Pamela DuMond - Annie Graceland 03 - Cupcakes, Pies, and Hot Guys

by Pamela DuMond

  Jamie frowned. “So you think that Suzy and Stephanie—”

  Annie shook her head and placed her index finger to her sealed lips.

  “Dammit!” Lila exclaimed. “If my mom is going down for Frank’s murder, whoever helped her is taking the plunge, too.” She scrunched her pretty face into a frown.

  “I’ve got an idea, Jamie,” Annie said. “An idea to catch Frank’s killers. But it has to happen now. Is the Oconomowoc PD willing to go out on a limb?”

  “Not your kind of limb,” Jamie said. “There’s protocol. There are channels. There’s red-tape.”

  “And then there’s you,” Annie said.

  Jamie eyed her and sighed. “Tell me.”

  She leaned down and whispered into his ear.

  “All hell’s going to break loose.” Jamie punched the button on his police scanner and called it in. “Detective Ryan. Requesting additional backup at the Hot Guys pageant.”

  Annie shook her finger at him. “You were the one that told me I had to be your behind-the scenes partner in Frank’s murder investigation.” She pulled out her phone and hit one number. “Mom. I need help. I need the Wild Women…”

  Annie tracked down Melissa Black on her way to the stage and tapped her on the shoulder. “About that post-ceremony interview?” Annie asked.

  “What about it?”

  “How many cameras do you have?”

  “Two.” Melissa’s eyes narrowed.

  “You’ll need both of them before our interview.”

  “I’m chasing down another rat, aren’t I?”

  “Yes, Jane Russell, you are,” Annie said. “Keep one camera on the judges’ stage. Keep the other on Stephanie Storms. Thank me later.”

  Grady stood at the mic and fanned his face with a crisp white-linen letter-sized envelope. The judges, including Annie, sat behind him at the judges’ table on the wide pier. Annie scanned the crowd.

  Jamie, Lila and Frank had left the SUV and stood at the back, close to the lodge. Annie’s mom stood on one edge of the lawn. Aunt Susan, arms crossed, was positioned on the opposite. Everyone looked on guard, apprehensive.

  The five remaining Hot Guys also sweated the moment. One of them was about to be Mr. Wisconsin Hot Guy’s first runner-up. Another would be the winner. The remaining three could parlay their ten minutes of fame into lucrative endorsement deals, or at the very least land a spot on the trending WNOC reality show, Dancing with Lars.

  Mr. Milwaukee put his hands together, bowed his head and prayed. Mr. Madison closed his eyes as he rocked back and forth on his heels. Appleton sat in his chair and fiddled with the wheels. Bitterhausen pivoted, clicked his heels and saluted the few people in the audience who screamed his name. Then saluted everyone who didn’t. Mr. Wisconsin Dells just smiled, jogged in place and hummed Walking on Sunshine, by Katrina and the Waves.

  Grady took a deep cleansing breath, closed his eyes for a moment, re-opened them and picked up the mic. “Wisconsin, you are a fierce state. You fans showed up. Rallied. Persisted when Frank Plank, Mr. Oconomowoc, was murdered. All the monies collected still go to charity. Congratulations, give yourself a big round of applause.”

  And they did. The crowd applauded. Folks high-fived, embraced, kissed, shook hands. A few even card-swapped.

  Grady smiled. “And a big hand for Friends of Oconomowoc, the Hot Guys Board and our judges: Mrs. McGillicuddy. Scott Puddleman. Suzy Mae DeLovely. And, Annie Graceland.”

  Annie stood with the rest of the judges and bowed. Frank’s cheesehead hat fell off her head and landed on the podium.

  “Uh-oh,” Frank said as he materialized next to her. “That’s my lucky hat, you know. You’re not supposed to drop my lucky hat. Must get back to Lila. Good luck with catching my killers.”

  Annie concentrated, and in her head said, “If I nail your killers—that’s your cue to pass to the Afterlife. No hemming and hawing. No drooling over Lila.”

  “While I totally appreciate all your hard work, I’m not a kid anymore. And because I’m no longer alive, there are no more curfews. I’ll pass to the Afterlife when I’m ready.”

  “Brat,” she mumbled, and with one hand picked up the hat and stuck it back on her noggin. Her other hand clutched the pageant itinerary. When she looked back up Frank was back with Lila.

  “How about a shout out for our final five contestants?” Grady asked. These guys have worked like madmen to bring honor to their towns, their charities, and ultimately, our state. Give it up for Mr. Milwaukee. Mr. Madison. Mr. Appleton. Mr. Bitterhausen. And Mr. Wisconsin Dells!”

  The crowd broke into thunderous applause. Annie clapped too, but bit her lip as she glanced at Suzy Mae, who peeked at Stephanie Storms out of the corner of her very Botoxy, frozen and overly made-up eyes. Annie had come full circle. She couldn’t hide in the background any longer. She’d have to defend Frank’s honor, stand up to the bully and make a fuss. Dammit!

  Grady stood tall in front of the mic. “In the off-chance that the Hot Guys winner cannot complete his duties, the pageant’s first runner-up has to—”

  “We know!” Several eager audience members shouted simultaneously.

  “The first runner up is…”

  Twenty-five

  Winning

  Grady ripped open the envelope and pulled out the paper that held the contest’s results. “The first runner up is Mr. Milwaukee!”

  Mr. Milwaukee jumped up and down and shrieked, “I love you, Mama!”

  The crowd roared.

  Mr. Milwaukee waved at the crowd and struck a pose, flexing his big muscular arms, again.

  Grady regarded the paper in his hand and smiled. “And the winner of Wisconsin’s Hot Guys contest is…” he said as a kaboom of thunder sounded in the near distance.

  The entire audience hushed, and held their collective breath.

  “Mr. Appleton—George Schnitzius! Congratulations!”

  The fans screamed. For a second, Annie forgot her mission. Confetti rained down upon the stage, as well as a few drops of rain. Annie jumped up and high-fived Mrs. McGillicuddy as they shrieked with excitement.

  The paparazzi shot oodles of pictures and rolls of videos Stephanie Storms reported for WNOC. Melissa Black stood in front of her station’s camera—aimed on the judges—but also kept her eye on Stephanie.

  George Schnitzius, formerly known as Mr. Appleton, now Mr. Wisconsin’s first Hot Guy, threw a kiss to his girlfriend in the audience and then one to the heavens. He popped a wheelie and hollered, “I love you, Wisconsin!”

  Grady motioned to George. “Come over here, Mr. Appleton. Or should I say, Mr. Wisconsin’s Hot Guy!”

  George Schnitzius wheeled the few feet to Grady. The audience exploded. Cheers, rants, screams, moans and even a few gunshots exploded from outside the lodge’s closely guarded confines.

  The judges walked to the smaller stand on the opposite side of the dock. The wind had picked up and tugged at the canopy. Several red and blue ribbons blew off the table. Mrs. McGillicuddy picked up a large bouquet, walked the few steps into the wind and handed them to George. He accepted the flowers and kissed the back of her hand. She blushed under her nearly translucent skin.

  The droplets increased to a light persistent rain. But no one was leaving this party. Stephanie Storms already had her umbrella opened as she pushed her way to the front of the stage. “WNOC has exclusive first rights on interviewing Mr. Wisconsin’s first Hot Guy,” she told the security guard manning the podium’s entrance.

  “Sorry, Miss.” He refused to move, his sheer bulk physically barred her entrance. “I can’t let anyone pass until I receive different orders from HQ.”

  “Don’t you know who I am?”

  The guard nodded. “Yes, Miss Storms. I love watching you on TV. You’re super shiny. But I still can’t let you pass.”

  Stephanie frowned. “Olaf. Set up right here.”

  “Where?” Olaf asked.

  “On this moron’s foot.” Stephanie turned back to the guard
and leaned up into his face. “My memo will be on your boss’s desk tomorrow. Prepare to relinquish your cushy job and be a greeter at Stall-Mart.”

  “Just following orders.”

  Suzy and Annie reached the Cupcakes-A-Go-Go’s bakery box at the same time and tugged it in opposite directions. “I’m supposed to give the Hot Guys their cupcakes,” Suzy said.

  Annie lifted her hands off the box. “Have at it.”

  Suzy handed cupcakes to George, and to the other guys on stage. Annie opened up more bakery boxes, leaned down and passed them to the fans on the lawn. “Hot Guy Cupcakes for everyone! Take one, and share with your neighbors. Spread the cupcake love.”

  Scott Puddleman presented George with the Wisconsin’s Hot Guys trophy. It was silver, shaped like an outline of the state and had a small football replica half bursting out its center. George hugged the trophy with one arm and shook Scott’s hand.

  When—through all the raucous cheering, the applause, and the screams—the revs of a dirtbike screeched. Annie watched the crowd. Would anyone react? Not a blink. Not a peep. Not even one shudder. Except for Stephanie and Suzy who swiveled toward each other, froze and locked eyes right around the third screech.

  The driver, slight of build and dressed head to toe in black leather, negotiated the bike through the masses.

  “Lila?” Suzy asked.

  Stephanie’s hands shook. But she rallied. “Olaf, roll. On three, two, one.” Stephanie smiled into the camera and tossed her lustrous locks over her shoulders. “Stephanie Storms reporting for WNOC at the Hot Guys finale where Mr. Appleton, George Schnitzius, was just crowned Wisconsin’s first Hot Guy. I’m currently unable to interview our winner, but I am persistent. I will do whatever I have to do to bring you the story.” Stephanie pointed downward. Olaf’s camera zoomed in on Stephanie grinding the toe of her pointy summer pump into the guard’s sturdy shoe.

  The guard frowned but didn’t budge.

  Several uniformed Oconomowoc police officers were gathered on the property’s perimeter. It was time. Annie approached Grady. He stared at her, his eyes widening. She stood on tiptoes, cupped his ear and whispered, “Code Dead is on.”

  “Uh-oh.” Grady held the mic in her direction. “And, now some—um—pageant commentary?”

  Annie accepted the mic, removed her sunglasses and attached them to the jersey’s neckline. “Thanks, Grady. Hello fans! In the excitement of being surrounded by all these gorgeous men and crowning a winner in this adrenaline ride of a contest, we forgot to thank a few people. Hey, Mom!” Annie waved at Nancy. “Who’d we forget to thank?”

  “Frank Plank!” Nancy hollered.

  Heads swiveled in Nancy’s direction.

  “Right. Because this competition only became famous after someone killed Frank. Is there anyone else we forgot to acknowledge?”

  “The media!” Aunt Susan shouted.

  The audience hushed and stared at Susan. Cameras swiveled in her direction.

  “Good point. Would this pageant have made national news without the media’s attention?” Annie asked. “Have we forgotten anyone else?”

  “Frank’s killers!” Lila DeLovely said as she pushed her way through the crowd accompanied by Frank and Jamie.

  Suzy frowned. “Lila, you’re overly stressed from planning your wedding. Go back to your room and get some rest.”

  “I called off the wedding, Mom. You know I’m in love with another man.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Suzy hissed.

  “Yes, I do. I still love Frank.”

  “Frank Plank. Frank Plank.” Nancy chanted softly and clapped her hands.

  “Frank Plank. Frank Plank.” Aunt Susan joined in.

  “That’s right! We forgot to acknowledge the folks who conspired to kill Frank Plank,” Annie said.

  Mrs. McGillicuddy stared at Aunt Susan, who was gesturing to her. “Susan—What?”

  “Our secret hand signal!” Aunt Susan hollered and waggled her fingers high in the air.

  “Oh!” Mrs. McGillicuddy said and chanted softly, “Frank Plank. Frank Plank.”

  “Frank’s killers are as savvy as the Kardashians!” Annie said.

  Several Hot Guys and their fans joined the chant. “Frank Plank. Frank Plank.”

  “They whipped up the attention and turned this small contest into a media juggernaut. One murderer finagled a fat promotion, and the other satisfied a very old grudge. Put your hands together for Stephanie Storms and her partner-in-crime, Hot Guys judge, Suzy Mae DeLovely.”

  The crowd gasped. The dirtbike approached Stephanie. Thunder crackled, the heavens opened and rain poured down in torrents.

  Suzy slapped Annie across the face. She reeled but didn’t go down.

  “Mom! Stop it!” Lila yelled. Annie and Suzy swiveled and spotted her in the crowd.

  “You leave my daughter, alone,” Suzy raised her hand to smack Annie again, but missed when Annie ducked.

  Jamie elbowed his way through the masses toward the stage. More officers ran behind him.

  “Ladies!” Scott yelled. “Ladies! No fighting over me while on stage.”

  “You’re as stupid as you were in high school,” Suzy said to Annie.

  Annie touched her face where she’d just been slapped and glared back at her. “I wasn’t stupid. I was a typical teenage girl with bad taste in boys. At least I didn’t grow up to be a killer.”

  “Frank Plank! Frank Plank!” More fans chanted and clapped.

  “I didn’t kill anyone,” Suzy said. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect my daughter.”

  “Does that include dressing up in leather in ninety-nine degrees, riding your daughter’s dirtbike and shooting at Stephanie to give her an alibi?”

  Stephanie glared up at Annie from the grass. “You’re not even a D-list celebrity. You’re just a disheveled woman who dresses in the worst outfits ever. Why Hot Guys picked you to be a pageant judge is a complete mystery. Besides, you have no proof!”

  Annie punched the pageant itinerary high in the air. “Page two from the official Hot Guys pageant itinerary. I quote, “Opening ceremonies cocktail party hosted by Suzy Mae Delovely from 8:30 to 10:30 p.m. Featuring WNOC interviews with Stephanie Storms.”

  “That proves nothing. I was there,” Stephanie said. “I interviewed Suzy, and a few Hot Guys Board members.”

  “Clever alibi. Mrs. McGillicuddy was scheduled to read her poem on TV. But you were already gone. You’d left early. Suzy Mae gave you the gun she used to fire and deliberately miss you when we were in Blackhoof’s parking lot. You went to Frank Plank’s boathouse and you shot him. Waited and watched from the woods for a couple of hours, until you saw Patsy Plank find Frank’s body and freak out. You naturally expected her to call 911. She never did. She called Detective Jamie Ryan’s cell, because her family craved privacy. Your big career opportunity, as well as your enormous mistake was texting I-CHIC at four a.m. telling them a Hot Guy had been murdered.”

  “I did not. Mrs. McGillicuddy is old and confused. Olaf can vouch for me.”

  “You left early,” Olaf said from behind WNOC’s camera. “Mrs. McGillicuddy practiced reading her poem to me, three times.”

  “There’s a mistake.” Stephanie turned and stomped away from the stage. She spotted a cameraman from I-CHIC filming her. She snapped her designer knock-off umbrella shut and swung it at the camera and its operator. “Cut! Turn that damn thing off! Leave me alone!” She screamed and brandished her umbrella at the crowd as people backed up.

  “Frank Plank! Frank Plank!” The audience’s chant grew louder. Rain pelted, lightening struck, the winds blew. Everyone was drenched, but no one was leaving. Every fan and Hot Guy were determined to see this through.

  The dirtbike screeched into Stephanie’s path, blocking her from the audience. She jumped and backed toward the stage. “Who are you? What do you want?”

  The driver pulled off her helmet and pitched it to the ground. “I’m a Wild Woman,” Glo
ria said. “And I want justice for Frank Plank!”

  “Frank Plank! Frank Plank!” The packed crowd hollered.

  Stephanie turned to run, but Olaf stuck out his foot and still managed to film her as she tumbled onto the ground. “Now that’s great TV! Olaf Peterson reporting for WNOC at the Hot Guys pageant meltdown.”

  On stage Suzy bolted, but George wheeled in her direction, wrapped his muscular arms around her, pulled her onto his lap and wouldn’t let her slither out of his grasp. Jamie raced the few steps up to the platform and took one look at Annie.

  “I’m fine. Suzy’s not. You need to call in a psych eval for her, pronto,” she said.

  “Agreed.” Jamie pulled cuffs from his back pocket and strode toward George, who held Suzy in a firm grip.

  Oddly, Suzy didn’t fight, just shook her head. “I’m a mother. I got the call. I answered it. I’m a mother. Got the call. Answered it…” she said as Jamie cuffed her, lifted her off of George and led her away.

  Lila stood in the middle of the crowd and burst into tears. Frank took her hand, “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be all right. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

  “Okay,” Lila said and squeezed Frank’s hand.

  Misters Sheboygan and Richland Center held Stephanie down as an officer handcuffed her. Olaf filmed and commented the entire time.

  “Frank Plank! Frank Plank!” The crowd screamed and thrust their fists in the air. Nancy and Susan accompanied a small older woman to the stage. Nancy whispered to Grady who nodded. He tapped the mic. “Quiet, please. I have an important guest speaker. Patsy Plank, Frank’s mom, would like to say something.”

  The rain let up, and a patch of sunshine poked through the clouds. The crowd grew deathly quiet. Patsy’s lower lip quivered. “Thank you for honoring, Frank. I’m sure he would be grateful. Congratulations, Mr. Appleton. I am certain you will serve your state, well. Have a nice day. Bye-bye, now.”

  Aunt Susan and Nancy guided Patsy to the back of the stage, away from the glare of cameras.

  Grady held the mic. “And that concludes Wisconsin’s first annual Hot Guys contest. I don’t know about you? But I’ll be retiring to the Duck Blind bar from some post-pageant TV coverage as well as some cool libations and more cupcakes.