Chapter 14
Luitgard could not sleep no matter how hard she tried. Sleeping near the road had become familiar. The rough ground was no longer her issue. It was her guilt and her nightmares. She was making the wrong decision. She knew it, but she could not help it. She needed to go. She needed to find him again and save him from evil hands.
She heard Justin pushing at the fire with a stick. She rolled over and opened her eyes to look at the flames. When she saw what was feeding them, she pushed herself up.
His black robes were burning away before her eyes.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I may not have found God's truth yet," he said. "But I know where it is not."
"But you wanted to fix things. You wanted to make them better!"
He snorted. "Like you, I am only one person," he said. "A sword would fell me within a blink no matter my intentions. You heard Merek. I have served my purpose. They only ever wanted me for one thing. I don't even know why they chose me. Why not someone like Merek? He would have eagerly led an army to kill and rape you all."
Luitgard could not turn her eyes away from the fabric. She had none of the answers to his questions. He was the first person she knew who had ever passed through the barrier, but why him? Why did the Goddess let him through?
"You have not found your answers after all," she said.
"I confirmed the Church used me, which is what I was hoping to learn in Rome. I will never find God amongst their kind, if I ever find him at all."
She pulled her knees to her chest. "I am beginning to understand how you feel," she said.
He raised an eyebrow. "You think you've been used to commit atrocities too?" he asked.
She shook her head. "I meant your crisis of faith. The barrier has fallen and my people are dead, but where is the Goddess? She was there to protect us and now she is gone. Why should I care about her now?" She looked up at the crescent in the sky and for the first time felt none of the comfort it usually gave. She wanted to scream and rage at it. She wanted to rip it out of the sky and destroy it. She wanted never to lay eyes upon it again.
She looked back at the fire. Justin moved to sit next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulders. They sat breathing in the smoke of the fire as it mixed with the sweet smell of the evening dew.
He pulled her into his side and rested his head on hers.
"Do you think you can trust me now?" he asked.
Her brow knit. "What do you mean? I trust you completely."
He chuckled. "Then can you please move that dagger you've been hiding," he said. "The handle is digging into my side."
Luitgard's face went hot. "You knew about it?" she asked.
"Since the night we shared a camp with that family," he said. "When I was lying next to you, I could feel it. I did not know what it was until you reached for it to cut the fabric."
"Why did you not say anything?" she asked.
"It seemed to help you feel safe," he said. "I didn't want to take that from you when you still seemed so nervous around me."
"It was not that," she said. "I have trusted you since before we left. Sieglinde insisted I keep it. She was afraid I was being tricked by you and that I might need it."
"Then why did you jump when I touched you?"
"For years, every waking moment has been spent leading my people. I never thought of myself as a person outside of that. Sieglinde was always near but I was alone except for her." Her voice became rough as her mind flashed to Sieglinde's fate.
"You have me now," he said. "What else am I going to do but stay with you?"
She smiled.
"Now, can you really move that dagger?"
She quickly untied the shawl at her waist and moved the weapon to set it down on her other side.
"Is that better?" she asked.
He held her closer. "Much."
Courted Sanctuary Page 14