The Biggerers

by Amy Lilwall

  Climbing up the wall and swinging one leg over it, she sat there for a moment and started to cry.

  He heard the break in her voice and looked up immediately. ‘Oh Susan, what’s all this?’ He got up and crossed the room.

  From the wall she felt a tug on her ankle. ‘You just make me feel inferior,’ she blubbed down at him.

  Her confidence. Her confidence had surely been sky-high all week and now she was home and feeling deflated. Inferior, indeed. Not a good source. It hadn’t helped that he’d been right about the foie gras. He could have let her have that one… She was still clutching the wet tea-towel, crying at it as if it were a creature that had died in her hands. He took it from her; her hands were icy. She always had cold hands. He pulled her into his coat and wrapped the edges around her. She drooped inside the coat like a lettuce leaf between gorilla lips. That’s why she made exceptionally good pastry, because she had cold hands; it was better than anything he could buy at Shepherd’s. ‘You are a very good sauce, Suzie,’ he said. ‘All creamy and delicious.’

  Hmmm… That was quite a nice little play-on-words, he thought as he rested his chin on her head. Surely that would have made her smile a little bit. They stood like that until all of her breathy sobs had rolled out of her throat and washed over her tongue. ‘A Suzie-sauce,’ she hoarsed up at him suddenly.

  ‘Ha, not bad! Sauce-Suzette,’ he said.

  ‘A sauce-an,’ she batted back.

  ‘A suce!’ he triumphed. That was, after all, the obvious combination to follow hers… Although his ‘creamy and delicious’ comment had been the cleverest. He tightened his arms around her and felt himself still whispering sh, sh, sh well after she had stopped crying.

  CHAPTER 2

  Pass in hand, Drew flashed the barcode over a scanner and pushed through the turnstile towards the lift. The lift doors opened. Dr Hector stepped out, rumbling instructions at one of the student researchers. Drew straightened and clutched the pass in both hands.

  ‘Drew – bit late for you, isn’t it?’ said Hector.

  ‘Forgotten items… Again.’

  ‘Right.’ The doctor turned his back to the student, his stare wandering down to Drew’s pass and back up again.

  The student craned to see beyond the window, flicked a glance at Hector, then made slicing gestures at his neck.

  ‘We have that audit tomorrow, don’t forget.’

  ‘I know,’ said Drew, eyes following the student’s gaze towards the window, then snapping back to the doctor.

  The doctor looked too. ‘Do you have someone waiting for you? You best hurry on up there… Retrieve whatever this forgotten item is…’

  ‘Yes, I’d best be off.’ Drew exhaled, both shoulders falling to normal shoulder height. The student started to stammer out his goodbyes to Hector.

  ‘I haven’t finished with you yet,’ the doctor overrode him. ‘Get a pen. Write this down.’

  Drew stepped past both of them and jumped into the lift, hoping that the lab was exactly how it had been not four hours before. ‘See you tomorrow.’ Maybe someone had been in just to make sure that everything was tip-top for the audit. Drew bounded along the corridor with out-turned feet, pushed back the lab door and glanced at the giant fridges that flanked the entrance, in the light of the moon, with their hundreds of surplus children inside. At the back of the room stood three big incubators. ‘Hello girls.’ Drew stared for a moment at the glass containers in each one, checked the temperature, good, and blinked at the ceiling, once, slowly, chin pressed against clasped hands. The others had never got as far as this. Black thoughts curled into vines about the incubator. No, not this time. Drew would come again tomorrow night, and the night after, and in the early mornings when the buses were cold and empty yet full of all that time to spend guessing at which one would be dead. But after this, that would be it. As soon as they all died they would move on. The dance lessons ended next week. Watty could make cakes anywhere.

  Drew’s focus fuzzed from gazing too hard. A dot of light swelled in each egg, then vanished in a blink. But one still glowed amber – really? Drew blinked again. The amber dimmed.

  * * *

  ‘Where have you been? It’s hair day.’

  ‘I know it is.’

  ‘Well, have you been looking for hair?’

  ‘No, Bonbon, I haven’t.’

  ‘You haven’t been looking for hair? Where were you then?’

  ‘Big room.’

  ‘But they’re in there.’

  ‘I know. That’s why I went.’

  ‘Why? What would you want to see them for now? It’s not time to see them. What would you want to see them for?’

  ‘I don’t know why, I just…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I just needed to.’

  ‘You just needed to. Oh Jinx… Why would you do that? You’re so weak. It’s too early to see them now; don’t you know how early it is?’

  ‘Yeah, I know, but they really seem to like me at the moment.’

  ‘But by the time it gets around to the right time to see them, they won’t want to see us. Because you already saw them.’

  ‘Oh no. Do you really think so?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘—.’

  ‘Oh dear…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Now I need to see them.’

  ‘Well, go on then!’

  ‘But it’s too early!’

  ‘But maybe they will want to see you because they’ve just seen me… They’ll still be in the mood.’

  ‘Bloody hell. That means I’d better go right now, doesn’t it? It’s just too… Well… It’s hair day, Jinx!’

  ‘I’ll look for hair.’

  ‘Even if you don’t, I have to go now, don’t I?’

  ‘I will, Bonbon, I will.’

  ‘Fine. I’ll be back in a bit.’

  Bonbon walked across the floor towards the big room, jumping tile gaps every three steps; she didn’t want to get her foot stuck again. Why would she go and see them so early? Stupid rat. She never thought about what she was doing and what would happen afterwards. So selfish.

  Stupid selfish rat-head.

  And it was getting cold. The reason you always did it later in the evening was because in warm-time it was too hot during the day and in cold-time it warmed you up at the coldest part of the day. Also, they were always in the mood in the evening. Well, at least theirs were. Blankey had said that hers were never up for it in the evening; they did it in the middle of the day, and Chips, ha! Chips didn’t even know what it was! How weird. But then it wasn’t as easy for him…

  Because of his thing.

  At least Chips got his humcoat when it was still warm-time. That was ages ago. It had been cold-time for ages and they still hadn’t been given their humcoats…

  Hang on… What was that? Oh bloody hell… ‘Why are you following me?’

  Silence.

  ‘Jinx? I know you’re there.’

  ‘I-I want to watch.’

  ‘You want to what? You want to watch? Why would you want to watch?’

  ‘Oh please. I get lonely on my own.’

  ‘And do I watch when it’s your turn? Do I?’

  ‘Oh please, Bonbon.’

  ‘No!’

  Jinx covered one foot with the other and looked at it.

  Jeez. She was at it again. She was doing that thing. ‘Look, please don’t do that. You know that makes my ears feel hot.’

  ‘I-I, can’t h-help it, Bonbon.’ Sniff. ‘S-sometimes you are s-so nasty to me.’

  ‘But, I don’t even know what you’re doing! What on earth is that, Jinx? Stupid ears… Just stop it. Stop it now!’

  ‘Just… So… N-nasty.’

  ‘No, Jinx… No, don’t do that; stop it… Look at me, Jinx. Come on, look at me? That’s better. It’s just that you aren’t nasty enough. It’s you who’s all weird. Everybody thinks so.’

  Sniff.

  ‘Listen. I don’t want you to watch but you can
wait just outside the door if you want, then we’ll go back and have a nap.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘A cuddly nap?’

  Jesus, what was this word? What was this bloody word that she kept on using? ‘Whatever. Yes.’

  ‘Okay, Bonbon. I’ll wait right here.’

  ‘But you’d better turn around.’

  ‘Alright.’

  ‘And you mustn’t look inside.’

  ‘No, I won’t.’

  ‘If you do, I’ll know, okay?’

  ‘Yes, okay. No, I won’t.’

  Jinx swivelled on her bottom until she was facing her left, and behind her was her right and what was behind her was her new left. That was how it was, there were specific names given to these specific spaces so that no one could get confused about anything. She knew these names. Bonbon didn’t; she just shouted whenever she heard Jinx use them out loud.

  Bonbon walked across the last three tiles to the door.

  The door clicked open.

  Bonbon fluttered her eyelashes. But there was no one.

  It must have been the through. They were always talking about that wretched through that opened all of the doors, and it usually happened when someone was arriving or leaving. Bonbon looked behind her towards the front door and fluttered her eyelashes.

  But there was no one. Except for Jinx. Jinx fluttered her eyelashes back at Bonbon.

  ‘Ji-inx!’ Bonbon whined, bending her knees and holding her cheeks in her hands. ‘I just told you to turn around!’

  ‘Are you spying on me, chilly-billy?’ Bonbon spun to face the door. It wasn’t like she even needed it any more. She didn’t even need it. But then they might not be in the mood later, so… She’d better get it now. She stepped through and ran across the wood floor so that she would be noticed. She was noticed. She stopped under the coffee table and looked out from behind one of the legs. She fluttered her eyelashes.

  It spoke again. It was the He-one, oh good; she ran over to his shoe and lay across its toe, on her back, arching herself so that her breasts pointed upwards and wobbled above the line of her chin. He picked her up in his hand and set her on his knee. She pulled her hair back and wound it on top of her head. He began to rub the back of her neck with the tips of his fingers. She lay on her belly, across his thigh, and his fingers waved all the way down her back and up to her neck again.

  He talked to her. She closed her eyes.

  He continued like this for a few minutes then stopped, his hand hovering just above her body, so she kicked his finger, like she usually did, with the heel of her foot and he started to rub her again.

  ‘You got it already? Isn’t it a bit early?’

  ‘Yeah. It was Jinx’s fault.’

  ‘It wasn’t my fault, Bonbon. You’re always blaming me. I can’t help it if I get lonely.’

  ‘What is this word, what is this bloody word? Do you know what it means, Chips?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘She has so many stupid words like this. They never mean anything.’

  ‘Yes they do, Bonbon. They do! It means that I get sad when I’m on my own.’

  ‘On your own? You’re never on your own! That’s impossible. There’s always the bowls, or the toilet box, or something.’

  ‘No! I mean another living thing; another thing that’s alive, you know, that moves.’

  Chips and Bonbon blinked at her.

  ‘So you got it already?’ Chips said again.

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘And was it good?’

  ‘Chips, I wish you could try it. You’ll never know what it’s like unless you try it.’

  ‘Yes, but poor Chips has that thing, doesn’t he?’

  ‘Shh! Jinx. Bloody hell,’ Bonbon hissed, smacking Jinx on the shoulder and looking at her nastily.

  ‘What thing, what thing do I have?’

  ‘Just ignore her, Chips.’

  ‘Jinx, what thing do I have?’

  Jinx’s eyes glanced down between Chips’s legs.

  ‘Honestly, Chips, you can’t even see it now you’ve got your humcoat.’

  ‘W-what? You mean the… My…’

  ‘Brrr… You’re so lucky to have your humcoat. It’s nearly cold-time, and I’m cold.’

  Chips lifted his humcoat. ‘But why does that mean that I can’t have it too?’

  ‘Well, we don’t have them, Chips. Look…’

  ‘Will you shut up, Jinx?’

  ‘I’m just saying, if he tried it, his thing would get squashed.’

  ‘SHUT UP, Jinx. Of course you can have it, Chips. You just have to ask them to give it to you, that’s the only problem… I don’t know how you’re going to do that.’

  ‘Brrrr… It is cold.’ Chips let go of the bottom of his humcoat and switched it on. It started to hum. Jinx and Bonbon got a bit nearer. ‘I don’t know how they can let you walk about like that,’ he said as Jinx lifted up his arm and put it around her shoulders.

  Bonbon screwed up her eyes. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with her; she’s so, so… I don’t even have a word for what she’s like.’

  ‘Clingy, Bonbon, I’m clingy.’ She took Chips’s arm off her shoulders and let it drop. ‘I’m just cold.’

  They stood, blinking at each other.

  ‘It’s no good. I’m going to have to go inside.’

  ‘Right.’

  They all turned at the same time and left.

  At eight o’clock it was dark. They crept back and went straight to the kitchen where he opened the fridge and she went to check their food bowls. Jinx’s was empty. She waited while he finished with the fridge.

  ‘Are you going to eat that now? I thought we could save it for tomorrow.’

  He took something else, closed the door, and left.

  She reached into the cupboard above the fridge and took out three cups full of dry flakes.

  ‘We should think about putting their humcoats on,’ he called from the hall.

  She poured the flakes into Jinx’s bowl and went over to their basket. Oh they were doing it again! They were doing it again! ‘Quick, look; they’re doing it again!’

  Jinx and Bonbon lay folded together one behind the other with all their arms and legs curled around each other like idle white slugs.

  ‘They’re so cute. Look, quick! Come look.’

  ‘It’s because they’re cold,’ he said with his mouthful. ‘We really should put their humcoats on.’

  ‘You’re probably right,’ she said.

  ‘I’ll go and get them.’

  ‘No! Don’t wake them up… I’ve been meaning to get them new ones.’

  ‘You’ve been saying that for weeks,’ he said. And then he went.

  She crouched down, lifted Bonbon’s foot with the tip of her fingernail and put it down again. Then she went.

  Jinx opened her eyes and listened to the She-one walking away. She could feel one of Bonbon’s hands on her belly, the other one on her forearm, her knees in the backs of her own knees and her breasts pressed against her back. Every other second Bonbon breathed into the little cave between her ear and her neck.

  Jinx smiled and closed her eyes.

  Bonbon was the first to wake up. She sat up and looked out of the basket.

  ‘Come back for a few minutes.’

  Bonbon looked back at Jinx’s arm that stretched across the air like it wanted her to pass it something. She bent and sniffed the yellow fingernails. Flakes. Her tongue was slippery inside her mouth; now was eating time. ‘Not now, Jinx.’ She climbed out of the basket, took a few mouthfuls of Jinx’s flakes, then ate all of her own.

  They spent the morning jumping on cushions to make the feathers come out. Then they collected up the feathers and went back to the kitchen to put them in the basket.

  At lunchtime they waited for her to come home and fill up the bowls.

  She didn’t come.

  Bonbon crawled through the vacuum hatch. Where was Jinx, where was that rat-head? Hmmm… No fe
athers in the AstroTurf… She went over to the spot where she could see over the bars.

  Over the bars was grey. Feather day was long because there were never any feathers in the AstroTurf. She would just have to stand there looking at the grey.

  Where was that stupid rat?

  ‘Did you get it yet, Bonbon?’

  ‘Not yet, Chips. It’s too early.’

  Jinx backed out of the vacuum hatch. Hugging herself. She ran over to the spot where she could see over the bars. Bonbon was standing in it. She started to rub her arms and shoulders while hopping on one leg, then the other.

  ‘But you got it early yesterday?’

  ‘Yeah… All because of bloody Jinx.’

  ‘But it’s good, isn’t it?’

  ‘Chips, I just wish you could try it.’

  ‘So, if it was good, what did Jinx do that was so bad?’

  Jinx stopped rubbing and jumping. Bonbon stopped looking at the grey. They stared at Chips.

  ‘It was too early,’ said Bonbon.

  Jinx fluttered her eyelashes at Chips.

  ‘But you got it, didn’t you? And that’s better than not getting it, Bonbon.’

  Bonbon turned back to the grey. ‘It’s better in the evening. In the evening it’s colder. But she had to have it in the afternoon. I don’t know why.’

  ‘She’s… clingy,’ he replied.

  They both stared at him again.

  Jinx reached out one hand and touched Chips’s humcoat.

  Bonbon turned back to the vacuum hatch. ‘There are no feathers out here. There are more feathers in the cushions. Come on, Jinx.’

  Jinx turned and followed Bonbon.

  Jinx spent the next hour jumping on cushions. Bonbon collected up the feathers.

  ‘Not the shoe one, Jinx. Nothing ever comes out of the shoe one.’

  ‘But it’s bouncy.’

  Bonbon bent and grabbed at a feather. Why did she keep on coming out with this rubbish that wasn’t going to help anyone? All it meant was that Bonbon had to keep telling her to shut up; why should she have to keep telling Jinx to shut up when all she wanted to do was get on?

  ‘And anyway, it’s not made from shoes, it’s made from some sort of plastic.’

  Stupid rat. She should just shut up. She never knew when it was time to shut her stupid mouth. Chips thought she was nasty to Jinx, but it was always bloody Jinx’s stupid fault.