by Ainsley Shay
The small apartment seemed to shrink as I watched Blacwin’s facial features harden. When he was finished reading, he folded the letter and set it on the coffee table. I waited for him to say something. I wanted him to tell me it was bogus, and to start laughing, or that it was impossible, or both. He did none of those things. A guttural throb of anguish wrestled deep in his throat before he stood and walked to the French door of the balcony. He didn’t open it, just stared at the empty street below. Finally, he broke the silence. “This is my fault. I—”
“How is this your fault?” I asked.
Blacwin balled his fists then slid them into his pockets, as if this simple action would contain the anger I saw boiling inside him. “I should have killed my brother when I had the chance.”
Now I understood why he felt the burden of guilt. I stood, went to him, and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Penemuel is only the messenger. And, you’re not a killer.”
“That used to be all I was. I did it without even having to think about it. Killing was what I was taught to love.” His voice was low and tinged with the pain of remembering his past. He turned and wrapped his arms around my waist. His eyes were dark and penetrating. “Killing made me forget about what I had lost. Then, when I saw you again, the day when you arrived at the castle, it was like my humanity had resurfaced and I hated who I had become, what he turned me into.”
“That was a long time ago.”
He nodded. “It was. But, that time in my life will never be far enough behind me.”
“Blacwin,” Mr. Yves said. I had almost forgotten he was in the room. Blacwin and I lowered our arms from each other. “The past always has a way of never letting us forget. But, it’s the present that reminds us to forgive ourselves.”
“I try.” Blacwin nodded. “Every day, I try.”
My tea was still warm when I picked it up and took a sip. I lowered the mug from my lips and said, “I should call Chandler.” I knew Chandler would be pissed I hadn’t called him already. But, I really had hoped the letter, left by Carina or some other crazy person, was a hoax. Now, by the way Blacwin reacted, I knew the letter was very real. Darenfys was coming for me.
“I’ll call him. I need to talk to him anyway,” Blacwin said.
Blacwin and Chandler had a history together I would never quite understand. And, I felt better he was the one making the call. “Okay.”
Mr. Yves knew I was in good hands when he left. He made sure I would call him after school tomorrow, and as always, he told me to let him know if I needed anything.
Blacwin excused himself and went onto the balcony to call Chandler. I imagined how their conversation would go and Chandler’s reaction to it all. He’d probably be barging in the door any second.
Blacwin came in and closed the door. “I talked Chandler out of coming here tonight. I told him, I’d stay, if you’re good with that.” I nodded. Of course, I was good with that. “And, please don’t argue with this next part. I’d do it myself, but I have a few things I must take care of tomorrow.”
I felt the tension in my shoulders that was beginning to release, return. “It doesn’t sound like I’m going to like what you have to say.”
“It’s really not a big deal. But, Chandler is going to pick you up in the morning, drive you to school, and bring you home.”
Big deal? I didn’t need to be treated like I was in the witness protection plan. “I really don’t think that’s necessary. I’m very capable of—”
“I know.” Blacwin crossed the room in a few long strides and put his hands on my shoulders. “Iris, you are one of the strongest people I know. Especially with everything you’ve been through. But, if Darenfys gets to you, you don’t have a chance.”
6
Chandler must have thought blowing up my phone with nearly one hundred combined texts and calls was a good idea. It wasn’t. My alarm, which was set for six, hadn’t even gone off yet. But it was apparent he didn’t care. When I reached to the other side of the bed, the sheets were cold and vacant. Blacwin had gone sometime in the night. What I thought was a dream, was a real phantom-like kiss and a whispered goodbye. I knew he would never have left me if he didn’t have a good reason. And, he’d obviously told Chandler; hence...the harassment before dawn.
“What!?!” I yelled when I finally answered Chandler’s call. When I sat up, the sun came up over the balcony and blinded me. I held my hand up to shield my eyes from the blazing rays.
“Jeez, what’s up your butt?”
“At the moment? You.” I pulled the pillow over my face and muttered, “What is so damned important you have kept my number on redial every freaking five-seconds?”
“I’m driving you to school today.”
“First of all, I know. Second, even if I didn’t, that news is not one hundred and fifty-three calls worthy.”
“I’ll be there at seven,” he said swiftly and hung up.
“Argggg! He is so frustrating!”
Before dragging myself out of bed, I called Blacwin. The call went right to voicemail. Most of the time, I loved technology, but when it hadn’t done what I wanted it to do, my first response was to throw it across the room. Instead, I got up and strolled into the kitchen to make some tea. On the counter was the letter from Darenfys. Just seeing it caused the fear and hatred that had sleepily been subdued during the night to rise to the surface. Why did he think he loved me? There was so much I needed to figure out, but I didn’t know where to begin.
The mug I used last night was next to the sink; I rinsed it out, filled it with water, and heated it in the microwave. Mr. Yves would have given me a lesson if he saw me preparing tea this way instead of the proper way, in a kettle. I lowered the tea bag into the steaming mug and went to get ready while it steeped.
When the knock came, I glanced at my phone; it was six-fifty-eight. Chandler wasn’t one to wait for the door to be answered; and as usual, he let himself in. He, at some point, had taken it upon himself to steal my keys and have a copy made. I should have been mad, but it would have been a waste of energy.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Almost.” I spritzed on a few sprays of perfume before leaving the bathroom. Chandler was in the kitchen; Dayenfys’ letter hid his face as he read it. Without refolding it, he tossed it on the counter and muttered something unintelligible.
“Why are you bringing that bag with you?” he asked.
I had packed a few things to go by Blacwin’s after school and maybe stay the night. But, Chandler didn’t need to know that. “None of your business.”
“Whatever. Get your crap and let’s go.”
I was so taken aback and floored by his abrasiveness. I grabbed my messenger bag and the small duffle, hitting his arm with my shoulder on my way out the door. I knew he would lock up, so I hadn’t bothered taking out my keys.
During the car ride, he was unusually quiet. There was only the whine of the engine before he shifted gears. The Chandler I knew blasted the radio, sang at the top of his lungs to piss you off, asked question after question he couldn’t care less if you answered, but today, he was stand-offish. He was avoiding me. There was something he wasn’t telling me and I seethed to know what it was.
“Dang it, I forgot my tea.”
“Get over it, it’s too late to go back.”
The Chandler I knew would have turned around, gone upstairs, and gotten my tea for me. I pierced him with the meanest glare I could conjure. He had never treated me like this. The guy in the driver’s seat of Chandler’s Porsche looked like Chandler, dressed like Chandler, even wore Chandler’s cologne. But, he was not my brother. If he thought this Darenfys thing was my fault, I was going to be mad as Hell. “Who are you? God, you’re being such a d—”
He held up his hand. “I’ve just got a lot of shit on my mind.”
“Really? You think you’re the only one?” He shot me a glare and stepped on the accelerator. And that was all he did. I didn’t push any more, he’d only get more pissed off. He w
as probably mad because I hadn’t called him right away about the letter. Whatever it was, he’d get over it.
When we pulled into the parking lot, I saw Snow standing next to her big-butt car. Chandler parked a few spots down from her and got out without saying another word to me. He must have told Snow what happened, because as soon as I opened the door, she rushed to me. Her hug felt familiar and comforting. It made me feel like crap for not even telling her about the letter. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t call.”
“You should be.” She smirked, so I knew I was getting off lightly. She was being way more understanding than she should have been. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a little shaken up.” I saw Chandler over Snow’s shoulder. He was waiting for her, impatiently. When his eyes briefly caught mine, he hurried to look off in the other direction.
The rest of the day was more of the same, Chandler did whatever he could to avoid me, and Snow had done the exact opposite. She found me after each class to check on me. I called Blacwin between classes and a few times at lunch, all of my calls went straight to voicemail. When the first call I made to him this morning went straight to voicemail I had thought it odd, but knew he had reasons why he didn’t answer. Now, after several tries, I started to worry, my imagination worked overtime to figure out where he was, and if he was all right.
The last bell rang and I raced to Chandler’s car. I wanted the duffle bag I had left in the back seat. Snow had told me she’d take me to Blacwin’s after school. “Unlock your door.” I yelled to Chandler when I saw him coming my way. Even from the distance, I saw him shake his head no. Ass. I never liked it when he was protective and demanding. But, I loathed this new persona. What the hell was his problem? Sick of it; I picked up a rock the size of my fist, pulled my arm back, and aimed toward the passenger side window. When I looked back at him, his face was scrunched tighter than my hand around the rock. I was so angry with him for acting like a douche, but I found myself laughing at the look on his face.
He mouthed three words, “Don’t you dare.”
I thrust the rock toward the window and jerked it to a complete stop a mere inch, if that, before it smashed through the dark glass. In a flash, he was on me and prying the rock from my grasp. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I yelled.
I was bent at the waist with him behind me. He leveraged his arm under me. I tried to hold onto the rock, not knowing what I would actually do with it, if anything. It didn’t matter; for one, I hated to lose, and two, I wanted him to dislodge whatever got up his butt.
“Are you insane?”
“That’s what I just asked you!” I rasped out of breath.
“Let go of the damned rock,” he growled in my ear.
I felt the weight of his body pulled off mine. When I straightened and turned, I saw Snow, her hand still grasping Chandler’s shirt.
“What the hell is wrong with the two of you?”
Chandler’s eyes latched onto mine, and I couldn’t hold in my laugh. Snow couldn’t have asked a more appropriate question. When I started laughing, I couldn’t stop. Snow looked at me like I had just grown another head, and Chandler’s all-day glowering face had finally shifted into a half grin.
It took several minutes to calm my laughing into giggles. When I could speak again, I asked Chandler if he would please open the door so I could get my duffle.
He popped the lock and opened the door for me. “Get in.”
I stood perfectly rigid, again floored by his rudeness. “Ah, I don’t think so. Snow’s giving me a ride home.”
Chandler rolled his neck. “No, you’re getting in my car and I’m driving you home.” The word “no” was drawn out like it had six additional O’s in a conga line on the end of it.
“No,” I made the word just as long as his, and moved my hands in gestures of sign language to mock he didn’t understand what I was telling him. “Snow is taking me home.”
His hands were now braced on his hips and he stood frozen. I thought his growing frustration was about to sprout horns. He threw his head back and looked at the clouded sky. “Fine. Leave your bag in the car, you drive with Snow, and I’ll follow you.”
Reacting instantly was something I was trying to control, but I lost it. “Are you out of your freaking brain?” I left my duffle in the car, turned, looped my arm through Snow’s, and more or less dragged her to her car. “You are not my master, guardian, or sensei, and you’re sure as hell not acting like my brother.” I took a deep breath to calm before he came back at me. “So, as I get into Snow’s car, and we go in that direction,” I pointed to the north, “You can get in your little cootie catcher and drive that way,” I said as I pointed to the south.
No color was needed to see his face brighten with anger. I wiggled my fingers in a sarcastic little wave at him and got into Snow’s car. Snow winced and shrugged at him, blew him a kiss, and got into the driver’s seat. I knew I was putting her in the middle and I hated myself for it. But, I needed to see what was up with Blacwin, and there was no way Chandler would take me to Adelina’s house.
Despite my very clear directions, in the side mirror I saw Chandler’s car trailing us. Groaning, I slumped in the seat. “What is his problem today?”
“He seemed a little preoccupied, but other than that he was nice to me all day. So, I’m thinking it has to do with you.”
“What did I do?”
“I don’t know. You do give him a hard time, sometimes.”
That shut me down, she was right. But, that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. This new Chandler was no one I had ever seen before. I had to admit, I missed my cocky brother. He even stood differently today. His shoulders hunched, like he was blocking the cold. Chandler had given me the impression whatever he was mad at, or preoccupied with, did have to do with me. But, lying under the weight of whatever it was, there was some other secret lurking. I felt it.
Snow pulled into the drive of Adelina’s house. We pulled up to the house. Blacwin’s jeep wasn’t there. I leapt out of the car and climbed the porch steps. At first, like a normal person, I knocked on the door. Then, when no one answered, I banged on it. Still, no one opened it. I tried the handle. It turned easily.
“What are you doing?” Snow yelled from behind me.
“What? I’m just going to check things out, leave Blacwin a note or something. It’s not like I’m breaking and entering.”
“Oh, really! Then what’s it called? I mean, it’s not even Blacwin’s house; it’s a crazy, statue-making, witchy lady’s house. And, for that reason alone, you are asking for trouble if you take another step inside.”
On all counts, she was right. But, I had to see for myself he wasn’t here. I heard the rumble of an engine. When I turned, Chandler was already out of his car. “Iris, don’t.”
Ignoring his command, I inched inside. The house smelled like it had been closed for the winter. From the corners of the windows, thin streams of light, speckled with floating dust, lit the edges of the statues. The porch steps thudded and creaked with each of Chandler’s heavy footfalls. His hand was on my shoulder, guiding me to stop. But, I couldn’t, especially when I saw what was hanging from one of the statues. Dread, a thousand times over within those endless few seconds, washed over me. I covered my mouth and braced myself as I walked toward the necklace. Chandler’s hand slid from my shoulder. Blacwin’s necklace, the one Catherine—I—had given him a lifetime ago dangled from the finger of a statue’s outstretched hand. Across her palm was a rolled piece of paper with a string of thin ribbon tied around it. Not another note. I couldn’t bear to open it. Although, I didn’t understand whatever was going on, this had to be what Chandler was keeping from me. And when I saw he could barely meet my eyes, I knew he knew Blacwin had left. The entire day’s events all made perfect sense. Even his calls before dawn this morning, it all made perfect sense. Chandler was the distraction for Blacwin to leave town without me knowing.
“How could you? How could you let him go?”
&n
bsp; Chandler ignored my questions. “Iris, let’s go outside,” he suggested.
“No.” The word came out like a whispered curse, hissed and final. Like I was operating a marionette, I lifted my arm and commanded my fingers to lift the necklace off the statue’s hand. The scroll, with its tied ribbon, unearthed a silence I had no choice but to answer. I took the offering from the statue’s pale palm. The stone necklace felt light in comparison to the heavy message encased in the scroll. Chandler eased me around and tucked my body against his. With only the feeling of loss, a stone, and a note, I let him guide me outside to the porch. There was nothing else left for me in that house. Blacwin was gone.
“You knew, didn’t you? You knew he was leaving.” My mouth was dry and the words felt like they were scraping against my raw throat as I spoke them.
He said nothing, and there was my answer; and the reason for his avoidance today, he knew this moment was coming. That moment when my world would come crashing down around me; again. A slight glimmer of regret for the way I treated him slid over me. But, I didn’t apologize.
With the necklace and note clutched in my hand, I thought of a silly song my dad would play on the piano when I was sad, he played it until I gave him even the smallest hint of a smile. I couldn’t remember all the words, but the notes of the piano floated around in my head. There was no smile even close to surfacing. If he were here, he’d be playing into the night.
“What’s wrong?” Snow’s voice broke through the tune swishing in my thoughts. I couldn’t answer, the words were too painful to utter. In a few strides, she was next to me, taking me from Chandler’s nestled arm, and pulling me into her own. “Iris, what happened?”
Chandler wasn’t in my line of vision. He must have gestured something, because Snow’s embrace tightened and I felt her exhale softly against my neck. “Why don’t you let Chandler take you home, and I’ll follow you guys?”