Before The Dawn

by Wendy Maddocks

  Ruby red

  The sun has set

  The moon will rise

  His time has come

  He fills the night with their screams

  Of agony and ecstasy

  Until they can scream no more

  Nor walk in the sun

  He tears at their throats

  Drinks deep

  Bathes long in the ruby red

  Of the willing

  And the not

  He catches them all in his eyes

  Lets them drown in them

  Holds them under

  Until he smells

  The stench of the desperate

  He tastes and bites and drinks

  Running his river of blood

  That never runs dry

  He kills some and feeds on more

  Takes his fill

  Ripping at tender flesh

  Watches it spark like liquid jewel

  Grinning dark

  He knows life once more

  Star of night

  Star of fire

  Star of ice

  Star of silence

  Star of night

  In the night sky, only silver should shine

  Pure and unpolluted – the most revered of times

  But the night can be anything

  You want it to be

  The stars can show you anything

  That you want to see

  Hundreds and thousands

  Of these tiny, twinkling lights

  Trying to hide in the blackness

  Trying not to bite

  Not to bite and swallow

  And feed on the life

  The souls that survive on the night

  Night brings the chaos

  Stars bring the calm

  Night gets corrupted

  Stars hide the storm

  Star of fortune

  Star of fate

  Star of innocence

  Star – too late

  A Walk in the Park

  The moonlight threw silver

  Threads through the dark

  What a beautiful night

  For a walk in the park

  The lake shines so brightly

  That reflections are clear

  Please don’t blemish this night

  With one slow, painful tear

  No sound in the air

  But the wind in the trees

  The birds, they all wait

  For the deep, winter freeze

  A shriek cracks the calm

  A girl screaming ‘PLEASE!’

  There is silence again

  The plea is forgot

  Moonlit calmness returns

  Stars like white shot

  The lake does seem blacker

  Filled with oil or blood

  A deader time of night

  That’s normal and good

  Nothing to disturb the

  Tranquillity of dark

  It’s a beautiful night

  For a walk in the park

  Death penalty

  In my dreams, I’m dying

  And I don’t want to wake

  Heaven can take me now

  Or let me burn me Hell

  And I will not complain

  Drowning in guilty seas

  Because I killed a man

  All the lives I have saved

  And I make this mistake

  It lies heavy against them

  And I can’t even the score

  In the night, it haunts me

  His broken body’s ghost

  Maybe I deserve to die

  To lose what I’ve taken

  But I always wake up

  And find I am punished

  I am sentenced to life

  Hiding in the night

  All around, the cold night air falls

  And I’m afraid to break the silence

  In these same four walls

  The still night surrounds us

  There is no escape

  So surrender to the darkness

  Surrender to fate

  And the purpose of the darkness is to drive us all wild

  Till I find myself hiding in your arms like a child

  And all that’s around us is so cool and still

  And it feels like forever tonight

  So give yourself to me

  Sacrifice your free will

  Till everything evil just falls out of sight

  In the silence, one heart beats loudly

  In the stillness, one soul is not calm

  Safe in this one room

  The cold does not touch us

  And we hear no stories of doom

  Lonely is the night-time

  But worse is the day

  For the darkness conceals the pain

  It’s been a long night tonight, too long

  Silent and tranquil and dark

  And your arms held me strong as dusk deepened to black

  Something about this peace time is wrong

  Misery

  Misery found a friend in me

  And now

  It’s the only one I can rely on

  There used to be others

  But they all left

  And misery stayed here for me

  She is grey and empty

  And everywhere

  She is in my every breath

  And in everything I do

  Death is not good enough for misery

  She wants life to corrupt

  To corrode and decay

  My silence is too loud for her

  So misery tolls a bell

  Misery fills your every space

  And soon you forget

  There was ever anything else

  She’s all I’ve got now

  All I’ll ever have

  I shall wake

  One day

  I know

  I shall wake from this dream

  I shall shake myself from this slumber

  Oh, how I wish

  I was just sleeping

  That I could still be that safe

  This is no dream

  Still, I shall wake from it

  With silent fright

  I know

  I shall make no sound

  Noise escapes me

  I am not sleeping

  Or breathing

  Just dreaming

  And

  One day, I shall wake

  Cheated

  What did she tell you and how did she know?

  Where have you been?

  Did she let you touch her?

  Why didn’t she fight?

  When did it start and where will it end?

  How far and how did it feel?

  Where did she take you and what did you do?

  When were you winning?

  Did you think you could lose?

  How did she reach you?

  Where did you meet her and when will you leave?

  Who knows and who will get hurt?

  What did you whisper and what did it mean?

  Who made the first move?

  How long did it last?

  Where did you go?

  Why was it her and why was it you?

  What was it worth and what did it cost?

  Cold night

  I cowered alone

  In my room that cold night

  Mommy was drunk again

  And Daddy – he’d cry

  I prayed for somebody to care

  I wished I had died

  In my room that cold night

  There were no tears or blood

  Just the silence of rage

  I tried to tell them it’s not fair

  I wanted to stay

  In my room that cold night

  Away from my parents

  The destruction they made

  I didn’t have the tears to spare

  Everyone dies

  In a world where everyone dies

  And the air is full of
a million goodbyes

  There’s blood on your hands

  But you don’t understand

  When you can see Armageddon coming

  And all you do is keep on running, running

  Calling your enemies your friends

  Don’t know who to defend

  Yet another child gets blown away

  A midnight sky promises a darker day

  Pray to a God who isn’t there

  Learning life isn’t fair

  ‘Cos everyone dies

  Tonight

  Breathing space

  She can beg for her world to fall away

  She can plead for it to be over

  While the walls are crashing in

  She can listen to them laughing

  And saying it’s fine

  She can see the child smile without knowing

  Or the old woman cry because she does

  The last ashes are black and cold

  The fire burnt out

  And the party, the noise, the craze

  People pulling her this way and that

  It all fades away

  And there is room to breathe

  At last

  To breathe

  To breathe

  For the future

  You held me tight

  Said you’d never let me go

  And we ran

  Oh, God, we raced

  Like there were raving wolves at our feet

  Then you looked away

  Up to the sky

  The past like a ghost in your face

  Your face like a ghost in mine

  And the future...

  The future is our ambition

  As we skirt its edges and fall

  Forward like a feathery domino

  With you still holding me

  Clumsy but sure

  Like an ape holds a teacup

  And I watch you

  Watching me

  Watching the sky like a searchlight

  Austria nights

  The trees at my window

  So dark and so dense

  I wish my angel was here

  Without it I’m so tense

  I can hear the dark thing

  it will hear my heart sing

  and I rush to meet it

  with open arms I greet it

  the blackness is out there

  waiting to play

  just running and hiding

  away from the day

  something undefined

  shadows designed

  target assigned

  it fails to break the curtain of dawn

  biding hours for night

  stalking hunting chasing

  on the edge of sight

  Torn to shreds

  There’s no name for it

  No cure for it

  No healing

  The feeling inside

  Only it’s getting out now

  And tracking you down

  But you run and it always catches you

  Always tears you into shreds

  And then hungry dogs, mad dogs, rabid dogs

  Dogs with too many teeth

  Rip you up, rip you down and

  Have their way with you.

  Fragment

  I remember the hero of the dream

  Slipping, floating away

  With nothing but ‘save me’

  For a hero of the dark

  Is now nought but a memory

  A fragment of a last wish

  Forgotten

  I remember the hero of the dream

  He does not remember me

  Unfinished

  Even numbers, odd words

  Logic and imagination

  A head and a heart

  And only one can win

  The brightest, loudest, fastest

  Thoughts

  The boldest, angriest, quickest

  Beats

  All connecting, sparking, flashing

  In a head and a heart

  That pump and pulse

  The black door

  If eyes show you everything

  Like a door into me

  I’ll close it just to save you

  All the things you won’t see

  Don’t turn away

  Don’t forget me

  Don’t hold too tight

  And don’t forgive me

  Can’t remember how it feels

  Without you

  Lost in the coldness, softness

  Beneath darkness

  Come swim in the lake

  Bathe

  Float

  Splash in it

  Try for the bottom

  Beneath dark surfaces

  And water so dark and

  Darker and deep

  It could be should be death

  Be careful

  Not to drown in it

  Not to slip into the sea-glass

  And be lost to it

  A thankful of time

  But you don’t have to stay

  By a blank lake

  A mirror

  That only reflects real things

  It chokes

  Chokes and clogs and

  Pulls you under

  Because it will only be happy with you

  So swim in the lake

  Gasp

  Fight

  Thrash in it

  The last time

  I remember what it felt like

  To dance in the rain

  I remember what it felt like

  To sing in the sun

  I remember what it felt like

  When he called my name

  I remember what it felt like

  To laugh for the fun

  But that was so long ago

  I drowned in the ashes

  And rose from the flames

  Too strong to be restrained

  I played and ran and twirled

  But that’s not my world

  Not now

  I remember the last time

  My legs let me jump

  I think I was touching the sky

  I remember the last time

  These nerves were alive

  I see with my third eye

  I remember the last time

  This body worked as it should

  But that was so long ago

  Love and leave

  At the edge of tomorrow

  And the brink of the end

  I’ll say we’re forever

  ‘Cos I have to pretend

  I’ll tell you it’s okay

  And I’ll make myself smile

  Like the world won’t fall away

  If you stay for a while

  These chains can be broken

  And clocks can be turned

  I think this is the price

  For the passions we burned

  I’ll watch you and hold you

  But I can’t live on sparks

  So I’ll say we’re forever

  As I leave you to the dark

  Withdrawal

  Oh, I can’t remember

  The last time

  You hurt me

  And I can’t defend her

  For what she’s done

  And you are the dark need

  That creeps through my soul tonight

  Consumes me so sweetly

  Completely

  On, I can’t remember

  Kill me and I’ll come back to life

  For you

  Stab me and I’ll rip out the knife

  For you

  But I can’t defend her

  Long tunnel

  There was darkness

  And I walked toward it

  There was redness

  And I turned from it

  There was lightness

  And it raced toward me

  As I raced away

  I was standing still

  Still racing

  Light that longs to expose me


  Burning shadow away

  The planets are still

  Still turning

  Into flames that will brand me

  Keeping people away

  Nothing can be still

  Still walking

  Towards night that never comes

  Hiding darkness away

  Let it come for me

  And it will eat me

  Let me run from it

  And it will chase me

  Let me stand still for it

  And it will stop

  As I walk away

  Fantasy forever

  I dream of a million mirrors

  Of broken windows

  And open doors

  And a mad genie in a jukebox

  I dream of a thousand black flames

  Of swimming pools

  And puddles

  And the gypsies that curse them

  I dream of a dozen passions

  Of shattered pleasures

  And promises

  And a mad man with a gun

  I dream an endless craze

  An endless poison

  An endless acid

  Ashen demons rise up

  Paper phantoms wait

  Insane angels dance

  Endlessly

  In perfect harmony

  Whisper till it hurts

  Said the man with the magic guitar

  Scream till it stops

  Don’t shout

  Never shout

  Just breathe the words blue

  And make the songs true

  Said the man with the magic guitar

  Don’t doubt