by HJ Bellus
14
Hart
I’ve gone years living in a numb state, only indulging in the feelings I wanted to feel. Love for my close ones, one-night stands, and building a business, and that was it. I was able to keep all those feelings bottled up in one nice neat package. Now, it’s like I’m thrown back in the turmoil of returning home from active war where nothing makes sense, and I find myself flying out of control.
My fucking father, the love I have for Vannie, my mother on borrowed days, and then my sweet, sweet Izzy tearing up because she misses me has my head confused and boggled down. It makes me crave the chaos of war with bullets flying everywhere, not knowing when you’ll be hit. I need that feeling of being trapped in a fish bowl where you’re only focused on survival.
“Baby, you okay?” Vannie wraps her arms around me from the back.
“Yeah.” I nod.
Her cheek presses into my bare back. “I have all your junk food ready and blankets. Anything else for chick flick first?”
“Just my girl in my arms.” I find the channel the movie is playing on and then whirl around, scooping up Vannie and flopping on the couch.
We lay together with her back pressed against my chest. My hands wander up and down her legs while she watches the movie. I know it has all of her attention because she’s silent. Since opening up, Vannie has been non-stop chatting with me.
Her scent and soft skin is becoming addicting and seems to be the only thing that can calm me these days. My hand snakes in her little booty shorts winding around her panties until my fingers drag through her folds. Vannie doesn’t say a word, only parts her legs for me.
Before long she’s rocking back into me, letting my fingers glide deeper in her. My thumb working over her clit.
“What are you doing?” she whispers through her moans.
“Giving you the full experience, Shug.” I bury my face in the crook of her neck, soaking all of her in.
She tightens around my fingers, stilling while moaning for a long time, soaking my fingers. I slowly pull them out of her then bring them to my mouth licking them clean.
“Thank you.” Vannie lightly laughs then reaches for a handful of popcorn. “Hey, do you think one day we could get a puppy and a love fern-like in the movie?”
“I’ll give you anything, Shug, and I mean anything.”
She giggles again then continues watching the movie. I do my best to ignore my throbbing dick pressing into her ass. I’d love more than anything to roll her over and sink into her, but this is a first for her, and I’m not going to ruin it.
“Breaking news.” The movie is interrupted with a local news channel.
We both sit up slowly until we are side by side. The breaking news flash evaporates the good mood surrounding us and chills spread out over my arms. It’s the same damn news flash that was plastered all over local news channels when Belle was found.
“Tonight we are coming to you with a devastating news story.”
Vannie reaches over, lacing her fingers in mine.
“Warning. This is a graphic news story. Earlier tonight a police officer on duty found a day old baby abandoned in a diaper bag. There are no other leads.”
A picture of the diaper bag and a few other items left with the infant are displayed on the screen.
“The police department is reaching out to the community. If you know anything about this diaper bag or have any leads, please contact them. At this time, The Butterfly Angel will be laid to rest at Sunset Memorial Park. The community is gathered together to keep her gentle, sweet memory alive.”
“No, no, no,” Vannie begins to mumble while rocking back and forth.
“Shug.” I place my hand on the top of her thigh.
She recoils like a hot coal is burning here. “Don’t. No, no, no.”
I stand up and click off the television and keep a safe distance from her. “Vannie.”
“Grace from fire. Grace from fire. Grace from fire.” Vannie rocks back and forth repeating the same words over and over.
I run my hands through my hair gripping it tight at the base. What in the fuck is going on? She rocks back and forth, curled up in herself, repeating the words over and over. She’s too far gone for anything. I’ve seen her spiral into panic attacks and even near the edge of one. I’ve always been able to help her or at least hold her, but she’s gone.
“Vannie.” I try her name again, but it does nothing.
I drop to my knees, beginning to panic myself. Her rocking stops and I have hope there will be a chance to get to her. But she continues repeating ‘Grace from fire’ while now sobbing and beginning to tremble. It’s not just a body part, but her whole body. It starts out slow then rapidly speeds up to near convulsions.
Her wild hair shakes around her with tears streaming down her face. Her nails dig into the top of her thighs until light trails of blood appear. I’m left with no choice but to go to her, even if I make the situation worse off.
“Vannie,” I say it loud this time not worrying if I wake my mom or not.
I want her to know I’m right here and going to touch her.
“Vannie, I’m here, and I’m going to hold you.”
She doesn’t acknowledge, spiraling further out of control. The couch sinks when I sit down next to her, still she doesn’t look over at me. She’s near complete seizure mode. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her tight to me. Vannie doesn’t bat me away, she falls into my side but continues trembling out of control.
One of my hands grabs both of hers. It doesn’t stop her from digging and clawing. Her nails pierce the inside of my palms.
“Savannah Ray, I’m here. You have to listen to me just like you made me listen to you.” I kiss the top of her head even though it’s shaking back and forth. “Don’t make me get the cowboy hat out.”
“Grace on fire,” she keeps repeating.
“Savannah, breathe. You have to breathe, Shug.” I keep her hands clutched in my one hand while I bring the other up to cradle the back of her head. “C’mon, Shug, just relax. I have you.”
I repeat this over and over, matching her ‘Grace on fire.’ I’m not sure how long passes before she finally calms down, but she never stops repeating those three damn words. The trembles and sobs are gone, leaving her in a trance like state. I take it as a sign and lift her into my lap, holding her like a precious, newborn baby. I brush the matted curls soaked in her tears from the sides of her face.
“I’ve got you, Shug.” I rock her back and forth until her chanting slows down.
Her eyes soon grow thick. Her body exhausted. But I’m not losing the window of opportunity to ask her questions because whatever is haunting her is some serious motherfucking storm.
I rise in one smooth motion, carrying Vannie back to my bedroom. My goal is to put her in the shower, but then I decide at the last minute on another plan of action. I lay her back on the bed gently then cover her body. My lips trail kisses up and down each side of her neck until her breathing is even and her nonsense babbling long gone.
She surprises me when she wiggles out of her short and panties then pulls me down by the shoulders until I’m completely covering her. Vannie kisses me. It’s tender and soft. When she starts her light sobs again, I rise to my feet, kicking off my loose pajama pants then boxers. I lay back on the bed, propping my head up on my pillow.
Holding my hand out to her, I wait for her to take it. Her petite hand grabs for me. Her skin is soft and delicate as she clutches onto my grip. She crawls up the bed with the guidance of my hand. When she’s close enough, I reach for her hips, gripping them tight and hoisting her up and over me.
Vannie willingly complies, straddling me. It’s her hand that wraps around the base of my dick, guiding me into her. She inches down so slowly, it's nearly kills me. We’ve never been in this position. I’m beyond shocked she so willingly indulged me.
Vannie rolls her hips slowly with my fingertips digging into each side of her hips. I have no self-control
in this situation and find myself thrusting up into her. The connection so powerful, dark, and soul connecting it shatters that damn wall that has been crumbling in my chest. A roaring fire replacing it.
It’s a knee-jerk reaction and one I should’ve thought through better. Vannie squeezes my dick tight, and I know she’s about to fall. I pick up my thrusts underneath her, and when she moans, I know she’s gone, falling into her own state of bliss.
My hand reaches over, flipping on the bedside lamp, then in a swift action I pull up the hem of her shirt. She freezes as I continue to pump into her.
“Hart.”
The sound of my name shattered leaving her lips is devastating. Quick, I run my other hand down to her clit and slowly begin rubbing circles on it. I have a mask on. A simple mask hiding every ounce of emotion warring inside me.
“You are beautiful,” I whisper.
It’s not a lie, far fucking from it. Her whole torso is marred, scarred, and burned with crevasses of missing flesh. I’ve seen soldiers with similar injuries. Most people wince and turn away; the scene too brutal to take in, but this only makes me love her more. They’re her battle scars.
I sit up slowly then pull her shirt up over her head. My fingers now shake slightly unclipping her bra. Her breasts fall free. I don’t hesitate to take one of her peaked buds in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it while my hand strums her other nipple.
Her tits too are scarred, but not as bad as her torso. I cherish each raised piece of skin, love the divots of missing flesh, and fall so fucking hard for my girl.
Vannie begins rolling her hips again. My dick is harder than it’s ever been in my life. I let her control the mood while kissing and licking the skin. The skin where she’s kept her secrets hidden from society and if I’m guessing, even herself. I’ll never be able to get enough of it. She’s revealed her deepest and darkest insecurities with me, and I fell in love with her.
I drop my forehead between her tits, running my palms up and down her sides, memorizing her gorgeous skin. Growls build in the back of my throat, my spine stiffens with the need to release, and then I burst, shooting my seed into her. My fingers dig hard into her sides, her chest muffling my passionate growls. I fall silent as tears roll down my face and I watch them drop to her skin.
It’s then the whole picture comes full circle. She’s my past, present, and future. Her broken soul has always been waiting on this earth for me. My wet tears fall on Vannie with the promise of growing a forever together.
I roll her off me, reach over and flip the light off, and then pull her to me. Our foreheads touching and our limbs tangled. We’re a mess and I don’t even care. I can’t keep my hands off her. She’s bared to me, and I’ll never get enough time with her. I pull her hair from the side of her face then go back to running my hand over her side.
“I’m Grace from Fire, like they named that baby on the news,” Vannie whispers.
Her words so soft I barely hear them.
“Shug, it’s okay. We can talk tomorrow.”
“I can’t, Hart.” She snuggles in closer to me, dropping her face in the crook of my neck. “They think it was my father and his best friend, but they were never caught. They set me on fire in a snow bank in Idaho and left me for dead. The cops called it a miracle with the amount of lighter fluid all over my body. Some speculated it was the snow and others chalked it up to being grace from fire.”
“How old were you?” I choke out the question, since she’s talking I want to make her feel comfortable.
“Four years old.” Her fingernails begin to dig into the flesh of my back. “I was the breaking news story. The whole state and most of the nation invested. Time faded, and so did I. I was thrown into the foster system. But no one wanted me because I was weird. I wouldn’t talk or look people in the eye. I ended up in an orphanage then finally adopted out at fifteen. The father of that home raped me seven times before I realized my feet had the power to run and that’s what I did.”
The silence is deafening when she stops talking. The first question that comes to my mind, I blurt out. “How did your father get away?”
She shrugs under me. “I don’t know. I remember a foster family saying he more than likely fled to Canada, but no other family members stepped up claiming me or even identifying him.”
“Shug.”
“Yeah?”
“I love you. I’ll always love you. None of this matters. I only want to ask one thing of you.”
“What’s that?” she whispers.
“Never hide from me again. I want all of you forever.” I kiss the top of her head and then hold her until she falls asleep.
Sleep never comes for me. I spend the night running the pads of my fingers along her burned skin. It all makes sense now. Her panic attacks, not wanting to be known, and her hiding her top half from me, it’s all what she’s run from for so many years and she never opened up to anyone until Peaches. How a beautiful soul like hers could slip through the cracks for so many years is barely comprehensible.
The sun breaks the horizon and Vannie still lightly snores. Mom will need to be up in an hour or so. I creep out of bed, pull on my boxers, and then head for my laptop. Three words typed into Google brought up hundreds of news stories. Each story shedding new light, still leaving out so many crucial pieces. Sadly enough, Vannie was correct in the way her story faded away and the next horrific one took its place.
Out of all the stories on the Internet, there’s only one picture of her. Vannie had to be five at max. Her hair just as wild and curly with her shy smile filling the frame with a pink teddy bear clutched under her arm. It shatters my heart.
“Hart.” Vannie’s voice echoes down the hall.
I slam the lid of the laptop shut and rush to her. She’s sitting upright in the bed with the sheet clutched to her chest. Panic on the horizon of taking over.
“Shug, I’m here. Just checked on Mom.”
The lie slices my tongue, but there’s no way in hell I was going to tell her what I was doing. Her shoulders slump slightly with relief.
“Want a shower?” I ask nearing the edge of the bed.
She nods her head. I lean in and kiss her forehead, nose, and then each cheek before attacking her lips. Vannie is hesitant, not wanting to open up to me. I push her back in the bed, covering her body and licking along the seam of her lips until she finally opens up. When she does, I devour her, licking, kissing, and tasting every inch of her.
I pull back, smiling down at her and realizing for the first time that she only opened up to me because I’ve always treated her like a loved one, not a victim or some strange drifter. And that’s exactly what I intend to keep doing.
“Shug, you have really, really bad morning breath.” I crinkle my nose. “Did something die in there again?”
A slow smile spreads across her face, and that slight twinkle in her eyes flashes once again. “Asshole.”
“You know you love me.” I hop off the bed, grab a bag of gummy worms from my nightstand, and toss them to her. “Enjoy, Shug, while I get the shower running.”
I freeze the instant the bag lands on her covered chest. I look back down to the drawer and realize what didn’t happen last night. We didn’t use a condom. With any other woman, I’d panic, freak out, break shit, but with her, I just shrug and stride into my bathroom right off my room.
I wait until the shower is hot before going back into the bedroom. Vannie is picking through the bag, and I know she’s digging for the red and white worms. She swears they’re the best and only ones she’ll eat. I lean on the doorframe with my arms crossed and just watch her.
Her raven black, curly hair falls over her shoulders hiding the profile of her face while her petite fingers dig into the bag. When she finds a red and white one, she throws her head back, popping in the worm with a small smile on her face.
I push off the wall, toss the bag from her lap, and then pull back the sheet. Her glorious, naked body in full view for my eyes to admire. She does
n’t flinch or try to hide, and for that I’m thankful. I scoop her up in my arms, carrying her to the bathroom. The steam is thick from the hot water flowing in the shower.
“Test the water before you get in, Shug.” I set her down and open the shower door, the steam hitting us hard in the face.
She sticks her hand in and moans in delight. “It’s perfect.”
She steps in under the spray of water, and I go to shut the door.
“No,” she blurts out, holding out her hand and gesturing for me to get in.
I don’t have to think about it before stripping down, taking her hand, and stepping in. This small gesture means more than anything I can explain. She’s letting me in, inviting me into her world, giving me all of her. My arms wrap around her, holding her tight to me under the hot water.
My lips land on her forehead and stay there, not moving just breathing her in. Vannie finally pulls away from me, reaching for the bottle of my body wash. She pours a generous amount in her palm then begins cleaning me. Her hands rub over my torso then my shoulders, and finally my back.
“You missed a spot.” I wink at her.
Vannie only smiles then pours more soap in her open palm. I throw my head back when she begins washing me down there. I don’t want to be a selfish bastard, but that damn stick has a mind of its own. He knows exactly what he wants and decides to point straight to her, hard as a rock.
She does a damn good job of making sure I’m clean before wrapping her arms around my neck and laying the side of her face on my chest.
“Josephine Archie.”
“What, baby?” I cup her ass and pull her closer to me.
“That’s my birth name.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I like Savannah Ray.”
“I picked it when I was finally offered a job from your aunt.”
“It’s perfect.” I squeeze her ass cheeks. “Or sugar tits, love muffin, sweet ass…”
“Shut up, Hart.” She looks up to me with a dazzling smile. “How do you do it?”