“Your dad shouldn’t have put that pressure on you.”
“No pressure. I am going to ask you one day, in a way that will be perfect for you and no one else.”
Tears well up in her eyes, and I’m panicked for about half a second. “I love you so much, Aiden Ford.”
“I know you do. I love you, too, Elletra Gallagher.”
I cook her that breakfast and then ask her to please leave my amazing bathtub to eat it. At one time, I would’ve just run in there and grabbed her out of the tub myself—or threatened to do it. I can’t do that right now. It’s harder for me than I tell her, ignoring the way I would normally act with her, but I can do it. Because she needs me to do it. To stay hands off and non-threatening in any way. And I’d do anything for her. Anything.
“We should leave soon, so I can pick up something to wear to work tonight,” she tells me hours later, when we’re hanging out on the couch, watching movies, while holding hands.
“What’s wrong with the clothes you have on? I like this look.”
She’s in one of my t-shirts, knotted at her waist, and one of her black skirts that is a little shorter than what she normally wears, but not too much. Her hair is in a messy bun, and she’s just looking sexy as hell. Nothing new there.
“I manage a high class bar, not a neighborhood watering hole. Your mom would kill me if she saw me dressed like this at work.”
“Nah. My mom isn’t Elizabeth Mason. She wouldn’t kill you, she’d just cuss you out like a sailor.”
“I’d like to stay on her good side, so I need clothes.”
“Fine. Do you want to stay there or here tonight? I can grab a bag if you’d rather be at your place.”
“You don’t mind staying with me? I don’t want to cramp your bachelor style.”
“Being a bachelor is highly overrated. I just want to be wherever you are.”
“My place it is then. You have a better tub, but I have a bigger kitchen.”
“You don’t cook,” I remind her.
“Faith has been teaching me a few things,” she replies, sticking out her tongue at me.
“I’ll happily taste test for you.”
“Thank you. Now, go pack so I have time to change and do my hair.”
“Are you wearing it down?”
“No. I-I can’t.”
“Just for me, then?” I ask, running my fingers through the strands that are loose around her face.
“Yeah.”
“I like that.”
I really do, but I also want her to get to the place where she can feel comfortable and confident again. I’m going to help her in any way I can by showing her how amazing she is and by protecting her at all costs. I’ll lose myself before I ever lose her again.
Chapter 6
Ellie
“Hey, Doll. What time are we taking our break?” Aiden asks, coming up to me during one of the rare slow times of the night.
“Rain check?” I ask, biting my lip.
“You got a hot date with someone else?” he says, looking somewhere between pissed and hurt.
“Really, Hawk?”
He sighs. “No. I know you don’t have a date with someone else. Can I ask what you’ll be doing since it’s not me?”
I roll my eyes and then get serious. “I need to call my shrink.”
“Oh,” he says, his eyes going wide. “Are you okay? I mean, are we okay? Is what we did okay? Geez, El, I tried not to push. Did I push?”
I place my hand over his lips to stop him. “Yes, yes, yes and no, you did not push me. I just need to talk things out.”
“Talking’s good.”
“Yes, it is.”
“You can talk to me, you know. When you’re ready.”
“I will…when I can. I promise.”
“You talk to Nate.”
It comes across as more like a question than a statement, and I have a feeling that he doesn’t like his best friend knowing things he doesn’t about me. That can’t be helped, though. I need Nate. If my best friend can understand that, then so can Aiden.
“I do talk to him. I won’t apologize for that. He understands.”
“I’d understand.”
“Aiden, I love you, but we’re not going to be okay if you can’t accept that Nate’s helping me in a way that you can’t.”
“Jade’s cool with him helping you? With you telling him things you don’t tell her?”
“Yes. She loves us both enough to understand that he can help me heal in a way that she can’t.”
“I don’t like it. Knowing that he can give you what I can’t. That he can help you, but you won’t let me do the same.”
“It’s not like that. You help me, Aiden.”
“Whatever. I think it’s best if I just sleep at home tonight. Alone.”
“Don’t do this. Please.”
“I’ve got to get back to work. See you later.”
I watch him walk away and think about all the other times he’s done that. Walked away from me like I’m nothing to him. Every time he does it, I want to believe that he’ll be back, and so far, he always has been. I know a day will come when he doesn’t come back to me, though. When his problems and mine are too much for him to handle. I don’t blame him, but I wish he’d believe in us a little more. We’re broken, but we can still put each other back together. Times like these that make me wonder if he really wants that as much as I do.
Instead of calling the doctor on my break, I call my best friend. “Hey, El. How’s it all going?”
“Do you hate it that I talk to Nate?”
“What? No. Of course not. I know you need him. And he likes being needed. You need me, too. Just in a different way.”
“I do. I promise. Thank you.”
“Where’s this coming from? Is it Aiden?”
I try, but fail, to hold back a sob. “Yeah.”
“What did he do to you?” she asks, her voice going cold.
“N-nothing. He’s just angry that I need Nate.”
“That’s bullshit.” Her voice is a little muffled, but I hear her tell Nate to straighten his friend out before she has to. Then it’s him on the phone.
“Brass? What kind of shit is Aiden giving you about me?”
“He’s just upset that I can talk to you, and not to him.”
“Fuck. He knows how hard it was for me to tell him and Matt about all my shit. It took me years.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, openly crying now. “I’m not ready to tell him, Nate. How can I tell him?”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to tell him shit. Yet, at least. We both know you need to tell him, eventually. But when you’re ready. Not a second before. He’s going to throw these toddler tantrums because he wants to save you all by himself. Let him pout, but do not let him guilt you into something if you’re not ready. Talking, or you know, other stuff.”
“He’s not pressuring me about the other stuff. We did…some things…but only what I could handle. I thought we were doing okay, moving forward.”
“Aiden’s one of the best guys I know. He’s just got that fucking white knight complex. He’s in his element when he’s saving the world.”
“I don’t need him to save me, Nate. I have to do that for myself. I just need him to be there for me.”
“He will be. Once I pull his head out of his ass. I’ll be there tomorrow.” There’s some mumbling, and then he’s back. “Correction, we’ll be there tomorrow.”
“He’s going to be pissed.”
“Good, because so am I. Get some rest, and we’ll see you soon. Jade and I love you, El.”
“Love you, too.”
I still have fifteen minutes left on my break, so I follow my original plan to call my shrink. I’m not going to be able to eat, anyway. The conversation is shorter than I’d planned, but I’m able to tell her everything that went on and how I feel about it. She’s happy that I’m slowly delving back into the sexy side of things, and we talk about how I want
to do more. She assures me again that there’s nothing wrong, or bad, about wanting to be with Aiden. I’m still a woman with needs and desires. What happened to me was bad, but it shouldn’t stop me from being happy, or satisfied. I thank her and hang up, hoping Aiden will still want me when I’m ready.
* * *
Aiden
I’m feeling like even more of an ass than usual. I could tell that Ellie had been crying when she came back from her break last night. I shouldn’t have given her such a hard time about talking to Nate. He’s my best friend, for God’s sake. I know what he went through, and if he can help her even a little, I should be thanking him, not acting like a jealous bastard.
I planned on apologizing to her today, but all of my calls to her went to voicemail. I don’t want to do it over text, but since she didn’t show up for the weekly staff meeting that just ended, I may just have to. Before I can pull out my phone, the front door slams open. Theo’s on his feet in seconds.
“Hey, man. We’re closed…holy shit, you’re Nate Anderson.”
“I am.”
“We’re still closed. Sorry. We can get you a good table later.”
“I don’t need a good table. What I need is for my best friend to stop being an asshat.”
“Ellie called you.”
“No. Ellie called Jade. I just happened to be in the room.”
“Why is everyone so into Ellie?” Norma asks with an actual pout on her face.
“Because she fucking rocks,” Nate answers.
“She does,” I agree.
“My work seems to be done before I even began. And I didn’t even have to punch you.”
“Sorry to ruin your fun, but yeah, I know I screwed up.”
“Cool. Now we can have a beer and wait for our women to arrive. Then you can let me take all the credit for straightening you out.”
“Beer, yes. Credit, no.”
“What kind of best friend are you?”
“Yours.”
“Can’t argue with that.”
We hug it out, and then I grab some beers. The women are looking at him like they want to eat him for dinner, and I almost feel bad for them. He’s never going to even think about being with another woman now that he’s finally given himself fully to Jade. I feel the same way, even though I’m holding back from Ellie. Which also makes me a major hypocrite for giving her shit about not being able to tell me about what she’s gone through.
How do you tell the woman you love that you’re a vigilante? Matt and Nate tell me that she’d understand, and I know she probably would. I mean, she does work for a secret spy organization. But they don’t kill unless necessary, and I used to kill because I liked it. I wanted it. Now, I just want to scare the people I target. My love for Ellie has replaced the need I had for my own brand of justice. I can’t stop hunting, or helping, but I don’t have the compulsion to kill. And thankfully, whoever was targeting me has given up, or found a new hobby.
“Whoa,” I hear Theo say, and Nate and I both turn to the door.
I almost drop my beer when I see what he’s seeing. Ellie and Jade just walked in, and damn. I’m sure Jade looks great, but it’s Ellie that I’m focused on. She has on a long black pencil skirt topped with the closest thing to a corset I’ve seen her wear since she got here. It’s got thin straps, and fully covers her tits, but underneath sheer fabric falls to her waist. There are vertical strips of the material that molds a corset to a woman, and just, yeah…damn. She’s got a jacket undone over the top of it, and I’m totally loving this combination of the old and the new.
“You can pick your jaw up off the floor. She’s not dressed for you, asshole.”
“Nice to see you too, J.”
“I’d cut you if she’d let me.”
“But I won’t, so knock it off,” Ellie tells her.
“Hi, Doll.”
“Hi.”
“You look amazing.”
“She always looks amazing,” Jade reminds me with a sneer.
“Jade.”
“What? He can’t just act like an asshole and then get a woody because you’re looking hot.”
“Okay, Angel. I think we need to go find a table and leave these two alone,” Nate says.
“I’m not leaving her alone with him.”
“Yes, you are. He didn’t even need me to tell him what he did wrong. He’s owning his bad behavior. Now let him apologize to her.”
“It better be a good apology.”
“Jade, I love you and I love that you’re so protective of me, but I am going to hit you if you don’t go make-out in a dark booth with your man, and leave me to deal with mine. I’ve got this. I promise.”
Jade huffs a little, but then pulls Ellie into a hug. I get another death glare before Nate practically carries her away. “You called me your man.”
She looks down at her feet, which are encased in a wicked sexy pair of heels. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Motherfucking hell. Why am I such a fucked up bastard? “I’m so sorry for giving you a hard time about Nate, because I am grateful he can help you. And now, for making you feel bad about calling me what I am. Or at least what I hope I am.”
“I’m not easy. I know that. I wasn’t before, and now…well, now, I’m pretty much a train wreck.”
“I’m no choir boy, either. All we can do is try. You’re trying. I mean, look at you. With Nate and Jade here, you pulled out a corset. And almost let your hair down,” I tell her, running my fingers through her long ponytail.
“I didn’t dress like this because they’re here.”
“No?”
“No. I did it because it’s okay for me to feel sexy, even though I’m a little scared. What I wear doesn’t define me to others, but I need to be me. For me, no one else. I like the idea of combining the way I used to dress with the way I dress now.”
“I fucking love it.”
“Yeah well, that’s just an added bonus.”
“I’m so proud of you. For working through whatever happened to you, and for doing this for yourself. I don’t care what you wear, or don’t wear. You’re always the hottest woman on the planet to me.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Yeah?”
“You know it.”
“I like to hear you say it. There’s honestly nothing better than having you tell me I turn you on.”
She nudges my legs apart with her hips and stands between them. “You’re so hot, I almost come when I see you. Every damn time you walk into a room.”
“Fuck, El. Are you trying to kill me? I’m already hard as a rock. Saying things like that is going to make me not be able to walk for hours.”
“I’ll make it all better later,” she says, leaning in to bite my ear.
“Not helping.”
“Wasn’t meant to. You do need a little punishment after yesterday.”
With that she pushes off the bar and sashays away. Her hips are swinging, and that perfect ass of hers is tormenting me. And fuck if I don’t deserve the sweet torture she’s dishing out to me, but I can’t wait for my reward, either.
I don’t have to wait as long as I thought I would. Around the time I would normally take my break, Ellie catches my eye from the hallway and crooks her finger at me. God, I love it when she does that to me. It always means something good. I tell the other bartenders that I’m on break and practically run to her office.
She pulls me to her the second I clear the door. I have enough sense left to reach behind me and lock it as her mouth fuses to mine, but barely. Her nails are lightly scratching my scalp on the sides as I squeeze her hips. I love her mouth, but I want more. I need more.
“What can I do to you, Doll? Tell me. I need to make you come,” I’m practically begging her as I pull my mouth from hers.
She swallows hard and then nods. “Your mouth. Just your mouth. Please.”
I have her skirt unzipped and her panties down her thighs before she can change her mind. I practically toss
her on her desk, causing her to squeal a little. “Spread your legs for me.”
She does, and I get down to business, finally able to taste her sweet pussy again. I take my time at first, licking and sucking her into the first orgasm. For the second one, I add some teeth, and with the third, I’m pretty much fucking her with my mouth, tongue, and teeth as she nearly pulls my hair out. I’m going for a fourth, when she successfully pushes my head away.
“Enough, Hawk. I can’t again. Not yet. I’m out of practice, and you’ll kill me.”
“I want more, later,” I tell her, licking my lips.
“I’m not going to say no, especially since I’ll be able to pass out later and not have to worry about work.”
“Challenge accepted. Now, what’d you get us for dinner?” I ask, hopping on the desk next to her and reaching for the bags on the side of it.
“Oh no you don’t,” she says, smacking my hand away. “There’s something big I need to take care of first.” She looks at my crotch, and I feel myself grow even harder under her gaze. Not sure how that’s possible since I’ve been stretched to what I thought was my limit all night already, but it’s Ellie, and my cock loves her like no other.
“I should say no.”
“But you won’t.”
“Turn down a blow job from you? No, I can pretty much guarantee that I will never do that.”
“Then lean back, and let’s do this old school.”
It takes me a few seconds to get what she means, but when I do, I can’t contain my smile. “Fuck, yeah.”
One of our first times together after I finally admitted we should be together was in the gym at the Foundation. We tried all different things, including what she’s positioned herself to do right now. A push-up blow job.
I unzip my jeans, and free my cock for her as she puts one hand behind me, and one hand in between my legs. Leaning down, she takes me in her mouth, as far as I can go before I’m hitting the back of her throat. She starts pumping her arms up and down, and taking her mouth with her.
A blow job is pretty much always a good thing. I mean, I think I had one disastrous adventure in high school, but since then, it’s always been smooth sailing. With Ellie though, it’s a whole other experience. Probably because she’s the first person I’ve ever truly given myself to. Or at least as much of myself as I can give. As her mouth slides up and down me, and she twists her tongue over me, it doesn’t take me long at all. I’m clutching the desk behind me so hard that I feel the wood creak as I force myself not to yell out. Yeah, we’re in a locked office, but the walls aren’t that thick.
Tending Their SECRET Page 6