Somewhere Far Away

by E. L. Todd

  Ryan stared at me as his eyes watered. He took a deep breath and it came out shaky. His hand gripped my shoulder automatically. “I…I’m so sorry.”

  I sobbed in front of my brother like I never had before. I’ve cried before—many times. But I’ve never sobbed. I’ve never been this low. I’ve never felt so…dead. “I can’t live without him, Ryan. I can’t…” I didn’t mean that in a premature way. “I can’t do it. I’ll kill myself…” I’ve never meant anything more in my life. “I mean it. I know it makes me weak. I know it makes me pathetic. But I can’t live without him.”

  Ryan pulled the hair out of my face, his tears bubbling in his eyes. “I know…”

  I closed my eyes and felt more tears fall.

  “I know this is hard…I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now.”

  “Dead.”

  “But you have two children, Scarlet. They need you.”

  I closed my eyes in shame. “I know…” I loved them so much but all I could feel was selfish greed. I didn’t want to live anymore, not even for them. I just wanted to be with Sean again—in death.

  “I know you don’t mean that. I know it’s just hard right now. But you always have me and everyone else. I will get you through this.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t understand…nothing will get me through this. How would you feel if Janice died?”

  He pressed his lips tightly together.

  “I can’t do it, Ryan…” I wiped my tears away but they kept falling. “You don’t understand. He’s my soul mate. He’s everything to me. Without him…there is no me.”

  “But he’s still here. He lives in Roland and Skye. He’s never really gone.”

  “I’m a terrible person.” I covered my face with my palms. “I have two children who need me but all I can think about is myself.”

  Ryan pulled my hands down. “You aren’t selfish. This is the first time you’ve put yourself first and you need to. We can stay out here as long as you need. Let everything out and calm down. Then we’ll go back inside.”

  “Back inside?” I whispered. “I can’t…let them see me like this.”

  He wiped my tears away with the back of his hand.

  “I can’t tell them that their father is…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. “How can I say those words to them?”

  “You will find the strength. I’ll give it to you.” He rubbed my shoulder gently.

  I stared out into the night, seeing the cabs drive past. The lights from the city glowed brighter than the sun. The distant sound of sirens came to my ear. Life moved on all around me, ignorant to what I was losing. Right then and there, my soul became crushed under the weight of my grief. I lost all hope for life. I lost all hope for happiness.

  I lost everything.

  ***

  Ryan stayed out there with me for a long time. Fortunately, no one came to check on us. Mike must have made sure my kids didn’t follow me. He probably connected the dots and knew I just received the worst news of my life.

  I kept crying and was unable to stop. Just when I thought I didn’t have any more moisture to make tears I was proven wrong. My entire body was exhausted from the heaving of my chest. My heart rate was dangerously slow like it wanted me to go to sleep and never wake up.

  Ryan moved me against him and rubbed me gently. He didn’t say anything, just held me in comfort. His hand moved through my hair and down my arm. “Close your eyes.”

  I did as he commanded. The pain was too overwhelming. My body was shutting down because I couldn’t handle the truth. The grief was too much. The only place I would be safe from reality was in sleep, when I didn’t think about anything at all.

  Somehow, my mind drifted and I fell asleep.

  At some point, a dream came to me. I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep but it seemed like forever. Or maybe it just happened. I didn’t know. When I looked around at my surroundings, I realized I was on a yacht. It looked familiar—too familiar.

  When I looked out the window I saw the Mediterranean Sea. We were just a mile from shore, and I could see the white buildings of classic Greece in the distance. The sun shined and splashed the boat with rays of color. The white wood looked even more pristine. The faint sound of distant birds came to my ear, and I could hear the gentle lapping of the ocean water against the hull.

  “Scarlet.”

  When I heard Sean’s voice, I turned around. My eyes took him in. He wore his red swim trunks with a white t-shirt. He was sitting on the ground in an odd position, like he couldn’t move.

  He looked around with confusion on his face, like he wasn’t sure where he was either. His eyes squinted as he took in the light from the windows. He examined the furniture in the room and the two drinks on the counter. They still had ice in them. “Where are we…?” His hand moved around his back and it was like he was gripping something.

  “Greece.” I slowly moved closer to him, staring at his classically handsome features and strong jaw. His blue eyes weren’t bright like they usually were. Now they were the color of concrete, lifeless. He seemed to be in pain. I kneeled down before him and examined him. His shoulders were broad and muscular, and his stomach was lean and tight. I could smell the salt in the air and feel the distant heat from where the sun had once penetrated me.

  He stared at me, his eyes shifting back and forth between mine. He released a deep sigh, like it caused him immense energy to do it. “Scarlet…I love you.” His eyes welled up slightly.

  “I love you too.” My eyes mirrored his own.

  He pulled the knife out of his lower back then dropped it on the carpet next to him. It was covered in his blood. He stared at it for a moment before he turned back to me. “Everything hurts…everything doesn’t feel right.”

  I scooted closer to him, my hands moving to his chest. “Hold on…”

  He shook his head. “I can’t…it’s time.” His eyes were full of apology. “I’m so sorry…”

  Tears dripped and fell down my face. “No…”

  He took a few final breaths, deep and heavy. “I don’t want to go…but I have to.”

  I gripped his shoulders. “Don’t you dare leave me.” I shook him slightly.

  He stared at my hands. “You feel so real…”

  I felt the fabric of his shirt, noting the cotton. The muscle underneath was solid. “You feel real too…”

  He reached for my hand and grasped it but his hold was weak. “I want to feel you before I go.”

  “Don’t you dare go!” The tears fell down my face. “Don’t you dare.”

  Emotion welled in his eyes. “I have to…”

  “Sean Preston, you will fight this. You will come back to me.”

  “I can’t fight it…” He breathed hard like it was painful for him to speak.

  “You will not make me a widow. You will not leave me alone on this earth. You will not let them take you where you’re not supposed to go. Sean, you will fight for me. You will fight to stay on this side of the world. You will not go on—not yet.”

  He stared at my face, a small amount of color coming through. “Scarlet…”

  “Promise me.”

  He ran his fingers over my knuckles.

  “Give me your word.”

  He took another deep breath like it might be his last. “Kiss me.” Desperation was in his eyes. “I need you to kiss me…now.”

  I cupped his face and looked him in the eye before I leaned in and touched my mouth to his. His lips were cold and lifeless but I felt a spark once we touched. I felt his pulse quicken under my fingers. I felt his heart race against my chest. “Come back to me,” I said into his mouth.

  He kissed me until the dream started to fade away. The room started to darken from white to gray. Everything lost its dimensions, and I felt myself slip away like I was being transported a million miles away. My hands loosened on his face and I felt myself pull away from him.

  Then I woke up.

  Chapter Two

  Skye />
  “Where is she?” I tried to move into the hallway but Mike blocked my path.

  “Just sit down and wait.” Mike moved me back to the seat. He wasn’t his usual self. His eyes looked like empty orbs, and he pushed me with less strength than he possessed. “Just be patient.”

  “Why did she leave?” I demanded. “What did the nurse say?”

  Mike patted my shoulder. “We’ll know as soon as she comes back. I’m sure everything is fine.”

  Judging the emptiness of his eyes and the way he wouldn’t look me directly in the eye, everything wasn’t fine.

  Slade came to the chair beside me. He breathed hard like he was fighting to keep himself calm. His hand went to mine, a gesture he’d never given before. “It’ll be alright, Skye. I’m here.”

  I interlocked our fingers. Slade and I were never affectionate but a lot had changed since Cayson left. He’d become so much more than just my annoying cousin. He’d become a friend I could rely on, and I got to know him in a way Trinity did. He was sweet and sensitive, underneath all that machoness. “I’m so scared…Mom left and I don’t know where she went.”

  “She probably went to make a phone call.” He continued to grip my hand. “I’m sure everything is fine.” He patted my hand to console me. “Sean is a strong man—the strongest one I’ve ever known. I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

  “Roland said the blade was ten inches…” My eyes moistened again at the thought. “Dad doesn’t deserve this. He’s such a good man. Why do bad things always happen to him…it’s not fair.”

  “Bad things happen to good people,” he whispered.

  “I can’t lose him…my mom can’t lose him.” My life would never be the same again. I would never be happy again. Even if Cayson came back his arrival would mean nothing to me. I needed my father. I was too young to lose him.

  “Have you talked to Cayson?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t had a chance to call him. I’m not even sure if I could get a hold of him even if I wanted to.”

  “Maybe that’s for the best,” he said. “He would probably fly back here.”

  “He might have to…” Cayson would never miss my father’s funeral. The idea of my father being placed into a grave just made me cry all over again. He was just trying to protect Roland and he didn’t deserve this.

  “Skye…” Slade wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “It’ll be okay. Don’t mourn for someone unless it’s time to mourn.”

  “He’s been in there for so long…what if something went wrong.”

  “If it did, we would have known by now.”

  “The nurse said something to my mom…then she ran.”

  He rubbed my shoulder. “If it was important, she would have told you.”

  I leaned into Slade for support. “I’m so scared…I’ve never been this scared in my life. Even when Zack was trying to shoot me I wasn’t like this. In comparison…I was calm.”

  He leaned his head against mine. “I’m scared too, Skye. But let’s hope for the best. Your dad is one of the strongest men I know. If anyone can come back from this, it’s him.”

  Chapter Three

  Roland

  “It’s all my fault.” I paced the hallway away from the waiting room. My hands gripped my hair as I walked, unsure what else to do while I waited for news.

  Heath leaned against the wall as he watched me. “It’s not your fault.” He kept his voice gentle and never raised it. He consoled me every moment we were in the hospital. He watched me with concerned eyes, like I might fall down at any moment.

  “It is my fault,” I argued. “I should have just run away when I had the chance. I should have just turned around and went the opposite way. Now my dad might die because of me.”

  “Running away wasn’t an option and you know that.” Heath’s eyes shined with pain. “Your father would want you to stand up for what you believe in. That’s why he saved you to begin with.”

  “No, he saved me so I wouldn’t die. And it might have gotten him killed.”

  “He’ll be okay, Roland.”

  I turned to him and screamed. “He was stabbed in the back! Do you not understand that?” I knew I was taking out my fear and frustration on him but I couldn’t stop.

  Heath didn’t react at all. “It’s terrible, I know. But he’ll recover.”

  “He lost so much blood…it was all over the pavement.”

  “They can give him more.”

  “And he couldn’t talk,” I said quietly. “It was like he knew it was the end. He had this look in his eyes…” I gripped my skull as I kept walking. “And his final words…they were final.”

  Heath bowed his head in mourning. “Let’s not make assumptions until we hear something.”

  I knew this was the end. I didn’t want it to be. “He couldn’t have survived that…the blade was too long.”

  Heath didn’t give into the hysteria. “He might have. He’s very strong.”

  “No one is that strong,” I hissed. “What am I going to do? I can’t just go on without him. He’s my best friend. He’s the greatest dad in the fucking world. What about my mom? How will she go on after this? I can take care of her but…I’m not what she needs. And Skye…” Tears fell down my face.

  Heath grabbed me and pulled me to his chest. “Calm down.” He rubbed my back. “Let’s wait for news before we assume the worst. Your father has been in surgery for a long time and that’s a good sign. That means he’s managed to stay alive this long. If he just holds on a little longer, he should make it.”

  I needed any encouragement I could find. Mom was optimistic but then she ran away without saying a word. I needed some reassurance. I needed promise. “You really think so?”

  He cupped my face and forced my gaze on him. “I really do.”

  Chapter Four

  Mike

  The second I saw Scarlet run out of the hospital with red eyes and wet cheeks, I knew my brother wasn’t going to live. Scarlet never ran from anything, no matter how formidable of an opponent she faced. She always held her ground, tucked her chin, and put up her fists in preparation for a fight.

  But this time she ran.

  I understood why she did. She couldn’t handle the pain. She couldn’t handle the truth.

  And I wasn’t sure if I could either.

  My younger brother had become my best friend now that I was an adult. We had a falling out a few years ago and we hated each other. But Scarlet brought us together, forging a new friendship and bond. Ever since then, we were inseparable. We had our kids together so they would be the same age, and we lived next door to one another.

  And now I was going to lose him.

  Sean already told me what to do in case he passed away. I had all the papers and his will in order. Everything he possessed would go to Scarlet, and a few things went to his children. He asked me to take care of her in his stead, and I would do as he asked—even if he never asked me.

  I kept Skye and Roland away from the hallway so they wouldn’t walk in on their mother. Scarlet needed her space. She’d never broken down before but I knew she met her demise. I didn’t blame her for falling apart. If I didn’t have to keep a brave face for everyone else, I would too.

  Cassandra was at my side constantly, massaging my arm to remind me she was there. I didn’t speak to her or even look at her. I was afraid if I looked my wife in the eye she would spot the truth written across my face. I wouldn’t be able to hide anything from her and I would collapse just like Scarlet.

  Dad and Mom came to the hospital, and naturally, they were a wreck. Mom was in tears and went through more tissues than I could find. Dad was quiet and stoic but his fear was written into his eyes.

  I didn’t have the heart to tell them what I saw. I didn’t have the courage to say the words. I hoped that I was wrong. Maybe Scarlet just needed to make a phone call. Maybe she needed something from the gift shop.

  But that was so unlikely.

  Ryan hadn’t returned since he chas
ed after her. Since that was a long time ago, I knew he was comforting her. Only Ryan could say the right things right now. Only he understood her in a way I never could. He’d raised her since she was young, and he had an innate understanding of what she went through when she was in pain. He removed her from an abusive household and saved her life more than once. He was the only man who could talk her down.

  My head pounded and my heart wouldn’t slow down. I had control over my emotions and managed to remain calm even though I wanted to crumble. My brother was more than just family and he was more than a friend. But there was no word to describe what he actually was.

  I remained in my seat and kept an eye on Skye and Roland, making sure they didn’t need anything. At least it gave me a distraction from my disturbing thoughts. Every time I thought about someone stabbing my brother, my hands clenched into fists and I wanted to track him down and murder the man who was responsible for it.

  And I intended to.

  Chapter Five

  Sean

  The doctor spoke over the monitor. “He’s coding again.”

  “This is the tenth time,” a woman said. “Nothing’s working.”

  “Shock him again,” the doctor instructed.

  A second later, I felt two pads on my chest. Then the electricity coursed through me. I couldn’t feel anything but I was aware of it.

  “His O2 is going down,” the nurse said.

  The doctor remained calm. “CPR.”

  They started doing compressions on my chest.

  “I think it’s time to announce time of death,” a man said. “He’s not coming back from this.”

  “We’ll do one more round,” the doctor said. “If he codes again, then we’ll pull the plug.”

  I was going to die.

  This was it.

  I wasn’t going to make it.

  The pain was overbearing, and the pressure on my chest was agonizing. I felt weak like I didn’t have enough air in my lungs. My heart started to thump loudly in my chest. I couldn’t open my eyes but I was somehow aware of everything. Then the blackness took me.

  All the pain went away. Everything felt good. There wasn’t a wound in my back. All I felt was…nothing. My thoughts were sporadic and I couldn’t concentrate on any single thing. Everything was all over the place. I felt like I was falling, moving through space and time. I didn’t want to die…but at the same time I did. My body was relaxed and I was drifting away. It was difficult to fight.