Arissa's Destiny (Redemption Trilogy)

by Amanda Daul

  The General likely wasn’t going to stay in place long, but at least she knew how to find him next time. Although, as Trax had previously stated, they couldn’t do anything against him until they located the Lieutenant. Having never met the man, Arissa only felt discouraged whenever she thought about it. Then there was the sniper who had nearly taken her life in the town square in Daer.

  At first, she had simply passed it off as a hitman looking for an impressive target. Killing the country’s most wanted criminal must have an unbelievable bounty attached to it, but the more she had thought about that, the less sense it made. All bounties were issued by the General, and though there had been one on Arissa during her missing months as she searched for Cayl, after she had been captured and taken into the General’s custody, the bounty was abolished. The General wanted to be the one to end her life, and his bounty hunters knew that. They wouldn’t risk his wrath by beating him to the kill. It had been somebody else, for different reasons. If there was somebody else out there with a personal vendetta against Arissa, that could serve nearly as dangerous as the General himself. With no sign of an attacker since the bullet had ripped through her body, it was impossible to know if the threat was still present, or if he had moved on. Highly unlikely, she knew, which was why she needed to find her almost-killer without deterring from her hunt for the General.

  Trax’s voice shattered her thoughts in the next instant, pulling a sharp gasp from her throat, unexpectedly. She met his darkened eyes, but had not understood his words. Oddly startled by his disruption, she didn’t respond right away, and was suddenly very distracted by the way the remaining firelight illuminated his skin. He had a shadow of facial hair covering his skin, enhancing the sharp contours of his face and his blue eyes reflected every spark from the dying fire.

  “You should rest,” he repeated, his deep, lilting voice the only thing breaking the silent night air. He had moved closer to her while she had been drowning in her thoughts, now sitting within reach of her on the same down tree she had moved to form a seat.

  Having regained her posture and coherence by now, Arissa turned her eyes back to the fire. Her expression was unreadable and void of any emotion except the increasing fatigue in her bloodshot eyes. Speaking so quietly that she barely heard it herself, even her voice was stained and roughened. “I can’t sleep.”

  “You need to. I’ll stay up and keep watch,” he insisted.

  Perhaps it was the obvious exhaustion both of them were feeling or the heavy seriousness of the situation, but the aura around them seemed to tangibly shift in the next moment. Arissa was either too tired or too worried to be irritated with Trax and ever since they had settled down for the night, he had refrained from his usual obnoxious self. Though he was better at suppressing it than Arissa was, even she could see his obvious concern and unease. It was as if the sudden reality of finally locating the General had brought the world to a startling halt, shoving everything back into perspective. Their usual bickering and dislike for each other was even pushed aside, and suddenly everything felt like it was crashing down on Arissa.

  Finding the General had brought more to light than she first realized. Since she had taken over the encampment and training of the rogue soldiers, everything seemed to be on a standstill, with not much happening. Now everything would be thrown into full motion. The instant that Arissa and Trax arrived at the camp, they would assemble a small group of their most skilled fighters and trackers and set out again. She doubted that the Lieutenant would be far from the General, working as closely together as they were, they would want to stay within reasonable distance from each other. Right now, she had no idea how or when to move in on either of them, but she would figure that out on the way.

  It wasn’t the impending confrontation with the General that had her uneasy, it was the thought of being in complete control of her own battalion. The weight and responsibility of that was only now weighing on her, and it made her more nervous by the minute. Arissa grit her teeth, attempting to quench the distraught look she could feel seeping into her expression.

  She blamed the sudden shift of atmosphere around them as they sat in tense silence, but even Arissa was surprised when the disturbingly vulnerable words spilled from her mouth. Not even caring that it was Trax she was speaking to, she only wanted to be able to voice the worrisome thoughts in her head. Something she never wanted to do with anyone, but now she felt as if she needed to.

  “I can’t do this.”

  Arissa wasn’t even watching the last flickers of life from the fire anymore, her eyes were wide and unfocused, but couldn’t see anything. Trax shifted next to her, and she could hear the evident confusion in his voice as he questioned her.

  “I’m not a leader,” Arissa added, quickly, struggling to keep the strange onslaught of terror from her voice. “I’ve never been in charge of anything before in my life! Now I’m supposed to lead an entire group of soldiers into a fight that I don’t even know how to win. Their lives...Trax, our lives depend on every decision I make and I don’t even know what I’m doing!”

  She was aware that every word she said was only making her more vulnerable in front of Trax, a mistake that she knew could prove deadly, but it was like she had no control over what she said. Like she wanted him to know. She didn’t question it, she only continued, ignoring the constricting pull in her throat as her words became more desperate.

  “As much as it makes me sick to think about, all I’ve ever done is take orders and follow through with them. I’ve never been in charge of anything. How am I supposed to lead all these people and take responsibility when I never have before? There has never been a single thing that happened in my life that was my own decision. Everything was planned out and done for me.”

  It sounded like she was talking to herself, the empty void following her abnormally emotional words stretched out too long. Arissa didn’t need to turn and take in Trax’s somewhat astounded expression to know she had surprised him. Since the day they had met, they had constantly been at war with each other, their relationship constantly twisting. For the few days before leaving the hidden camp, Arissa had purposely led him on, hoping to find out exactly what it was about him that made her distrusting of him. However, even as she tried to convince herself many times over without success that it had all been part of her ploy, the lingering feeling had remained with her that she hadn’t been entirely faking her friendship with him. As aggravating and irksome as he may be with his opinionated and evocative comments, he was mysterious and that intrigued Arissa. For a short, very short, time she had almost let him convince her that she could depend on him as both a friend and a fighter, but ever since he had caught up to her in the forest, that chance had quickly dissolved.

  Regardless of what she felt for Trax, which was simultaneously a constant burning hatred and the lingering idea that maybe he was telling her the truth when he told he that she could trust him, it didn’t matter. He knew too much about her, and more importantly, he knew about her daughter. She knew what needed to be done. As horrible and repulsive as she knew it was, she needed to rely on her lack of humanity to follow through on her plan. Trax was still essential to their group for now. He would help them track down the Lieutenant and the General, but as soon as he was no longer necessary for their crusade...she would kill him. It was the only way to ensure he would not betray her secrets, to keep her daughter safe. Thanks to her years of desensitization from working in the horrid IT under the General’s command, Arissa was able to murder an innocent person without hesitation and never feel a bit of remorse or guilt and right now may be the first time she was grateful for that.

  Only seconds had passed since she had spoken and before she could break the silence with a quick, dismissive comment, Trax surprised her with an odd remark, one that almost sounded regretful.

  “That’s not entirely true. You married Cayl. Obviously, you decided that.”

  A pang of paranoia hit Arissa, causing her to jolt, suddenly feeling fidgety. Sh
e cleared her throat, beginning to speak, but realized she had no words. His words had startled her, but didn’t allow herself to think on the old memories that had sprung up in her mind.

  Apparently, Trax noticed her alarm, but made no advance. “What’s wrong?”

  She only shook her head quickly, looking down at her hands that she was absentmindedly rubbing together slowly. “It’s nothing.”

  “That wasn’t a nothing reaction. There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  Arissa scoffed once. “There’s a lot I’m not telling you.”

  For whatever reason, Arissa had actually let down her walls for the few minutes while she had been expressing her present fear. And to Trax, of all people. No matter how quick or miniscule the moment had been, it had happened, and that was something she hadn’t done with anybody. Not even Cayl.

  The simple mention of her marriage had rattled her. Not because of what had become of it, but because of the ancient memories that had hit her, the ones she had repressed and hadn’t thought about for years. It sent a shiver through her whenever she thought about it and that was precisely why she never allowed herself to.

  Standing abruptly, Arissa kicked dirt over the last smoking ashes. She didn’t bother to face Trax when she told him goodnight, her voice strained with fatigue and sadness.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Arissa and Trax didn’t even spend an hour at the base camp before they were gone again. They quickly assembled a small group of their most advanced fighters, using the few horses they had in the makeshift stable. Arissa would have liked to have more men with them for targeting the General, but she was too impatient for the group to hike the journey. They had six horses including Raze and Trax’s matching black steed, so four men were all they could bring.

  She simultaneously ended up in the largest building that had been her quarters at the same time as Trax. He had been in the second storage area, gathering food, weapons and other supplies while she rifled through the unorganized piles of maps and other papers. After she found the marked map that she had drawn up the other day, she glanced hesitantly in the direction of Trax, but couldn’t see him from the adjoining room.

  They didn’t speak, too focused on their next mission. When Arissa had awoken hours before dawn broke, Trax had wanted to leave right away. However, she had convinced him to let her stay watch while he got some rest, feeling obligated to return the favour.

  The look in his eyes as he had turned away from her told Arissa that he was just as confused about the current standing of their relationship as she was. Over the last few days alone, they had both called a truce and declared a personal war between them and nothing ever seemed to stay in place even after it was decided. Arissa didn’t want to admit it, but even though they had both been aware of the scam, they had bonded during their late night conversations in this very room. The next day, she had convinced herself the only thing she could do to keep her family safe was to kill Trax, which she was still fully intending to do, except now, the strange aura between them was tempting her to rethink her decision. She couldn’t. It was just something that had to be done.

  The moments before she had fallen asleep on the opposite side of the extinguished fire still lingered in her mind though, as hard as she tried to forget about them. She was still confused about why she had told Trax what she had been feeling, the vulnerable words so uncharacteristic for her that she knew even he had been taken aback. Blaming exhaustion, Arissa shook her head, clearing the memory just as Trax emerged into the larger room again. His expression was set and hard to read, even when his startling blue eyes locked onto hers.

  No words were exchanged. Arissa nodded as she quickly folded the map and shoved it into one of the pockets of her skin-tight jacket. He motioned for her to exit the door, following closely behind her.

  The four soldiers they had chosen were basically strangers to Arissa. She recognized them from the field and mess hall, but their names were unknown to her. Trax was a lot more involved with the recruits than she was and he seemed to know them personally, greeting them by name and accepting their own welcome and gratitude. The soldiers from the General’s army may not be as well trained as one would assume, but they did hold a surprising amount of respect for their leaders. Arissa was grateful for their dedication and cooperation, they wouldn’t be in their camp without it, but she still had reservations.

  Their departure from the camp was quiet, Arissa leading on Raze and the rest following single file as they quickly found the same shortcut that had brought them to the camp less than an hour ago. Trax offered to take the end, not needing to verbally explain to Arissa that he, too, wanted to keep an eye on the men.

  This would be the first time they sent recruits into the forests for something other than their weekly meets in Vailwood with the General’s replacement. Everyone had always returned just as they were supposed to, everything in their plan working out perfectly, but they were both still wary to leave them unattended. The oath that every soldier in the General’s army had taken meant nothing, but neither did their word to Arissa and Trax and that was what made them both uneasy. However, everybody seemed to obey their rules, sharing the overall wish to see the General brought to justice.

  Even in their haste through the darkened forest, they would need to make camp before nightfall. The General’s current location was little more than a full day’s journey, but Arissa was still unsure of a plan. Nerves from the night before were returning, anxiety about making this decision weighing on her so much that she nearly missed the trail she was meant to be following. Luckily, Raze was aware of the trail and picked up on her error.

  They couldn’t attack the General. Not yet. They needed to at least know where the Lieutenant was beforehand. Even though, they were both in hiding, they most definitely had some sort of plan waiting for her. The last thing the General would do is give up and the lack of tragedy in their land ever since her execution sentence was disturbing. Something was coming, Arissa could feel it. She just didn’t know what it was. All she did know was that their lives were depending on how she handled this.

  Several times she glanced over her shoulder, seeing the four men following idly on the similar bay horses, not bothering to look around them or be aware of their surroundings at all. Arissa shook her head at the idiocy, reminding herself of their inexperience and bit back the sharp remark that begged to fly from her tongue. Instead, she caught Trax’s gaze from farther back and the encouraging flash of a grin he tossed her seemed to settle the panic that was slowly rising in her. Turning back to face the trail, she didn’t let him see the twitch of her lip in response. Not bothering to scold herself for what seemed to be yet another truce between them for the time being, Arissa released a long breath and allowed herself a single moment to feel comforted his alliance. Regardless of how frustrated and distrustful he could make her feel at times, there was something in his smile and his eyes that always sent a foreign spark through her that she had never before felt. It always made her heart beat a little faster and sometimes, much to her consternation, she could feel a sudden warmth spread through her face. It was something she had never experienced before in her life and that was what alarmed Arissa more than anything else, that unfamiliar reaction.

  They traveled most of the day without a break, only stopping at a shallow creek once to allow the horses a drink, but other than that, Arissa was too focused to allow anyone to rest. It was nightfall before she finally pulled Raze to a halt. The place she had chosen to make camp was partially barred off from plain sight, a thick hedge of trees blocking the view of the rest of the forest and a sharp knoll on the left dropped to a small, grassy field below.

  The men quickly began preparing the camp, gathering enough wood for a small fire and tethering the horses within reach of a small pond that they found nearby. Arissa turned Raze loose, trusting him to wander freely. Hardly a word was spoken and it seemed that was how the whole day had been, silent and felt like the day had gone by in a flash
. By now, she had hoped to at least have some kind of concrete plan, but no matter what she thought of, something always made her change her mind.

  As soon as they had eaten from their limited supply, the fire was extinguished. Arissa briefly told the men that she would illustrate her full directions to them in the morning and they only nodded. It was evident they were nervous, but Arissa paid no heed to them. Trax had spoken to them, though she hadn’t heard what he had said. She was too preoccupied with her own thoughts and told herself to trust he knew what he was doing.

  A moment later, Arissa rose abruptly from her seat beside the fire and left the group. Even with the quiet mutterings around her, it was too much and her pulse was quickening as her frustration grew.

  She was completely exhausted, not from riding all day, but from never letting her mind rest for a moment. Now, every time she tried to think of anything but the impending confrontation with the General, all that came to mind was Cayl and Janelle.

  Guilt was the last thing she felt about banishing Cayl from their camp, but she still couldn’t let go of the feeling that was tempting to drag her back, making her want to see them again before she went straight into the heart of a battle that had no probable outcome. Just thinking of her daughter made her chest constrict and her throat swell and Arissa was suddenly very glad she had stepped away from their makeshift camp when she had.

  She waited until she was sitting on the very edge of the highest peak of the knoll with several thin trees around her before she exhaled a quick, jerking breath that was dangerously close to being accompanied by tears. A cold shiver settled over her, threatening to overwhelm her as memories of home fought harder and harder to break into her subconscious.