“Aww, we have to leave for the makeout scene?” complained Michael.
Dad gripped the back of Michael’s neck and said, “Out in the hall with the rest of us. One day you’ll appreciate privacy.”
Michael laughed. “I already do. That’s why I don’t let you in my bedroom when Sarah…oops!”
I couldn’t help laughing when the crowd exited. Michael was at the age where he was a smartass about most topics, but at least he was a funny one. He had a warm heart, too. He knew when to be calm and serious. Jordi was the last ou,t and Lucas said, “I’ll be right there. Maybe we can find some good American barbecue for dinner.”
As the door to the hall closed, I looked up at Lucas. I said, “Please don’t start ragging on me about my hockey decision again. I know it’s going to piss a lot of people off, but hopefully, they will be happy to have me around and in one piece a few years from now. I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
He said, “The decision is yours, James. All I’m going to say is I don’t think you need to be making the big, sweeping decision right now. Let it all rest for a while. Enjoy the time with your family. Think it over a couple of weeks from now, and then you can start making decisions.”
The comment made me angry. It sounded like Lucas was trying to baby me and he figured I would wear down in a couple of weeks and make a different decision.
I tried to control it, but my voice rose in tone like it always did when I got upset. I said, “I can make fine decisions right now, and I finally figured out what was going on. Somehow I had this crazy idea after Meredith died in dead winter that if I could do something incredible on the ice, I would win in the end.” I reached up and wiped at the corner of my eye. “There is no winning. I lost when she died. It felt like the end of the world to me. So I went after the ice itself. How crazy is that? Seriously, Lucas, how crazy is that?” I stared up into his blue eyes. I didn’t know what I wanted him to say. I didn’t know if I wanted him to say anything. I wanted him to understand.
He said, “We all have to cope somehow.”
I blurted out, “Well, there are better ways to cope than risking losing your life on the ice, too!”
After my exclamation, he made the comment that took me by surprise. Lucas said, “Would it make any difference if I started racing on the ice again?”
I blinked, and I stared at him. At first, I didn’t know what to say. My life and Lucas’ life were two different things. At least that’s the way I saw it. I could feel the anger boiling up in the back of my throat. He was trying to compare my situation to his when they were completely different. It felt like someone shoving me off the stage and saying, “No, I’m the one you should focus on.”
I pulled my hand back from Lucas’ grip and shoved it under the bed sheet. With a growl in my voice, I said, “Everything isn’t about you, Lucas. This isn’t about you. This is about me. This is about my life decisions. Sometimes it’s time to grow up and not make stupid choices anymore. This is one of those times. I’m an architect, not an athlete. It’s time for me to use my brain and show how smart I am. I have a successful career ahead of me.”
Lucas wrapped his arms around his chest. He nodded and spoke softly. He said, “I don’t agree. I think there are times that it doesn’t make sense to rush into things. When you do, you get stuck having to defend those decisions to protect your pride. Trust me. I have experience.”
I didn’t fully process what he said. I didn’t want to hear anything he said unless he agreed with me. I lashed out once more and said, “If you can’t handle the real me, and this is the real me, then maybe we shouldn’t be dating anymore. Maybe it’s all just a stupid idea! I need to have my own life, Lucas!”
He didn’t say another word. He turned on his heels and walked out of the room, and he didn’t come back. Jordi returned with my parents and gave me a quick hug. Then he was gone, too.
26
Lucas
My speed skating skills were rusty. I was surprised I didn’t hear squeaks from my knees like those of an old door hinge when I swept around the big curves on the oval. Fortunately, even though I was slow, the racing felt right. It was like I met an old friend, and we decided to pick up where we left off years before. I needed to practice to build back up to my former cruising speed.
Without saying anything to my family or other friends and acquaintances, I contacted one of my former skating buddies and asked what he knew about the facility in Milwaukee. He shared positive news and perceptions. He said, “American Olympic champions trained there, Lucas. Get your ass up there and get out on the ice. Welcome back, buddy! You’re not an old man yet.”
I asked, “Will you keep this all quiet for me for now? I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, including my own, and then crash and burn out on the ice.”
He said, “Don’t worry, Lucas. I’m silent for now, but I’ll be waiting for your triumphant return to Amsterdam. We need your talent and your upbeat attitude. Good luck in America! They’re lucky to have you.”
I purchased a new skin suit online in orange and blue, and I gathered all of my personal courage and determination to step onto a skating oval again. I didn’t know a single person in the building in Milwaukee, but they welcomed me anyway. After I skated a few laps and settled into something similar to my old stride, total strangers came up to me and asked me about my personal story.
I explained that I was a competitive skater back home, and then I took a couple of years off to pursue my art career. I received a lot of slaps on the back and invitations to practice together. It felt good to be back on the skating oval among others who recognized my talent.
Milwaukee became my weekend home away from home. Sophie was ecstatic when she found out I was slipping away on the weekends to skate again. She placed her hands on either cheek and stared into my eyes. “I knew you would go back eventually! You’re so good at skating. I can’t wait until you start winning races again. Please let Jerry and me know when you’re racing so we can come and cheer you on.”
She was less enthusiastic about my breakup with James. I said, “He threw me out of the hospital room, and then I didn’t hear anything else. I think he’s being stupid, and it’s all a bunch of fear clouding his brain.”
Sophie held a hand to an ear and said, “Do I hear an echo? I think somebody was in a similar place not too long ago.”
I smirked. “It was pride, not fear.”
Sophie shrugged. “Do you want to know what I think it is?”
I said, “Honestly, I don’t think so. Why don’t you keep that to yourself, and maybe a few months from now, you can share that particular nugget of wisdom. Then we’ll all laugh and be happy that it’s over.”
Sophie smiled at me and pantomimed zipping her lips up tight. “I’ll keep it to myself.”
I said, “I’m looking forward to you and Jerry coming up to Milwaukee for a weekend away sometime so you can watch me skate. That should only be one part of your weekend. You could come up to watch practice, or I can let you know the dates of our races. Then you can spend the rest of the weekend exploring the city. It would be wonderful to have you both there. We could do our exploration together.”
Sophie beamed from ear to ear. She said, “That sounds like a perfect idea. I’ll talk to Jerry.”
I knew one more person that I needed to call about my decision to return to the ice. The telephone rang five times before Anna answered and exclaimed, “Lucas! Oh! I can’t believe it’s you! How are you? I hope everything is okay, and you aren’t calling with bad news.”
“I think I’m calling with excellent news. Are you sitting down, Anna?”
She giggled into the phone. “I am now. A few other friends you know are sitting with me. It’s a nice, quiet evening at the pub.”
I said, “Listen closely. I’ve returned to long track speed skating.”
She paused for a moment before saying, “No, are you sure?”
“I’ve got photos to prove it. I’ll send them to you later a
s text messages.”
I heard some murmuring in the background over the phone. It was followed by a round of cheering. Anna said, “That’s what the table thinks about your news, Lucas!”
I felt a tear roll down my cheek. “I wish I was there with all of you. I’d buy a round of beers.”
“Have you raced yet?” asked Anna. “Or are you just practicing so far?”
I said, “I haven’t entered a formal race, and I’ve got a question for you.”
“A question for me?”
“When are you coming to America to see me? I want to show you Chicago and my studio. Then we can take the train to Milwaukee, and you can see me skate again.”
“That sounds so lovely, Lucas. I’ve been trying to save money. Let’s say within six months. Can you wait that long?”
“I can wait, and I’ll be counting down the days.”
Anna said, “I’ve got to go now before I get drafted for karaoke. They will drag me into it when I’m not paying attention, and I don’t have Marvin to my Tami.”
I laughed and said, “Oh, I miss that! Give everyone my love, Anna, and thank you. I couldn’t do any of this without your support. I can’t wait to see you again in person.”
27
James
I rose up out of the water at the end of the pool after I finished my laps for the day. The water cascaded off my body while I hauled myself on to the tile at the edge of the pool. I loved the warm, humid air on a day when it was so cold outside. We were still a week away from Christmas break, but the temperatures were already dipping down into the low 20s at night.
“Hey, James! How did the laps go? I missed you yesterday, and now I’m late today.”
I looked up and watched Randy Madsen approach the pool in a pair of tight, fire-engine red speedos. He liked to show off his body, but underneath the bravado, he was a kind, loyal friend. He was an anchor of the college swim team, and he was one of the few athletes who stuck by my side when the news of me leaving the hockey team broke.
One day in the weight room, I complained that I needed something more active than just the weights to keep my body in shape. Hockey did it for me before, but I was turning into a sloth without the regular team workouts. Randy approached me and asked if I wanted to be his lap swimming buddy.
I said, “The laps are great. My leg has healed up nicely, and I think the body shape is shifting already.” I admired the “V” shape of the classic swimmer’s body, and I couldn’t wait to see what changes would take place after weeks of regular laps in the pool.
Randy sat by my side. He dangled his feet in the water and said, “I’m sore today. I think I’ll skip the laps. I did an intense workout yesterday, and coach said to take it a little easy today. We’ve got a big meet next week. He doesn’t want me to strain anything.”
“Randy, I’ve got something to ask you. When I first started my regular laps with you, the swim team came up in conversation. You said there was room to beef the team up a bit with a couple of additional swimmers. Is that still the case?”
“You want to join the team, James? We’re halfway into the season, and I don’t know what slots are available, but coach might be able to squeeze you into a relay. We’re not barn burners in the conference, but we have fun. I’m sure it would be a step down from all the glories of the hockey team, but it would be great to have you along for moral support if nothing else.”
I said, “I just get that competitive thing gnawing at the base of my spine. I’m sure you know what that’s like. I had hockey games almost every week, and I could charge out there and lay all that energy on the ice. I just thought maybe now I could take it to the pool.”
Randy asked, “Hey, are you finished for the day? Why don’t we do a little impromptu challenge? Four lengths of the pool. The loser buys a pizza to share with the winner.”
I smirked and said, “Are you sure coach won’t mind? I wouldn’t want you straining something when you try to catch up with me.” I paused and added, “In reality, it sounds like the easiest pizza you’ve ever won.”
“I don’t know,” said Randy. “I told you I’m still fairly sore from yesterday. Let’s see your competitive side out there in the water.”
I knew I was likely to lose the race by at least three body lengths. Randy was the captain of the team and a top-notch collegiate swimmer. The rest of the team didn’t match his talent, but he could hold his own against swimmers in the rest of the conference. I was strong, but my technique in the pool was lacking. Still, it was a challenge, and I didn’t want to back down.
I held my own against Randy for the first two lengths of the pool, but then he started to pull away. On the last length, he let up, and I closed much of the gap, but I still ultimately lost by more than a body length. Before we climbed out of the pool, Randy and I high-fived.
He said, “Good effort there, James. I’ll put a bug in coach’s ear about you, and I’ll see if you can join the team in time for our first meet after Christmas.”
Randy climbed out of the pool, and I climbed out just behind him. Waiting for me was a familiar face, and I blinked twice to make sure I saw straight.
Jordi said, “James, it feels like I haven’t seen you forever.”
“I thought you were never speaking to me again.”
Jordi wore his usual happy-go-lucky expression, and he shrugged his shoulders. He said, “I think most of the team still feel that way, but I don’t hold grudges. Also, I have something I think you need to see.” He squatted down beside me at the edge of the pool and handed me his cell phone.
“What’s there, Jordi? All I see is a picture of a pile of spaghetti and meatballs.” I glanced up at Randy and said, “Jordi here is one of my old hockey buddies. I’ll be with you in just a few minutes, Randy.”
Jordi blushed. “Oh, that was from the dinner out with Amy. I’ve got a picture of the food and a pretty good one of the two of us together at the restaurant.”
“That’s what you wanted me to see?”
“Oh, no, let me pull it up.”
I waited for a few seconds. When Jordi handed the phone back, I saw speed skaters on an oval. I asked, “Is that you? Or is it your friend Eric? It looks like good form.”
Jordi shook his head. “No, you need to look closer.”
I held the phone up to my face, and I watched as the camera zoomed in on each skater. The first one was unfamiliar. He looked nothing like Jordi, Eric, or anyone else that I knew, so I assumed he wasn’t the one Jordi wanted me to see. Then the camera closed in on the second skater. I nearly dropped the phone.
I turned my head to look at Jordi and said, “No, it isn’t!”
He grinned and nodded his head yes. I recognized the blue eyes and the shape of his nose. It was Lucas back on the ice. Jordi said, “I thought you should see it.”
I said, “Now, wait. Is this old footage? How do you know it’s Lucas now.”
Jordi was calm and said, “Look closer at the oval, James.”
The race was filmed in Milwaukee. I recognized advertising on the boards. I asked, “When does he race next?”
“Tomorrow morning,” whispered Jordi. “I looked it up.”
I asked, “Are you serious?”
He nodded and said, “Yeah. I was going to go, but Coach didn’t want me to miss hockey practice today. We’ve got a big game right before Christmas.”
“When’s your next practice, Jordi?”
“We have tomorrow, Saturday, off, but we start at noon on Sunday.”
I said, “That’s a good thing because we’re going to the race.”
Jordi’s eyes opened wide. “What do you mean?”
“Do you still have your car?”
Jordi stared at me. “Yeah, I do.”
“How soon can you throw a few shirts and underwear into the car? If Lucas has guts, I can show him that I have guts, too.”
Jordi was tired from hockey practice, and the last thing he expected was to drive five hours in the dark before he got to go
to bed. We stopped every hour to buy more caffeinated soda to keep him awake, and I kept up conversation about anything and everything. I talked about the time I caught crayfish in a creek on my Grandpa’s farm and the time I crammed for the wrong English literature test when I was a sophomore in high class. It didn’t matter what stories I told as long as I didn’t stop talking and asking Jordi to respond.
When he told a story, I asked, “So that’s when you fell for Mindy, and she gave you your first kiss?”
Jordi nodded. “I was only fourteen, and we kissed out along the back side of the Footlight movie theater. It was bizarre, James. I was excited and worried that she would see my cock snaking down my leg. At the same time, I was worried a rat would come running out from behind the dumpster.”
I laughed. “It was such an elegant place for your first kiss.”
“We didn’t have much of anywhere else to do it,” said Jordi. “Neither of us could drive, and my big sister was picking us up after the movie. Our parents wouldn’t let us be alone in either house.”
I asked, “Was it worth all of that?”
“Oh yeah. Mindy sucked on my tongue. I didn’t expect that. Nobody told me about that before it happened. It made me so horny, and then…”
“Then?”
“She was pulling back, and her hand rubbed against my package. I was rock hard. I still don’t know if she did that on purpose or it was an accident. I want to believe it was on purpose and she told all her girlfriends about what a big cock I had.”
I laughed. “You have nice dreams, Jordi.”
I breathed a sigh of relief when he asked, “Is this the hotel?”
Halfway across Wisconsin, I placed a reservation for a chain hotel on the outskirts of Milwaukee. I looked up at the brightly lit sign. “Yep, this is it. Good job with the driving, Jordi! You’re my man.”
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