by M. A Casey
“Dad what’s wrong?” I had my arms around him now, and I could feel him shaking.
Confused
“You look as though you've seen a ghost,” I said as I leaned back to look at his face, and although he was more composed he was still shaking.
“Pretty close actually,” he said. “Just ran into an old friend who gave me some disturbing news.”
“Tell me what happened,” I pleaded knowing it must have been some news to get this response from my father.
He has always been a tower of strength even during the divorce. Always the one who would take my hand and talk me through any situation until I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
“What happened?” I repeated.
“Nothing really Hayln, I just was taken by surprise is all. I ran into a former colleague and got caught up with a predicament he's in. But as I said there's nothing for you to worry about.”
I stepped back, “you seemed almost shocked though when you came into the office.”
“I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in here; you just startled me is all. I had forgotten it was Friday, and that you'd be here for your lecture. How was it anyway?”
I knew this was a diversion, but I decided that I wasn’t that interested in one of my father’s old colleague’s dilemmas, so I let it go.
“Professor Gregor commented he'll be getting you to set my assignment’s now, he doesn’t think I am being challenged enough,” I said as I sat on the edge of his desk.
“That’s my girl,” he crooned. “Now, how about we pick up some Chinese on the way home?”
I groaned. “No Dad how about I cook, I am sick of takeaway.”
“Whatever you want Hayl’s, let’s get going though, I want to get home.” He sounded tired.
He grabbed his briefcase and a folder of assignments while I reached for my backpack, and we headed to the parking lot. It was just on dusk when we got to the car. The campus grounds always felt different this time of day. It was practically deserted, and after a warm day like today you could smell the perfume of the flowers which boarded the parking lot. It was in that relaxing moment that my father reminded me of something that I had entirely forgotten about.
“I hope you have enough food for a couple of extras, your brother will be home tonight for the weekend - remember.”
“Oh, I had forgotten, but why a couple of extra’s, is Mum coming too?” I asked doubtfully. For a quick second, you could see a flash of pain on my father’s face.
“No, not your mother Hayl's, Zeke. Your brother called earlier today, they are working on some project together, and he asked if he could come to dinner. If it will be too much trouble to cook for everyone we can still get Chinese,” he grinned hopefully at me.
“No Dad,” I said. “Cooking for four is not what I am worried about, trust me.”
I can hear the woeful jokes starting already, and as if he could hear what I was thinking Dad laughed and said, “their just having a bit of fun with you Hayl’s, you know they both love you deep down.”
I did know that Emin loved me, of course I did, but Zeke? I’m sure I could live one hundred years before he would say anything to me that was remotely nice, but I didn’t argue with my father. Instead, I remembered the flash of pain on his face a moment ago. The same one that appears any time my mother is mentioned.
I don’t think my father has ever stopped loving her. He certainly has never shown any interest in anyone since the divorce. There has been a couple of women pay some attention to him over the years, and whilst he was always polite, he never accepted their invitations for dinner or drinks. I have spoken to him about it a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t declining because of me. After all, he deserves to be happy too. But he always answered simply, that he could never love another woman after my mother, and when I saw his face when he thought of her - I knew it was true.
Once we got home, I threw my backpack in my room and headed downstairs to the kitchen to start on dinner. I grabbed the ingredients I needed for my favorite chicken pasta and started putting it together.
I decided I was looking forward to seeing Emin after this afternoon. Remembering all that stuff in my father’s office made me want to catch up like we used to. But with Zeke tagging along I doubt we will get the chance.
Emin and I don’t look much alike, although we both have our father’s hazel eyes and are quite tall like him too. He has thick bronze hair, and an olive complexion just like my mother. I, on the other hand, look nothing like my mother. It seems I am my father’s daughter in every way, even down to the fair skin and dark curly hair. His is much curlier than mine because it is so short; mine just seems to fall in waves when I have it long, as I do now.
It wasn’t long before my father joined me after spending some time in his study. We have quite a large house considering it is just the two of us most of the time. He kept the house that we lived in before the divorce because he hasn’t been able to part with it. Most rooms are hardly used now.
“Smells good Hayl’s,”
“Thanks,” I stop to taste a mouthful and ask. “What time do you expect the boys to arrive?”
“Just in time it looks like; otherwise you mightn’t leave any for the rest of us – hey Prodigy,” Emin said as he bounced through the door, kissing me on the cheek and dumping his bag on the floor.
“Hey, don’t leave that there,” I said.
“Easy Hayl’s,” my father jumped in. “He just got here.” They embrace and give each other a pat on the back before sitting at the kitchen table.
Their relationship has survived the divorce relatively unscathed. Dad always makes time for Emin, to make up for missing out on so much because they’re separated. Something I don’t receive from my mother, which always makes me feel a little jealous. But I shake that thought out of my head because I want this to be an enjoyable visit, and he does seem in a great mood. Plus Zeke didn’t arrive with him so with any luck we might get to spend some time together.
“I might have made too much pasta for just the three of us,” I start to say when Zeke walks through the door.
“Don’t tell me you've forgotten me already Hayln? I thought you were meant to be super smart or something, or is that just what you tell the boys to get their attention?” Zeke laughs, dumping his bag on top of Emin’s and sits down at the table too.
“Hardly,” I said rolling my eyes at him. “No-one mentioned you were staying the night.” I look at his bag but direct the question to my father.
“Oh, I hope you don’t mind Professor. We thought it'd be easier to get our project done this way. There's a fair bit of work to do, and we would like your suggestions on a few things.” Zeke smiles innocently at my father winning him over instantly – not that he had too.
“Of course Zeke, you know you’re always welcome here, we have more than enough room anyway, don’t we Hayl’s?”
“Sure,” I grunt as they all sit their smiling at each other.
I dished up the pasta and sat at the table with the boys who were already totally engrossed about some project they’re doing in their engineering class. Both Emin and Zeke never lost their passion for motorbikes and engine’s. And after high school they got accepted into a mechanical engineering college. I tried to recall as I watched them eating and talking when was the last time that I saw them like this. I realize it was probably at least six months ago. It was never unusual for the three of them to be up to something when Emin came over, especially as he rarely went anywhere without Zeke. But it must be at least six months because Zeke looks a little different than I remember, maybe he is taller or something?
He is remarkably handsome actually, in a rugged sort of way, although I would never let him hear me say that. He was always popular at school with the girls and was never shy about his looks. He is just a little taller than Emin and me with dark hair that is always just a little too long, hanging over his green eyes. With all the time, he has spent over the years with heavy machinery he
is also quite muscular. Add to this his beaming smile and most girls can’t resist him when he is around. Something I don’t have to worry about as he always seems to be making fun of me every chance he gets. Just as I think this to myself, he catches my eye.
“This is pretty good Hayl’s, just another thing we can add to your great list of achievements,” he says, smiling one of those smiles that melt most girls immediately.
But then he does something entirely new, he winks at me and then continues to eat. Dad and Emin don’t even look up, still talking about the project, and I'm left to wonder what the hell that was about? Then he joins back into the conversation smiling to himself.
I clean up the empty plates and put them in the sink, telling Emin that he should clean up since I cooked, but not even sure if any of them heard me. I make my way up to my bedroom, and decide to finish some more homework before I go to bed. I have my headphones on which is why when Emin came into the room I had no idea he was there. He put his hand on my shoulder, and I nearly jump right out of my seat.
“Don’t do that,” I yell at him, still feeling my heart beat outside my chest.
“I did knock you know, I wasn’t trying to scare you, although I did do a pretty good job didn’t I.” He sounds amused.
He smiles waiting for my response but then starts talking before I can. “You nearly finished, it’s pretty late?”
I look at the clock, I hadn’t noticed the time. “Yeah, I think the rest can wait for later,” I start packing my books up.
“You got any plans tomorrow night? Zeke and I thought we might get a movie and some pizza - your choice.”
That’s unexpected I think to myself. It was exactly what I was after, a chance to catch up and be normal again, even if Zeke was there, but then I remembered Tyler and the band.
“Actually, I promised Tyler I would go see some band play tomorrow night at the Sweat Room.”
“Oh, okay maybe later then. I'll see you in the morning Hayl’s and thanks for dinner,” he smiles at me not sounding too disappointed.
“Night Emin, see you tomorrow.”
A yawn escapes me, and all of a sudden I do feel exhausted so I pad to the bathroom to clean up for bed. On my way back to my room, I notice my father’s study lamp still on, and I go in to say goodnight to him, but he isn’t there. I lean over to turn the lamp off when I notice his old research folders on his desk. The ones from when he had his old lab. Stuck on the front of the folder were some times scribbled in pencil, and I wonder if this has anything to do with the visit he received from his old colleague today. Just then I am startled by someone coughing in the doorway, trying to get my attention. It is Zeke, still with that same smile on his face. I turn off the lamp and walk to the door.
“Do you need anything Ezekiel?” I ask, knowing calling him his full name will annoy him.
“No, just wondering what you are doing sneaking around your father’s office late at night?” He said mimicking the tone I had just used.
“I’m not sneaking; I just came to turn the light off. What are you doing up anyway?”
“I’m just on my way to brush my teeth. You know it takes a fair bit of work to keep this smile so dazzling,” he said waving his toothbrush in front of me.
I step around him and start walking back to my room; he follows me as he heads to the bathroom in the same direction.
“So Hayln, do you have any boyfriends your brother and I need to know about yet?”
I looked at him waiting for the punch line, but he looks right back at me, his green eyes wide open just waiting for my response.
“No,” I said, embarrassed that I couldn’t come up with much more. I find myself confused again about his behavior tonight.
“Well, it sounds as like you’ll be joining us for pizza tomorrow night then”.
Now I get it, I think to myself. He's just trying to find out whether he will have to put up with me and my choice of movies.
“No actually, I’m going out tomorrow night to the Sweat Room to see a band, something I'm sure you’ll be very disappointed about,” I said sarcastically. But as I faced him again he did seem strangely disappointed.
“The Sweat Room? With who?” He said, sounding like an overprotective brother.
“Well, not that it’s any of your business, but Tyler is taking me.” Again he is quick to respond with more questions.
“I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend, and since when do you hang out at the Sweat Room?”
I tried to sound calm as I responded, “this will be the first time and Tyler is my friend. What’s the interrogation about anyway, I thought you would be happy Emin’s little sister wouldn’t be hanging around to annoy you.”
He is the one to pause now to calm himself. “Actually, I was… I mean WE were looking forward to catching up with you. It’s been ages since the three of us have hung out, and I know Emin is excited about it. Besides, after months of not seeing me, I thought you'd be especially excited to spend some time together?”
Now I’m confused again, and I can’t help but ask, “What’s going on with you tonight? You’re acting so…. so strange”
“Nothing. I just know your brother would like to spend some time with you,” he said sounding defensive.
“Well he didn’t seem too disappointed when I told him about it before.”
He just smirks a half smile. “We’ll see. You better get to bed if you’ve got a hot date tomorrow – night Hayln, sweet dreams.” And with that he saunters off to the bathroom and closes the door.
Completely frustrated I go into my room and slam the door, pull down the covers, and get into bed. I tug at the sheets trying to get comfortable, but it’s no use, I’m annoyed with Zeke. I decided to try and think about it rationally, to try and make sense of his strange behavior, but it was no use. Then I hear the bathroom door open again as he heads back to the spare room, whistling as he goes past my door, just to annoy me I suspect. I throw my head under my pillow to block him out, and after a while I eventually go to sleep.
When I wake the next day, I feel as if I've hardly slept. I remember waking up during the night from broken dreams, most of which strangely included Zeke. Obviously my subconscious was just as confused as I was last night. I pull myself out of bed and head to the kitchen where everyone is eating breakfast.
“What happened to you Hayl’s – you’re a mess?” Emin comments as I enter the room.
I look towards some glass in the cabinets and catch a glimpse of myself and am embarrassed to see he is right, my hair is everywhere. I try pointlessly to make it look a little better before Zeke speaks up.
“She must have had some really good dreams.”
I turn to glare at him. “More like nightmare’s,” I respond.
Dad and Emin glance at each other, not knowing what to make of our exchange, but they don’t ask questions.
“Dad didn’t sleep well either,” Emin adds.
“Really, did that have something to do with the old friend you saw yesterday?” I ask.
“What old friend?” Emin said between mouthfuls, although you could tell he was barely interested.
“Oh just someone I bumped into yesterday, but no, I must just be worried about the benefit on Tuesday night I guess,” Dad said clearly not wanting to get into it. I knew it had nothing to do with the benefit – he loved going to those things.
“So what are you kids up to tonight?” He continued.
I hadn’t told him about my plans with Tyler yet, so I decided now was as good a time as any. “Tyler and I are going to see a band,” I said.
He nodded, “sounds like fun, anyone else going?”
I was just about to answer when Emin butted in. “Actually Dad, Zeke and I thought we might go too. Since it is Hayl’s first time at the Sweat Room, we’ve got some friends who will be there anyway.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “You never said anything about that to me last night. I don’t need baby sitters you know.”
“W
e won’t bother you Hayl’s. I just thought as your older brother I should be around though, just in case you do need me, not that I think you will,” Emin said sounding so caring.
“Sounds good to me too Hayl’s,” Dad chimed in.
They weren’t fooling me though; I know who instigated this – Zeke. He was the one interrogating me last night, even though Emin was okay when I told him what I was doing. And didn’t he say ‘We’ll see’ after I told him Emin didn’t care about my plans? No, my bet is he suggested this interference just to annoy me. I let him know it too as I stared at him across the breakfast table where he sat eating his toast. He said nothing, just smiled that winning smile and kept eating.
“Well I suppose you may as well make yourselves useful and take me there too – at least it will save me a bus trip,” I complain.
“What time are you meeting your boyfriend?” Emin asked innocently.
Now I knew with certainty that it was Zeke who is messing with me.
“Eight o’clock and – He. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend.” I said as I grabbed the last bit of toast before Zeke could, and then stormed back to my room. I threw on some clothes and headed to the basement before I had to speak to any of them again.
My father had converted the basement into a lab a few years before I was born, so he could spend more time at home with my mother. Now it’s mostly full of my research. It was the perfect place to escape today, no one would bother me here.
I went over my last few journal entries. The research I am doing here at home is purely my own, not for school or my classes at the University. I suppose I am trying to find out whether I'm as smart as everyone tells me. My father tells me not to put pressure on myself, and that at my age; he would have been struggling with the findings I have already made.
My research subject is the human mind, or to be more specific, the section of the brain involved with our memories. I chose this subject because three of my four grandparents had already passed away before I was born and the one left, Mimi, my mother’s mother, developed dementia when I was about seven. She passed away not recognizing any of us by the time I was ten.