”

  She nodded. “I love you so much, it sometimes hurts so much it scares me. I was scared today. But I promise you I’ll be strong and won’t doubt my own feelings again—or yours.”

  “Before I go to Paris, we’ll have a plan in place—one that works for both of us. We’re in this together, my angel.”

  That night, their lovemaking was more intense than it had ever been. It wasn’t a race to reach climax. They showered each other with love. It was sensual and raw, seeking and reassuring, full of emotions and promises.

  Much later, safe in David’s arms, Stella remembered her vision of walking on a beach in France with David and their children. She allowed herself to imagine baseball practices and dance recitals. A house full of laughter and love.

  She touched her pendant. Like Naomi, she would never take hers off.

  Could she truly allow herself to dream this precious dream, to open herself fully to their possible future?