“I’m Velaney.” I pause, thinking of a fake explanation. “I live in his building,” I finally say, hoping one of them gives me some information on where Eric is.
“Oh, right. Well, sorry he’s not here. Eric and his dad were called out to New Mexico.”
My heart sinks. New Mexico?
“Oh, why?” I try not to sound heartbroken, but I can’t help it. I never imagined Eric wouldn’t be around when I needed him—needed him the most.
“Don’t you watch the news?” one snaps at me as if I was disturbing their day. “Huge wildfire in New Mexico. Chief Reilley and Eric went to volunteer. Dozens from all over the states headed out there already.”
Fractastic…
Chapter Twenty-One
“What are you doing?” Carissa asks, barging into my room as I shove clothes into a suitcase. She watches me intently, crossing her arms in the doorway. “I thought you were going to find Eric today and beg for his forgiveness? Lane, you have to stop running. Aiden isn’t going to bother you again.”
“I’m not running,” I simply say, too busy packing to give her all the details.
“Well, then what are you doing? It sure looks like you’re running.”
“I’m going to New Mexico. I’m going to find Eric.”
“Wait, what?”
“He and his dad went to New Mexico to help with the wildfires. I need to go find him.” I can hardly explain what I’m doing or why. I’m not even sure what I’m doing, but all I know is that I need to get to him—fast.
“Lane, have you seen the news? It’s bad. Like really bad.” Ugh, I need to start watching more TV.
“That’s why I need to go see him, Riss. What if something happens to him, and I never get the chance to tell him how I feel or that I’m desperately in love with him. I need him to know how I truly feel.”
I finish packing and sit next to Carissa who is watching the news. I had no idea, and feel awful I have no clue what Eric is going through. The pictures are devastating. The statistics of houses lost and people killed are even more traumatic.
“14 firefighters have been killed, over 300 homes have been destroyed, and 7,000 acres of land have been burnt down,” the news anchor states, making me gasp at the numbers and images that are being plastered across the screen.
“Oh…my…god.” I can’t help covering my mouth as I take it all in. I can’t even imagine what Eric is going through right now.
* * *
I take the redeye to New Mexico and anxiously wait the arrival. I have no plans as to what I’m doing or where I’m going. This is unlike me in so many ways…but the realization of losing Eric has been completely taken back. I can’t even fathom losing him. I thought I lost him once before and it almost broke me.
Something inside me changes. For the first time in my life, I actually feel helpless. Aiden has made me feel rage, fear, and anger—but never helpless. Eric was someone I let go because of fear, but I was no longer going to let fear consume me. No—I wasn’t going to give him that.
“We will be landing in a few minutes.” I hear the attendant announce. I’m half-asleep so I don’t hear the rest of it, but I get more nervous the closer we get to arriving. I haven’t called Eric because I’m afraid he won’t hear me out. It’s something that needs to be said face-to-face.
“Oh thank god you made it,” Carissa shouts through the phone. She didn’t approve of me leaving, but it was something I couldn’t explain. Something in my heart told me to go…that I needed to find Eric.
“I’m fine, mother,” I tease, grabbing my luggage. I continue talking to her until I find my way outside and flag a cab.
“I need to go to the nearest hotel, please,” I say, shutting the door behind me.
“Everything will probably be booked, ma’am. With the wildfire a good chunk of people had to evacuate, and with no place to go, they are all setting up in hotels.”
“Do you know where the firefighters are staying?” I ask. “The ones from out of town?” I clarify.
“Santa Fe Inn, right by here.”
“Okay, take me there.” The driver huffs at me as if I was being an inconvenience. I shift uncomfortably in my seat as we make the quick drive to the hotel.
I pay for the cab, and grab my luggage as I exit. The hotel is huge so I pray they have a room for me. As I walk in, I notice television crews standing around with their cameras. I completely underestimated the seriousness of the situation before coming out here. There’s a huge cloud of black smoke out in the distant, and it nearly covers half the sky.
“Hi, there. Welcome to the Santa Fe Inn. How may I assist you?” the overly cheerful woman asks.
“Hi, um, I’m looking for a room for a few nights. I’m hoping you have something open?” I plead with my eyes.
“We’re pretty booked, ma’am—”
“Please, I have no where else to go. I just flew in from Boston.”
“Let me see what I can do.” She begins to type away on her keyboard and finally looks up at me. “I have a room for three nights only, but it’s the elite package.”
“And what’s that include?” I ask, ready to take anything at this point just to lie down and sleep.
She reads off the amenities and the price. It’s higher than I want to pay, but I don’t have much choice. I grab my room key and luggage and make my way to the elevator.
My heart is racing, my hands are sweaty, and I’m a nervous wreck. I haven’t seen Eric in weeks and now I fear for not only his life, but mine as well. After watching the news, I’m more than ready to go find Eric. I need to see him. Touch him. Kiss him.
I need a shower. A hot frigging shower. Ugh, that damn word again. Ever since Aiden came to haunt my life again, I can’t say it. I want to, but I can’t help feeling if I do say it—something even more awful will happen and given the circumstances, I’m not willing to risk it.
I practically melt in the scalding shower. It’s just what I need. I wish the heat and water could wash everything away—everything wrong. I wash my hair and my body, and shave my legs. The pressure of the water makes my entire body feel refreshed and alive. I’m ready—ready to get my man back.
* * *
I get some much-needed rest. I crash on the bed and let sleep overcome me. The ache I feel for Eric is indescribable. It’s powerful and weak all at the same time. I wake up ready to conquer the world—okay, Lane, let’s not over do it.
Perhaps not the world, but my life. Yes, I’m ready to start conquering my life. Fudge Aiden for what he did to me. Frack him for thinking he can continue to rule over me. Not any more. Today’s a new day, and I’m officially taking my life back.
I feel like I’m high on life, but I don’t care. It feels good—damn good. Perhaps it’s the new scenery, or the sudden adrenaline rush that’s pumping through me, but I’m going to be with the man I want to be with. Eric. He is my everything, and I was a fool for letting him go.
“So what’s your plan?” Carissa asks through the phone. She’s a nervous wreck so I know I have to keep in contact with her.
“Well, first I’m going to ask if Eric or his dad are staying here. And I’m going to pry for answers from all those greedy news stations camping out downstairs. And when that doesn’t work, I’m going to beg for someone to drive me down there.” Even I’m surprised at how confident and easy-going I sound. I kind of like this “new” me.
“Drive down where exactly, Lane?” Her voice is stern, demanding almost.
“To the fire or wherever they are.”
“Have you lost your marbles?” she shouts. “People are dying! You can’t just drive over there.”
“Okay, and what do you suggest I do?” I snap back.
“I was thinking the old fashion way. CALL HIM!” she screams, making me jerk away from the phone.
“Dude, chill. I did. He didn’t answer,” I lie. I knew she wouldn’t understand my reasoning. I didn’t want to… nor could I…get back together with someone I’m in love with over t
he phone. No, the new me is determined to do this right. I need to show him how much he means to me.
“Ugh…I swear, Velaney Rose Wills. You best not get hurt out there. Otherwise, I’m coming to kick you in the baby maker.”
“Ew, seriously, Riss. Chill. And that just sounds mean.”
“Well…that’s how worried I am about you. You’re my best friend, Lane. I’d die if anything ever happened to you.” I know that Carissa loves me. And it’s nice to hear that someone cares. Someone willing to yell at me in order to tell me how much I mean to them. She’s been the only person my entire life to care about me.
“I love you, Riss. I promise to be safe,” I respond calmly, smiling at her motherly tone.
“I love you, too. Call me,” she huffs. “I mean it!”
“I will. I promise.”
I walk to the receptionist’s desk and in my most polite tone I ask, “Is there a chance you could tell me if there’s a Mr. Reilley staying here?”
“I’m sorry, that’s confidential.” She smiles back. I can tell she’s trying to be polite, but I wasn’t done trying.
“I know, but it’s really important. Mr. Reilley is a firefighter from Boston, and I came out here looking for him. Can you just tell me if he’s staying in the hotel?”
“I wish I could, ma’am. But I’d lose my job over something like that.” Damn.
Plan B.
“Can you leave him a message for me then?”
“Sure, I suppose I could.”
Bingo. That means he is staying here. She hands me a notepad and pen.
Eric, I need to see you. I’m in room 212. -Velaney
I hand her back the notepad and pen and walk out the lobby doors. I’m not 100% sure he’ll get the note, but it was worth a try.
I hail a cab and hop in. I feel optimistic…overly optimistic.
“I’d like to get as close to the wildfire as possible, please,” I simply state, knowing how crazy I probably sound.
“Excuse me?” he asks in a thick accent.
“My friend is a firefighter, and I need to see him.”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but most everything is blocked off. The closest I can get you is to route 203, and even then you’d have to walk quite a way.”
I shrug and agree to the terms. I’ll figure out a way. I have to. I won’t let anyone or anything stand in my way this time.
The cab driver drops me off as close as he can. Most of the roads are blocked off with police cars and fire trucks. The smoke is thicker, and the black smoke clouds above are darker and closer to me now. I didn’t consider all of this when I came out here, but I’m not backing out now. No way.
I pull my sweatshirt over my mouth and do my best not to inhale the smoke and ash. I stop for a moment thinking how ironic this is—I met Eric in a very similar situation like this…trying to hide from the smoke. However, I was determined to make sure he knew just how important he is to me. I screwed it up so frigging badly before…I have to make this right.
There are plenty of other people standing by, watching the commotion as well. Most people were told to evacuate, but clearly, they hadn’t. I’m not surprised though. Whenever something “exciting” happens in Boston, people are always there to witness it firsthand.
“Sir?” I ask someone near by that looks to be an officer. “Would you be able to help me? I’m looking for a couple of firefighters from Boston. They are supposed to be here.”
He looks me over, examining my features, making me incredibly self-conscious. What the hell? I lower my sweatshirt so he doesn’t think I’m being suspicious or anything. I think he sees the fear in my eyes and finally starts talking.
“Miss, there are dozens of firefighters out here right now. I have no idea where they are all from or what there names are. I’m sorry,” he replies harshly, but a little sympathetic.
“Okay, never mind. Thank you.” I begin to walk away but his voice catches me again, and I spin around to see him walking toward me.
“What are their names?” he simply asks, taking pity on me.
“Eric Reilley.”
“Yeah, he’s here. I think he’s positioned in section 49.” I’m so overwhelmed with joy that he knows where he is. I can’t help the smile on my face as he explains to me how to find him.
“Oh my god, thank you so much!” Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him. He has no idea what this means to me.
He points me in the right direction, and we say goodbye. I make the short journey up to where he told me to go. The cloud of smoke thickens, making it harder to see and breathe. I know I am crazy for doing this—but if I’ve learned anything since meeting Eric, it’s that he’s worth it. Love is worth it. I never knew I could let someone in…to let someone love me. I never knew it was possible. Eric was the one person that broke through my walls…broke through my shattered heart and put it back together.
There are a handful of men standing near by. It looks like they are waiting for orders or something because their hoses are laying flat on the ground. They are all in uniform but their helmets are off. A couple guys are holding theirs under their arm, which gives me a better view of their faces.
“Eric?” I shout over the loud roaring of helicopters in the air. A handful of them turns around and look at me, stopping their conversations.
And then I see his beautiful emerald eyes.
Oh, holy hell.
“Velaney?” I finally hear his sweet voice. God, I miss that voice…that southern tone. He drops his helmet and jogs to me, passing the other guys to get to me. Eric’s face shows fear and confusion as his face gets clearer and closer to mine.
I’m not sure what I expect him to say, or even what I might say. I want to erase everything horrible I said to him, and just kiss him. I want to rip off his uniform and feel his skin against my skin. I want him…I want everything.
“Wh-what are you doin’ here?” he asks, inches away from my face. I can tell he’s been out here a long time. He has dark circles around his eyes and his skin smells like smoke.
“I needed to see you,” is all I say. I want to tell him a million reasons why I’m here, but I just can’t. I can see the heartbreak in his eyes. The heartbreak I gave him…
“You can’t be here, Velaney. It’s too dangerous.” Little did he know how much danger I had just been in.
“I need to talk to you!” I plead, making sure he hears the eagerness in my voice. He has every right to push me away, to ignore me, and want nothing to do with me. But I’m relieved and happy when he doesn’t. Instead, without saying a word, he grabs my shoulders and leans in. He presses me hard against his chest crushing his lips to mine. My whole body releases against him, giving in to every need and desire. The kiss begins sweet and gentle, but as the eagerness increases, he presses his lips harder against mine, making the kiss greedy and rough.
I wrap my arms around his bulky waist and press myself against him as hard as I can. With his uniform still on, I can’t feel his skin against mine, but I’ll take whatever I can right now. The way his kiss makes me feel—it’s undeniable what he does to me.
He suckles my bottom lip with his teeth as he lets out a deep moan. It completely sets me off, and I further the kiss, pushing my tongue deeper into him. The way he tastes is unimaginable—like perfection. His hands make their way to my face, placing a hand on each side of my face. Our bodies are pressed up against each other, leaving little room to move my arms. I want to touch him, feel him, and caress every inch of his flesh.
The kiss heats up as the intensity increases. I miss him. I miss us. He has given me more than I could ever explain—he’s given me my life back.
I completely melt into him, letting his body support mine. It feels incredible to be in his arms again. The way they wrap around me so effortlessly—as if they were made just for that purpose…to hold me.
He breaks the kiss slowly, giving us both a chance to catch our breath. It wasn’t the smoke or ash this time leaving me breath
less. He leans his forehead against mine, clinging his hands to my cheeks. I close my eyes, letting our breathing sync together.
Before I can begin talking, Eric speaks up. “You need to go back home, sweetheart. This isn’t safe for you.”
“It isn’t safe for you, either. I need you, Eric. I need to explain,” I plead, not wanting his body to separate from mine.
“This is my job. I have to be here, you don’t.”
“Please, I have so much I need to say, Eric.”
“I know, sweetheart. But now isn’t the time. Let’s just leave it at this—most beautiful and perfect kiss I’ve ever had.”
I back up slightly, looking into his eyes. They look torn—as if I just gave him an ultimatum.
“What do you mean ‘leave it’? I ask confused, heartbroken almost. No, he can’t mean that…no way.
“Velaney, please. I’ve spent the last few weeks miserable and shattered. That was a perfect goodbye.”
“I don’t want it to be goodbye, Eric! No! That’s why I came all the way out here. You need to let me explain, please!” I beg as he begins to push away from me.
“Sweetheart, please. Don’t make this harder for you than I know it must be. You aren’t ready for this. You aren’t ready to be in a relationship. I finally understand that now. And I love you enough to let you go—to let you grow, develop, and figure out what you want.”
“Eric, no. You don’t understand. I am ready. I was ready! It wasn’t what you think, I swear!” The tears unwillingly streak my cheeks. I can’t believe he’s saying this. Why won’t he let me explain? Why is he pushing me away?
“I have to go.” He begins to back up, locking his eyes on mine. I see the pain…the sorrow…the damage I’ve caused. “I love you, Velaney.”
“Eric, please! Don’t leave me!” I yell, dropping to my knees as I beg him to stay. I hear a few of his friends yell for him as their chief gives them orders to move to another location. He glances at me one more time before putting his helmet back on, and leaving with the other firefighters. “Eric, I love you!” I scream, but it’s too late. He’s already gone.
Gone.
Exposed: An Anthology Page 96