The Biggerers

by Amy Lilwall

  * * *

  She woke up just as Hamish put a mug down on her bedside table. He sat down on the bed and looked at her.

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Seven thirty. Are you going into work today?’

  She hoisted herself onto her elbows. ‘Yes. I don’t think I should have any more time off.’

  ‘What about hassling the company?’

  Susan balanced on one elbow while she rubbed her eyes. ‘You know, part of me thinks it would be better just to wait for the email.’

  ‘Really?’ He screwed up his face.

  She stopped rubbing her eyes and squinted up at him. The night before he’d seemed disappointed with the lack of information she had for him. He did ask some pretty good questions like: did you ask if they’d had any demonstration of communication since taking the two littlers? Did they realize that Jinx hadn’t actually communicated? It was only a squeak, really… Are you sure that the first woman was not a machine? Yes, Hamish; she was sure. But did they say anything else, Susan? Did they say anything else? Did you ask to speak to someone else?

  ‘You can’t speak to someone else, Hamish. They don’t let you.’

  ‘Right.’ He switched his ScreenJotta off and sat with it on his knees. ‘Best see what they say tomorrow. They might have someone different tomorrow.’

  Susan shrugged. ‘It probably won’t help.’ Then: she looked at him from the side of her head. He stared at nothing, then flipped his stare back into her one eye that was looking at him. She shivered, thinking of how often she must do that and he knew he was being watched.

  ‘I’m tired, Suzie, I’m going to have to head up.’

  And he did. And that was the end of their team spirit. At eight fifty-one in the evening.

  They hadn’t even had dinner.

  ‘I should be finished early today, why don’t I try and give them a call?’

  Susan shrugged. ‘If you want. I don’t see how that would make any difference.’

  ‘As I said, someone else might pick up. We might get a different answer.’ He stood up and bent to kiss her on the head. ‘Bye then.’

  ‘Bye.’

  Susan got up and took her coffee down to the kitchen, glancing at the bowls; they were empty, best fill them up. She turned to the fridge. Oh no. That’s right, there was no point. She’d come down to get a yogurt but didn’t really fancy it any more. She glanced at the basket as she headed for the door. They’d been sleeping in it so peacefully two nights ago, and now… She’d had this conversation with herself yesterday and it had ended with her taking the mat from the mat-man, and that had all been triggered by the fact that she’d come to get a yogurt. She’d got as far as sticking her head out of the front door, all dressed and ready for work, but the snap in the air had made her think of snow and how last winter Jinx had run outside while it was snowing, completely naked, with her arms stretched up towards the sky and her mouth wide open to catch the flakes on her tongue. Bonbon had rolled it into balls and managed to bring it into the house. That was during the days when she couldn’t work out how they brought things in from outside; clever things. Independent things. They’d never see snow again, she thought, then shut her head back into the house and phoned her boss, snivelling into the phone.

  Bloody morning yogurt; she couldn’t let it trip her up again. ‘They are gone!’ she said to herself. ‘Look in the bowls,’ said the mat-man. She did, and as she did, she told herself that they would be empty from now on. ‘Look in the toilet box,’ he said. She did that too. Empty. No Jinx hiding because Bonbon had been nasty to her. ‘Look in the basket,’ he said. This was the most difficult bit. This was the bit she’d tried to avoid. They were at their cutest when they were in the basket. She would miss seeing them cuddled up to each other. She looked in. Empty except for a few blades of AstroTurf and… What was that? Was that… She picked it up, flattened it out and started to read. Darling Helena…

  CHAPTER 18

  Bonbon was the first to wake up. She sat up and looked for the edge of the basket – oh but… There was no basket. The smell of Jinx’s hair had made her think that she was at home. ‘You won’t ever want to go home again,’ Mop’s voice said inside her head. Hmmm. She wasn’t too sure about that.

  What time would that funny ribbon thing jump onto her stomach? She crawled to the end of the cage. Soon, hopefully. And she could do with a bowl of water. She scratched her armpit and looked at the cages opposite. A head ducked down and reappeared, its mouth full and munching. Hang on… Bonbon’s stare zipped along the cages either side. ‘When did you get flakes?’ she yelled.

  A littler sat back on his knees, his cheeks full of flakes. He concentrated on her while he finished his mouthful before answering her question. ‘Just now. Haven’t you got any?’

  ‘No!’

  The littler rocked back on his heels and stood up. ‘Bonbon and Jinx haven’t had breakfast!’ he called. Fingernails clinked against bars and bulging faces stood chewing at the wire doors.

  ‘It means you’ll be taken this morning,’ said the littler opposite. ‘Just remember everything we told you. And don’t tell them too much.’

  ‘Act stupid!’ called Ed.

  ‘Try to co-operate while acting stupid,’ called another.

  ‘Be strong!’ called a third.

  ‘Be strong!’ they chanted all at once. Bonbon wondered why they were allowed to say that particular phrase all at the same time, then wondered how she knew how to think of words like ‘particular phrase’.

  The black shutters snapped together in front of her nose. She yelped and scrambled to the back. The cage started to slide, then rise so quickly that Bonbon’s tummy seemed to fall into her bottom. She squinted through the black air. ‘Jinx!’ she called.

  ‘I’m here, Bonbon!’ Jinx called back just as the movement stopped.

  Bonbon stumbled forward two or three steps. The shutters reopened. She held up one hand to break the path of the light that beamed into her eyes.

  ‘Good morning!’ A head appeared. The same white head that they had seen the day before with the criss-crosses where there should have been a mouth. Bonbon looked closely to see if she could see the smile. She could. ‘How are we feeling today; good?’

  ‘—.’

  ‘Hungry?’

  Bonbon clapped once then held her hands behind her back. Was that giving too much away? She would have to ask the others later.

  ‘Hungry, Jinx?’

  Jinx pushed out her bottom lip and blinked.

  ‘Now, Jinx, what did we say yesterday? If you don’t communicate with me now, you’ll be sent to a different room. Away from Bonbon.’

  Jinx lifted her hand into the air and started tracing circles on the wall.

  Len made a noise that sounded like a laugh. ‘I’ve had the time to read your file properly. It seems that your arrest was due to a vocal outburst.’

  Jinx’s circles turned into one long, curly line that travelled up the wall of the cage and over her head.

  ‘This puts me in a bit of a predicament,’ said Len. ‘I’m inclined to believe that you don’t know how to clap, and the fact that you managed to scream “no” could have been triggered by intense emotion. Huh? What do you think, Bonbon? Am I right? Was Jinx so sad that she shouted “no”?’

  A clap.

  ‘Are you sure? Because if you’re sure she can’t clap then I will almost certainly have to put her into a different room. Right now, in fact. We won’t waste any more time here.’ He folded his white arms across his chest. ‘Are you sure, Bonbon, that Jinx can’t clap?’

  Bonbon looked at Jinx. She’d stopped drawing lines and was now staring back at Bonbon.

  Two claps. No, she wasn’t sure. But the claps hadn’t come from her…

  Jinx stood with her hands held out in front of her as if she’d thrown a bundle of feathers into the air. Bonbon’s eyes grew hot. The skin on the Jinx-side of her body felt tingly and happy as if all the little hairs were trying to touch her. She wa
nted to call her ‘darling’ and kiss her and say the word ‘love’ into her ear. But… ‘Don’t let them know too much,’ said Mop’s voice. Her stomach fell into her bottom. Jinx had refused to clap then clapped, letting them know something that even Bonbon didn’t know about her: she could keep secrets.

  ‘You’ve surprised me,’ said Len. ‘Both of you.’ He tapped the thing that was next to him, like he had done the night before. ‘There’s obviously a lot to learn about two littlers that have spent a substantial amount of time together. You lied for her, Bonbon; do you realize that?’

  Jinx clapped twice; it wasn’t a lie!

  ‘Oh yes she did!’ he said. ‘It seems like you do have something to say, Jinx. Well…’ Len opened the cage and plucked her out. Jinx opened her mouth to scream but couldn’t. She reached back for Bonbon who ran forward to grab her hand. The cage door closed, rattling as Jinx kicked it. Her toes curled and disappeared up into the air with the rest of her leg. ‘You will be interviewed by my colleague today. Now, I don’t want you to worry. You’ll be in the same cage again tonight; I promise.’ Bonbon pushed her face between the bars and watched Jinx wiggling in Len’s hand, her hair flicking and her hands pulling at his plastic finger. ‘Jinx, calm down. Calm down. We’re not going to separate you, I promise.’ She stopped pulling and put both hands over her eyes. Hiding, thought Bonbon. She often did that when Bonbon shouted at her or asked her to go and collect AstroTurf when she just wanted to lie in the basket. Her shoulders shook as she pressed her palms into her chin. ‘It’ll be alright, Jinx. You’ll see Bonbon again tonight; look, wave goodbye to her… Bye-bye, Bonbon.’

  Another white stomach passed in front of the cage, a clapping box pressed against it. Jinx… Bonbon held her cheeks in both hands. Oh Jinx, you’ll be in so much trouble.

  ‘Now Bonbon, I have to tell you exactly what I’m going to do with you today. Let’s start with this.’ He held up a silver square. ‘This little baby will monitor your brain activity while I ask you questions, so I’m going to stick it to your head in just a moment. It won’t hurt, I promise.’

  Bonbon sat and stared at the line in the wall that had opened up and closed again, trapping Jinx inside it. He stuck the silver thing to her head. It didn’t hurt. He’d promised that it wouldn’t hurt and it hadn’t. He’d promised that she would see Jinx again; maybe she would. He closed the door of the cage and looked down at his tablet.

  ‘What are you thinking about, there?’

  Bonbon shook her head then reached behind it.

  ‘No. Don’t touch it. I’ll take it off at the end. What were you thinking about just after I put it on? Were you happy that I touched you?’

  Two claps.

  He looked at his tablet. ‘Yep, I can see that. Were you thinking about Jinx?’

  Bonbon held her hands out to clap but Len went on: ‘Wow, yeah; you were definitely thinking about Jinx. This is fascinating.’ He rubbed the top of his white head with his white hand and looked at her. ‘We really need to investigate littlers who live in pairs.’ He looked down again. ‘I’ve never, ever seen so much love in one brain! Not even a full-human brain!’

  Bonbon scowled, wondering what a ‘full-human’ could be.

  Was she happy at home, Len asked, did she talk to her owner at home through clapping? Was she thirsty? Had she ever used the internet? Had she ever been in a car? Had she ever been to the vet’s? Did she have a humcoat? As she answered, Bonbon wondered how she could answer in such a way that she wouldn’t show how much she knew. That was really difficult when there were only two ways she could answer: yes or no. Except for the internet… She didn’t really know if she’d used that… If she didn’t know, it was probably because she’d never used it… In any case, she’d decided that telling the truth was the best way to answer his questions. At least he would think that she didn’t know how to lie.

  ‘There’s a lot of noise here, Bonbon… Are you thinking about other things while I’m asking you these questions?’

  Shit. Could he really see all that other stuff she’d been thinking about how she should answer?

  ‘Not to worry. It’s a big day for you today, I know.’ He started another round of questions. Bonbon tried to concentrate on what he was saying and not think about how she was answering; although, that wasn’t too difficult because the questions seemed much harder this time. Had she ever been angry, had she ever been in love, had she ever wanted to kill something, had she ever been scared, had she ever wanted to touch herself between her legs, had she ever been anxious, had she ever been sad, had she ever felt shy… She didn’t know what most of the words meant; they tumbled over her, one after the other like a, a feeling.

  ‘Angry and sad, eh? Have you ever been happy?’

  A clap.

  ‘Well, that’s a relief!’ Len looked at her. ‘Never been in love?’

  Bonbon thought about this then clapped twice.

  ‘But you love Jinx? Hmmm… Maybe you’re a bit confused with the words. It’s normal but… but you did strike me as more intuitive than the others.’

  How could she have ever been in love when she was still in love?

  ‘What did you just think?’

  Bonbon gazed at Len and put her hands on her hips. Why did these biggerers ask questions that she couldn’t answer?

  ‘And there… What did you think just then?’

  Idiot.

  ‘Okay. Let me ask you again about love.’

  Bonbon straightened and puffed out her chest. This time she would answer yes, she did love Jinx; even though he would ask her if she’d ever been in love.

  ‘Have you ever been in love?’

  Yes. A clap. She did love Jinx.

  ‘Right.’ He peered at her for a moment, then continued with his questions.

  Had she ever driven an Aston Martin, had she ever dined at The Ritz, had she ever read Shakespeare, had she ever played the cello, had she ever written poetry, had she ever been fishing, had she ever baked a cake, had she ever been to Scotland, had she ever been on an aeroplane, had she ever lived in the country, had she ever swum in the sea, had she ever written a story, had she ever ridden a bike, had she ever stroked a cat…

  What the hell? What on Earth was Shakespeare? What did ‘driven’ mean? What was an Aston Martin? No, no, no, no, she answered two claps after two claps. The only word she had understood was ‘cat’, but ‘stroked’? Nope… Not a clue. Then again, all she’d ever done to a cat was throw things at it. She answered no; she’d never stroked a cat.

  ‘Good,’ said Len. ‘But… are you frightened of cats?’

  Two claps. She thought about the day she’d thrown stones at the grey cat’s head. If she ever saw that cat again, she’d kick it on the nose.

  ‘Be honest, Bonbon. Are you scared of cats?’

  Two claps. No, she bloody wasn’t!

  Len laughed. ‘I get the impression that you really believe you’re not.’ He looked back at the screen. ‘So what about all this writing and cake-baking?’

  Bonbon wrinkled her head. What?

  ‘Living in the country?’

  Len kept his eyes on his tablet. ‘Yeah, I thought not. Don’t worry; we’ll get rid of all of that before it has the chance to surface.’ He looked at her. ‘Now, let’s see what has reached the surface.’

  Bonbon scowled at him. Reach the surface. Like she did in the bath. Was he going to ask her about that? How did he know about that?

  Had she ever woken up with lots of other littlers? Had she known any full-humans before she knew her owner? Had she ever lived anywhere else before she’d lived with her owner? Had she ever been in a glass box before she’d been with her owner? Had she ever been to a shop before she’d been to one with her owner? Could she remember anything before being with her owner?

  Memories fuzzed in Bonbon’s head. A memory of a thought sharpened. She woke up in a glass tank, curled up in a pile of littlers whose tummies rose and fell so quickly that they looked as if the rest of their bodies shoul
d have been running. She remembered thinking a thought about being too hot and little white bits sticking to sweaty feet. She remembered telling Jinx: ‘Don’t be silly, we came from a shop!’ Then she remembered not thinking about all these memories of thoughts again. Until now. They were probably just funny thoughts that her brain had made up. It did sometimes. ‘Don’t let them know too much!’ echoed Mop’s voice. No, she answered. No, no, no, no. And it wasn’t a lie. The truth was that she couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember if they were memories or thoughts. It wasn’t a lie, no, no, no; it wasn’t a lie.

  ‘More noise, Bonbon. I’m not sure about all this, I’m really not sure.’ Len’s single black eye turned back towards the cage.

  What are you not sure about, Len? she wanted to say. Why don’t you believe me? Are you trying to tell me that those thoughts were memories of memories? Are you trying to make me remember things? I thought the whole point was to steal my memories!

  Len looked back at the screen. ‘Lots of noise, indeed.’ He started to type something. ‘My guess is that these ones are just starting to surface, but you can’t quite work them out. Am I right?’

  Bonbon narrowed one eye and gnawed on the inside of her cheek, her palms held around a clap as if they were clutching a ball.

  ‘Am I right?’

  Two claps. She scratched her head. One clap. She held on to her shoulders with opposite arms and squatted so that her buttocks were almost touching her heels. What did he want her to say?

  ‘You’re not sure.’ The long, black eye stared at her for a while before turning all the way around to a cupboard up on the wall behind him. ‘Fine. Okay. I have to keep things moving, and I’m sure you could do with some breakfast. Your brain has been flashing “hungry” ever since I clipped that thing on your head.’ He opened the door of the cage. ‘I’m gonna start you off with one today.’ He put an orange stone in front of her.

  Bonbon eyed the stone. That must have been the memory pill. Loop had told her to snort the second pill into her nose, but there wasn’t a second one. Len had said that he would give her one today and two tomorrow. Tomorrow she would definitely have to snort one into her nose. Maybe she should practise today.