Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5)

by Stallings, Staci

  “To that end,” Derek said. “Let’s get down to brass tacks and get the final design for this place ready to go.”

  Chapter 28

  “Today,” the pastor said on Sunday morning, “we take up Colossians 3, St. Paul’s exhortation about what it means when we become someone new in Christ. It is sweeping in depth and breadth. It runs the gamut from the evil of life all the way to the glorious. It speaks of our part of the equation. For example, he says, ‘Set your minds.’ In that simple phrase, he reminds us that although God can move mountains on our behalf, He will not move a single thing if we are fighting Him, if we are willful and obstinate, He will let us have our own way until we learn that doesn’t work. What does work is setting our minds, putting our thoughts on the things of God, and going for them with all our hearts and minds and souls.

  “When we do that, we get in line with what He is doing and what He wants to do in this world with us and through us, in our lives and in the lives of those around us. But it starts with a decision on our part to join Him. When we do that, we die to ourselves, our petty agendas, our places of unforgiveness and prejudices. We put to death the selfishness that so often tempts us to follow our own desires, our greed, our lust, our rage and malice and anger toward others, and we take up the mantle of life and love.

  “We take off the old self, as St. Paul says, and we put on a new self, a new understanding of ourselves. That we are not at the mercy of the world and its evil. We step into the faith and belief that God is for us, not against us. That, yes, life can be really difficult, but love triumphs. God’s Grace can get us through and because of us taking it with us, the world can change. We see that we are not this or that, Greek or Jew, slave or free as St. Paul says. We are just fallen, hurting people in desperate need of the love of God, and Christ in us can be exactly what people need to heal.

  “He goes on to say that once you take off the old self, the clothes of jealousy and heartlessness, we’ve got to replace it with something elso. So, we replace the old with the new clothing of God—humility, compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience. We become all of these things, first in a God-with-us kind of way, and eventually, in a God-through-us-to-others kind of way. We learn to forgive others because we understand just how big a debt He forgave us for. ‘Forgive as the Lord forgave you.’ Those aren’t small words. That is the crux of Christianity.” He bent his finger and made a small J in the air. “It’s the hook that everything else hangs on.

  “And it keeps reminding us that all those things that people have done to us are nothing compared with what we did to God. We were determined to live life our own way, on our strength, in our own way. We were determined to get revenge, to look down on others, to get a leg up while pushing them down. What we did to others, we did to God, and yet… Yet, when we really stop and get what we’ve done, the misery we’ve caused and the innumerable ways we got life really wrong… When we stop and really go to God and ask Him for forgiveness, we begin to understand just how deeply we were in need of His love, and when we understand that, we see others not as we saw them before but in need of that same deep love God’s given us.

  “I think that’s why St. Paul ends this passage with a call to those who have finally figured this out. ‘Bear with each other’ he says. That means, ‘Help each other carry the burdens of this life. Get in their boat and help. Stop looking only at yourself—what you have or don’t have, and start seeing the depth of need in this world, and believe me, that depth is greater than the oceans. This world needs our love, the love we can give because of what God did in our lives and because of what He’s doing. St. Paul then says, ‘Over all of these, put on love which is the bond of perfection.’

  “When we really get God for ourselves, His ways, His truth… Him. we find that St. Paul in another letter was exactly right. God is love, and His love in us gives us the wisdom of just what miracles can happen in a life that’s been given that love and a life that has received that love. In that love, a life that’s a mess can come to true perfection. That person can become all God meant for them to be, and when we get right down to it, what that means is that that person learns to love, to give love, to be the love they’ve been given. That is perfection, and that is where true peace is found.”

  “Good morning,” Eric said to Dani’s grandmother, and in front of her, Dani watched him give the old woman a hug. In the next second Jaden too was hugging the woman, and their smiles were on display for all to see.

  “It’s so nice to see you all here this morning,” her grandmother said, a smile slipping to her lips and up into her eyes. Then it dimmed as she nodded at her granddaughter. “Dani. It’s good to see you back home.”

  Without moving, Dani returned the nod. “Thanks.”

  “Yes, well…” Ms. P let out a breath. “You all have a good day.”

  Dani felt the look Eric gave her, but what was she supposed to say? And before she figured it out, the moment dissolved around them, and her grandmother was walking off. Awkwardness filled her being, and when Eric looked at her again, she scowled. “What?”

  The afternoon was productive. By Monday Attabury would be in its final home stretch. Before long they were headed back to Raleigh, back to real life, and as much as she’d always thought she preferred the hubbub of the city, Dani found herself not overly thrilled to be going back.

  “I was thinking,” Eric said as he drove. “I haven’t been over to see Mom in like forever. I’m supposed to go to Greensboro on Tuesday.”

  Dani knew what was coming, and she braced herself because her spirit still questioned why he got to do whatever he wanted to, and she was stuck in her own dreary little life.

  “I know Ja can’t go,” he said, “but I thought maybe if you wanted to ride along…”

  “To Greensboro?” she asked in what sounded very much like horror. “What would I do while you’re working, sit in the car all day? Besides, I have to get Ja after school.”

  “Yeah,” he said softly. “It was just a thought.”

  Will you pray for my mom? Rachel’s text came in a little after one on Monday. I’m taking her to the doctor right now. Horrible cough she can’t seem to get over.

  Worry settled on Dani as she typed back. I will be praying!

  Thanks.

  All day as she did the laundry and searched online for whatever her new job would eventually be, Dani prayed for Rachel’s mom. It was kind of funny because that’s all she knew her as “Rachel’s mom,” so that’s what she said over and over. Even as she drove to get Jaden, the prayers continued.

  Her own mother called to say they might have to drop the price of the house again as the deal they thought they had had fallen through due to insufficient financing for the prospective buyers. Worse, it seemed that Celeste was being completely unreasonable because now they wanted to buy a house and with this one not selling, that was putting a damper on things. Why, her mother didn’t know, because Celeste’s house where they had been living was not exactly a dump in a bad neighborhood. She just couldn’t understand it, and why did she have to give up her house so they could buy something nicer? She was going to have to rent when the house sold. Did Dani have any idea how humiliating that was? A woman of her age having to rent of all things? While her father and his new harlot…

  By the time Dani got off the phone, she felt like she needed a shower. Typing her own prayer request though it was far less pressing, she sent it to Rachel and Sage. It was nice to have people who would pray for you when life decided to be life.

  When Eric was on the computer getting things ready for his trip the next day, Dani placed the call to Rachel just to see how things were.

  “I don’t want to keep you. I know you’re busy,” Dani said in a rush. “I was just wondering what you found out about your mom.”

  “Bronchitis,” Rachel said. “But at least it’s not pneumonia. She’s back home.”

  “Oh, thank goodness. I’ve been praying all day.”

  “Well, thanks for
that. It’s been a long day.” Rachel paused. “So how about you? How’s your mom?”

  Dani exhaled. “Being a pill. I keep trying to tell her it’s going to be okay, that we’ll get through it, but she does not want to hear that. She just keeps telling me how awful everything is and how unfair it is.”

  “Yeah, it’s so hard in the middle of the storm,” Rachel said. “I think that’s one thing I’m learning. In the middle of the storm, it’s hard to see how it’s ever going to work out, how things could ever get better. I think I’m learning to somehow remember in the middle of it that the storm, no matter how bad, doesn’t last forever. Life is going to go on, and yes, it changes things, and things will never go back to how they were, but you’ve got to figure out how to keep marching, keep going, keep living and believing and remembering that right now isn’t forever.”

  “Right now isn’t forever,” Dani said with a tired sigh. “Well, that’s good to know.”

  “The other thing I’ve learned is that right now isn’t forever.”

  Dani puzzled over that. “You just said that.”

  “I know. It’s the same coin, other side. I watch Rhett and Nat, and I so see that the good things in my life aren’t here forever either. I have to somehow love the good things and enjoy them and cherish them even while I make sure not to get caught up in all the bad stuff. None of it is going to last. It’s my choice what I want to focus on and remember.”

  “You know,” Dani said when she came down the stairs, and Eric looked up from the laptop. “I think I do want to go with you tomorrow. If that offer is still open…”

  The bend happened so fast, he couldn’t be sure what had just happened. “Oh. Okay.”

  With a nod, she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him questioning everything about life.

  “Carly will get Jaden after school,” Dani said as they headed to Greensboro the next morning. “But I don’t want to be back too late. They’ve both got school tomorrow.”

  “I don’t think it’s going to take too long in Greensboro. Just have to get a visual on the current state of the projects and talk to a few people.”

  “You called your mom? She knows we’re coming?”

  “She said she’d have a late lunch ready when we get there.”

  Settling back, Dani sighed. “Your mom is so… easy going. I wish my mom was like that.”

  He glanced over but said nothing.

  “She’s just so demanding and overbearing. She’s always been like that, you know? Ever since I was little. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Our house should be bigger, our car nicer. We needed a pool, and then a bigger pool. She was never, ever satisfied with what we had. I remember when I was in school, she would always want to know who was the most popular in my class and if I was friends with them. She’d give me tips if you could call them that on how to get them to be friends with me. She wanted me to be a cheerleader and on the chess team. I’m not sure how she thought I was supposed to do everything.

  “Dad too. In a lot of ways, I wonder how much of that was for her and how much of it was her trying to keep him happy even though he wasn’t there half the time.” Dani shook her head. “She just lives life so…” She shook her hands as if she was being jolted with electricity. “I mean, come on. Can we not ever just have a little peace? For once in our lives? Does everything always have to be filled with drama and angst? Okay, I get it. The divorce is hard, and losing the house has to be just awful, but can’t she see she’s making it so much worse? No wonder Dad left.”

  Silence piled on top of silence in the car. Dani’s gaze went out to the barren landscape that would soon burst back into life, but right now. Right now...

  “You know just because she’s still there, you don’t have to live there anymore, right?” Eric asked, his voice soft and gentle. “You get to make your own decisions now.”

  “But she won’t let me.”

  “It’s not her choice. It’s yours.” He drove a ways before saying more. “I think the two most challenging things about doing life like this are letting go and staying in peace no matter what is going on, but I find the more and the earlier I can let go, the easier it is to stay in peace. When I feel myself getting out of peace or being out of peace, it’s only when I let go that all of a sudden I’m at peace no matter what happens.” He glanced at her. “Like today. When you said no the other night, I was… well, I was angry to be honest with you. We spend so much time on your family, it’s like we never even mention mine.”

  Guilt crashed over her. “Eric…”

  “No. Hang on. Let me finish. That was my first reaction. Then I thought about it some and prayed about it a lot more, and I realized that thinking it had to be my way, that you had to do what I wanted for me to be happy with you and be at peace with things, that was just making me miserable. So all day yesterday, I prayed that God would help me let it go and let Him work instead of thinking if He didn’t get you to do what I wanted, that I was justified in being mad at Him and at you if you didn’t go. The craziest thing is though, when I really let it go, all of a sudden, you’re like, ‘I’m going.’ I mean, what was that?”

  She laughed. “I was just talking with Rachel about our moms and stuff, and she said some things that made me realize I was the one making myself miserable by not going when you clearly wanted me to, and by assigning the worst possible meaning to all of it.” Her second laugh was even heartier. “How can we get so many things wrong about something so stinking simple?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, joining her laugh, “but I’m starting so see why this whole thing was such a mess. I was a complete mess, and you weren’t much better.”

  “Better?” She shook her head. “I was worse!”

  “We both had our moments.”

  Seriousness drained on her. “And we probably will keep having them.”

  “True. But now we have some weapons and knowledge to get through them rather than just being at their mercy.”

  “Thank God.”

  Dani had been smart enough to bring the 9-12 Project book with her so she could read while Eric worked. As she read, it was interesting how many things pointed right back to things they had talked about. Like how living with God gave you a new perspective, how His love gave you the choice of how to live rather than just being at the world’s mercy.

  When they got back in the car to head to Mt. Airy just after noon, she opened the book. “I found something.”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

  “It’s this part about trust.

  For me, as I made this walk, I began to see trust in very different ways. At first it was about me manufacturing trust in myself. Willing myself to trust. As I began to experience God’s love and how He was in control, as I relinquished my will to His, I began to trust in a whole new way. I even began to look at trust in a whole new way.

  It stopped being about how I had to make myself trust and more about how freeing it was to just let go and trust. I could stop feeling like I always had to have the answers. In fact, I came to a very real understanding that my answers are pitiful compared with His. As I walked, He gave me opportunity after opportunity to learn to trust Him more.

  He has led me through moments I would have sworn would’ve crushed me. He has done things through my life that I would never have believed I could do. He has lifted lives out of the mire through me in ways that still amaze me.

  I’ve often asked, “Why me?” Why did God chose me to do these things through? And the answer that has come back is because I was willing to trust. I was willing to take the steps He asked me to take whether I understood them at the time or not. He is offering the same to you. Will you take it? Will you trust Him and get out of the boat of your own understanding? Will you trust Him in the chaos? Will you trust Him in the waiting? Will you trust Him no matter what happens? When you get what you asked for… and when you don’t? When what you wanted to happen, happened… and when it didn’t?”

  Dani thought for a min
ute, closing the book across her arm. “You know, I’ve been thinking about what to do now, with my work situation. I’ve been looking online to see what’s out there. I updated my profile and my résumé, but I just keep thinking, do I really want to go back into corporate or is there something out there I could be doing that wouldn’t just be about punching a time clock and keeping someone’s bottom line intact?”

  He didn’t say anything for a very long moment, and nerves snaked into her as she began to think she shouldn’t have said anything. However, when he glanced at her, she saw something in that look that puzzled more than worried her. “You ready for this?”

  She wasn’t at all sure. “Hang on. Let me get my new self on.” Acting like she was pulling on a poncho, she shifted in the seat to get comfortable. “Okay. Lay it on me.”

  “What if I’m thinking the same thing?” he asked.

  “That’s good,” she said in relief.

  “About me,” he said with another glance, and her eyes widened as her heart fell.

  It was a very good thing she’d put on the new her because the old her would have completely freaked out. “O…kay. What does that mean exactly?”

  “That’s just it. I’m not sure what it means. Just that I feel like… like the house. It’s great and all, but it’s too big for just three of us, and you know how frustrated I get all summer trying to keep it up to what the homeowner’s association wants it to look like. It’s not even our house. It’s practically theirs. They just deign to let us live there because they can’t find a good enough reason to kick us out.”

  “So you want to move?”

  “I don’t know what I want exactly. I just know this isn’t it.”

  She exhaled. “Okay, so we’re not where we want to be. What’re we going to do about that? I mean, in the past I would have started searching the listings when we got home, but I’m not even sure that’s what I want anymore. It’s like I can feel something that I don’t really see yet. You know?”