The Forbidden Passion 0f A Governess (Historical Regency)

by Lucy Langton

  “Such a lovely evening,” Deirdre went on, looking out through the window as well. “We couldn’t ask for better weather.”

  “Yes, it seems that this last week has been favourable. Such a surprise,” Emilia added.

  “It will pass,” the earl said sullenly. “The good weather, that is.”

  “Such a pessimist,” Deirdre said, shaking her head.

  It was not long before the trio reached the Hutchinson estate, which was illuminated from within, giving light to the dark sky that surrounded it. There were countless carriages parked in front of the house, and lords and ladies filed into the entrance two by two. A wave of excitement washed over Emilia as she could hear the chatter outside, no doubt guests already gossiping about the events that were to take place within.

  “So many people,” Deirdre said, stepping out of the carriage.

  “Too many,” the earl remarked.

  As Emilia stepped out of the carriage, she took the earl’s hand and felt him grasp her tightly. Once she was situated on the ground, she tried to let go, but for a brief moment he still held onto her palm tightly, before finally releasing her.

  *

  It was a momentary contact, but the earl desired to hold her hand tightly the entirety of the evening, if only to keep her safe by his side, and to express to every other gentleman at the ball that Miss Stewart was his and his alone.

  Such utter nonsense, she is not mine. Miss Stewart works for me. I wish it otherwise, but at least she lives under my roof.

  *

  Walking up the stone steps and into the home, Deirdre clung on to Emilia, as though she needed an anchor to help her endure all the excitement. Memory washed over Emilia as she stepped through the door. Such fond recollections of her time spent in the Hutchinson home. She positively could not wait to see Anne and Sophie, and to hear everything that had gone on with them in the weeks since she had left.

  The first thing Emilia noticed upon entering the foyer were all the stares from lords and ladies who waited there. Why was everyone so shocked to see the Earl of Cunningham and Lady Deirdre? Was it perhaps because they had never seen them out mingling with society before? Not only were there stares, there were also whispers. So much commotion due to the mere fact that the earl was present.

  Looking back at Lord Forest, Emilia could see that he was taking note of the attention, and he wasn’t one bit happy about it. In fact, he seemed to be fuming. His brow was furrowed, his jaw tense, and his hands were clasped firmly behind his back. It was apparent to Emilia that the Earl of Cunningham was determined to not have a good time.

  The evening progressed as might be expected. Deirdre received several invitations to dance, and she accepted the ones that her brother allowed her to. All the while the earl stood on the sidelines of the dance, watching his sister carefully, and eyeing who else might be watching her as well.

  For Emilia, this provided the perfect opportunity to seek out Anne and Sophie, who were finally discovered in the parlour where refreshments were being served.

  “Emilia!” Anne cried, rushing up to her and embracing her.

  “Shh, keep your voice down,” Emilia replied, trying to remind Anne that she was in disguise that night.

  “Oh, heavens!” Sophie cried, rushing up and doing the same. Both girls were embracing her then on either side, and Emilia couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

  “Such happiness,” Anne said.

  “I’m excited to see you both. I’ve been dreaming of this moment,” Emilia said, holding on to them tightly.

  “Let’s go somewhere we can talk in private,” Sophie said. “I can scarcely hear a word in here with all this chatter.”

  “That’s a fine idea,” Emilia replied.

  Adjacent to the ballroom was an elegant atrium walled with glass. It was the perfect place for the girls to go, and offered a good vantage point to look back into the ballroom whilst they conversed. They sat in dainty iron chairs and sipped tea whilst going over events.

  “I met the most delightful gentlemen at Countess White’s ball. He is to be a duke someday,” Anne said with a delighted smile.

  “That is wonderful news,” Emilia replied. “But I do hope he is a good man, as well.”

  “Yes, he is kind,” Anne replied. “Mother and Father know of him, and they approve.”

  “He’s is handsome, too,” Sophie added. “Most importantly.”

  “Not most importantly,” Emilia protested. “It is most important that he is kind and treats you well.”

  “If you say so,” Sophie replied dubiously, and all three girls laughed.

  For Emilia, the reunion was joyful and surreal, for all the while she was dressed as a lady and pretending to be one. She had to admit that it came naturally to her. Her comportment was graceful and stately, just as the earl had predicted it would be. And not only that, she was casual, relaxed into her role as a member of the upper class. Never in a thousand years would she think it would come so naturally to her.

  Looking back into the ballroom, Emilia spotted the earl instantly, and he was looking right her way. That scowl was still upon his face, but in that moment it seemed almost worse, as though he were furious that she were talking with Sophie and Anne. Why should it be so? Didn’t he know they were her former charges?

  “Emilia, I’ve never seen you so beautiful,” Anne said, bringing her attention back to the conversation.

  “Oh, it’s all a ruse, of course,” Emilia said, deflecting the attention.

  “And why should the Earl of Cunningham wish to disguise you so?” Sophie asked.

  “I think that my presence keeps him from needing to accept a dance partner,” Emilia replied.

  “And why should he not want a dance partner?” Sophie asked, brow knit.

  “Because the earl is not fond of proper society.”

  “Does he not wish to find a wife?” Anne asked, as if it were the most foreign notion she’d ever heard of.

  “I’m unsure whether he wants a wife or not,” Emilia said. “Deirdre seems to think that he does not want one.”

  “Perhaps he’ll make you his wife,” Sophie said with a smile.

  Butterflies filled Emilia’s stomach yet again, and she instinctively looked back to where the earl was standing. He was no longer in the position she found him in before, but the next thing she knew, he was standing above her, taking her by surprise.

  “Miss Stewart, I need to have a word with you,” the earl said. Fury was still written on his face.

  “Of course, M’Lord,” Emilia replied. “Lady Anne, Lady Sophie, this is the Earl of Cunningham.”

  Clearly, the earl was in no mood for introductions, for once Emilia got up from her seat, he firmly held her by the arm and directed her out of the atrium and towards the doors to the veranda. Once outside, Emilia was led down the stone steps and into the garden, which was dark and silent.

  *

  Lord Forest was seething, and not for reasons that he could be proud of. He did not like Miss Stewart’s attentions being usurped by others for so long. He did not like being left alone to watch her and worry about her. When the anticipation and waiting became too much, the earl decided that he must act, and teach Miss Stewart a lesson in devotion.

  “Is something the matter, M’Lord?” Emilia asked.

  “Yes, there is something the matter, Miss Stewart.”

  “Have I done something to upset you?”

  They were standing before a fountain, and the earl seated Emilia on the stone lip of it.

  “Who were those two ladies?” he earl asked.

  “They were the girls I was telling you of, the Hutchinson girls.”

  “Don’t lie to me. You promised to obey me, and to be loyal to me under all circumstances.”

  “M’Lord, I have done just that, and will continue to do. I don’t understand where this anger and distrust comes from.”

  “Have you been spying on me?”

  “No, M’Lord, I would never do such a thing. Wha
t would make you suspect that?”

  He began to pace to and fro in front of the fountain, pulling his hand through his hair, seemingly unsure what to do next.

  “You shall never betray me?” he finally asked.

  “On my life, I shall never betray you.”

  *

  Then, before Emilia could even suspect what was to happen, the earl forcefully pulled her up from where she was seated and squeezed her body against his chest. He brought one hand to the back of her neck and the other to the small of her back, holding her tight. Bringing his lips to hers hungrily, the earl stole a possessive kiss. It was all-consuming, crackling with desire and hunger. Emilia knew that she should pull away, but she couldn’t bear to do so. The embrace was far too delicious for words. It was as though the earl were consuming her, body and soul, and Emilia let go of all control, disappearing in his warm, strong embrace.

  There were out of sight of the rest of the party and entirely alone. The kiss was their own little world, their private secret. All the tension from the previous weeks was released where they stood. There was no one else in the world but them, and they were both holding on to the other for dear life.

  Emilia knew how improper the kiss was, but she was utterly under the earl’s spell, unable to resist. The vigour with which he clasped her back and neck proved to her how much he desired her, how he hungered for her and had longed for her. Emilia finally had to admit to herself that her hunger had been the same, all that while.

  It took several moments for her to come to her senses. She knew not how long they were engaged in that remarkable embrace, but it was difficult to pull away and remember herself again. She tried once, and the earl would not let go. She tried again, that time insistent that they separate.

  “We can go no further,” Emilia said, trying to catch her breath.

  “I know,” the earl replied, his voice hoarse and tortured.

  “Someone might see us, from the house. Should we be caught in this position, heaven only knows that the consequences might be.”

  “I don’t care about consequences,” the earl said, trying to pull her in again. Emilia would not budge that time.

  “We come from very different stations in life, M’Lord. This is not proper. It’s not right.”

  “I care not for right and wrong, either. I just want you, Emilia.”

  As the earl used her given name out loud, chills fluttered down her spine. He had opened himself up to her, she could see it in his eyes. His gaze was needy and tender, hungry and wounded, all at the same time.

  “Not here. Please, I beg of you, M’Lord.”

  Her plea did not go on deaf ears. The earl could see the pained expression on her face as well, and he relented, stepping back and allowing Emilia her space.

  “We must go at once,” the earl said, springing into action.

  “Do you not think people will suspect if we leave so suddenly? They may think something amiss.”

  “I care not,” the earl said, reaching down and grabbing Emilia’s hand, dragging her from the garden.

  “M’Lord!” Emilia protested again, stopping in her tracks. “You cannot hold on to my hand thus. Not when others can see.” She gently removed her hand from his and watched that pained expression return to his face.

  “Very well,” he replied, fury consuming him.

  He walked ahead of her, and in his wake Emilia could almost sense his anger and discomfort, as though it surrounded him like a cloud.

  The earl re-entered the ballroom, quickly spotting Deirdre and informing her that they were leaving at once. A look of shock and sadness came over Deirdre’s face, and she turned to Emilia for explanation. Unfortunately, Emilia was already speechless enough, and she could not bear to explain to Deirdre why it was that they were leaving so quickly.

  “I’m going to be upset for an entire week,” Deirdre protested petulantly, being led to the foyer to obtain her Spencer and hat.

  Once in the carriage, deathly silence descended over them. The earl appeared too tortured and furious to speak, Deirdre was full of mourning, and Emilia was still in a state of shock and confusion.

  Had the kiss in the garden really taken place? Did she not imagine it all? She could not pull from her memory the image of the earl’s face, bright with longing and lust. She had never seen such an expression on a man’s face before, and it filled her with fear and excitement all at once. There was something all-consuming about his demeanour, as though he were the predator and she the prey.

  “Was it something that I did?” Deirdre finally asked, punctuating the silence.

  “Of course not, Lady Deirdre,” Emilia said, trying to reassure the girl. “You did nothing wrong.”

  The earl still would not speak but did much the same thing that he did on the carriage ride to the Hutchinson estate. He looked out through the window icily, not sharing any of his dark and secretive thoughts and concerns.

  Emilia had to admit the longing that consumed her in the garden was still very much present. It made it almost impossible to look at the earl, she desired him so deeply. She could tell that he felt the same, for each time that he looked at her it was as though a fire were ignited between them. They both tried to look away, then they’d find themselves lost in one another’s gazes yet again.

  Upon returning home, Emilia escaped to her bedroom instantly. She needed to be alone in order to calm down, to banish that desire and passion, if only for a few moments, even though she knew it would haunt her in her dreams. Upon entering the room, she closed the door behind her and leaned upon it, still trying to catch her breath, her heart still racing.

  It was then that Emilia heard those familiar boots coming down the hall, and she feared she might faint. She wished to seat herself upon the bed, to steady herself, but her legs would not budge. Emilia remained leaning upon the door like a frozen statue, listening to what was happening on the other side.

  The earl was pacing back and forth, that much Emilia could tell. He was also muttering to himself, as though rehearsing what he might say to her. Emilia held her breath for fear that if she made a sound, the earl would know she was leaning upon the door, right there for the taking.

  Emilia couldn’t deny the longing that he would open that door, that she would drop down and fall into his arms, and then entirely in his clutches, that he could carry her over to the bed . . .

  No! Emilia’s imagination was getting the better of her. She needed to calm down and come to her senses, but there was no stopping the instant pounding of her heart.

  After all the commotion in the hallway, there was a momentary stillness, as though the earl was about to make a decision. Emilia pressed her ear against the door, wishing to hear more clearly. Once she did so, the pounding of the boots continued back down the hall and onto the stairs.

  The earl was gone.

  Emilia clutched her chest and finally managed to walk over to the bed, where she laid herself down and gazed up at the ceiling. Finally, her muscles began to relax and she was able to have clear thoughts again. What on earth was going on at Glastonbrook? Since arriving there it was as though her whole life had changed, and she had become someone she did not know.

  Most importantly, she had to admit that she was without question in love with the Earl of Cunningham, and that night had proved that he was in love with her as well.

  *

  To tell her the nature of my heart in this moment feels necessary, but can I will my voice to speak? I wish to grab her again within my arms and feel her lips upon mine. But I must remember my duty. I must act in the sake of propriety.

  Lord Forest, in a fit of heated, unrequited passion, made his way to the garden for fresh air. He needed to think, and it seemed that every time Miss Stewart was in his presence he could not do so. Walking amidst the untended shrubs, the earl considered the fact that Miss Stewart, Emilia, the most beautiful creature he had ever met, must be his. There was no turning back.

  Chapter 14

  The following mornin
g at breakfast, Emilia was yet again invited to the earl’s table. She was quite frankly surprised, considering the tension that still existed between them. It would become increasingly difficult to hide the truth from Deirdre, who would no doubt sense that something about the dynamic between the earl and the governess had changed.

  Although Deirdre looked downcast and sullen, no doubt still upset that she had to leave the previous night’s ball so early, Emilia found that her own spirits were high. Several times she caught the earl glancing her way, only that morning, he did not seem to look away for fear of being caught. Instead, he watched her without excuse, and Emilia had to stifle a delighted smile throughout the meal.