Chapter Twenty-Two
“The wildfire is roughly sixty percent contained. However, it remains to be extremely violent and dangerous—killing anything in its path. Residents of Santa Fe are being told to evacuate until the fire is under control.”
I sit in my hotel room and watch the news religiously, hoping and praying for a miracle. I’m not sure why Eric is being the way he is, but I’m not leaving until I talk to him. Nope…the new me—strong, brave, and determined me—is following through. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get Eric to listen to me. There’s no way I can tell him about Aiden because I fear he’ll then go after him. However, I’ll need to convince him I can handle this—handle a relationship.
I never knew this feeling existed. It’s foreign, strange, and heart wrenching—but now that I have it, I’m not letting it go. Eric has made me feel whole again. He makes me feel needed, loved, and the way he’s always saving me—he makes me feel desired.
A faint knock sounds at the door, jerking me from my thoughts. I ease off the bed quietly, wondering who could be here. I look through the peephole and see Eric standing there. I’m so frigging excited that it’s him, I rush to unlock the door.
“Eric!” My eyes light up at the very sight of him. God, he looks gorgeous. I can tell he’s been working nonstop by the way his eyes and face look—exhausted and overworked, but still stunning.
“Velaney,” he says in a rough, quiet tone. Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. “You can’t be here. You have to go home.”
“You are my home, Eric.” I plead, standing my ground. My eyes are begging him to listen, but knowing he has every right to hate me. My plan is to prove to him how much I want him—how much I need him.
“I can’t do my job knowin’ you are in danger,” he replies quieter this time, almost desperate.
“Then please, talk to me,” I beg, hoping he hears the eagerness in my voice.
He checks his watch quickly and says, “Fine, but I don’t have much time.”
I’m saddened by the way he’s acting, but I guess I should have been prepared for that. I’m trying as hard as possible not to straddle him right now and forget everything bad that’s happened with us.
He sits on the edge of the bed and waits while I shut and lock the door again. I slowly walk back to him and make my way in between his legs. I need to be able to focus, yet I can’t help the desire I feel to have him close.
He continues looking down—defeated almost. I place a finger under his chin and push his face up to look at me. It surprises me to see him like this—so down and worried.
“I’m sorry, Eric. I’m so sorry for everything I said…everything I did…for hurting you like I did. I didn’t mean it. Any of it. I swear.” I keep my voice soft, keeping my eyes locked on him.
“I’m so in love with you Velaney. It’s so fuckin’ hard to see you right now.” His voice is low, sounding hurt and frustrated.
“That’s why I came to see you. You have no idea how bad I’m hurting, how bad I wish I could take everything back—how bad I miss you.”
“How bad you’re hurtin’?” He raises his voice, opening his eyes wider to scold me. “You broke my heart! I gave you everything! I opened up to, I…I—you slept with me, Velaney and the very next day, you break up with me!”
Shit. He’s mad. No…make that frigging furious.
“Eric, you have every right to be mad—”
“Mad? No…no…no. Apparently, you don’t know me as well as I thought. I have never told a girl that I loved them. I gave you that, Velaney. You.” I want to burst into tears right now. I feel like a complete jack-hole. His face is hurt, battered, and torn. I feel like dying.
“Eric, please. I am so so sorry. I can explain—”
“You can’t explain, Velaney. You told me how you felt. There’s no takin’ that back.” He stands up, making me back away from him. He begins to walk toward the door and I panic. I have to do something.
“Wait!” I beg, pulling on his arm. It doesn’t do any good considering he’s practically all muscle. “It was because of Aiden,” I accidentally blurt out. Crap.
He whips his body around, now facing me. His eyes go from sad to furious. I regret saying it the second it comes out.
“You broke up with me because of Aiden?” he asks, raising his brows. I can tell he’s mad…but curious.
“I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Well, now you have to, Velaney.”
“Aiden threatened me. I was scared. I was afraid he’d come after you, so I had to break up with you.” I keep my voice low, hoping he sees I’m being honest. Instead of engulfing me into his arms as I had hoped, he turns back around and walks out—slamming the door behind him.
I fall to my knees, crashing my hands against my face as the tears fall down. This pain—this feeling—is the worst feeling I have ever felt.
I don’t run after him because I can’t bear to see his pained face. I let him down. I broke his heart and crushed his soul. I was wrong about myself before—I’m not ready for this. I’m a complete mess—a wreck.
“Lane, what’s wrong?” Carissa asks in a panic as I sob uncontrollably over the phone.
“I—Eric—leave,” is all I blurt out in between tears and trying to catch my breath. “I—he—God, I’m a fucking mess!” I can hardly believe the word comes out—it just slips right out, but for the first time since Aiden threatened me, I don’t care. I don’t care what the word represents, what might happen now that I’ve said it, or what memories it brings me. I don’t fucking care.
“Okay, Lane, breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out.”
“I’m fine, Riss!” I shout back, needing her to stop coaxing me. “I messed up. I messed up huge this time,” I explain, getting my ability to talk back. “I told him about Aiden and he ran out!”
“Oh god, Lane. Why?”
“It slipped. He was leaving, he wouldn’t listen to me, he—told me I broke him.”
“Wow, you two are more messed up than I realized.”
“What do I do, Riss? He has this look in his eyes—it’s almost unexplainable. It’s like a mixture of hurt and passion.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah.”
We talk for hours. I run down the whole scenario more than once. She’s trying to understand it just as I am still trying to understand it. How did I let this happen? How could I let it happen? I’m such a fool. Finally, I feel like the light just came on.
“I can’t lose Eric. I can’t let Aiden win by running Eric off. No. Fucking. Way.”
“I see you got your F word back,” Riss teases.
“And it’s staying. I don’t care what the word represents anymore. I won’t let it control my life. I need to get him back, Riss.”
“And you will. Just give him time. He probably just needs guy time to chill and think it through. He’ll come back.”
“You promise?” I whine, puckering my lower lip out even though she can’t see it.
“He’d be a fool not to.”
Too bad, I’m the fool.
We hang up finally, and I decide to shower. I completely messed up things with Eric today. I feel determined to do something for him tomorrow—something huge—something that he’ll take serious so that he knows I love him and need him just as much as he loves and needs me. Yes, operation plan C is in full motion.
* * *
I never told anyone this—not even Carissa, but I can sing. I mean, I can really sing. It’s never been something I shared. I didn’t want the spotlight—or to be a pawn in my mother’s so-perfect life. I realized I could sing when I was only eleven years old. After so many horrific nights of Aiden sneaking into my bedroom, I found a way to cope—to deal with the way my family treated me. I began singing in my room and as the nights got worse, I began writing down lyrics. I guess you could call it my hidden talent.
It wasn’t something I was embarrassed of—rather it was something I wanted to keep just for myself. It feels li
ke it’s mine—no one can touch it, or have it. It’s my voice—my feelings—my outlet.
I used to sing in my backyard whenever I would go hiding from my family. Sometimes I’d sing in the shower when I knew no one was around or even in my bedroom late at night when I had so much built up emotion and no way to release it. It was my way—my voice that got me through those inconceivable moments.
If Eric wasn’t going to listen to what I have to say, I will have to be creative. I woke up with a feeling of empowerment. Perhaps it’s waking up in a different city that has me feeling so optimistic and fearless, but I’m taking it all in. I watch the news after I shower. I want to make sure the wildfire is still contained. The news anchor is happy to announce it’s over 70 percent contained and is no longer reaching the higher populated areas. I smile as I feel relief in hopes that Eric won’t have to stay here much longer. If my idea goes as planned, Eric and I will get be back in each other’s arms by sunset.
I plaster a smile on my face as I am greeted by the receptionist. We didn’t hit it off so well the last time, so I’m going to go with…pleasant and sweet Velaney.
“Hi, how may I help you?” she asks, almost choking on the politeness that comes out of her mouth.
“Hi, I’m actually looking for some assistance.” She nods and I continue telling her what I need. Surprisingly, she’s incredibly helpful and even begins to gush about how sweet my plan is. I leave out a few details of course, but she gets what I’m trying to do—win my boyfriend back.
After grabbing all the supplies I need, I find an eager news anchor willing to capture my moment. I’ve never in my life done anything like this before—never put myself out there—never publicized myself like this. But he was worth it. Eric is worth it.
I do a few warm up notes and shake the nerves off. The receptionist at the hotel, who later I found out is named, Kelly, helped me find everything I would need—speaker, microphone, and thirsty TV crews itching for a story.
And action.
It’s two in the afternoon before I’m finally set up and ready. A little birdie—off duty firefighter—told me when Eric’s crew would be back at the hotel for their breaks. They have the firefighters work in shifts to keep from overworking them in the heat. I’m all set up in the hotel’s ballroom. It’s a huge and elegant space decked out in full-on charm décor. Lights—tulle—chandelier—all ready in my advantage.
I post signs out in the lobby to grab his attention and to direct him to where I am…
Eric, this way.
Keep going.
Getting warmer.
Scalding.
Since the day I met you…you saved me.
And now…I am saving you.
I want to save Eric—save him from his heartache. Heal his heart—mend his shattered soul—save his faith in me.
The last sign leads him right to the ballroom. The lights are completely off as I stand in the middle of the floor, waiting for him, and anticipating his entrance.
As soon as I hear him step in, the lights flicker on. A friendly hotel staff member, Ashley, agrees to help me out with the lights, and I was lucky enough to find another one who just happened to bring his guitar. His name is Jeremy and he seemed more than willing to play for me. It was a good thing Ashley had just been engaged—she was all mushy when I explained my plan to her.
Before the spotlight hits me, I begin…
I can’t explain it
But I feel it
The spotlight meets my face, and I raise my eyes to find his. I can see he has a look of surprise and awe. I smile as I continue.
The way I feel
It’s so surreal
These feelings I feel…are something unreal
I was so scared
Of losing you
When we first met
I fought with myself
I didn’t know how…to let you in
And then I realized, I need you
Just as much…as you need me
Things didn’t go as planned…
Pretty much the story of my life.
And now I’ve lost you, and I can’t go on
Don’t want to move on
The way I feel
It’s so surreal
These feelings I feel…are something unreal
I was so scared
Of losing you
Losing you…something I can’t bear
Makes me scared…because I need you
And I know you need me
I can’t help the way I feel
I regret letting you go…
It’s not what you think, I can explain
But know it was to protect you,
because I love you.
I love you.
You can’t deny the spark we have
It’s real and it’s not going anywhere
Give me one more chance to prove it to you
This spark is real…
I squint to look at him but the spotlight is blinding me. Ashley must notice because she dims it, giving me full view of Eric’s reaction. I can tell he’s crying, but I don’t know if they are happy or sad tears. And then he smiles. Everything in my body eases as I can tell my plan is working.
You can’t deny the spark we have
It’s real and it’s not going anywhere…
I finish the last line and wait as Brett finishes the cords. The moment is perfect. Absolutely perfect.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I stand there silent as I wait for Eric to say something. He doesn’t move. We’re both frozen in place, and I start overanalyzing this whole thing. Maybe I’m beginning to look like one of those obsessive girls that doesn’t leave men alone…or maybe now I look desperate…or…crazy.
“I had no idea you could sing,” he finally says, stepping closer. I see the desire in his eyes, making me finally feel relief.
“I’ve never sang for anyone before,” I reply, desperation and eagerness riveting in my voice.
“Well, it was truly sensational. I loved it. Every single word.”
I step around the microphone stand and make my way toward him. We meet in the middle and stand face-to-face. I inhale his scent, letting the memories flood in as I stand close to him once again.
“I wrote it for you.”
I expect him to respond, or tell me he liked the lyrics, but nothing. If this plan didn’t work, I was all out of options.
He leans down, taking me by surprise, and crushes his lips to mine. The heat and sensation overcome me as our lips collide. He brings his hands up to cup my cheeks as he intensifies the kiss. His tongue slides in, greeting mine as he deepens the kiss, making every part of me quiver under his hands.
I wrap my arms around him, pushing him closer to me—needing him closer to me. I feel his hard, strong body against mine, and I want to forget everything. I want him. I need him. Nothing will come between us again. I won't let that happen.
He moves his hands down my sides and twirls his thumbs in circles, electrifying every muscle in my body. It’s evident how my body responds to him—how it always responds to him. He pushes me in closer—if that was even possible, and lowers his hands to the small of my back. The feeling is overwhelming, but I feel nothing but happiness and relief. To have his lips on me again, to feel this—is the most reassuring feeling I’ve ever had.
He slowly breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine as we catch our breath. I close my eyes, synchronizing my breathing with his, collecting my thoughts on what I want to say.
“I haven’t been able to breathe without you,” he whispers. I smile as it brings back memories of his oxygen tank.
“That’s quite ironic coming from a firefighter, don’t you think?”
I think Carissa’s attitude is rubbing off on me…
He chuckles as the mood lightens. It’s intense and full of confusion, but I have no doubt he wants what I want. There’s no way he can deny it…the spark that is so very evident between us.
“I can
explain everything,” I finally say, wanting to give him the truth, although it scares me. But I won’t let Aiden run me off this time. If he comes back for revenge or not, at least I’ll know that I’m in control.
“You just did.” Before I can protest, he grabs me and carries me in his arms, locking his lips on mine. I can’t help the giggle that slips out as he tries to make his way out of the ballroom, bumping into tables and chairs. I no longer care or notice that there’s a half dozen people in the room watching.
“Where are we going?” I ask, breaking the kiss. He steps in the elevator and presses a button. “Somewhere I can rip these clothes off.” He flicks a finger under my shirt to emphasize my clothes. Yes, please.
The last time Eric and I were together was incredible, but it was based on a lie. It was meant to be the last time because I had intended never to see him again. However, this time…would be different. It would be real…raw…and true.
He continues carrying me down the hallway until we find his room. He places me on my feet, but our eyes never look away from each other. He digs in his pocket for the keycard and slides it in, opening the door behind me. He presses his lips on mine again. I feel the passion and desire with every stroke of his tongue. His lips are wet and eager as he backs us into the room, letting the door slam behind.
We don’t waste anytime ripping clothes off and letting them fall to the floor. It feels like it’s been forever since Eric and I were together. We frantically cover each other with our bodies.
Our lips don’t break apart as we rip our pants and shoes off. The passion and overwhelming feelings I have for him take over me. He aggressively pushes us to the wall, smacking my ass right against the cold drywall. I wince as the cold hits me, but I don’t care. He could have me pressed against hot lava, and I wouldn’t push him off me.
“Your taste is fuckin’ addictive,” he mutters in between suckling my lips. The F word actually turns me on now. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m choosing not to let that word haunt me, but it’s driving me insane just hearing it roll off his tongue.
Exposed: An Anthology Page 97