Zandra's Dragon: Dragons of Telera (Book 6)

by Lisa Daniels

  And then Akeno happened to her. She was celebrating her 25th birthday with an underground orgy when he strode through the door. The party goers had stopped just long enough to try to tempt him, but Akeno had charmed and lulled them back into their own encounters. He had approached Zandra and pulled her away from the three men carnally feasting on her body. As soon as she was removed from them, the three men merged together like she had never been there. It had been upsetting because she was meant to have been the center of attention. Even at her own party, Zandra was barely more than a passing creature.

  Akeno had swept her up. “You are more than that to me.” His soft voice had soothed her aching heart a little. It was not the first time they had spoken, and she had never thought much of him because she could not see a way to manipulate him to her purposes. He had no contacts that she could see, and his ideas were too difficult for her to grasp. Until that night, he had barely registered in her life, but she would learn later that he had been stalking her for years before finally making his move.

  As he carried her out of her party, Zandra thought she might finally have her way to him. Turning her most coquettish look on him, Zandra had said, “You hardly know me. We can fix that, though.”

  He had laughed and distracted her with other things. When the morning dawned, she lay asleep in his lap as he stroked her hair. Their entire time had been spent staring at the stars as he explained the constellations, taught to him when he was young. Of course, kitsune had different constellations than other species, but the thought had never occurred to Zandra. He introduced her to an entirely different existence, and he had helped her fight her way out of the darkness that defined her early life.

  He had made her want something more, and taught her that life wasn’t a series of events that defined who she would be. Her actions could be changed, and she could be whatever she wanted if she worked hard enough.

  Their relationship had been that of a mentor and student for nearly 25 years.

  And then she had met Anani.

  For the first time in a long time, she wanted someone. Then she had gotten to know Anani, had seen his power, and felt the way he treated others despite that power. She had fallen in love with him, and she believed that she could steal him away from his people if she played the role just right.

  And then Akeno had made his move. One night as she headed home from a rendezvous with Anani, Akeno had been waiting for her just outside her home. They lived in homes next to each other because he said it was improper for them to live under the same roof.

  As she approached, he got down on his knees and asked her what he could do to win her heart. At first, she had stared at him, trying to figure out what kind of test it was.

  “I am in earnest. I love you, Zandra. I know that you do not see me that way now.” His diamond-like eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and for the first time since the party, Zandra saw his potential for something more. His smile widened, “I know that over time your heart can grow to accept me.”

  “But, my little Akeno, what about my lessons? How can I learn if I am distracted by you being my lover?” The smile spread across her lips, and she did not expect him to have a response to her question.

  Faster than she had ever seen him move, Akeno had stood and pulled her to him. “There are many lessons that I can teach you that are only possible if we are lovers.”

  She giggled and let him kiss her, expecting him to give up and laugh at how silly it was.

  Instead, the kiss had grown more passionate, a sensation that she had not felt since her party. Zandra’s heart tried to force her to stop, but her body responded to every touch as his hands explored her. He took her inside and they did not leave until the morning more than a day later.

  At the time, Zandra thought she could play it both ways. She had tried to hide her interest in Anani from Akeno, but he was far more intelligent than she had realized. It took nearly two decades to get Anani to finally consider making a move because he was so averse to the idea of love, though he never explained why. Finally, Anani seemed ready to admit what she knew he felt, and then everything had fallen apart. He had come to her home unexpectedly, while she and Akeno were making love. The look on his face was still etched in her mind so many years later. Of course, Akeno had set it up, not as a way to hurt Anani or to show that she was his, but to convince Zandra that she could not toy with others.

  Anani had disappeared after that. For two months, she had fumed and cursed Akeno for chasing away the man she loved. Two months to the day, Akeno couldn’t take it anymore. Zandra blamed him for everything, and whether or not he believed it, Akeno had felt that he no longer had a place in her life.

  When her mentor and lover disappeared, Zandra felt alone for the first time in a long time. The friends she had made were little more than playthings, despite what Akeno had tried to teach her. Zandra was still too selfish to see what she was doing to others. With the loss of Akeno, the witch was finally forced to look at herself through the eyes of the one man who had always loved her. At first, he had loved her from afar, planning how to draw her out of her own destruction. Then he had loved her as a mentor. When she finally showed that she was ready to love, he had tried to capture her heart. It was the only thing that she could never fully give him.

  She traveled on her own for more than 15 years, but it always felt empty. No man whom she had had inspired passion or burning desire. No woman made her long for something more. Zandra knew that the door to Anani was shut, but she prayed that Akeno had left his heart open to her. That first night in Melzi he had proved that he still held out hope for her and that he would still love her if she would have him.

  The tears were free flowing as she remembered those last few months. How she had continued to return to his bed during those early days, then how she had snuck him into hers wherever she was staying. It hadn’t been as exciting as their early adventures when he had become her mentor, nor did her heart race the way it had when she was with Anani. But Zandra had learned that sometimes love didn’t need to be exciting or new to be worth it. She loved Akeno in every way that was important, and that was the last lesson he taught her. She brushed away the tears as they streamed down her face.

  Not caring how much time it would remove from her life, Zandra took off toward the horizon, her final purpose firm in her mind. There was nothing left for her in this world, so finally falling into the abyss that was waiting for her upon death may not be so terrible. She would never be with Akeno again, but she could stop the pain. Her thoughts were dark as she sped toward the only resolution her life could have.

  Chapter 8

  Her Final Farewell

  Several hours later, she arrived in a small glen with a quiet stream cutting through the center of it. Akeno used to talk about playing along the stream when he was young. Though she had always imagined him playing in his adult form, she knew that he would have been more like a cute, foxlike child romping through the fields. She had seen his tails on numerous occasions, and she used to love to stroke them after a night together. He would pretend to be shy about them, but he always relented when she begged him. By the end of his life, Akeno had six tails. She had joked that he was aging himself prematurely, and that if he wanted to extend his life, he needed to listen to his heart more than his head. He had simply laughed and tackled her. As he kissed her neck, he nipped at her, saying that for each criticism she gave him, he was going to return it in pain. It was the brightest memory etched in her mind because it had been their last happy memory.

  Zandra looked down at her shriveled hand. If it looked old in Naucratis, now her hand looked like it could have belonged to something mummified. She gave a raspy laugh as she looked down into the stream, standing just far enough back that she couldn’t see her own reflection. The woman that Akeno had loved was no more. Over the course of two years, she had tried to atone for her cruelty towards him. She had taken on more pain than she would have thought was possible in the world. As patients died, she woul
d stroke their heads and sing them into the next life, removing their pains and regrets so that they could pass with a smile.

  Akeno had been her first. She had never felt compelled to spare anyone pain before he fell ill, but the worse he got the more distress she felt. She never told him that she was doing it, and she doubted that he had any idea that she had that kind of skill. Zandra had rarely used any of her talents for others, and never without knowing what she would get out of it. A smile spread across her face as she thought about how he would feel at her sacrificing.

  He would be conflicted. On the one hand, he would be happy to know that she had learned compassion, and ideology that she had forsaken the night she was nearly beaten to death. On the other hand, he would be upset that she was inflicting such lasting damage to herself. No, he would have been furious that I withheld what I was doing.

  A small giggle escaped her, but quickly turned into a small coughing fit.

  She swayed beside the stream. “You win, Akeno.” With a sigh, Zandra lay down beside the stream, her bones aching and joints creaking as she struggled to lower herself. As soon as she was on her back, she stretched out a hand and touched the water. The water flowed over her hand and a small glimmer appeared on her finger. She waved her hand back and forth as a small band formed on her finger. Once it was fully visible, she held it up to the sky. Attempting to avoid seeing the hand, her eyes focused on the ring.

  “You promised me you would pull through so that we could marry. I have learned the lesson well that no one can love me the way you do, and without you, I am as alone as when you found me. Without you, I have no future. You see? Even in my old age, I can still remember the harshest lesson you ever taught me.”

  Struggling to stand up, Zandra didn’t try to wipe away the tears that flowed down her face. All of the pain that she had absorbed was now bubbling over and she knew that it would not stop until it consumed her.

  Zandra didn’t care.

  The memories of pain and regret flashed through her mind, nearly blinding her. Zandra’s body did not need her eyes, though. There was music to the pain, and it hummed around her. She began to sway, and then dance as the pain intensified. The movements were slow at first, her rapidly aged body unable to follow the demands of the music. Over time, she began to release the pain both of her mind and body, sending it in waves out into the world as a beautiful song. It hummed and flowed around her, and her body began to feel light.

  Time became irrelevant as she processed many lifetimes of pain. Her own pains washed away in the flow and song, and Zandra began to smile, her steps becoming lighter and more fluid.

  She danced through the stream, soaking her clothes, yet she never slowed.

  Zandra passed through so many memories and stories, each one leaving an imprint on her mind. She had released nearly all of the emotions when she reached Akeno’s. Feeling like she was little more than air, Zandra began to dance his pain. It was far deeper and more profound that she would have guessed. Hidden in his past was a story that she had never heard. He had loved a man when he was much younger. They had been happy, but eventually his lover became bored of Akeno’s desire to learn more and grow. Zandra recognized the patterns of abuse and cruelty that Akeno had warned her about, the kind that could consume someone, the kind that had almost consumed her. Though her story had been different, there were many similarities. Anani had been there when Akeno had felt there was no purpose to his life. Anani had given Akeno a purpose – to help others who suffered the way he had.

  The tears streamed down her cheeks and flowed into her motions. It was a side of the two men that she had never seen. And because of her, they were never able to say goodbye.

  Here was the reason why Anani had been so against the idea of love. And she had proved him right.

  Zandra’s heart lurched as she saw the pain of loss Akeno had felt when Anani had left. Then the pain as the gap had grown for two months after Anani’s disappearance. The horror at her own actions and self-loathing caused her to stumble in her movements, but she forced herself to continue.

  The next pain was as Akeno realized he was dying. The bitter-sweet memory of his proposal and promise to her that he would get better, knowing that nothing he did could pull him through. He had not always worked to keep his promises, but that was the one that he gave knowing that it would never come to pass. He hoped to give her a little hope because she hadn’t smiled in so long. The way that he had stroked her face, knowing that it wouldn’t be much longer before he would leave her alone in the world. At the end, he feared what would happen to her after his death.

  Zandra fell to her knees, the memories that she had buried for so long finally tearing her apart. She couldn’t feel anything as the pain wrenched at her heart. She could no longer feel the air going into her lungs. The entire world became dark as she crumpled beneath the weight of a life that she felt responsible for destroying.

  “Yes, if only you had stayed on the path. But you were bound to return one day, and return you did, in the most magnificent fashion. Welcome home, my wayward daughter. Back to the life you thought you could escape. How very foolish, and how much you shall suffer for it now.”

  Chapter 9

  Headlong into the Abyss

  Zandra could feel the darkness ripping at her. It was ten thousand times worse than the pain she had experienced during any other time in her life.

  It isn’t the worst pain you have felt. You have experienced worse. You have caused worse. Her thoughts were automatic, an echo of the hope and confidence that Akeno had spent so much time trying to inspire in her.

  “Put yourself in the shoes of others. That is the way to finding your way out of the pain that you experience. Learn how your actions make others feel, and learn when what you do is self-destructive. Keep those impulses in check because they are out of a desperation that you don’t need to feel.” His words were strong, but without him, Zandra didn’t see the point in trying to endure. There was nothing in the life she was leaving behind. Being consumed by the darkness wouldn’t have been any worse than the death that certainly waited her if she fought to return to the world.

  The cruel voice spoke into her ear, “There is no reason to resist. You have learned that repeatedly through your pathetic life. Here you will find a purpose.”

  “Here I will find oblivion.” The thoughts echoed around her as if she had spoken them.

  “No, no, my little lost lamb. You have a purpose, and now you may finally serve it, a purpose that someone tried to twist and turn to make into his own profit.”

  “Akeno didn’t try to profit off of having me. He was trying to rescue me.”

  “And why do you think he wanted to save you? Was it to see that the demons could be beat back into the night?” There was irony dripping from his voice as he hissed into her mind.

  “Yes. He proved that you could be put back where you belong, into a small area where you can no longer do any harm.”

  There was a disapproving noise followed by a cold laugh. “If the demons can be beat back into the night, why are they still roaming in the light of day? The streets of Yuezhi and Berenice. The small villages of Shrinton and the dead spaces like Kanza. No, my dear, the demons are very much alive and thriving beyond the night. They lurk in the hearts of every creature, from the most innocent seeming child to the medics who pass judgment as they work their miracles. The demons are there, lurking and waiting. You can never be free of them.”

  “We can. Akeno was free of them!” Even as she thought it, Zandra knew it wasn’t true.

  The laugh went on for a touch too long, causing her stomach to clench up at what he was going to say.

  “Now there was an agent. He fought and lost to the demons. His life is a monument to the perseverance and skill of a true demon. The fact that you are here now, so broken after a life full of him, is proof enough that he did no more for you than postpone the inevitable.”

  “He loved me!” For the first time since she had plummeted into
the mental abyss, Zandra found her voice.

  “Oh, did he? He promised to marry you, too. I suppose that you are now happily married.”

  “He didn’t live long enough to fulfill his promise, but that doesn't mean he didn’t love me.”

  “You mean he made a promise he knew he couldn’t keep. I suppose he did that for your sake.”

  “Of course he did. He wanted to see me smile, and so he promised me the one thing that could convince me to smile through the nightmare.”

  “He did what?” There was a shiver of amusement behind the question, but the demon was very good at hiding it just beneath the surface.

  “He wanted to see–”

  “Yes, yes, he did. What he wanted, he got. He wanted you as soon as his friend finally found the ability to return your love. Did he want you before that?”

  “He loved me then. He thought there was more time, that I would come to love him, too. There was no way for Akeno to know that I would fall in love with Anani.”

  “Ahh, so you do love Anani.”

  “I love Akeno. I would have married him if he had survived.”

  “And ditched him the moment Anani returned to forgive you.”

  “I would never have done that to Akeno.”

  “Never? Really, never?”

  Zandra’s thoughts faltered. “I loved Akeno.”

  “But you just said that you loved Anani.”

  “It is possible to love more than one person. A demon like you could not understand.”

  The cold chuckle caused the hair on her arms to raise. “How very wrong you are. I understand completely how it is possible to love multiple people. Remember how you were being loved by multiple men when Akeno took you from my bosom.”

  “That was not love. They didn’t even notice I was gone.”

  “You deserted them. Why should they care about your existence when you show no regard for theirs? It is tit for tat, my dear.”

  “No, that is not the way love works.”