Chapter 13
Sieglinde stood on the drawbridge and looked down at the black alder spikes that now filled the dry moat. Then she looked across the churned up earth in the clearing in front of the wall. Her chest heaved with a weighted sigh. The late afternoon sun was hot on her cheek.
"We are almost finished for the day," Adalbern called to her as he approached with a large sack over each shoulder.
She watched as he and several others returned with the day's harvest. Their sacks were not as full as she would have liked to see but there was little that could be done about it. A proper harvest was still almost a month away. Not only did she worry about the quantity of stores that she would have for her own people in case of a siege, but also that the enemy would be well fed by her people's crops and hard work through the summer. The odds of outlasting an army in such a situation was not encouraging.
The mothers and crones had been working hard to reclaim every spare piece of ground on the peninsula for agriculture. It was late in the season to be planting. The earth in the area was not fertile for growing crops without years of work and the space was far too limited, but, again, they had little choice.
The only relief Sieglinde had had in the last week was that no other soldiers had been seen near the village. Patrols had been kept to late at night, which made it more difficult, but it was safer. Humbert had insisted upon volunteering every night and Sieglinde was beginning to worry for his health. The dark circles under his eyes had become a permanent aspect to his features and his skin was turning increasingly pale.
As she saw him heft another sack over his shoulder to drain the rye into barrels in the storehouse, she became determined to put a stop to his masochism.
"Humbert," she called. "When you are finished that, please come to the manor."
Though his brow knit with confusion, he nodded.
She paced the sunken floor of the hall as she waited. Several minutes later, he pushed open the manor door and entered.
"Yes, my priestess," he said. "What do you need me to do?"
She stopped pacing and looked at him. His features lacked the abuse of age but his eyes had always been those of a wise man. Her heart went weak as she focused upon them.
"I want you to sleep," she said.
He blinked. "Excuse me?" he asked.
"You need sleep. I am not sure how many days you have been without it, but it is obvious it is taking its toll." Though she had been trying her best to sound authoritative, she realized that she sounded−even to herself, slightly hysterical−She began to pace again, hoping that the movement would help her focus.
"I will manage," he said as his eyes followed her back and forth. "Uncle Adalbern gave me a few hours of rest this morning."
"You may think you can handle all this," she said. "You may think you are young enough to cope but everyone has limits. You need to stay healthy." The pacing was not working.
Humbert walked closer. "Sieglinde," he said quietly. "I will be fine."
She stopped. He had never said her name before. But there was no way she was going to let him be noble if it meant sacrificing his well-being. "I am not giving you a choice in the matter," she said. "I will be informing Adalbern that you are not to perform any more tasks until you have had a full night's rest."
He stepped closer. "And how do you think the other men would react to that kind of special treatment?" he asked.
"It is not special treatment," she insisted, though she did not look at him. "You have been pushing yourself too hard. You have been doing more than anyone."
"No," he said, stepping closer again. She could feel him near her left shoulder. "I have been doing just as much as everyone else. The other men have sacrificed their sleep, their meals, and even laying with their own wives to see that we are all prepared for what may come."
His hand rested on her shoulder.
"I cannot lose you," she said. "I am already so alone. Please do not leave me like Luitgard."
He spun her around and kissed her. She had no will to fight back even in the name of propriety. It was exactly what she wanted and she returned his affections without hesitation. His arms wrapped around her body and pulled her into him. Her fingers found their way around the back of his neck. As he pressed into her, she tried to press back, feeling that somehow, no matter how hard she tried, her body was not close enough.
When their lips pulled away and they were both breathing heavily, he whispered, "I do this so you will never lose me." He kissed away the tears on each of her cheeks. "We do not choose these things," he continued, "All we can do is our best to survive them."
"And if we do not survive?" she asked.
He looked into her eyes for several moments before descending upon her and kissing her once more. His efforts were more restrained this time. Though she wanted have him right there in the hall, the press of his lips was gentle and slow. When he finally pulled away for good, he said, "Adalbern will be wondering where I am."
He released her and walked from the hall. She stood staring after him, her body aching.
When her senses finally returned to her, she left the manor to help the women with the planting. Though her help was needed regardless, it was her selfish need to distract from what had just happened that drove her.
The women worked until the sun began to dip in the sky. Exhausted, dirty, and worried, they trudged back to the manor for the evening meal.
As Sieglinde stood to say the prayer, she saw how beaten down the women looked. They had been working hard. They had been working through the days, evenings, and−just like the men−even the nights. She was not the only one in despair. She was not the only one worried for those around her.
She wondered what Luitgard was feeling at that moment. Was she as worried for her people? Did she have any sense of what they could be facing at any moment?
Sieglinde ran through the Mintharch prayer quickly. She felt none of the truth of the words. When she finally said, "May you always remain hidden," she nearly lost her composure.
If it could have been possible, she would have given everyone a night to relax, but until they knew how real the threat to them was, they could not rest. She knew their current exhaustion was only the beginning. She just hoped they could survive.
She lowered herself slowly into her seat and stared at the stew before her. Though she was hungry, she did not want it. She considered pushing it away but forced herself to eat when her sense got the better of her. They had no food to waste and if they were attacked in the night, she would need as much strength as possible.
Mechanically, she pulled the spoon to her lips, and again, and again until the food was gone. She did not wait for the tables to be put away like Luitgard would have. She left for the empty solar.
The bench by the window seemed too much effort. She collapsed onto her bed fully clothed, allowing her mind to churn over all her worries.
The gentle caress of her cheek woke her.
"And you think I work too hard," she heard Humbert whisper. "I at least undress to go to bed."
The room was dark. It was the middle of the night. But she could tell he was kneeling next to her bed.
"Humbert?" she asked. "Is everything alright?"
He caressed her cheek again. "Very much alright," he said. "Uncle Adalbern appears to agree with you. He refused to let me go on patrol."
"Then why are you here?"
"I could not sleep," he said. There was a twang of humour in his tone. "I could not stop thinking about you."
Her heart skipped and her cheeks became hot.
"Is it alright for me to be here?" he asked.
"Yes," she whispered.
He caressed her face again but this time his hand did not pull away. Despite the darkness, she could tell he was looking at her.
"No one has ever shown interest in me before," he said.
She laughed. "You must be blind. When you are shirtless and sweaty, the Goddess Maids can look at nothing else. It has become quite a problem during
our outdoor lessons."
With a smile, he said, "I never meant to make your work more difficult." He withdrew his hand to wrap it around hers.
"I never said they were the only ones driven to distraction," she teased.
He looked down at their hands. "I have always noticed you too," he said. "I just never realized you felt the same way."
"I do."
He said nothing as he continued to stare at their hands. The contact of their skin tickled. She wished he would do more. She had been hoping for this for a long time, but with him simply watching her and doing nothing, she knew what she had said to Luitgard was right. If only he were not so young and inexperienced, it could be perfect.
She withdrew her hand and sat up.
"Why did you come here tonight?" she asked him.
There was another wretched hesitation. "I wanted to see you," he said.
"You see me every day. That is not the only reason you came."
He caressed her cheek again. It seemed to be as far as he could bring himself to go.
"It's alright," she said. "I care for you and have wanted you for many months now. You do not need to hold back."
She knew the real reason he hesitated had nothing to do with her, so she was not surprised when he seemed unable to act despite her reassurances. She leaned forward. "Have you ever kissed anyone before today?" she asked, keeping her voice low.
"There was no one to kiss," he whispered back.
She smiled, leaning even closer. "You are a natural talent then."
Their lips were already so close that the temptation overcame his fear. He moved forward almost enough. She went the rest of the way and pressed her lips against his. Instinct and desire took over for both of them. Her arms wrapped around his neck as his encircled her body and they pulled each other close. Their mouths moved together in undulations until they could breathe no longer. She pressed a gentle kiss against his chin as she smoothed her hands over the fabric that covered his chest. She tugged at his shirt until she could pull it over his head. He raised his arms to help her slide it off.
"Do you know what to do?" she asked, her voice rough.
His hands were trembling as he pulled her close again. "Not really," he said. "I have never done this before."
She kissed his neck. "Neither have I," she said. "But I've been told what is done." She kissed the other side of his neck. "Let us figure it out together."
Her words seemed to give him confidence. His mouth was upon hers again, kissing her as if this precious moment would be ripped away from them without warning. Their kissing did not slow. They both wanted more than they had ever had and were determined to get it.
Though there had been awkwardness and even a little pain, their bodies had known more than they did. They had moved on each other until their bodies could take no more. As they lay sweaty in each other's arms, Sieglinde felt nothing but excitement. It would have been easier with an experienced man, someone to guide the process and to teach. But they were on equal footing with their lack of it. There was no judgement. They were exploring together and it had been wonderful even if scary at first.
Sieglinde stretched so that she could kiss him on the cheek before nuzzling his neck.
"I would have you for my wife," he whispered.
She pulled herself up so that she could kiss him properly. "I had never considered it would be any other way," she whispered back when their lips had parted.
When he spoke next, his voice began to lack the euphoria of their love making. "There is no High Priestess who can marry us," he said.
Her heart tightened. "You are right," she said, cursing Luitgard at that moment more than she had any day since her sister priestess had left them.
"When the High Priestess returns," he said. "I will make you my wife and worship you every night."
She nuzzled his neck but her guts had not recovered from speaking of Luitgard. Would they live to marry? "I love you," she said. Though she meant it, she had hoped to distract from her worries.
"And I you," he replied.
They fell asleep, still wrapped around each other on the floor.
The morning sun pierced through the cracks in the shutters. Sieglinde shivered and buried her face into Humbert's side. His thumb rubbed her arm just as the horn consumed the air around them.
They both sat up and looked at each other. Within seconds they were struggling to dress as fast as they could. Seconds later, Sieglinde was nearly tripping over her skirts as she rushed down the stairs. She did not even check to see if Humbert was behind her.
The horn blew again just as Sieglinde was blinded by the sun as she ran down the manor house steps. Men and women were emerging from their small homes, all looking up at the horn blower on the wall as they stepped into the morning.
Sieglinde nearly ran into Adalbern as he too emerged from his home running. The two of them climbed the gatehouse ladder and onto the battlements.
A line of five soldiers, widely spaced, stood along the edge of the wood across from the wall. Several paces in front of them, a sixth man stood looking up at them.
Sieglinde signalled the horn blower to stop.
In the silence, the lone man called to them. "I bring a message from his Holiness Pope Innocent the IV," he said.
"If we kill them now," Sieglinde said in a low voice to Adalbern, "More will come, will they not?"
He nodded. "It is obvious they know we are here. They will just send more men and then more until we are all slaughtered."
"Get more archers on this wall," she ordered, as Humbert reached the top of the battlements. When she looked at him, she added, "And I will need two others to watch this messenger inside the walls. The rest of the tactics, I leave to you for now."
Adalbern nodded.
She climbed back down, Humbert close behind. She sent for the rest of the sentries to protect the gate. When the two other men Dieter and Kuno had joined them and all three were armed with swords, the portcullis was raised just enough for them to duck underneath and the drawbridge was lowered. They walked to the end of the drawbridge and stopped.
"You may come forward," she called to the messenger, "But your soldiers must remain behind." With a hand, she indicated the archers upon the walls to emphasize her need for compliance.
Though her knees felt weak, she managed to remain upright and outwardly in control. If Humbert had not been at her shoulder, she doubted she would manage such a mask.
Sieglinde could not mistake the appraising look of the messenger as he eyed their defenses during his approach. He had tried to keep his eyes upon her, but she saw the flick of his gaze to the stone wall and the spikes in the ditch.
"Give your message," she said.
The man did as instructed. They were offered a chance to pledge fealty and in exchange they would be protected.
"And what is his price?" She asked, forcing her legs to remain strong. This was Luitgard's job. Sieglinde was never supposed to be this kind of leader to her people; giving orders of where to place archers and negotiating with Christians.
"You will turn the traitor Kilchain over to us and renounce the Cathars, in addition to the customary taxes of course."
"There is no Kilchain here," Sieglinde said, trying to keep the confusion from her voice. He had also used the word Cathars but she had no idea what he meant. As she wanted to appear knowledgeable and in control, she ignored it entirely. "Are you certain you have come to the right place?"
"There is no mistake," he said. "God wishes you to worship him properly. If you do not agree, we will take this village as an outpost to prevent any more of your kind from hiding here."
With the expected threat, Sieglinde found her courage again. There had never been any question what they would do if this happened. When she spoke once more, her voice was strong. "As there is no Kilchain here, we cannot comply even if we wanted to do so."
"Kilchain is here," the man said.
She smiled. "Perhaps we can discuss this better in t
he hall," she suggested sweetly as she indicated the gate. "I am sure we can come to some form of agreement."
When the messenger hesitated at her suggestion, she looked at Humbert and said, "We shall treat him with the utmost Christian hospitality." They had shown mercy to the first insider to come to them. That had been a mistake. She would do what Luitgard would have done if she had been acting like herself.
Humbert nodded his understanding and indicated with a hand for the messenger to follow.
The moment they were across the drawbridge, it began to close. The portcullis dropped with a deafening thud behind them and she gave the order. "Send his head over the walls."
Humbert's sword had not yet been dulled by use. It cut cleanly through the man's neck and his head bounced on the ground before rolling away. His body crumpled.
"I will not waste our precious stores feeding a prisoner," she said as she walked away.
Luitgard was gone, possibly even dead. Sieglinde needed to be the strong one now.
Courted Sanctuary Page 13