Exposed: An Anthology

by Brooke Cumberland

  “You have two amazing guys who are dying to be with you. You are not going to screw it up…okay, maybe you will a little, but everyone does! So don’t let that discourage you.”

  “Eric is going to think I’m a complete nutcase. He kissed me so passionately, with so much need and desire, and not only do I reciprocate the same feelings, I go and push him away! And then there’s Alex.” I let out a long groan. “He’s so frigging sweet.”

  “Girl, it’s about damn time you have normal boy issues. For awhile, I thought we’d have to have the sex talk or something.” I shove her slightly, finally able to smile back at her.

  “Alex asked me out for dinner. Part of me wants to go.”

  “Then go. It’s harmless. You aren’t dating anyone…you are a free, single woman! Plus, you get a free meal,” she teases, smiling as she picks out a few shirts from the rack.

  “And the old Carissa is back!” She laughs and shoves a few shirts in my direction, motioning to go try them on.

  Is that what relationships are like? The highs, the lows, the bumps, the uncertainty? I’m so afraid of getting my heart broken, but worse, I’m afraid of breaking someone else’s heart again. What if I can’t give them what they need? I know a part of me will always be damaged by what Aiden did to me, but how can I let that go? How do you let your past go so you can finally focus on the present?

  Carissa and I finish shopping and come home with four new bags. I agree to let her pick clothes out for me since I have no idea what to wear on a date. I mostly wear dress clothes to work at the University, and Carissa usually picks out my outfits for when I bartend.

  “Alright girl, let me see that ass!” she shouts from the living room, waiting as I try on outfits.

  “This is embarrassing,” I mumble, coming out to face her.

  “Holy hell woman. You have a sexy body! That dress hugs you in all the right places.”

  “Stop hitting on me.” I stick my tongue out, spinning so she can take in the whole view. “You really think it looks good?”

  “Yes, Laney, I do. You really are gorgeous. Just try to forget about everything bad that’s ever happened. Don’t give any of those fuckers the satisfaction that their choices affected yours. You are better than that.” God, I love this woman.

  “You’re the best, you know that?”

  “Yes.” She smiles. “Now go show me more outfits!”

  After trying on several outfits, Carissa helps me find the perfect dress that stops just above my knees and hugs tight against my chest. She throws shoes at me and tells me to pick out a necklace from her jewelry box.

  “Is all of this really necessary for a date? I mean what if I’m overdressed or something?” I ask, sounding worried. I don’t even know where Alex is taking me.

  “You are going to look stunning, Lane. And yes, it’s necessary. You look confident, yet with a good sense of morals.”

  “Well, geez, thank goodness for that!” I huff a laugh at her, shaking my head. “If anything happens with Alex…and that’s a big if, it won’t be for a long time, Riss. So, I’m sure he’ll get the message.”

  “Don’t let the poor bastard wait too long. At least let him kiss you,” she argues, knowing darn well I don’t sleep around.

  “I feel awful for letting Eric kiss me, Riss. How am I going to face him again? I mean, I shot him down and he has no idea why.”

  “Do you like him?” she asks seriously, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “Yes, but I’m so afraid I’d screw it up that it would ruin our friendship. He deserves so much better than me. Plus, I’ve seen the girls he brings around. I don’t even compare.” I wasn’t trying to have a pity party; rather I was trying to talk myself out of liking him. “And plus, he wants to be running partners. That screams friend-zone.”

  “He kissed you, didn’t he?”

  “Yeah, but he probably had a weak moment…or whatever you call it. Hell, I don’t know. God, I’m a mess.” I huff, sitting down on the edge of the bed, ready to back out of the date.

  “Stop. You are driving me insane and I’m not even the one dating you. Listen and listen closely. You are going to have fun on this date. See what happens…see if there’s any spark. And then you can decide what happens with Eric.” I nod, unable to respond to her motherly tone.

  I finish getting ready for my date, and shortly after, Alex knocks on the door.

  “I’ll get it,” I call out, hoping Carissa hears me.

  “Eric!” I shriek, louder than I mean to. “What are you doing here?” I ask, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable and nervous.

  “We need to talk,” he says in a deep tone. He looks defeated, sad almost.

  “I can’t, Eric. I’m sorry. I’m leaving soon.” I lean against the door, not wanting him to come in. Awkward.

  He looks me over, noticing my attire. “Where are you going?” Before I can respond, Alex chimes in behind him.

  “Out with me.” Oh, crap. Eric spins around and I can see his hands forming into fists. I feel incredibly embarrassed. This is why…this is exactly why I don’t do the whole dating thing in the first place.

  “Really?” he whispers, turning back to me. All I can do is nod to avoid the tears from strolling down my cheeks. I see the hurt in his eyes, and now I feel like kicking myself.

  “He asked me out last night, Eric. I said yes. Is that okay?” I ask, trying to sound brave and confident…just like Carissa had drilled into my head all afternoon.

  Eric slowly grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. My eyes close unwillingly as I enjoy his touch. “Have fun, Velaney.” The way he rolls his tongue around my names gives me goose bumps. Why does he always do this to me? The way he affects me seems so unnatural. He turns around, nods at Alex, and walks down the hallway, leaving me completely dumbfounded.

  I’m not what Eric is looking for. I’m not easy. I don’t sleep around. Hell, I have never slept around. I wouldn’t be what he would need. Or want. I never relied on anyone. Carissa has always been my go to girl. My person.

  “What was he doing here?” Alex asks, releasing me from my mental break down.

  “Oh, he thought he left something here,” I lie, surprised at how easy it was to say that. “Well, shall we?” I ask, hoping to lighten the mood.

  “I’m ready if you are,” he says, smiling at me, making me forget everything that just happened. “You look beautiful,” he whispers close to my ear, sending goose bumps down my arm.

  “Thank you,” is all I can say, gripping harder on my purse. He escorts me to the passenger side of his car and opens it. I thank him again and get in. I buckle up as I wait for him to climb in on his side. I’m nervous as all hell and feel like I’m sweating. Ugh, this was a bad idea.

  I give myself a mental pep talk and try my best to have fun—per Carissa’s orders. He settles in and starts the car. I notice every little thing he does, mainly because I don’t know what else to focus on so I don’t continue to bit through my bottom lip. He’s going to think I’m a complete spaz.

  “You really do look amazing,” he says, staring through my eyes. “However, you will be cold. It’s a good thing I brought some blankets.” He smiles widely, nodding his head to the back where a couple heavy blankets laid. Oh, crap.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, hoping it’s not to go bury me in the woods somewhere.

  “I have a little something planned out in the park.” He smiles back at me again, making goose bumps reappear up and down my arms.

  We arrive to a secluded area of the park where the stars are so bright, you feel like they are within arms reach. I lean forward in my seat to get a better view.

  “Wow, it’s incredible out here!” I gasp, taking in the surroundings.

  “It’s beautiful at night, especially this time of year.” He walks over to my door and escorts me out. I wait as he grabs the thick blankets from the back and rounds his car to get a basket out of the trunk.

  “Oh my goodness!” I squeal. “You are too sweet
.” I smile at him, realizing he’s prepared an evening picnic for us.

  “I was hoping you’d like it. Plus, it allows us more quiet time to talk without being interrupted by annoying waiters.”

  “Ah, guess you must have that issue a lot, huh?” I ask, wondering if he takes a lot of girls on dates.

  He tilts his head back as he huffs a laugh. I stand there frozen, unsure of what he’s laughing about.

  “No, actually I don’t go on a lot of dates,” he said honestly. “It’s been awhile since my last one.” He takes my hand and guides me to an open spot on the grass. “How about you?”

  “Me? Um, yeah it’s been awhile.”

  “That’s hard to believe. I mean, guys must be dying to take you out.” He lays one of the blankets out wide, and places the basket down. I take my shoes off and sit down next to him.

  “No, this is my first date in three years.” I regret it the second it comes spilling out of my mouth because I don’t want to talk about my past, but mainly I don’t want him prying for details.

  “No, shit? Wow, I can hardly believe you were single, let alone single for so long.” I think he’s trying to sound sincere, but the way it sounds out loud makes me feel like a pathetic loser.

  “Well, I just haven’t wanted to. Until now.” I smile at him, hoping he sees the sincerity in my eyes.

  “Thank you for making the exception.” He grins, leaning down and pressing his lips to my cheek. His lips gracefully brush against me, giving me butterflies the moment he leans in. I freeze and don’t move, unsure of what to do.

  “Don’t make me regret it,” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood and veer it far away from him asking about my past. It works. He smiles and laughs as he empties the contents of the basket. “This is the cutest thing ever,” I play. “Like fourth graders hiding behind the school cute.”

  “Oh my god. It’s lame, isn’t it?” he asks, worried.

  “No, not at all! I love it. It reminds me of being young. Plus, being an adult sucks.” I laugh, making him smile and laugh with me.

  We spend the next couple of hours eating, talking, and enjoying the clear sky. It’s breathtaking, and ironically, feels incredibly natural. Alex makes me feel comfortable for the first time in many years. I feel myself. Normal. Content.

  “I had an amazing time, Alex! Thank you so much for such an incredible first date.” I smile up in perfect almond-shaped baby blues. We continue walking down the hallway and reach the door to my apartment.

  “I hope it’s not our last date,” he casually confesses as he leans up against my door so I can’t unlock it.

  “I hope not either,” I mutter, unable to take my eyes off his beautiful frame. Tonight was so much more than I had ever expected. It wasn’t about seeing how far he could get with me, or having his way with me, rather it was filled with laughter and content.

  “Excellent. Then we agree.” He smiles, slowing leaning in. I close my eyes as his lips gently touch mine. His hand wraps around my head, pulling me in closer. It’s sweet and simple. But God, he tastes amazing. “Goodnight, Velaney.” He pecks my lips once more before he walks down the hall again leaving me breathless.

  I unlock the door and see all the lights are turned off. Carissa must be out tonight. I shut the door behind me and lean against it. I slide my body down and end up sitting with my knees up. A feeling so unnatural, so uncommon fills me. I finally feel real…I’m not just a shell.

  I stand up and flash a stupid grin on my face as I begin to walk to my room. I flick the living room lights on and yelp, “Oh my god! What are you doing here, Eric?”

  Eric continues to lie on the couch casually, folding his arms over his chest. I can’t read his expression. He is just sitting there looking cold, distant.

  “Have a good time tonight?” he asks casually.

  “I didn’t realize you had moved in!” I squeal, dodging his question. “Why are you here?”

  “I wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. I was worried,” he says sincerely, his glossy eyes look me over.

  “I’m fine. You don’t need to keep watching me, you know. I can take care of myself…most of the time.” I set my purse down and start taking my shoes off as I feel his hands grasp my shoulders and pull me up.

  “I can’t help the way I want to protect you, Velaney,” he says in a deep, husky tone. His emerald eyes are looking deep into mine, making me quiver in a unusual territory for me.

  “Why?” I whisper, unable to say anything else.

  “I don’t know. But the way you kissed me, the way you made me feel…it’s not somethin’ I want to ignore. It’s not somethin’ I can ignore.” My heart feels like it completely sank to the floor. Why is he saying these things?

  “I’m sorry for kissing you. I don’t want to mess with your emotions, Eric. I wouldn’t be good for you,” I mutter honestly, unable to look at him fully. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but it’s for the best considering I would never be able to be what he needs.

  “I’m not sorry! Don’t be sorry, Velaney! Jesus Christ!” He brushes his hands through his hair, looking beyond frustrated. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I shake my head, unable to speak. He leans in close to me, brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheek. “You drive me insane. The way you talk, the way you smell, the way you don’t even know how breathtakingly beautiful you are. It. Drives. Me. Insane.” He clenches his lips tight, barely brushing over my skin. His hot breath blows on my neck, making me clench between my legs.

  I want to lean in, crush my lips on his, and surrender my feelings to him. But I can’t. The fact was that he was Eric. How would I be able to remain friends while living in the same building as him if we didn’t work out. I’d screw it up. I know I would. He would expect things…things I couldn’t give him. I can’t be someone’s girlfriend. I can’t be his girlfriend.

  “I can’t,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Why? Tell me why, Velaney! Is it because of Alex?” He steps back slightly, urging me to look up at his hurt expression. I can’t tell him the truth. It would hurt him and it would wreck me. He’s strong, determined, and fearless. I’m weak, powerless, and a coward. I would only hurt him. I decide the only way to get out of this is to lie. He has to think he means nothing to me, but in actuality, I think about him all the time. I want him to touch me. I want to touch him. But I know I couldn’t handle it. I could never be that person for him.

  “Yes,” I lie. “I like Alex. I’m sorry.” I know I don’t sound convincing, but I have to say it. I swallow back the tears that are beginning to form, and bite my lower lip to keep the sob that is urging to come out.

  “I have no doubt you do, but I also know what you felt when I kissed you. You can’t hide that, Velaney.” Damn, he’s good.

  “I like you, Eric. But we’re friends. Can’t we just stay that way?”

  He huffs back a cough, leaning farther away from me. “Will you still run with me?” he asks, hoping for any sign of closure.

  “Of course. I’ll be ready by 6am on Monday.” I continue chewing my lip, urging the tears to wait until he leaves.

  “I’ll see you then,” he growls. He leans in and places a soft kiss on my forehead. He lingers for a moment before releasing and walking out the door. I sink to my knees and cover my face with my hands as the tears finally fall down my cheeks.

  Chapter Nine

  “Aiden, please don’t,” I begged, pushing myself away from him. “I don’t like it when you do this.”

  “Shut the fuck up, slut!” he rambled, giving me a glimpse of his beer scented breath. I was ten years old, and Aiden was now eighteen. I was counting down the days until he left for college. “Fuck, Velaney…”

  My body shook as he said the F bomb. That word was the worst. It meant he was really mad.

  I begged him each time to stop. If he weren’t drunk, he was high. Or both. I don’t know how mom and dad didn’t notice, or maybe they just didn’t care. He was their perfect angel
during the day. But at night, he was the devil.

  “You owe me a goodbye present, Laney. I’m leaving for college soon, remember?” I nod, acknowledging that I knew he was leaving. Of course, I knew. It was the only relief I felt in the past two years.

  Aiden left a few weeks later, driving hours away from home. I prayed he would find a girlfriend and leave me alone from now on. Unfortunately, there was no such luck. Thanksgiving and Christmas break arrived much too soon.

  “Don’t I get my Christmas present?” he asks, rubbing a finger up and down his leg. I shivered at the very thought. I shook my head, hoping he’d get the hint. “You fucking owe me!” What exactly did I owe him? And why? Hell, I was only ten years old.

  “Stop, Aiden, I will tell.” The words sounded pathetic. I could barely get them out, and he knew it. He laughs in my face as he grabs my hand making me do exactly as he wanted.

  “Lane, wake up!” Carissa yells and shakes my body as I jolt out of sleep. “Good God! Are you all right?” she asks. I look around and notice I’m in bed. Carissa is sitting next to me, looking worried.

  “Yeah, sorry. What happened?” I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

  “You were in here screaming bloody murder, Lane. Were you having a bad dream?” I scan the memory of Aiden in my head and simply nod in her direction. She takes me in for a hug and presses her lips to my forehead.

  “Want me to sleep in here with you?”

  “Sure. Thanks, Riss.”

  “Of course. Now, scoot over.” I move to one side, opening the sheets up for her. Carissa used to sleep with me almost every night during my adolescent years. She was the only person besides my parents that knew. She understood the night terrors I used to have. She would hold me and rub my hair until I fell back to sleep.

  The sound of my alarm jerks me awake. I promised to meet Eric at 6am today. Ugh, the sun isn’t even out yet.