by Ainsley Shay
I nodded and she released me. Zombie-like I walked to his car and got in. The last time my heart was squeezed this hard, I held a piano key, this time it was a stone; this time I understood the pain of loss before it had even completely settled in. These were the harsh feelings of shock and betrayal.
7
Adelina’s house faded to a small blob in the side mirror as we drove away. There were sharp pricks of pain in my chest. “Blacwin’s gone.” The words didn’t sound like words at all. The consonants jerked and choked, and the vowels groaned and whined. He was gone; left without saying goodbye, slipped away in the night without a warning, or a kiss. A silent scream that begged to be released burrowed itself into my throat. Chandler was speaking but I couldn’t understand what he was saying, through the thick cloud of razor-edged pain. “What?”
“I didn’t want you to find out like this. I—”
In need of air, I pressed the button to put the window down. As calmly as I could, I said, “You had all day to tell me. Why didn’t you?” The question was more of a distraction from the real question that taunted me, why did he leave me? Was everything that had been said between us void and meaningless?
“I was planning to—I just—”
“What? When were you planning to? You were with me all day, you knew he was gone, you knew he—”
“Iris.”
I ignored his hollow plea of trying to get me to comprehend. He was wasting his breath. I would never understand. “Do you know what the note says?” It was as light as a pebble but felt like a boulder resting on my lap. The thin string was the only thing that kept me from his words. I started to tug at the string but then stopped.
He shook his head. “No, but I can probably guess.” Chandler took his hand off the gearshift and laid it on my thigh. We had stopped at one of the few lights in town. When he looked at me, his eyes were sharp, but still masked. “He loves you, Iris. Above all else, I know that.”
Then why did he leave me? The plaguing question nagged at me like a small child wanting a cookie. The light changed and he moved his hand back to the gear nob. Ten quiet minutes later, we pulled up to the curb in front of the bookshop. The lights were out, Mr. Yves closed early. If he had been there, I didn’t think I’d have the energy to visit him, anyway. Chandler waited for Snow on the sidewalk. I unlocked the apartment door. I set the necklace and the note on the kitchen counter next to Darenfys’ letter. Sick irony danced between the two laying side by side. The one I loved left me and the one I loathed was coming for me. I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I knew what I would see if I looked in the mirror: a girl with sad-swollen eyes, whose world had just been ripped out from under her. So, I avoided the mirror.
When I came out, Chandler and Snow were standing in the kitchen. Their whispers fell silent when they saw me. Snow was the first to speak. “I’m not going to ask how you’re doing, beyond shitty I’m sure. Is there anything I can do?”
“No—wait, yes.”
Snow’s face lit up. “Anything.”
I nodded toward the scrolled paper next to her on the counter. She immediately understood. The couch sank under me as I sat, and then it dipped when Snow sat next to me. The note was in her hand. She pulled one end of the string and it came undone easily. The corners of the note curled as she unrolled it. Holding it by the top and bottom, she read it in a low voice. The next few moments were agonizing. Her breath hitched on a few of the words, the same words that clawed at my heart.
Iris,
First, I beg you to accept my apology for leaving you in such a cowardly and selfish way. I knew if I were to tell you, I never would have found the courage to leave.
You will be safe there with Chandler. He assured me he would not leave your side. No man or woman could ask for a better protector. I would not have left you any other way.
I pray my journey will be worth the time away from you. Darenfys must die in order for you to know any peace, and I must be the one to avenge you. You have suffered for too long. And, my only duty now is to serve you.
More than anything, I long to have you in my arms again. Until my return, know that I feel your very essence in every breath I take.
Forever yours,
Blacwin
I would kiss the skin of eels never to see another note as long as I live. Snow pulled me closer to her side; said nothing, just held me while I cried as I reread Blacwin’s note over, and over again. From my dreams, I knew Darenfys would kill Blacwin the moment he saw him. Or worse, lock him in the dungeon and watch him suffer. I shuddered, and forced the images from my thoughts.
It was almost nine o’clock when Snow left. She had a few hushed words with Chandler in the kitchen while I sat catatonic on the couch, with the letter clutched in my fist. Chandler had followed her out and walked her to her car. When he came back, he muddled in the kitchen and then settled next to me.
“Turn around,” he said.
I didn’t ask why, like I would normally question him, I only turned my back to him like he asked. He lowered the necklace around my neck and clasped it. The stone was heavy against my chest. A surge of familiarity washed over me. I held the stone like Blacwin had, in my dream, and leaned back against Chandler. My protective brother had returned and I was never more grateful for him. “Thank you.”
I moved to the end of the couch and rested my head on the armrest. As exhausted as I was, I couldn’t fall asleep. I glanced over at Chandler. His eyes were lazy and lingered on a muted TV show I didn’t know the name of. I knew he was tired, but he wouldn’t let himself fall asleep before I did. Making an effort, I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed.
“Goodnight,” I said and crawled into bed.
“I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“I know.” And I did. Chandler was going to be my new around-the-clock bodyguard.
My bed felt cold and bare without Blacwin in it. The pendant was cool against my chest. I picked it up, held it between my fingers, and closed my eyes, willing sleep to take me. Maybe I would dream of him. My head began to hurt as I tried to keep myself from crying. But, when the pressure became too much, I let the tears come. I went into the bathroom for tissues and took the box back to my bed. A box of tissues made itself comfortable on Blacwin’s side of the bed. In the last couple of months, my life went from great, to majorly sucking, to mediocre, then better followed, now it was plain sad and pathetic.
“Are you going to fall asleep tonight?”
“Eventually,” I replied. Sleep refused to kidnap me. For what seemed like hours, I watched through the sheer drapes as the moon moved across the night sky.
Finally, sleep took me.
I did not dream of Blacwin.
8
I was in the graveyard with Carina. Thousands of opened graves littered the grass, my father’s being one of them. All at once, moans and cries bellowed up from the ground through the mist. I covered my ears with my hands and started running away from Carina, away from the graves. I jumped over hundreds of gaping holes, never once looking down to see who or what was below me.
When I turned around, Carina was as close as my shadow. “What do you want?” I screamed to be heard over the dead’s audible torment.
“There’s nowhere for you to go,” she cooed in a sing-song voice. “Blacwin will soon be a prisoner, and then, there will be no one to protect you from your true soul mate—”
“I can protect myself!” I growled.
Carina’s laugh was throaty and dry. “You are no match for Lord Darenfys. And, as for my sister, Adelina, you are merely a pawn in her sick little game.”
A crack as loud as thunder splintered the cries of the deceased. I stopped running. From behind Carina, the quiet moans and cries had become shrieks of pain and agony. She looked over her shoulder. When she turned back around, her beautiful face was contorted into a malicious smile. Three statues stood on the ridge behind her: Blacwin’s, Chandler’s, and mine. Each of our eyes had been hol
lowed. My focus was on the statues and I hadn’t noticed the figure of a woman, not made of stone, but flesh and blood, who stood behind the statues. Her eyes were indeed intact and she stared directly at me as she leaned on the sculpted stone of Blacwin. A curved carving blade dangled from a chain around her wrist. The bracelet made for a quick accessible weapon. For whom, I didn’t know. Me?
Adelina’s smile was as wicked as the blade. When she spoke, it was as if knives—carving knives—were being dragged down my spine. “My little sister’s right, you know?”
The pain she was manipulating was excruciating and I could hardly answer. My words were broken and my voice cracked. “Right, how?”
“Now, what would be the fun if I told you?” She flicked the hilt of the knife into her hand and slid her finger along its blade. “You’ll be wise to remember: no matter what seems to be hopeless now, with time, it will be healed, understood, or made right.”
“No. No. No. No. No. No—”
“What’s wrong?”
Startled by the voice, I turned over and saw Chandler sitting on the edge of my bed. “What?—Nothing.”
“Something. You kept saying ‘no’ over, and over, while you were sleeping.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yeah, you did. And how would you know, you were sleeping?” He must have been up for a while; he looked like he just got out of the shower and his breath smelled like coffee.
Ignoring him, I asked, “What time is it?” I pushed off the covers and rubbed my dry scratchy eyes.
“Ten.”
“How come you let me sleep in? I’m so late for school.”
“You’re not going to school. Today, you’re going to rest, hang out with Mr. Yves or something.”
Okay...no. Protecting me was one thing, planning each of my waking hours, was another, and so not going to happen. “You—”
“Don’t.” His tone was so calm and controlled I knew I was going to lose this one. “Why were you repeating the word no in your sleep?”
Another small battle I was not going to win. “I didn’t think I said it aloud.” From the way his form relaxed, I knew he felt satisfaction from my admission.
“You had a nightmare, didn’t you? But, it wasn’t from the past, was it?”
I would never figure out how he knew about my nightmares. “I don’t think so.” I told him about the dream, and what Adelina’s final words were before I woke up: You’ll be wise to remember: no matter what seems to be hopeless now, with time, it will be healed, understood, or made right. “It’s something my father used to say to me. But, when he said it, the saying was meant to provide comfort. When...Adelina said the words in my dream, I knew they were meant as a warning or threat.
“Oh, shit,” he said under his breath.
“Why? What?”
“Adelina knows something, she always has. I would bet her own sister doesn’t even know what it is.” Chandler paused like he had realized something, or he was taking the time to word it in a way I wouldn’t freak out.
“What?” I demanded. I wanted to know whatever he had figured out. I was the one who was in the middle of whatever was going on, the connection to Adelina, Lord Darenfys, Carina, the past, and whatever was going to happen in the future.
“Do you remember why Blacwin originally came to here?”
My stomach dropped at the sound of his name. For the brief time since I woke, I had forgotten Blacwin had left. At the sound of his name, at the thought of him, I suddenly felt carved out, leaving only a wounded void in my chest. I remembered though, Blacwin had come here to find Adelina. He thought she might know how to kill Lord Darenfys. I managed to nod.
“I believe, not only does Adelina know something, but she is the key to all of this.” He stood, the smell of his cologne lingered. “The curse she put on you and Darenfys was the only contact she’s had with you, right?”
Baffled and curious, I said, “As far as I know.” The curse. I tried to think back to my nightmare, to the night she was betrayed. In my memory, her fury had become alive. It cascaded off her in waves of vengeance. And, that vengeance had been directed at me.
“We need to know what her true motive is, and has been for the last five centuries. You, you’re just a pawn, but she needs you. And, we need to figure out why.”
I was lost to the rest of what he said after “pawn.” My eyes fixed on a wrinkle in the bedspread, not seeing the hills and valleys, but the unwavering paths of the fabric.
“Iris. Iris.” I hadn’t heard Chandler until he was sitting next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“That’s what Carina called me in my dream,” I whispered. “Her sister’s pawn.”
He lowered his hand from my shoulder. “Do you still have your journal?”
I knew what Chandler wanted to see. Opening the nightstand drawer, I took out my journal and thumbed through the pages until I found one of the entries. Chandler peered over my shoulder as we silently read.
23 Days After: “I, the rightful queen of this fortress, bind you to this child with love,” she pointed the knife in my direction, “as she is bound to you with hatred. For life, for death, forever.”
We looked at each other when we finished reading the curse. Chandler took the journal from me and read the section again. “I don’t know exactly what that means, but, my guess would be, Adelina has planned this for a very long time, and finally, the time is getting close for her revenge. Whatever it is, she will carry it out until the end, and she needs you to do it.”
I knew what he said was true. My insides twisted and roiled.
“Adelina looks out for only one person, Adelina.” He stopped, shook his head, and pursed his lips. “She will sacrifice any life to carry her plan out.”
Nausea settled in my gut. Blacwin. Where was he? “What about Blacwin? You need to go find him, bring him home.” My voice broke.
Chandler set the journal on the bed. “I’m not leaving you—”
“Then we go together—” Before I could finish, Chandler was shaking his head. He would never agree, but I had to try. If it meant saving Blacwin, I would do anything. “Why not?”
“Because.”
“Because why?”
Chandler, as serious as ever, looked at me. His eyes were molten with absolute resolution. “I will not risk your life for his.”
His life. Chandler knew Blacwin wasn’t coming home safe, and possibly, not at all. I still had to believe he would, I had to. He was alone, a world apart, facing an otherworldly being with not only incredible power, but also an army to back him. Blacwin’s chances of carrying out revenge were slim; his chances of coming home alive were slim—the fact he was there at all was terrifying to think about. But knowing he went for me, so I could have peace, was inconceivable. If anything happened to him, it would be a weight I would be forced to carry around with me until the world was no more. What peace would I be deserving of if he died? Hope was all I had, and I couldn’t give up on him.
Chandler stood, and moved away from the bed. He rubbed his eyes and dragged his hands down the length of his face. “Blacwin left at the worst time possible.” His voice was so faint I had to strain to hear him. The second I made out his words, the delicate walls of hope crumbled around me. Darenfys had him exactly where he wanted him. An entire plan had already been made, and now was in motion. Lord Darenfys would send word Blacwin was captured and he would be punished to the edge of death unless I relented to being his.
My fingers twisted around each other. The feelings of weakness and hopelessness diminished. Anger and animosity took their place. “I will never forgive you for letting him go.” It was a completely unfair thing to say, but true.
9
During the past four days, since Blacwin left, Chandler had become my roommate. He hadn’t mentioned anything about my never forgiving him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to or not. Over the last few days I had to think about it, I was glad he hadn’t. Blacwin left on
his own mission; he would have gone no matter if Chandler had argued or not.
There still had been no word from Blacwin. With each long moment that passed, I tried to rebuild the walls Chandler’s words had destroyed. I asked him over and over why Blacwin’s timing was bad—not that there was ever going to be a good time—but what was happening now, or going to happen that made it worse? He repeated the same answer each time: Adelina’s curse. It was hardly an answer, or one that made sense. We knew about Adelina’s curse weeks ago. So, why was it so horrible now?
My nights were filled with studio-made laughs for sitcoms. I swore Chandler knew every show on TV; that must be what he had done with his days, watched television. I had untied the curtains I used for decoration to separate my bedroom from his sleeping quarters, the couch. The tiny bathroom and even tinier shower were the only true places for privacy in the studio. We made it work. According to him, we had to, since I wouldn’t stay at his, most likely larger, place. I had never seen his place, odd I thought, I never thought about where he lived. And, odder, he had never offered before. He knew almost everything about me and I knew very little about him. When I tried, he brushed me off.
Another laugh from the TV caused my nerves to shuffle into a frenzy, and I needed to get away from it. I felt under the bed for my sketchbook. It had been weeks since I’d drawn anything, and the need suddenly attacked me. Thank goodness the French door was on my side of the curtains. While he sat on the couch, seeming to be oblivious of me, I turned the lock, and as quietly as I could, opened the door.
He muted the TV. “Where are you going?”
“Just out on the balcony, jeez.”
“Fine, just push the curtain to the side, so I can see you.”
“Are you kidding?”
He didn’t need to answer; I knew he wasn’t. After I huffed and didn’t move, he got up and slid the edge of the curtain away from the wall to the middle of the room. My chair on the balcony was in his perfect line of sight.