The Order of Nature

by Josh Scheinert

  “It’s what we can do, I guess. And that should reassure you that we’re being safe.”

  Neither spoke. Their silence was awkward but neither could think of what to say.

  “Does anyone there know about this?”

  “Alex, and his girlfriend, Liv.”

  “And you trust them?”

  “I do,” he answered in a deliberately calm manner. He was exasperated, subtly hinting his disappointment towards her suspicion and second-guessing.

  “He’s nice to you?” she asked, trying to shift the tone.

  “Yes,” Andrew blushed. “He’s very nice to me.”

  “Okay,” she said, exhaling. He knew it was her way of calling a truce, of ending a disagreement with no foreseeable resolution. “That’s good. We’ll talk about this more later. I have to go and get ready. I’m meeting friends soon.”

  “Okay,” he said, not knowing how else to respond to her abrupt end to their conversation, uncomfortable with how things were being left between them.

  “I’m sorry if I overreacted, but Andrew, please be careful.”

  “I will.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  The call ended and he was left sitting on his bed, holding his knees to his chest. His sister’s contact went offline.

  Andrew left his computer on his bed and walked towards the kitchen when he noticed his cellphone, which he’d left in the living room, was blinking. He unlocked it and saw he had a text message.

  hi. how r u? its thomas

  He sat down on the couch and wrote back. im good thx, deliberately leaving out the conversation with Lindsay. how are you?

  Andrew was waiting for a reply when Alex walked in alone after dinner.

  “I was thinking, does Thomas play soccer?”

  The question, out of nowhere, puzzled Andrew. “Umm, I don’t know. Maybe?”

  “We should bring him out one Sunday, to play with everyone. There are enough locals that come, so it wouldn’t be awkward or random. It could bring you together somewhere besides the hotel.”

  “Do you really think it would be safe?”

  “I don’t see why not.”

  “What does Liv think?” Andrew asked, making clear he knew she was the more cautious one.

  Alex smiled. “By the end of dinner she also thought it would be a good idea.”

  “Hmm. Okay.”

  Thomas responded right away to Andrew’s invitation.

  I’m supposed to go and visit my family in Banjul. But it’s okay. I will see them another time. Thx for inviting me.

  12

  The group occupied a stretch of sand near a nondescript beach hut restaurant. Bicycles rested on top of each other at the bases of palm trees. People gathered around the restaurant’s lounge chairs set up on the sand. Julbrew beers and soda bottles crowded the tables. Music blasted from speakers. Children ran up and down the beach kicking the soccer ball before the adults stepped in to take over. The atmosphere was lively and happy. A few people waded into the warm, gentle water, talking about local politics or foreign sports. Everyone knew pretty much everyone.

  Andrew arrived with Alex and Liv around midday, before Thomas. Alex mentioned to some people that he’d invited Thomas to the game. Most people were a little surprised, but no one thought anything of it. The game had evolved over the years and people were always free to invite friends and colleagues, and local newcomers were especially encouraged. Alex figured since everyone saw him so often on Saturdays, it would be nice to include him in something social. Nice idea, said most.

  Thomas arrived just before the game started. He wore white shorts and a red Manchester United jersey that he was proud to own. Andrew was happy for him when he saw it. It took Thomas a long time to save up for it. Thomas told him stories of how popular Premier League games were when he was growing up. In his final years in the village, Manchester United had gone on a roll, winning three championships in a row.

  “Some of my happiest moments at home,” he once told Andrew, “were when many of us in the village would gather in front of a television to watch a game. They were the best and most natural distractions.”

  Thomas’s knowledge of soccer made Andrew slightly self-conscious. Earlier in the day he jokingly warned him in a text, don’t judge me, I’m not very good :-). Thomas promised not to and claimed he wasn’t good either – a claim Andrew found hard to believe purely on account of Thomas’s physique. His suspicion proved correct. Thomas was very good, at least by Andrew’s standards, meaning he could run without overstepping the ball or kick and pass it on target. He even almost scored. Both of them spent the game checking each other out. Andrew regularly appeared in a bathing suit at the hotel pool, but Thomas was always in his uniform – the same white t-shirt and black pants. By mid-game, Thomas, like many of the other players, was shirtless and Andrew saw what he’d only been able to try and picture in his mind. He was impressed by Thomas’s defined abs.

  They didn’t say much to each other besides hey. It was their first public outing and neither wanted to attract any untoward attention. So, in addition to playing, they each spent the game suppressing the urge to smile, or to walk up to one another and have a conversation. After Thomas almost scored a goal, Andrew took one step towards him, excited to tease him about his claim of not being very good before he remembered he probably shouldn’t. After the play, Thomas scanned the group to see if Andrew noticed, but Andrew had already turned away.

  One of the attractions to Sunday football was how everyone mixed so seamlessly. Andrew himself was welcomed despite his lack of skill. He wanted him and Thomas to be able to be like everyone else there – friends. But as soon as he saw him he tensed up. There was an uneasy dynamic between them.

  Only as the game ended did they manage to sneak up to one another.

  “When you leave, walk slowly up the beach to Bakau,” Thomas whispered. “I’ll come after you.”

  “Okay,” said Andrew.

  “Do people stay around for long now?”

  “Some, but I’ll walk up soon.”

  “Okay.”

  Andrew was uneasy with this short back and forth. They were sneaking around in public for the first time, planning a clandestine rendezvous. The idea compounded his unease.

  Five minutes after Andrew began his slow, solitary walk up the beach he sensed someone behind him. Turning around, he saw Thomas jogging, still shirtless, holding his shoes and shirt in one hand and phone in another. Andrew’s immediate reaction wasn’t to smile but instead to quickly look around. They were alone. The path from Fajara to Bakau wasn’t a popular stretch of beach. Devoid of hotels and restaurants, it was mostly empty, especially as evening set in.

  “Hey!” Andrew said, smiling as Thomas sidled up next to him.

  “Hi,” he said, catching his breath. “That was fun. Thanks for telling me to come.”

  “Yeah, no problem.” Andrew felt like there was still something artificial, or uncomfortable about how they were talking with one another. Removed from their usual cocoon, they were less sure of themselves, at least he was.

  “Have you spoken to Alex?” Thomas inquired.

  “Yeah, I did. And to Liv. They were both good about it, like I expected. And they can be trusted.”

  Thomas didn’t doubt that. There was never a discussion about when Andrew was going to confide in them, but it was clear from their conversations that both knew it was coming. “I also told someone.”

  What? Andrew didn’t quite believe him.

  “Don’t worry. It’s okay.”

  But Andrew was worried. Based on their conversations it didn’t appear as if Thomas had many people to confide in. He’d mentioned Suleiman, but not by name, when he told Andrew about how he spent his early days in the city. We keep in touch from time to time, Thomas had said.

  “His name is Suleiman, he’s the person who took me in when I moved here.” Thomas tried to be uplifting with his tone, but Andrew felt exposed and a little betra
yed.

  “I should have asked you first.”

  They had both stopped walking by this point. Andrew knew he shouldn’t be upset, or feel betrayed. It was unfair to ask Thomas to keep this a secret when he shared it with others. But a part of him, which he tried to suppress, trusted Alex and Liv more than whoever Thomas told. He knew he was being illogical, or worse, but he couldn’t help it, so he tried to hide it.

  “It’s okay, really.”

  “I’ll introduce you two.”

  They stood on the sand looking at one another, and the silence between them heightened the awkwardness. For the first time, Andrew struggled with what to say next. Normally their conversation came so easily. It was even less natural than their first meeting. The afternoon threw them off their equilibrium. They felt encumbered to be out in the open, despite the unsuspecting and friendly crowd.

  Standing alone and silently on the beach, they stood face to face, confronting a realization that shouldn’t have come as a surprise: it wasn’t going to be easy. Thomas was desperately afraid that Andrew might get scared off by the challenges ahead and wanted to reassure him. He reached out and put his hand on Andrew’s arms, which were folded across his chest.

  “How’s this going to work?” Andrew asked.

  “I don’t know,” Thomas answered truthfully. “Maybe it is better to try in private at first. To avoid situations that would make us uncomfortable.”

  Andrew, mistaking the sounds of the tide for something else, quickly turned his head from side to side, seeing they were still alone. “Yeah,” he said.

  “It’s not fair, but it’s what we can do.”

  “Yeah.”

  Thomas took Andrew’s hand and they kept walking up the darkening and empty beach. He told Andrew they weren’t unlike young couples back in his village, who were forced to sneak around so parents and older relatives wouldn’t catch them. It was their induction into coupledom.

  “And it’s better than nothing,” added Thomas while squeezing Andrew’s hand and swinging their arms, lightening the mood.

  Andrew agreed. He squeezed back, but after a minute he let go. It wasn’t completely dark yet.

  That night Andrew wanted to try and fix things with his sister. He and Lindsay had never been in a real fight before. He didn’t think they were in one now, but she certainly wasn’t happy with him, and perhaps was even angry. He thought she was being unfair and closed-minded when all he wanted was for her to be happy for him. The thought didn’t sit well, especially after how his afternoon and evening turned out with everything seeming more complicated. He wanted her to help him sort through things, but when he opened his Skype account Lindsay was offline. After sitting on his bed for a while thinking about what he should do, he reached over to his journal on the bedside table, opened to the next blank page, and started to write.

  Andrew and Thomas didn’t speak for a few days following the weekend. Andrew worried that Thomas was worried that Andrew might be upset for his confiding in Suleiman. Andrew didn’t know what to do, which befuddled Alex.

  “Just invite him over!” It was almost an instruction.

  “Okay, I guess.” Andrew seemed surprised it could be so easy. “One night when he’s done work. That way no one will see him.”

  He sent Thomas a text, who wrote back right away, accepting the invitation.

  how about Thursday

  k. can i bring suleiman? then u can meet him

  sure

  Before they both left for work on Thursday, Alex suggested Isatou could make a big portion of chicken yassa for everyone.

  “Don’t you think she’d ask who’s coming over?”

  It was a valid question. Alex hadn’t thought of it. “Umm, yeah. We could say I’m having people from work over. But better not. At least this time.”

  So instead of yassa, Andrew got crisps, as potato chips were known in Gambia, another holdover from the days of empire. Not surprisingly, he’d spent most of the day worried that the evening would, like Sunday, end up awkward. He was wrong.

  Suleiman proved tremendously reassuring. He was soft spoken and genuine and walked into the house with a warm smile. It’s so nice to meet you, Andrew, he said as Andrew extended his hand, only for Suleiman to walk past it and hug him. It instantly allayed any of Andrew’s remaining apprehension over the secret being shared.

  They sat in the living room and Andrew caught Thomas surveying the home.

  “Is it what you expected?” he asked.

  “Actually, I thought it would be bigger. It is nice still, simple.”

  “We’re not the kind of people who stay at your hotel,” Andrew teased. He could see Thomas was pleased by this, so teased again, “not all of us are so fancy, you know.”

  When Thomas sat next to Andrew on the couch he nestled up to him, leaning into his shoulder. At first, Andrew recoiled discreetly. But after he looked around the room, he saw that no one seemed to flinch and that he was with friends. He then wedged himself slightly behind Thomas, bringing them even closer.

  It was like many of the conversations Andrew had with people he met for the first time. Suleiman displayed his journalistic inquisitiveness, grilling Andrew and Alex about their experiences in the country, if for anything, to confirm they were positive.

  “If you need something you can always call me.”

  The questions Alex and Suleiman asked of each other provided an opportunity to deflect the conversation away from Andrew and Thomas’s burgeoning romance. It was a relief for Andrew, who worried the evening would turn to a serious discussion about a gay relationship in Gambia. Instead, Alex and Suleiman were both happy to relive some of their South African memories. Even though Suleiman had been in Johannesburg and Alex far away in the Western Cape, it turns out both had been hiking in the east of the country, in the Drakensberg mountains.

  “It’s beautiful, no?” Suleiman said. “I’d never seen such big mountains. Here is only flat. It was amazing to get to travel there.” He turned to Thomas and quickly said some sentences in Wolof. From his gesticulating, using his arms to illustrate tall mountains, it was clear he was trying to impress upon Thomas the height of the mountains.

  “Did you visit Lesotho?” Alex asked.

  “No, did you?”

  “Just crossed in to get a stamp and say I’ve been to a country entirely landlocked by another one,” Alex boasted.

  Suleiman chuckled. “The white man’s passport.”

  “Were you able to see other parts of the country?” Alex asked.

  “No, I only managed one trip. During their holiday periods I had an internship with The Sowetan, it kept me very busy. I loved working there.”

  “And you didn’t want to stay on?”

  “I would have loved to. It is a very exciting newspaper to work at.” He turned from Alex to face the rest of the room and began to explain. “The paper started under Apartheid in Soweto, the township, and today has grown into a large national paper. It’s much bigger than anything we have here. In fact, it’s probably read daily by more people than in the whole of Gambia!”

  “Why did you leave South Africa?” Andrew asked.

  “This is home. I wanted to come back.” It was a candid answer, as if staying in a more free and open society was never an option. “I wanted a great career, of course. But I also hope it can be meaningful.” He seemed unconvinced by his own explanations. “It will take time, and in the end might prove futile, but I hope somehow my reporting has people questioning how things are run in this country. It can help lay a foundation for change.”

  “Do you see that happening?” Alex inquired.

  “Not yet. Not soon.”

  “How did you two meet?” Alex asked. As Suleiman spoke about meeting Thomas in the restaurant, Andrew was struck by the difference between the two of them and wondered how two people that seemed so unlike might be friends. At home, so much of his life had been defined by socioeconomic status. He lived in a world where a waiter was a waiter.

 
; “He helped me when I first arrived in Banjul,” answered Thomas. “I had nowhere to stay and he took me in.”

  Alex appeared surprised by Thomas’s answer. He knew little about Thomas’s past. Andrew had told him almost nothing except that he came from a village upriver.

  “What, you thought I was born a prosperous bartender?” he joked.

  Without getting into too much detail, Thomas caught Alex up on his past. How he had an upbringing that was at once idyllic but also terribly cruel. That he lived surrounded by a large family he barely felt a part of. And that if he remained in his village forever, I wasn’t sure I could stay alive. He told him about the morning he packed his possessions into a knapsack, hopped on the back of a motorbike and rode off without looking back. How he arrived in a city knowing not a soul. “And then I met him,” he said, smiling at Suleiman.

  “But it still took some time before I realized how desperate his situation was. I was just a restaurant patron. I didn’t know he was sleeping in the back.”

  Thomas hunched his shoulders and lowered his head upon hearing Suleiman’s word choice. Desperate sounded so severe.

  “You were?”

  Andrew sat quietly as the conversation unfolded. Seeing Thomas and Suleiman together, and how Thomas looked up to him – there was a deference Thomas showed when he spoke – made Andrew feel stupid for questioning Thomas’s decision to confide in him.

  “It was selfish of me,” he quietly told Thomas as they walked in the darkness to the compound gate at the end of the night. Suleiman and Alex trailed behind, engrossed in a political conversation.

  “Don’t worry, it’s okay. I get it,” he answered softly. “Sometimes I forget you’re not from here, and that it’s still a different place for you.”

  13

  Isatou was a regular fixture in Andrew and Alex’s life. Arriving early in the morning, she sometimes came in while they were still home, to gather laundry or wash dishes, the latter of which they unsuccessfully tried to impress upon her was unnecessary. When she came by later in the day, mostly to drop something off, she’d have changed from her loose clothing and be done up in colorful, traditional dress. No matter what she wore, her hair was always wrapped up.